n Reasons to Celebrate the Holidays

I'm making a list of the many reasons why I'm thankful for this year and the following year!

1. My sister's 18th birthday--> you could say we're an old family already... the youngest celebrated her 18th birthday last Dec.22.... which leads to...

2. Our Baguio Trip--> the original plan was to celebrate Christmas at Camp John Hay Manor but due to our house renovations, it was cut short.

3. Our new house--> our house underwent a major renovation... it's very different from the old 'ancestral house'

4. My new room--> I have a spankin' new room! My own TV, N64, stereo and double bed! yipee~

5. Trip to Japan--> I'm finally getting my wish to travel outside South East Asia! And to one of my 'must-go-to' places! My dad's really supportive and bought me woolen sweaters and pullovers!

6. Star Wars--> I'm loving Star Movies as they are airing the whole Star Wars Saga! I'm a sucker for that movie and I'm loving George Lucas right now. General Obi-wan Kenobi is hot~!

7. Toby--> He peed on the corner of the stairs but he's so cute with those big puppy eyes I can't bear to scold him.

8. Family--> my nephew and cousins came over to celebrate Christmas with us. The more the merrier!

9. Mouth Sores--> with luck and timing, I got this very huge wound in my tongue and the pain was unbearable whenever I ate or drank something other than water... in a way, it was a blessing because I didn't get to eat much.

10. Officemates--> they've been very supportive of my project and personal concerns. Basta, I'm loving them! hehe!

11. DP--> we had a reunion in Ateneo under the stars in Bel field. It was a very nostalgic feeling!

12. Sweet Valley Kids--> I recently arranged my books....some I had to throw away/ give but I can never part with Sweet Valley Kids. Those were reminders of my grade school days. One Sweet Valley book was a reward for a high grade in mastery tests and long exams. I'm trying to find time to read them all again.

13. Pagong--> for being with me through thick and thin. Seriously, if he were a real person, he would have been my life partner

14. A certain fiction--> There's this story I've been reading at adultfanfiction.net. The author made a sequel and it literally drove me to tears! The reason why it's in adultfan.net was because the theme was very deep. The setting was in Finland, 1945 during world war 2. It was a story of a boy who was forced into war, separated from his family and struggled during a time when humans did not act humane. The ending was very beautiful and I cried! If you want to read it too, let me know and I'll give you the link. The sequel is in process and I'm keeping track of it every single day~

15. PS2--> it's fixed! After 6 months, PS2 is now online! yeah~

*****

Today, dad and I went to Divisoria. We went to his favorite textile store (which he was a fan since his days in Petron) and bought wool fabrics. We will then have it tailored for me. The cost is actually half than that of retails and I'm confident that the fit suits me well.

It's actually my first time to visit Tutuban. Living in the suburbs of Southern Metro Manila, I don't get opportunities to go to old Manila. And with malls like Ayala, Megamall and ATC, there's no need to go there anyway. We bought fabrics for winter clothing. I also found a pattern like the ones I saw in Zara and Mango! Yey~ cheaper and fits better!

As usual, we went around old Manila, Escolta, CM Recto, as usual...

After buying the fabrics, we went back home so I can drive mom to the airport. She'll be going to Aklan for a reunion. When I got home, it was only me and dad (the others went malling) so I spend the afternoon resting and relaxing in my room.

By late afternoon, Dad and I went to Duty Free. There, I bought a laptop backpack, chocolates, L'Oreal moisturizer and some groceries. Masaya ang araw ko ngayon.

Christmas Lattes

My dad and I are getting hooked on Starbucks' Christmas Blend.

Anyway, apologies for not updating regularly. It seems that it's my apologies that are the regular ones!

The network at home is just starting to get back on its feet. The past few weeks, my sister was getting frustrated with the internet getting disconnected all the time. We didn't know what was wrong until we vacuumed the modem and the router. It was the dust!

2 weeks ago, we had our annual Christmas party. I was part of the team that presented and made our team win the competition. Mabuhay ang ADSI! I was so proud of Marco, Bev, my partner Bailey and the rest of my groupmates for latenight practices. We all deserve it! ^_^

Yesterday, we had our ADSI and TOM party. I have nothing to say except my Christmas wish was granted! Evidences are found in my multiply account. Don't ask me for the link!

Raindrops and Sweatdrops

Today, it rained. It rained the whole day. I thank God there was no wind, just water from the skies. A blessing.

This weekend, my sister and I, together with my highschool friends, Kim and Paolo...and my sis's friends, Judith, Karla and PK, went to UP AME. We went cosplaying...again! ^_^

This time, I decided to use my Tifa outfit. I had this notion that the place will be very hot. My Lacus costume was toasty! I wasn't much of in a cosplay mood. My sister had a group while I cosplayed alone. Talk about being deviant! I was the only character from that anime/game! It was too bad that my camera died in the middle of the catwalk. In a while, I'll be off to leech some of the people's pics. For my personal use of course and not to post them anywhere!

After the group skits, we ate at World Topps in Katipunan. I miss that place! We then dropped Kim and Paolo off at Kim's place and dropped Judith at her place. We got home around 11pm. *drops dead on the bed*.


Today, we Anne and I were a bit stressed from the DSL connection and the router. For some reason, the connection's very messed up. It keeps on fluctuating so I'm not able to leech manga from MIRC--> your connection should be steady coz the downloading stops when the connection's on and off.

Anyway, I'm still thinking about getting my own DSL connection, which the company will pay for by mid-next year. But for the meantime, I have to pay for it. Anyway, that's still undecided.

This Tuesday, we'll be having our company Christmas party and I was foolish enough to be part of the dance troupe... akala ko lang for fun! I didn't know all of them were really good dancers. Thank god for Arnie's mask and my position behind the curtain! ^_^

Welcome to my Abode

This is my new room.

The left side of the TV is my bed. Sort of like a stage. ^_^

Right now, my place is still a mess. My mom and sis are playing roomies. Their rooms are still being fixed. Hopefully by next week, they get to move down to their rooms and have this as my own.

My own place! Nyahahha

Nearing Normality

We finally have internet connection at home!

*clap*clap*clap*

You can't describe how I'm feeling right now. Absolute utopia and seventh heaven galore!

I am not limited to secretly surfing in the office.

Can't post coherently right now.

I'm visiting all the sites I haven't visited since October. @_@

What a relief!

Pasttime Passions

Here's to a weekend of anime cosplaying~

I was Lacus Clyne from Gundam Seed and my sis was Yamanaka Ino from Naruto. Her costume was based from the manga, not the anime.

Peppermint Mocha Blessings

I'm not in high spirits lately. Every single day, I get hardcore migraines whenever I'm in the office and I can't concentrate very well.

Is this a new allergy? I'm not very sure. The last time I went to the allergologist was high school so I might have developed new allergies... which I really hope is not true.

We'll be going back home on the weekend and I'm so excited for my new room. Unfortunately, we are a very materialistic family so we have to make do with the clutter everywhere. The 1st floor of the house is still full of debris and other stuff. It would take another 2 weeks for everything to be cleaned.

I'm wishing that our house would be finished before December or even before Christmas. I'm very excited to decorate our new house.

As for my mom, she can't wait to see her new kitchen. She had it designed para professional and she can maximize the space. I'm also planning to learn how to cook and bake by next year. It's one skill I've been wanting to develop.

Migraine's acting up again. It must be the intense heat during the day and cold, windy nights.

One last thing. I've been collecting the stickers in Starbucks so I can get their uber cool planner. I didn't have the chance to have one last year because I was still a student and my allowance clearly can't afford the 35+ stickers (1 sticker= 1 beverage) needed to get the planner. Now that I'm a yuppie and have a lot of disposable income (aka. no boyfriend, no baby, not paying rent, Dad's paying for gas money), I actually have the buying power to get that damned planner.

Yuletide blessings to come! =)

Plans

All I can say is that this is a crummy "sem break" for me.

Technically, there is no sem break for me... booo! But Oct.31 and Nov.2 should have been national holidays. Pero sige, fine! Let it go...

2 weeks ago, I got my SecurID, a proof that I'm not a new hire anymore! Hire nalang. And with that, I got my first *conflict* in the office.

It wasn't personal. It was supposed to be a professional argument and should have been discussed rationally like adults. We are all adults here, you know.

And then, she just kept offending me like there was no tomorrow! I was so ready to lash out at her. But then I figured no use pummeling her to the ground. I can save it for another time. When she pisses me off again. I am not holding back! Well, it ended with her apologizing and realizing she was out of line and I handled it like a professional...like an adult! ^_^

Mom and Dad decided to extend our stay in the apartment. I was ok with it because it was so accessible to malls and the MRT. But I also can't wait to see what's happening to our new home. Major makeover kasi. I also miss my dog...

I'm hooked on Grey's Anatomy and spent quiet evenings running a DVD marathon. The setting's in Seattle so I was a bit inspired to plan a vacation to the US. I was thinking of doing a one-time-big-time thing and visit all the people/relatives I know there. I'm thinking saving my vacation leave and then spend a month or so. I raised this issue with mom. I already made hints to just give me pocket money and plane tickets for Christmas and my birthday.

Haha, shallow me.

Crazy Times

Days are passing by so quickly that I feel that I have been robbed of the right to enjoy each and every day of my life.

My youth is something that will never come by again and I intend to savor in it... hardships and fun.

There are days when I feel that I am the goddess in my own world. I feel more beautiful than ever. As if nothing and nobody can stop me.

And then there are days when I feel like I am the least valued person in the world. I turn ugly and I remember the times when I feel most vulnerable.

I hate those days. And yet, it is in those days when I feel most human.

++

Our days in our little and humble apartment in Makati are numbered. That is why we always indulge in its facilities and the nearness to the malls. Sadly, my work prevents me from coming home early and go to the malls and *window* shop.

I will gladly miss the days I would wake up earlier than my siblings and *cook* breakfast...and then wash the dishes when they are done. Sometimes, I am thinking that I am not yet prepared to be "domesticated". I'd rather wake up in my own pace, have junkfood for breakfast, take a bath and then go to work. Before going home, I would shop a little, buy take-out and then go home. On weekends, I'd gym out the calories I munched on when I was depressed (enter the chocolate bar). I'd watch TVs or go DVD-marathoning and then hang out with my friends.

Enter the bachelorette's phase!

++

Early this week, I went to the mall with my sister and went *necessity*-shopping and the ocassional indulgence of arcading. It was a good stress reliever. It was also a nice way of bonding and spending time with her.

My dad is here for the week and he has been happy with the progress of the house. At least may nangyayari na! My new room is very nice and I also have a customized stage! Ha!

We have gone accustomed to our new home in Makati but nothing beats your roots. I would still like to go back home, despite it's distance to the mall, to the office... it's where I grew up. It's where I lived all my life and I'm not yet ready to accept the fact that in a few years time, I would move out and have my own family.

Car vs Commute

It's a wonderful Friday the 13th morning! The sun can barely penetrate the thick, ominous clouds of carbon dioxide, smog and other artificial by-products. I arrived in the office a little under 30 minutes from the apartment we're renting in Makati.

Of course, commuting is waaay cheaper than bringing a car to the office. And there is no hassle of looking for a parking lot. One thing about commuting is avoiding the rush hour so I have to leave either early or late from the office. There's the need to wear comfy clothes and shoes so no high heels and short skirts for a while. Dress down ika nga. But I get to exercise by walking to and fro the station.

Commuting Essentials:

MRT Stored value card --> no need to line up!
Handkerchief --> to cover nose and mouth from smoke belching cars
Sunblock --> of course!
Sneakers/Flats --> so you can run to catch the MRT and avoid slipping down the stairs
Fan--> from the heat
Tissue/ Wet Ones--> wipe sweat away, clean hands from public handrails, etc.
Coins, Smaller bills--> don't expect the bus conductor to have change for five hundred pesos!

New Apartment

The typhoon caught up with the construction of the house. Thankfully, the roof was done so at least we weren't flooded inside the house.

After the typhoon, we were crippled with the loss of electricity and water. My sister and I ended up taking a bath and charging our cellphones in Fitness First. We had to check in a hotel because our house was inhabitable. There was dust everywhere, it was very hot inside and we can't even take a bath.

At Holiday Inn, I thanked God for running water and aircon and cable TV. Also, it was near my office so I dropped off Pat and Anne at Shaw Station before heading off to the office. In the afternoon, I picked them up from the station and went back to the hotel.

By Monday (Oct2), Dad wanted us to move to an apartment, at least until most of the renovations are done. That time, there was still no water and electricity at home. I felt bad for mom because she was very sick that time and she was unable to leave the house.

By Tuesday, we moved to an old apartment in Makati. It was right at CBD and very accessible to MRT and the malls (yey!). It was like moving to a condo once again with roommates. The apartment is like a time machine. The furniture is old...like late 80s and early 90s... kinda nostalgic really. Nevertheless, I was very glad we have aircon, running water (with heater, o ha!) and cable tv.

That evening, I sat down with Pat and Anne and stated houserules (welcome, housemates!)
And that same evening, electricity was restored in Paranaque.

Good grief!

Black and White

Haven't blogged in a while, huh?

I guess I wasn't inspired to write something... can't say I'm busy with work because somehow I still find time to do things I love.

It's quite ironic that I don't feel inspired these past few weeks when I found a journal from when I was still in grade school. They were very short documentations for a year. What I did, what happened, who I was... those kinds of things.

I even read the days when I had my firsts... my first period... my first retainers... my first rejection (I got laid off in an org!)... ewan! It was very funny to read them again. It was a breather and a reminder of who I was and who I still am.

It was amusing to see my comments when I heard that they didn't want me to be part of the org. I was telling myself that it was their loss, not mine... and I proved them wrong when the next year, I became an editor for them. haha! I guess I wanted to prove them and myself wrong. I can do better.

Right now, I'm in this phase of choosing. Choosing where I am most comfortable at, who I'm more comfortable with.. I mean let's face it, you can't be friends with everybody! But who knows, maybe we could all grow to like the people we meet...eventually!

While on the subject of choosing, I remember those really tough times when we have to choose between extremes. Black or white... up or down... no gray area... no in betweens. Sometimes, you really don't want to choose either but you have to...

It's like when you're in a fight. It's either you hit or you get hit. Of course, you wouldn't want some jerk mar your pretty face or mess your teeth that you have painstakingly set straight with braces... you get the point right? There's always the natural instinct to protect and preserve oneself, or people important to you.

I think that sometimes, it takes more courage to fight. It takes more strength to choose something that you don't totally agree on, but you have to do it anyway.

What the heck am I saying??? I'm going to sleep now...

-ber Months

It's September and the weather is crazy!

One moment, the blasted sun is shining its way inside crevices and what not and suddenly skies are turning gray as rain begins to fall. It's no wonder a lot of people I know are getting sick.

Anyway, being in the -ber months would mean Christmas will be around the corner... and then birthday ko na! ^__^ I strolled around Megamall and they're playing Christmas tunes already. Yep! Filipinos are so excited when it comes to the Yuletide Season. I guess it does lift one's spirit to know that despite the hustle and bustle of life, there will always be time to celebrate life.

Work is starting to be hectic. At least I'm not as confused as I was 2 months ago. I'm trying to make sure that I know what I'm doing. If not, I ask a lot (if not all) of people who can help me. Of course, I try to help other people too... love life and what-not (--> ha! sa akin pa lumapit!).

Anyway, I'm very happy with the company I have. I'm starting to go out with people I don't really know and spend time getting to know them. Of course, there's Gracie and aR who have been pillars. Since Gracie's moving to the 7th floor next week, might as well bond with my team, right?

The work on the house is starting to take shape. Although this week has been the worst ever! I do hope that nothing can surpass what happened! I complained twice already to dad. Please don't blame me. It's really hard living these past few months! And I only signed up for discomfort for up to 3 months lang! I'm not being maarte... I'm keeping it real. I do NOT like my bathroom ceiling with holes in them! I hope that our complaints would improve work around here.

Anyway, I just hope that the house will be finished before the end of the year. Grabe naman pag hindi pa natapos at nag-birthday na ako!

sorry...

I may have forgotten to say "thank you" in the midst of my complaints.

I may have forgotten to say "i love you" in the midst of my anger.

I may have forgotten to say "sorry" in the midst of my finger-pointing.

I may have forgotten to say "how are you?" in the midst of my hectic life.

I may have forgotten to say a lot of things.... "I am only human", I would say; and it's not even a valid reason!

I have been thinking these past few weeks and all I ever did was give off negative energy. I try to hide it, oh God, the pains I go through to hide it. Sometimes I turn into a ball of wreck and I'm glad I have friends who stay by my side. I'm living my own hell. A hell I can't even get out of. A hell I created for myself and therefore, a hell only I can get rid of.

I want to be happy again. The genuine, innocent happiness I felt when I was a child. It's slowly getting out of my grasp.

Please help me bring it back.

I need it to keep my sanity...

taking a trip to la-la-la land.

I was able to chat again with my best friend today.

For some reason, I felt this tremendous sadness come over me. It's been more than a year since she left for the States and I guess I have been missing the times when I go to her house and just hang out. Sometimes, I would commute from the condo and have impromptu sleepovers. I would then go back to Katipunan early morning wearing the clothes I have the day before and prepare for class.

We even prepared a surprise birthday party for Kim at her house.

Then she went to my condo one time for a sleepover and we couldn't get the damn can of spam to open. But we had fun.

Our goodbye wasn't even a grand one. I had an allergy attack and was rushed to the hospital. She visited me the next morning and that was the last time I saw her. My last picture with her was in my camera phone.

I guess this feeling started when aR and I went to her condo so I could do...stuff... and her condo was near Jem's house. I realized that I missed this place. It used to be a safehouse for me, when she was there and Aja and sometimes Rafa. I don't go there anymore, no reason to.

Well, anyway, Jem told me that Koyang had a baby girl! Tita na siya ulit! Rafa won't be lonely na. I'm so glad for them. Time passes by so quickly. People are starting to have their own lives, own families.

cheese popcorn residue on my fingertips....

...and a lot of other things I can't seem to shake from me.

Things have gotten interesting lately... and more hectic. I didn't even notice that the week had ended and a new month is about to start.

I've been looking back on the year before. How childish and immature my goals were compared to what I have been thinking now. I cringe at the thought of the times when my heart was all out for something I can only be a spectator in. At least I tried than never having the courage to do it at all...

Speaking of courage, I mark this week as a milestone. I finally had the courage to talk to a certain someone. Ha! To those who thought I would never do it... up yours! And who said women have to be timid? With the way guys ask us out, our race probably would've been extinct at the turn of the millennium.

The last statement is NOT a generalization. Just pointing things out. Not all guys are like this. And I've had my share naman of interaction.

No, I will NOT expound my last statement.

Last Friday, I had dinner with Queeny and some of my teammates (?!) for the Japan Project. It was a bit awkward for me since I was very late and couldn't understand half of the things they said because most of them happened when they were in Japan. Queeny was kind enough to fill me in naman and as the night started to settle, I became more comfortable with them.

Yesterday, I spent the whole day outside from 6am to 1am Sunday morning. I was in Tuh-gaye-tay with my fellow lectors and we were planning the whole day about our ministry. They made me speak a lot because I'm the youngest in the group. I gave out speeches about being a triangle (change) trying to fit into a square (paradigms) because these people aren't really my peers. They were more like my aunts and uncles. At the end, I felt more involved...and I feel a rush of hectic-ness coming my way. I was volunteered (which I agreed naman) to be part of the Performance Feedback committee. Tomorrow night, I'll be starting my handover training in one of the lectors' house.

Tita Emmy's house in Tuh-gaye-tay was great. The weather was cool and calm. A really nice place to relax and get away from it all.

Ate Rose, Ate Dennise, Ate Donna and I decided to go to the CSA Alumni Homecoming. Batch '81 was the sponsor this year as it is their silver year. I never knew Monsour del Rosario was an Augustinian. And apparently, a lot of alumni were mestizos. Konti lang ang indio. I'm guessing most of them lived in Dasma or Forbes and since this is a school run by Spanish Augustinian Priests (go Fr. Rodriguez and Fr. Manzana!), I guess they have faith in the school system.

It was fun, but the guys smiling/leering (whatever it is they make with their face when they're drunk) at me were old--> as in dad-old.


I also got to read the 2nd reading today and I couldn't be more disappointed. It was all about women being subservient to their husbands. I wanted to be the last proclaimer to read this stuff out loud to a congregation. Isn't fair share and equality enough? All I'm asking is that I get to do the things I want without my husband, or boyfriend (whoever comes first) nagging me. Sure, I can be ladylike if I want but I'm an empowered woman.

Today, my sister and I watched Click. Yes, we're having this strategy to watch movies during its 2nd-3rd week. Unless some hot guy asks me out to watch the latest movie, we're sticking to this plan. I came out of the cinema, looking absolutely like a girl who just cried. I can never hide the fact that I just cried. The skin around my eyes are swollen and red, as well as my nose.

And I think I saw one of my Freshies in Powerplant Mall. I'm not really sure if he recognizes me but I gave him a hint of a smile. Baka feeling niya I'm hitting on him pag di nya ako kilala! hehe. Anyway, my sister's kinda cool with me going around the mall, pointing out things I will buy in the distant future. Sabi nga ni Madonna, we are living in a material world.

Anyway, back to a new week. New challenges (who shall I break this time?). New adventures (where shall I go?). New friends (who will I make bola to?).

I'm counting the days till our house is finished. No more leaks and spills. Hurrah!

Of Greetings and Endings.

Here are some of the closing greetings (??) aR and I made.... just insert your name after the greetings.


Warmest of warm regards

Hot regards *wink*

Lady-in-waiting

Sinfully yours

I am gorgeous

Lovingly single

Yours in spirit

Yours in

Inventing

I who must not be named

Tiger-tamer

*wink*wink*

Hugs and kisses

Forever yours

Mabuhay ka

I don't like beef

You can never afford me

Goddess in heat

Delicious

Available during weekends

Major credit cards accepted

I will hunt you down if you don't reply

Call me


There you go! Use sparingly. ^_^

Expressions of Undisguised Hatred

I blame a single person for making me feel this way.

Everyday, I loathe going back home. No, it's not because of the people. It's the house itself. It's already the rainy season and our house is far from its completion. We have leaks all over, molds forming everywhere (I swear I'm going to die of allergy complications) and disgusting insects all over the place.

I'm glad we sued you, you son of a bitch! And I hope you rot forever in your hole. May other people know your malicious intentions and never get you as their contractor. We're living in miserable conditions but I do wish and hope that even in your dreams you are plagued with your own problems.

You have caused many people a lot of problems. Not just us but your own family as well. You are taking them down with you and the only thing they did was be related to you. And it wasn't even their fault!

May God help your soul.

My Little Prince

I have always wondered who will be able to tame me. Someone who can make me turn the other way and never look back. A person who will make me realize that he is the one who is most important to me, the most unique person among 6 other billion people. And if he is gone, the stars wouldn't shine as bright.

And in turn, my actions would have tamed him. To him, I am unique... to me, he is unique in all the world. We are responsible for each other forever. We make our sunsets lovelier with each passing day.

And yet to be tamed is also to risk being hurt. One can not fully comprehend what love really is unless you have experienced being hurt deeply.

I have longed for my prince, to come down from the stars and show me the beauty of simplicity, to never long for more and to find that infinite finiteness in him that makes me see the brightness of the stars on dark nights.

Like a Kid Again

Before anything else, my chatbox is now up and running! I hope no one spams this again. >_<

Sunkissed goddess will be totally pissed!

Anyway, my sister and I went to Galleria to watch a movie and look around at Toys'R Us. The first Toys'R Us we went to was the one in Hong Kong. I was so fascinated by this telescope and begged my dad to buy it for me... that time I was still in awe at the heavens and loved astronomy. He said it was too big for me to bring back to Manila... *sob*...
We also went to Toys'R Us in Jakarta, which is now Ranch Market. It's near Pondok Indah Mal. I used to be a fan of Barbie.

Anyway, I felt like a kid again as I gawked at toys. I wanted the Disney Princess Barbie and vowed to myself to create a collection when the house renovation is done. Then there was Tamagotchi...

I want one!!! But it's so expensive....

I stared at it longingly... knowing that this is just a phase...a hype... for like 10 years already.

But I want one...

I want one....

And the Barbies are also expensive...

I wanted Sleeping Beauty... she's my favorite.

I want....

Fridays and Rainy Days

Karen Carpenter sang: Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Guess this doesn't apply to Fridays! So much has happened yesterday, and I still can't stop thinking about it. ^__^!

During lunch, aR helped me find nice flats since I was scared that the wedges I was wearing would die on me... and the fact that we are walking towards our Coffee Talk that afternoon. We window-shopped for a bit before Aaron told us he was already in Megamall. Being the deviant people that we are, we ate at KFC. That time, I missed Gracie's call. I think she was looking for us during lunch.

Anyway, aR and Aaron helped me look for flats, buy a pair and wear it. They also saw me have a wardrobe malfunction and I looked on helplessly as aR picked up my dignity from the floor. Mataas pa rin ang pride! I walked on, thinking to myself, ok lang yan... parang mentos commercial!

Before the coffee talk, I took my drugs (aka antihistamine) since I knew HP is going to make me keel over with beef and potatoes. We also had this iPod shuffle raffle and my utmost sincere, heartfelt congratulations to the winner: Maria C Nodora (as seen on her HP profile). You're one lucky girl! Suggest ko sa name ng iPod niya Kiko para tandem sila ni Pagong (hint: think Pinoy version of Sesame Street in the early 90s!).

On the way back, it started to rain and I was glad to have an umbrella with me. Edell and I shared my umbrella. On the way back, we were excitedly chatting about boys and whatnot when suddenly, water soaked us. I cried out partly in shock and mostly in confusion. What the hell happened?! Turns out Edell pushed (accidentally naman) the button which folds the umbrella. The raindrops that had gathered there gave us our very own shower. Thank God I wasn't wearing white. Si Queeny ata naka-white nung araw na yun...

As we got back to SMPC, buddy RJ was there with other officemates. They were looking at us as if we didn't use our umbrellas. Nagamit naman, mali lang yung timing ng pagsara ng payong. When we got back up, the room was very cold. I was shivering as I hurriedly packed my stuff. My feet were disgustingly squishy and attempted to wipe off the dirt and water. I said ba-bye's to Gracie, Alvin and buddy RJ before going out with aR.

I drove as fast as I can home, apologized for being late because Coffee Talk ended past 5:30 already, took a quickie shower and laid down for a hard-earned massage. It felt wonderful!

It was raining and the weather was cold. I was getting a very nice backrub and Deal or No Deal was showing on TV. Life is good, pare!

Salaries and What-nots

I got my first paycheck last Thursday. At the hype of our SD Jumpstart. It's a nice silver lining to my darkened and grey skies. It was hard-earned money so I'll try my best to make the most out of it (keyword: try!). Dad has been telling me time and again that money doesn't grow on trees. The value of money can never be fully understood unless you tried working for it.

Contrary to what people say to me that material possessions are superficial. Of course, compared to your soul, morality and what-not, material possessions are the least of your problems.

Yes, try telling that to a girl who had her material possessions taken away from her during her birthday! Hard-earned money went down the drain. I felt bad for the person who earned money through blood, sweat and tears to get her those stuff only to be taken away.

Anyway, I indulged myself to a book! Finally, a book that I can call mine! I bought it without dad's help. I felt so happy clutching that book as I exited Powerbooks. I felt like a kid again! I remember when I was little that mom would buy me a Sweet Valley Kids book whenever I got a perfect score in a mastery test. 2 books if I got a perfect score in a long exam and lots more when I got a high grade in my Periodical exam! I admit I never got a perfect score in my PTs but surprisingly, the first subject which I got a score higher than 95 was math. I think that was in grade2. Haha! Ayun, nagpa-misa ata si mom nung nalaman niya. And of course, those books which used to cost Php59.75.

With my first salary, I'm treating my family to less than fine-dining but more than fastfood. Yun pa lang ang kaya. 5 kami sa family e! Dad will be going home on August 17 (sakto!). He understands naman that everyone has to start somewhere and usually, it's the lowest. But gradually, I'll increase the sosi-ness of the place we would get to eat. I also want them to feel that this is my first job, my first salary.

Breather

After 4 days of Condensed (aka Hardcore) Jumpstart, I felt my mind having another "info" shock. After 4 months of not really using it, my brain suddenly couldn't stand long hours of lectures and discussions.

Sabi ko nga attention span ko 3 hours lang. So after 3 hours nung 1st day, wala na. Hahaha!

Today was the last day, there was a culminating activity, a capstone to end the almost week-long Jumpstart: a test.

Haay naku. aR and I were such a mamaru. Kahit open notes and open everything, wala lang. Actually, thinking about it now, I was frustrated that I only got that score. Maybe because my mind wasn't in its usual mental toughness mode that I was completely exhausted and just was in the mode: "i want to get this over and done" rather than: "bring it on".

What aR and I did, we're keeping it to ourselves. I need to go to confession, badly!

I just had to post this.

Going Back

Tita Nene went back to Seattle today. I was fortunate enough to visit her this morning before going to work, even if it was just a short time. I was with her yesterday. After 3 parties last Saturday and an overnight at Gracie's place, I went back to Guadalupe where she was staying with my uncle and cousins.

Despite the 4 shots of tequila, I willed myself to spend the day or at least half a day with her. I went with them to Duty Free. Even if I didn't buy anything for myself, I was happy that I was with her. After that, we ate lunch and chatted until mid-afternoon, where I had to go home and take a nap before serving in the mass.

That evening, I went back to being a regular lector. I was on leave since April. I was a bit nervous as it had been a long time since I stood before a great crowd. But I guess it turned out ok. My sister told me that I never lost my luster. naks!

~~~~~~~~~~

Today was the start of a week long of trainings. I feel neutral about it. I'm not very excited to take it nor do I dread taking it.

Last week we had a team meeting. It was fun, meeting other people. At least I know who to bug na! Our manager, Cel had this aura of a mother, which was nice. She's approachable pala, unlike my first few weeks. It was nice being with them, and at the same time comforting knowing that our team is composed of great characters.

Oh yeah! aR is part of my team! We're sooo inseparable na. This is a great challenge to our productivity.

Fridays

Since I started working, I leave the office earliest on Fridays. Not to go someplace else or meet with someone [haha, I wish!] but to go home. I sometimes window-shop in Megamall but most of the time, I go immediately to my car and go home.

This morning, I almost got rundown by a car. I was in the pedestrian lane so I can't be blamed for jaywalking. The car was coming toward me so fast I froze for a second. Wearing 2+ inch heels with my bag and jacket in one arm and my laptop in the other, I tried running [which was actually, small, quick steps] which didn't help. Irony of ironies when there was an orientation by Maxicare, our health insurance provider.

Anyway, to make the short story shorter, I got this huuuge blister on my left big toe from "running". It was very painful to walk in them but I had no choice. It was more challenging when everyone in the office ate outside for lunch. This bonding session didn't really have an effect on me because we were the only group who were seated outside the restaurant. So, there you go...

I then learned that Alvin likes sentai [yung Japanese group super heroes] and even gave me an mp3 of the Tagalog version of the Maskman opening song. How lucky was that?!? I also told him that Ida [Fuma Lear's 'priestess'] from Shaider and Birugenia [Gorgom's saint sword warrior] from Mask Rider Black are played by one actor lang. Haha, and here we always thought Ida was a girl...

Anyway, aR and I decided to head home since I have nothing to do anymore. She accompanied me to Lyle to leave my laptop and jacket and change into slippers. I then decided to buy flats for office since most of the shoes I have have heels.

I swear that my near-car accident and blister will never happen again!

Early and Hungry

It's barely 7:15 in the morning. Once again, my service has been called for the sake of a loved one.

Mom needed a car.

So I have to take the CRV today. Woke up late so I barely had time to eat breakfast and take a bath. I was in the car with my face still a mess (ie no sunblock, moisturizer, lip gloss, frizzy hair, etc). It was a bright Thursday morning so I wasn't as sluggish as last week (last week was raining so the sun wasn't up till almost 8). I regret the fact that the sunblock I brought had only SPF 15 and I didn't have it in my face the whole time I was in the car.

Anyway, here I am, with superficial thoughts, ka-kikayan and whatnot. My stomach's grumbling and I'm sleepy.

Thank God for music!

And God bless little sisters who just wouldn't turn off the lights even if it was already 10PM, because they want to read their little historical romance novels and send SMS all night long!

;-P

Simple Joys

A simple hello goes a long way.

A pat on the back gives great relief.

A hug takes away all the stress.

I'm a simple person.

But how come I wish for so much?

It's the yearning that hurts...

And the fact that you can't have it with you hurts you all the more.

All Come Crashing Down

It's when you're alone that your mind tends to think too much. Sometimes, when you are in the company of friends and family, your problems tend to be placed at the very back of your head.

And when you are finally alone, all the problems start rushing inside your head and mess with you.

I really admire people who live alone. I admire people more when they say they live alone but they aren't lonely.

Sometimes, I am in the company of other people and I feel alone.

Don't you feel that sometimes, too?

A One-of-a-Kind Love

One of the worst fears (if not the worst) of a parent is to outlive their child. It completely goes against the natural law of man. We (usually) follow the FIFO system. It's just plain wrong to have the child pass away before the parents.

This entry is for parents who have lost their child. I know we will never know how God works. And we will never understand it either. Do not blame yourselves for your shortcomings. Regret will not bring your child back. Instead, grieve and then slowly let go of your pain... but never the love you have for your child. Do not keep death in your heart for it will heavily weigh on your heart and soul. Instead, keep in your heart the memories you shared with your child. Let it bring smiles rather than tears.

Despite the tragedy you went through, do not forget about the people who are always beside you. You are not alone in this challenge God gave you. I know that something like this can shatter your faith...be steadfast. Sometimes, God gives you the worst hardships and pains to make you stronger.

Believing in an Absolute

I have always believed that we make our own destiny. But I also believe in a higher being. The space that fills up what our finiteness can never reach.

I was brought up by very Catholic parents. I have always believed in God but never really got the chance to understand Him. I grew up believing that anything that happens for a reason I can never understand is part of God's plan.

That was until it got in the way of my MYOD (mind-your-own-destiny). As we get older, we want to have more control. We want to make action and take part. That's human nature, I guess. That's why I keep hearing adults say that life was much easier when we're young. That's because the more we yearn for control over our lives, the more complicated life gets. And sometimes, when we don't get things done our way, we blame God for every single mistake that happens in our lives.

Take me for example. There was a time that I really wanted something. Of course, I did all the do-able with high caliber, prepared for every single contingency until plan ZZ. The whole time, I also prayed. There's nothing wrong with getting help from above, even if it was more of a spiritual blessing. But in the end, it was all for nothing. I was a short, single step away from what I really wanted.

And it hit me. Really bad.

I was the poster child for ultimate depression.

Anyway, it's weird looking back at it from such a distance (space and time). Sometimes, I thought I overreacted but at that time, I thought it was the perfect thing to do. I'm wondering how Einstein nailed the theory of relativity so precisely to my situation. There's no point in looking back all the time and moping around.

Right now, I've been thinking that believing in an absolute and having a MYOD is possible. Without believing in an absolute is like walking in the dark. Of course, you'd want to MYOD with some light in your paths. It's still up to you to go where. And I'd like to think that God intervenes with our poorly made choices by diminishing the light in that path. If He thinks that path is not right for you, He closes it. But other paths remain. And sometimes, God just diminishes the light in the path that we want to take. And we get angry and frustrated. We are blinded by our rage that we forget other paths that can equally take us to that same end goal: being happy. And sometimes we are just too stubborn to believe that. Sometimes, we just head out in the dark. To the unknown. And then we get into trouble. Without the light, it's hard finding our way back. It's dark, we (think) are all alone. But never forget for a second that God abandoned us. He is there. He is called Hope.

1x1 ID Pictures

The other night, I was able to look at the list of laborers who were involved in the renovation of the house. It was a request to get temporary IDs so they can get inside the village without having to notify us or their employers. There was the standard information sheet and the ID cards to be filled with their signatures.

Both sheets have a space for 1x1 ID pictures. I scanned the information sheets and was troubled to see that most of the ID-sized pictures that they pasted there were cut out from pictures.
It saddened me that those people didn't even have enough money to afford having their pictures taken. I imagine their photo albums, laden with pictures of family events and what not. I imagine them in the photographs, but instead of their happy faces, blank boxes stood where their faces should have been.

I imagined college... at the start of each semester, teachers would ask for our 1x1 ID pictures for their index cards. At that time, I would just go to any photo studio to have my picture taken, wait for about 30 minutes and get them. I just dig in my jeans pocket for some change from my lunch that day to pay for it and be off my way. Sometimes, I just dismiss this expense and continue on with my life. The next semester, I have my picture taken again, without knowing that I still have extra 1x1s from the last semester.

Instead of a solid colored background, I saw a window from their [I'm guessing] house, trees, the blue sky... but what struck me the most was that there was this particular laborer who used his wedding picture!

I could not believe it. It drove me to tears.

The veil of his wife-to-be was beside him. It looked like it was taken during the ceremony and this laborer wasn't looking at the camera. There were hands on his shoulder-- I was guessing it was the cord ceremony thing. I think that something as important and as a wedding picture should not be tampered! Diba? But this poor man did not have enough money to have his picture taken for 1x1s...

My mom told me that the association just throws the information sheets after the renovation is complete. Grabe, naawa talaga ako. I then asked mom to get back the pictures so that the laborers would use them again for another project.
I felt so bad and I felt so affected about the whole thing. I regret the fact that I'm only understanding the *true* value of money now that I am working for it. Of course, my mom would tell us about the importance of saving for the rainy day but the fact that I am working created a deeper impact on me.

Between working and studying, I'd rather study. Because when I need 1x1 ID pictures, I just have to ask my parents for money and not worry how the hell I'm going to get money to pay for even my basic necessities.

Going Back...

Balik trabaho na naman. It's a beautiful Monday morning and I went to the office with a weird experience. While driving along EDSA, there was this guy on a motorcyle that was staring at me/my windshield. My first thought was, "Do I have a flat tire?" I know that my wheels are fine since I checked them before I left. Then, na-realize ko that the guy was openly and unashamedly staring at me. *3@~(!#&^%! Ano ba yun?

Then he moves on to the next car and stares at the girl driver. Ok, weird pervert with weird morning traffic habits!

Last week, Tita Nene came home from Seattle. I was so excited kasi I really haven't seen her in a long, long time. It was too bad that she will be staying with my cousins in Mandaluyong. The original plan was to have her over and stay in our guest room. Pero....syempre hindi pa tapos yung bahay. I had been planning to spend quality time with her.

Actually, it was a crusty Saturday morning that I saw her. I was in my pajamas and rubbing my eyes open. My hair was a mess and I haven't brushed my teeth. I got out and saw her. Sabi niya pumayat ako. wahoo! Suddenly, it felt like I was back in time. The nostalgia was overwhelming. Tita Nene used to be my part-time nanny when I was little. So alam niya lahat ng mga ginawa ko nung bata ako.

That Saturday evening, we had dinner at Jerry's Grill. I ate a lot that night! Mom was on the other side of the table at gusto niya ako batukan dahil sobrang dami ang nakain ko. I was also able to taste kuhol for the first time. The taste was weird. There was also this crunchy-slash-maligat texture...

That weekend, I caught up on all the TV shows I missed during the week. Always, it was either I was too tired to watch them or I was still in the office. Buti na lang they replay them on weekends! Yesterday, I started on Season 2 of One Tree Hill. Woohoo! The plot's nice naman.
Next weekend naman, Dad will go home for 2 days ata to meet up with Tita Nene in Bacolod. It's a reunion!

The Rundown

I'm too tired na to edit this post so I'm typing this quickly, update my blog and go to sleep.

Things are going ok this week at work. I'm trying very hard to keep up because I missed a lot of things already. Anyway, despite the ok salary, I still believe that the company is still getting profits because I assure you... they make you work every damn centavo!!! But it's still fun. I've made new friends and have reaffirmed friendships to people I wasn't really close to.

I'm thankful parking in Ortigas uses a flat rate scheme. If I worked in Makati, I would have commuted nalang. My salary would always end up in parking and gas (Makati has the most heavy traffic flow than any other metropolitan in the country). Yun nga lang, I walk around 800 meters [naks! measured talaga] to get to the office. Besides the cardio-vascular training, I also get weights, thanks to my laptop and accessories. It's nice work out in the mornings. Especially with high-heels!

Despite the freedom of flexitime, I would prefer to go to work early in the morning so I can leave early and go window-shopping [for the meantime, while I still haven't received my paycheck] before going home.

I'm now regretting [partially] why I haven't listened attentively to my Globelines guru and CIO I-am-thinking-not-sleeping mentor.

I'm loving the unlimited supply of coffee, though I would want to brush my teeth after every cup.

Yun lang naman. I don't wanna go into detail. Very damn sleepy!

It's When I'm Weak that I'm Strong

The feeling that I have right now is somewhat the same whenever first day of class would begin on Monday. And it's the Grade School kind! I get to smell the newly covered books [plastic is so addicting], my newly sharpened pencils, my new school bag, my pristine pad papers [in every size imaginable!]... not to mention my new school shoes, socks, even my hair clips.

Grade school for me gave me weird feelings. I would groan whenever mom wakes me up, singing a song about Suzie being woken up too... but at the back of my head, I'm starting to feel that giddy rush of going to school, meeting my classmates and friends, greeting my teachers [I adored them all], turning in perfect assignments and being prepared for surprise quizzes or seatworks.

Yes, I was a bit of a geek and nerd in grade school. It was that time in my childhood that I wanted to grasp everything. Learn a lot about everything and spare no topic! My parents didn't have any problem with me in my studies those days because they saw naman that I enjoyed going to school.

Anyway, back to my original post....

This feeling that I had in grade school is coming my way again. After all, I'm very excited about my work. I just couldn't believe it. I'm working na! I once thought that seeing myself as a laborer would be a thousand years pa. I would never have thought that a thousand years would pass by so quickly. I'm very glad that the company that I'm going to work for is in line with the career that I want to have. I made it very clear naman to my family what industry I'm tackling when I graduate.

I'm thanking my stars that I made enough of an impression to this company that they decide to adopt me. There was a time that I was a slacker in college but I guess most of the time I've been doing my best. Sabi nga ni mom, kung hindi ako nag-taekwondo, mas mataas siguro grades ko. Siguro nga. But I can't live without sports kasi...taekwondo or tennis.

This long and indefinite vacation is almost nearing its end and I can't say I'm sad to leave this routine-less routine. I'm gonna miss my quality time with my mom. Quality time with my laptop. Quality time with my DVDs. The occasional trips to the malls and even arcades! But you know, months and months of nothingness can really make you feel worthless...at least for me. It can be stressing at times, not knowing what to do with your day. So right now, I'm glad I'm going to face deadlines, bloodrush and excitement... and nothing better to top it off with than the love for my job.

Anyway, all I'm saying is that this weekend is the last weekend as a professional bum. I think I made the most of it. It's not like I'll be doing this in a while again [I hope!]. I've been listening to 80's songs lately, reminiscing my childhood, remembering snippets and writing it down in my notebook. I then realize that while some memories are vivid or vague, I get memories I've never had whenever I go to a place I've been to; touched something I've touched before; smelled something I've smelled before; listened to a song I've listened to before... in my dreams or in my childhood. It was nostalgia... it was serendipity.

At the end of this weekend, another chapter of my life closes. My childhood is finally coming to a curtain call. Two decades of memories rush back to my head and I sometimes feel tears creep at the back of my eyes. Memories I cherished, wished I'd forgotten. Memories I wanna do all over again and memories I wanna change if I have the power to go back in time.

Looking back, I think I did ok. The fun, laughter, punishments, heartaches, infatuations, pains... I accept them all because I can never be the person that I am without all of them...

I give myself a pat on my back and say, "Good job, Karen. Good job."

My life, it wasn't so bad after all!

Surprises and Quirks

Ngayong araw, huli akong nagising at nakapunta sa Makati na walang dalang lisensya. Buti nalang may spare ako sa glove compartment. Nagmamadali ako kanina papuntang RSC para ibigay ang mga requirements for employment. Malakas ang hangin at nangangamba akong na baka umulan. Kahit may dala akong payong, sa lakas ng hangin, baka mapahiya lang ako sa daan.

Sinabihan ako ng HR na kailangan kong pumunta sa Orientation ng HR sa July 17. Sabi ko naman sa kanila kaya minadali yung application ko e dahil pupunta ako sa Japan sa July 17. Humirit yung HR na kailangan kong pumunta. Inisip ko na hindi ko na dapat iyon problema. Sa huli, nag-usap kami na sa August 1 nalang ako pumunta.

Dumaan ako sa Enterprise at nagpakuha ng litrato para sa Japanese Visa ko. Pagkatapos ay nagmadali papuntang Ortigas naman. Buti nalang, wala namang nangyaring kababalaghan kaya nagsadya na ako kagad sa HP.

Andun naman yung dapat kong bibigyan ng Passport, Visa Application at SSS form. Pina-receive ko kay Arnold yung passport kasi malaki talagang problema kapag nawala iyon. Pumasok ako sa loob kasama si Gracie at tinapos ko yung mga kailangan pang dokumento. Sa mga sandaling iyon, narinig kong sinabi ni Bev na hindi siya makakasama dahil hindi pa kailangan ang kanyang papel sa proyekto. Napatigil ako kasi pareho kami ni Bev na sa Total Order Management.

Nakita kong dumaan si Cel at tinanong ko siya kung ano ang aking papel sa proyekto. Nabanggit ko rin na hindi kasama si Bev, na ka-division ko. Sabi ni Cel na malamang pareho ang aming papel ni Bev. Nalungkot ako sandali dahil may posibilidad na hindi ako makakasama. Sa ideya pa lang na bago pa lang ako sa trabaho ay maging isang katwiran na hindi ako payagan pumunta.

Sabi naman ni Gracie, habang kami ay kumain ng tanghalian na marami pang pagkakataon na makapunta pa akong Japan [shet! para akong Japayuki nito!] dahil Japan-based yung proyekto. Iniisip siguro ng mga nakatataas na mas mabuti pang dito muna ako sa Manila at simulan ang aking on-boarding, orientation at training.

Gusto ko pa rin isipin na makaka-biyahe pa rin ako.

Nagliwaliw muna ako sa Megamall. Sale na naman at kailangan ko ng damit pang-opisina. Sa katunayan, ang suot kong blusa ay sa nanay ko. Nakita ko rin sa malayo na sale ang Lacoste at gusto ko lang malaman kung ilang % yung discount ng mga mamahaling t-shirt. Sa kagustuhan kong makapunta kagad, nabigla ako nang may sumulpot sa aking gilid at sinabi:

"Hi Ganda! Gusto mo ng libreng tiket sa sinehan?"

Sa mga sandaling iyon, hindi ko alam kung yung naging magic words na nag-convince sa akin na sumama sa tiyak na kahibangan ay yung "ganda" o "libreng tiket". Oo nga, kahit wala akong kailangan bayaran o bilhan, kailangan kong mag-aksaya ng 45 na minuto para sa kanilang presentasyon. Sa huli, nag back out ako, humirit ng isang dahilan para makaalis sa lugar na iyon.

Matagal na akong hindi pumapatol sa mga nag-aalok ng lupa, bahay, condo, credit card ngunit dito talaga ako bumigay. Akala ko libre. Yun pala, oras mo ang puhunan nila. Sa huli, hindi ako nakapunta sa Lacoste at hindi ko nakita kung magkano yung mga t-shirts nila.

Shet!

Cutthroat Business

Mom told me that the jobhunting process [or lack of it] used to be simple compared to what people do nowadays. She didn't even recall going from one building to another to give our her resumes like pamphlets. There's also the fact that there is no bias against non-UP, Ateneo, La Salle.

Anyway, this week was not boring. Compared to the previous weeks and days I spent. I was such a sloth! Not to mention a bit depressed when I have a vague picture of my future. I started the week when I went to HP to sign my offer letter. That morning, Cel sent me an SMS and asked if I can make it this afternoon. Excited, I bullied my mom so she could give the car to me. After all, it was a matter of life and death!

After she gave me a primer of my benefits, etc., she told me to join the other new hires who were having an orientation. I went to Manila [the name of the conf. room] and sat with them, watching the history of HP and then introducing ourselves. We also met our bosses and managers and were taken around the offices and introduced to our now-fellow employees.

We had merienda and I met new friends, Anna, Desiree, Cha and Kristel. After the on-boarding session, we met with our managers and were introduced to our fellow teammates. Gracie and Jopaw introduced their new found friends with me... though I weakly told them I couldn't memorize their names at once.

The next day, I went to HP at Robinsons Summit Center in Makati. Before that, I surprised Kris on the underpass. She was on her way to Enterprise and I was "crossing the street" underground. I met with the HR person, Josie, and gave me a list of requirements before employment. At that time, there was confusion because my manager wanted me to start on July 10 but the HR policy is that they hire on the 1st of 17th of the month. Cel was working my start date and my worry was to finish all requirements before the end of the week.

Wednesday was the worst, I think. I woke up very early to bring my sister to school and then mom and I went to city hall to get a TIN for me. Yesterday, we found out that the TIN I have can only be used for government transactions. We then found out that they don't issue TINs in city hall. Mom and I went to Coastal Mall to get 2 measly pieces of paper. That afternoon, I went to Makati to get a medical... I swear, it was embarrassingly thorough. I felt so violated talaga....huhuhu... Thank God I didn't have to go to Ortigas!

Today, I felt like a bum again. With no car available, I decided to spend the day watching DVDs. I need to catch up on One Tree Hill and Smallville. I'll bet Inca's wondering when I'll return the DVDs to her. But then again, it was interrupted by a brownout that lasted from late morning to mid-afternoon. I spent the day testing Pagong's stamina and reading unopened TIME magazines. Mom then came home and gave me copies of her and dad's birth certificates and then fixed the requirements so I can submit them to HR tomorrow.

I'm also filling up application forms for VISA for my trip to Japan by mid-July. I need to have my picture taken and then bring them to Ortigas to have them processed immediately. Right now, everything's fast-paced. I love it! God, I missed college! Anyway, I'm glad that I'm finally on my way to Japan. The first time was depressing when I found out I didn't make the cut for the scholarship [parang reality show!]. But I guess when there's a will, there's a way! Even if it's a business trip, I look forward to it. I'm so excited already!

On to Berlin!

I could not believe what happened during the FIFA World Cup semis between Germany and Italy. Clearly, the favor was with the host country but Italy had great defense. They had to go through extra time and in the end, I thought penalty kicks would end the heart-pumping match. Well, you have to admit there were parts when everything was just boring.

Despite Lehmann's excellent skill as goalkeeper, Italy was able to sneak in 2 well-placed goals within 2+ minutes with seconds to spare during extra time. I guess Germany was so pressured to keep up with the first goal that they left a critical hole in their defense. Del Piero just appeared from nowhere and sank the ball in the upper right corner of the goal. It's Berlin for the Italians! I can't help but feel sad for the German crowd. I mean, they started holding their heads in dismay as soon as Italy scored and when they got another one, faces fell and I saw tears.

Sayang, Germany was a favorite pa naman.

Not many people know that I like soccer. I'm not an avid fan but I try to keep myself updated. In this case, I don't watch the qualifying matches as well as the early rounds. I keep tabs as early as quarterfinals, and that still depends on the teams playing.

^_^ Man, I miss sports!

We all use Math Everyday!

I am so in love with Charlie Eppes! Yep, this genius mathematician has captured my heart with his tousled locks and kick-ass math skills. Played by David Krumholtz, this is the only character with curly hair that I like. I'm usually a "straight-haired, short-length, neatly combed guy hair" type of girl. This one is an exception. Oh yeah, might I add that his FBI Consultant with NSA clearance likes rock music?


I'm so hooked with Numb3rs. Maybe because my brain activity has been less than zero these past few weeks that I'm dying to get my cells and neurons into action. I couldn't get enough of AXN's weekly schedule so I decided to just buy season2. Ha! And what a bargain it was! I don't think I'll stop watching this show just yet.

His brother Don, played by Rob Morrow looks like Mulder from X-Files. ^_^

I love them! I love them!

I love Charlie more!!!

The Day I Cried

I had a dream.

I dreamt God was with me. We were walking together. We were talking like we were friends. We were laughing, too.

Unfortunately, the path we were walking on was about to end.

God told me to keep walking as He stopped. I looked back, worried and afraid that I might never see Him again.

God smiled and said to me:

"I am with you, always."

I woke up and cried. And that was that.

I'm Not Crazy Enuf to be Honest

Some random xx thingy
[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[] I tan easily
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[] I wear glasses/need them.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 aafe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have (had) piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.--> does missing the school bus on purpose count?
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[ ] I'm in school.
[ ] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired.
[x] I've skipped school.

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[ ] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something
[ ] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in publicHealth
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x] I've gotten stitches
[x] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend.
[x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.--> all of them!
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.--> didn't even miss school

Traveling
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Asia.
[ ] I've been to Australia.
[ ] I've been to South America.
[ ] I've been to Antartica.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.
[ ] I've been to America.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've been an abuse victim.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten Sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've had someone cheat on me.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of commitment.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I love to flirt.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[ ] I am a terrible liar.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I've consumed alcohol
[ ] I regularly drink.
[x] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I'm a stoner.
[ ] I've snorted cocaine.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic/have been.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self-harm.
[x] I've woken up crying.
[x] I've cried myself to sleep.
[x] I see/have seen a therapist.--->guidance counts right? ;p

Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[x] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[x] I own a designer purse, costing over $100
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from American Eagle.

Political/Social Attitudes
[ ] In general, I don't like people.
[x] I'm a feminist.
[x] I'm outgoing.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[x] I'm Democratic.
[ ] I'm Republican.
[x] I'm liberal.
[ ] I don't like Bush because he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[x] I'm religious.
[x] I dress fairly modestly.
[x] My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it."

Random
[x] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[x] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cellphone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[x] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[ ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[ ] My answers are totally honest

Pre-Requisites

Now that I'm almost officially part of the labor force, I need to work on some papers and important aspects of being employed.

First off, woke up very early and took a quickie shower. Mom and I dropped off my sister in DLSU then proceeded to park in McDo. We had breakfast there before taking the LRT. It's been a while since I took the LRT and most of the time, I had used LRT3. At first, mom and I were bangag coz we forgot that we had to cross the street near Benilde and then go up the station.

We then bought tickets to Carriedo, where I can get my NBI clearance. I remembered the last time my mom and I rode on the LRT. I was around 6 years old. The old LRT used coins/tokens to pass through. There was no aircon yet and there were no carts for women and the elderly. It was very hot and humid, not to mention the stench of human sweat and hard work.

Anyway, I haven't been to that part of town [Carriedo] so I was a bit excited to go there. We went along Taft and saw some schools there, Emilio Aguinaldo, Phil. Christian University, Phil. Women's, etc.

When we got off Carriedo, I'm sure we looked like fools because mom was taking her personal trip down memory lane. We just stood in the middle of the place for about 3 minutes while people passed us by. She told me that this place used to be the rowdiest, most crowded part of old Manila. The roads where jeepneys used to passed through are gone. Instead, it was like a plaza. There were a lot of vendors, street kids and homeless people loittering about [it was only 8am] or sleeping in cartons and huge plastics. The place smelled like sewers and week-old garbage.

We then went to NBI and proceeded to some guy named Ferdie. My mom's nephew used to work here in the legal department before he moved to customs so we had connections. It's very convenient to have connections here in the Philippines. As long as you know key persons and have sufficient resources, it's as good as sitting in the couch at the comfort of your own home.

Mom and I went inside Quiapo church and said a little prayer. I said a little wish because it was my first time there. The church was impressive. I was also surprised to know that this church has been in existence for 400 years already. They said that wherever the church is, most of the important buildings are near it too. Provinces are like that.

We went around for a while, bought 2 pairs of step-ins for a hundred each; blouses; clips; and then we ate lunch at Jollibee. Mom went to the store she always goes to when she was in college and I can feel that nostalgia was coming onto her fast.

It's nice to know that your parents, once upon a time had been college students. I guess it was exciting to live at that time. Life was simpler then. It was appreciated more.

As for my TIN and SSS, I already have them but we decided to go to the regional offices and request for IDs.

All in all, this day was very productive. Mom and I got to spend more time with each other. I wish I had more moments like this with my mom. But it's because of these rare moments that I truly, really get to appreciate my mom.

Probably in different circumstance, she could've been my best friend. But I think I must have been a saint in a lifetime because God gave me the best mother one could ever have.

Tease me Baby!

People have a way of making us trust them and trust ourselves.

People test them. See if they're loyal. See if they'll take the bait.

Unfortunately, I'm a quitter. Well, not at first but when things become frustrating, there are times when you'd just want to give up on that person. I don't quit on a regular basis. In fact, I highly think of myself when it comes to sticking it. I'm an optimist. Even when it hurts, I still have hope.

In this particular case, I've waited and waited and waited. I trusted that person so much that to let go would be impossible with the way we were acquainted. There had been times when I really felt like I just wanna walk away. And recently, another issue was brought up. It was painful to think about the next day. Anxiety took its toll on me. It was hard. I struggled so much.

And then, when I felt like letting go, he suddenly comes to my rescue.

I finally give a huge sigh of relief and then berates him for doing this to me.

I imagine him chuckling and saying, "What is faith and hope when you don't put it to good use?"

Jesus Christ!

Definitely not Good

I could not believe it.

4 sips of lame-ass Vodka tonic just gave me one hell of a hangover!

I just couldn't believe it. I must be losing my touch. I woke up the next morning barely able to get down from the bunk bed. My head felt like it was going to lose its screws and roll away from my shoulders. My breath stinks of vodka even though I had brushed my teeth and gargled. I slept through most of the afternoon; waking again to find a hardcore headache. I felt those veins sticking out of my forehead.

God, I hate vodka!

I sure hope to God there weren't roofies in there.

Sayang ang Miles

Seriously, I'm getting so worked up trying to fix our KrisFlyer (Singapore Airlines' Frequent Flyer Program) accounts.

My 2005 miles were not credited because of online mishap. I could not access my account, preventing me to check-in online and check my mileage. Same thing with Pat and Anne's account. Mom had miles expiring so I had to extend them and paid about 1,000 miles. I still can't access Pat's account coz the email doesn't match the database's. I tried calling SQ (this is long distance at hindi mura!) and asked them to fix the error. They said they did it already but nothing happened.

Dad was pressuring me to keep all accounts and miles accounted for. He would use our miles so he could get a free ticket and take a vacation here in Manila. I swear I'm a terrible auditor.

Today, I checked all accounts, sans Pat's and had found out the trips we were requesting to be credited were included in the statement but was still not credited in the total miles (I only have 22,700 miles). I'm getting a headache!

Basta, ok na yung kay mom. Anne's 2005 miles were credited already. Mine were supposed to have been credited but were not part of the ending balance. Pat's account remains to be unopened.

Such stress! Sayang daw kasi ang miles.

Bum

I'm such a slob. Can't even keep 'em posting right.

This is laziness in it's purest form.

Blurred Days

As I've said to Fraggy when a third of R2 met in Glorietta, "Bumming is very hard. You wake up and you really don't know how to keep yourself occupied the whole day. You're not really motivated to do anything productive."

Sitting on a couch, blinding your eyes out from watching one too many DVDs and cartoons is a tiring job. A pointless and tiring job. One thing that keeps me going is the hope of actually getting a call from employers and giving me a job so I can stop mopping around and actually put some of the things I learned to good use.

There were 12 of us who had a sort-of reunion. There was me, Jake, Rofil, Iking, Karlo, Archie, Inca, Kris, Tiff, Ritz, Gi and Joan. We had dinner and beer over talks, jokes and kamustahans.

The next day, Friday, I woke up early and met with Iking and Tiff at Makati to go job hunting. It was my first time and I had fun. We gave resumes to companies we think could use our skills and abilities [daw!]. As Tiff and I went inside The Enterprise, there was a bit of commotion in there and we found out later that it was an earthquake drill. We decided to go to Philam Building in the meantime. As usual, we gave out resumes and then met Iking, who had an interview with Mozcom.

Unfortunately, I was unable to go with them because I was meeting Kim and Paolo for lunch. I thanked them and said goodbyes and then walked back to Glorietta. I met them at Tony Roma's and ate lunch. We then watched The Lakehouse [good movie] and played some arcade.

Another week ended and another is about to start.

All About War

Recently, my brother's become interested in war movies. Not the "Life is Beautiful" type but "Platoon" and "Saving Private Ryan" types. Dad brings home DVDs of old classic war films like "Battle of Britain" and "Tora, Tora" from Jakarta.

I have never been a fan of war movies or have interested myself with military and war topics. The first time I had a glimpse of war was in a book published by TIME. It was called, Life at War. It was a photo-journalism type of book that had snapshots from the 1st world war to the Vietnam War. You can see the history unfolding in each page. The shift from grainy, black and white, sepia photographs to standard colored pictures. From massive, one-direction-only tanks to maneuverable, all-terrain humvees and assault vehicles. Rifles to machine guns. Every type of technology evolved, even clothing and protective suits.

Necessity creates ingenuity. There are now better and faster ways to transport people. Better and faster ways to annihilate people. Better and faster ways to heal people. A propaganda to faithfully pledge allegiance to one's fatherland or motherland.

Better machines
Better medicine
Better food
Better arsenal
Better tactics
Better soldiers
Better vehicles and airplanes and submarines

But what strikes me the most about the book was the snippets of each soldier, just before ambushing the enemy, just before jumping into their foxholes and trenches, just before throwing a hand grenade. Captions below would say that this was the last time a soldier was seen alive. When you turn the page, you would then see his corpse, swimming in his blood. His comrades ransacking his rations before medics pull him back, as he is an obstacle to marching troops. A more gruesome truth is that the soldier was only 18 years.

In France, there was a parade of soldiers in the city square, soldiers hailed before they are marched off to war. There was a child from the side who ran to his father, who was a soldier, crying. The toddler would not let go of his father. A picture of innocence, tainted by the harsh metallic smell of rifles, ammunition and grenades.

War teaches us to be strong. To have hope when there is nothing else to do. To finally realize one's finity and to believe in a higher being. To realize the futility of killing even for greater glory. War teaches us to live. To strive to survive and be happy with the fact that you are alive. War is a sad story. Lives are torn apart and anybody who lives through this experience is never the same.

this is yenie's 2 cents worth on war with critical thinking done in 5 minutes. other factors or insights unmentioned may not have been thought of the goddess during the 5-minute discernment.
no research was done... you get the idea

Another for Nadal

Yesterday, we ate at Le Souffle in the Fort to celebrate Mom and Dad's 22nd wedding anniversary. Mom and I ate seafood as we were allergic to beef while Dad and Anne lunged at steaks and Pat had pasta. In my opinion, dessert was the best part of the meal. The souffle was perfect!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we got home, the French open final was ongoing. As usual, it was a battle between the 1st and 2nd seed. Nadal wanted to retain his dominance in clay court while Federer wanted to win a grand slam. In the

end, Nadal kept his title after 4 sets and won 60 consecutive matches on clay court. Yep, this 20 year old Spanish lefty is going places!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm currently importing my old cds in Pagong. I can't believe I have Hanson's 1st CD! Basta I'm putting all songs and CDs I have.

Seeing Old Faces

Dad got home last night and was disappointed about the status of our house. Renovations were supposed to be done by June17, as stated in the contract. Until now, we don't have a 2nd floor, our kitchen is in ruins and the living and dining room is stacked with kitchen appliances, books from the attic and other stuff. It's crazy here and living here is a bit straining.

He was stopped by customs but because mom has a relative there, he was released unscathed.

Dad bought us a lot of stuff from Singapore. We took advantage of the Great Singapore Sale! I got a Shu Uemura pink basic kit and Japanese learning books while mom and Leanne got the jewelry they wanted. Dad bought us all Lacoste shirts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Friday, half of dp_bs met in Shang. The 2 last times I went to Shang, I parked at the same parking slot! Talk about luck. It was Gracie's request and we all chatted and had dinner. Abi, Ginny and I wore blue that night while Gracie and aR had matching black and red/pink outfits. Ginny got back from the States and gave us NY shirts.

Part of the plan was to watch a movie but all of us agreed that catching up on each other's stories were more important.

I had so much fun being with them. I wish there would be an opportunity for all of us to meet. Then Gracie can treat us out! hehe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That same Friday, I was stressed about the fact that I haven't received a phone call from my potential employers. That afternoon, I left my phone to mom while I took a bath.

While in the middle of my scrubbing, the much awaited Harry Potter ringtone echoed outside in the master's bedroom. I waited a few seconds and realized mom wasn't going to answer my phone.

With soap all over my body, I quickly grabbed my towel, wrapped it around and dashed outside. Mom was on another phone and I hurriedly went to my phone. Realizing it was a landline number, my heart skipped at least 5 beats before answering it.

It was from IBM! They are offering me a permanent position! I was very happy to hear that! A surge of relief echoed throughout my brain. I was still sane enough to hear that the lady on the phone told me to keep my line open as they will call me within the next week for another interview/discussion of salary, benefits, etc.

I thanked her and ended the call. It was my first job offer, and I was wrapped in a towel with soap suds everywhere. Talk about anecdotes!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Thursday, I met with Kim and Paolo in Galleria [what is it with Ortigas???] to watch The Omen and just hang out. I went to the gym before meeting them there. Pao got back from the States a day before.

We ate Japanese food for lunch before hitting the silverscreens. We then went around, while talking and chatting.

I then promised them a lunch by next Friday with other high school friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life is good with friends by your side.

Just for the Heck of It.

Anime meme taken from magnetic_rose... which I got from Shabby

go through the list and check off the titles you have watched. for our purposes, "watching" a title means that for TV and OVA series, you have to have seen at least one episode all the way through. for one-shots, you have to have seen the whole thing. At the end of each genre/category, add up your sub-total. at the very end, add up the sub-totals to come up with your grand total. if your grand total is 80 or over, congratulations-- you are an obsessive anime watcher!

I. Action and Adventure
( ) .hack//SIGN
( ) Airmaster
( ) Battle Arena Toshinden
(x) Bleach
( ) Blood+
( ) Burst Angel
( ) City Hunter
( ) Cowboy Bebop
(x) Dragonball
(x) Flame of Recca
(x) GetBackers
( ) Inu Yasha
( ) Lupin III
( ) Mai-HiME
(x) Naruto
( ) One Piece
( ) Tenjou Tenge
( ) TRIGUN
(x) Saiyuki
(x) Yu Yu Hakusho

Total Here: 7/20

II. Comedy and Parody
( ) 2x2 = Shinobuden
( ) Adventures of the Mini Goddesses
( ) All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku
( ) Azumanga Daioh
( ) Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan
( ) Di Gi Charat
( ) Dragon Half
( ) Excel Saga
(x) Fruits Basket
( ) Galaxy Angel
(x) Here is Greenwood
( ) Kodomo no Omocha
(x) Kyou Kara Maou!
(x) Midori Days
( ) Pani Poni Dash
( ) Project A-ko
(x) Ranma 1/2
( ) Tenchi Muyo
( ) Those Who Hunt Elves
( ) Urusei Yatsura

Total Here: 5/20

III. Drama and Miscellaneous
( ) Beck
( ) Full Moon wo Sagashite
( ) Gankutsuou
( ) Genshiken
( ) Glass Mask
( ) Haibane Renmei
( ) Hitsuji no Uta
( ) Honey & Clover (Hachimitsu to Clover)
( ) Kaleido Star
( ) Last Exile
( ) Le Portraite de Petite Cossette
( ) Monster
( ) Paradise Kiss
(x) Princess Mononoke
( ) Read or Die OVA
( ) Speed Grapher
( ) Twin Spica
(x) Weiss Kreuz
( ) Wings of Honneamise
( ) Yakitate!! Japan

Total Here: 2/20

IV. Ecchi/Mature
( ) Agent AIKa
( ) Cutey Honey
( ) Ebichu
( ) Golden Boy
( ) Grenadier
( ) Hand Maid May
( ) He Is My Master
( ) Iketeru Futari
( ) La Blue Girl
( ) Lingerie Senshi Papillon Rose
( ) Mahoromatic
( ) Mezzo Forte
( ) Miyuki-chan in Wonderland
( ) My Dear Marie
( ) Najica Blitz Tactics
( ) Negima
( ) Puni Puni Poemy
( ) Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend
( ) Wicked City
( ) Yumeria

Total Here: 0/20

V. Fantasy and Supernatural
(x) Angel Sanctuary
( ) Aquarian Age
( ) Berserk
( ) El Hazard
( ) Final Fantasy Unlimited
(x) Fullmetal Alchemist
(x) Howl's Moving Castle
(x) Magic Knight Rayearth
( ) Mushishi
(x) Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
( ) Record of Lodoss War
( ) Scrapped Princess
( ) Slayers
( ) Tales of Eternia
( ) Trinity Blood
( ) Tsubasa Chronicle
( ) Vampire Hunter D
( ) Violinist of Hameln
(x) Vision of Escaflowne
(x) X: TV

Total Here: 7/20

VI. Historical and Alternate History
( ) Anne of Green Gables
( ) Basilisk
( ) Barefoot Gen
( ) Chrono Crusade
(x) Grave of the Fireflies
( ) Fire Tripper
( ) Kaidomaru
( ) Legend of Condor Hero
( ) Millennium Actress
( ) Nadia - Secret of Blue Water
( ) Ninja Scroll
( ) Otogizoushi
( ) Peacemaker Kurogane
( ) Porco Rosso
( ) Rose of Versailles
(x) Rurouni Kenshin
( ) Samurai 7
(x) Samurai Champloo
( ) Steel Angel Kurumi
( ) Victorian Romance Emma

Total Here: 3/20

VII. Kids and Family
( ) Angelic Layer
( ) Astro Boy
( ) Beyblade
( ) Castle in the Sky
( ) Detective Conan
( ) Digimon
( ) Doraemon
( ) Hamtaro
( ) Kiki's Delivery Service
(x) Kimba the White Lion
( ) Monster Rancher
( ) My Neighbor Totoro
(x) Pokemon
( ) Samurai Pizza Cats
( ) Sazae-san
( ) SD Gundam Force
( ) Sonic X
( ) Speed Racer
(x) Spirited Away
( ) Yu-Gi-Oh

Total Here: 3/20

VIII. Magical Girls and Boys
(x) Cardcaptor Sakura
( ) DNAngel
( ) Earth Girl Arjuna
( ) Erementar Gerad
( ) Hime-chan no Ribbon
( ) Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne
( ) Magic Users Club
( ) Magical Girl Pretty Sammy
( ) Magical Stage Fancy La La
( ) Mahou no Star Magical Emi
( ) Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha
(x) Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok
( ) Ojamajou DoReMi
( ) Oku-sama wa Mahou Shoujo
(x) Pretear
(x) Sailor Moon
( ) Saint Tail
( ) Tokyo Mew Mew
(x) Ultra Maniac
( ) Wedding Peach

Total Here: 5/20

IX. Romance
( ) Ah! My Goddess
( ) Ai Yori Aoshi
( ) Air
( ) Ayashi no Ceres
(x) Boys Be
( ) Chobits
(x) Fushigi Yuugi
( ) Hana Yori Dango
(x) His and Her Circumstances (KareKano)
( ) Kimagure Orange Road
( ) Kimi ga Nozomu Eien
( ) Love Hina
( ) Maison Ikkoku
( ) Marmalade Boy
( ) Peach Girl
( ) Piano
( ) Onegai Sensei
( ) SaiKano
( ) To Heart
( ) Video Girl Ai

Total Here: 3/20

X. Science-Fiction
( ) Appleseed
( ) Blue Seed
( ) Bubblegum Crisis (any)
( ) Crest of the Stars
( ) Galaxy Express 999
(x) Gundam (any)
( ) Macross (any)
( ) Outlaw Star
( ) Patlabor
( ) Planetes
( ) Please Save My Earth
( ) RahXephon
( ) Saber Marionette (any)
( ) s-CRY-ed
( ) Soukyuu no Fafner
( ) Space Battleship Yamato (Star Blazers)
( ) Stellvia
(x) Transformers (any)
( ) Voices of a Distant Star
( ) Xenosaga: The Animation

Total Here: 2/20

XI. Shounen-Ai and Shoujo-Ai
(x) Ai no Kusabi
(x) Descendants of Darkness (Yami no Matsuei)
(x) Earthian
( ) FAKE
(x) Fish in the Trap
( ) Galaxy Fraulin Yuna
(x) Gravitation <3
( ) Haru wo Daiteita
( ) Kannazuki no Miko
(x) Kizuna
(x) Lesson XX
(x) Loveless
( ) Maria-sama ga Miteru
( ) Mirage of Blaze
( ) Oniisama E
( ) Seikimatsu Darling
(x) Song of the Wind in the Trees
(x) Sukisho
( ) Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito
( ) Zetsuai/Bronze

Total Here: 10/20

XII. Sports
( ) Ace wo Nerae
( ) Ashita no Joe
( ) Ayane's High Kick
( ) Baki the Grappler
( ) Battle Athletes
( ) Buzzer Beater
( ) Captain Tsubasa
( ) Eyeshield 21
( ) Ginban Kaleidoscope
( ) Hajime no Ippo
(x) Hikaru no Go
( ) Initial D
( ) Major
( ) Monkey Turn
( ) One Pound Gospel
(x) Prince of Tennis
( ) Princess Nine
(x) Slam Dunk
( ) Suzuka
( ) Wild Striker

Total Here: 3/20

XIII. Surreal and Psychological
( ) Akira
( ) Betterman
( ) Boogiepop Phantom
( ) Elfen Lied
( ) FLCL
( ) Gantz
( ) Ghost in the Shell (movie or TV)
(x) Hellsing
( ) Jigoku Shoujo
( ) Karas
( ) Madlax
( ) Melody of Oblivion
(x) Neon Genesis Evangelion
( ) Noir
( ) Paranoia Agent
( ) Perfect Blue
( ) Princess Tutu
( ) Revolutionary Girl Utena
( ) Serial Experiments Lain
( ) Texhnolyze

Total Here: 2/20

GRAND TOTAL: 53/260

I guess this means I have a lot of watching to do. ^_^ There are a lot of anime I have watched but have not yet finished it... like Honey to Clover, Azumanga Daioh, RahXephon...

Other anime I have finished:
Akazuki Cha-Cha
Sarah
Romeo's Blue Skies
Zenki

Ulcers and Anxiety Attacks

I'm an impatient person... I'm a fast-paced person so being tied down and being told to wait is torture for me. The fact that there are extreme scenarios in the end and that I'm totally clueless as to what can and will happen does not make me feel any better.

I admit I have been eating less and have been a total slob with thinking nothing but what will happen at the end of this torture. My dad told me to be optimistic but cynic at the same time. It's kinda hard, though.

Last time I felt this and have been rewarded was when I was accepted into the school of my choice.

The last time I felt this and have been overwhelmingly depressed was when I knew an opportunity to start all over again never happened.

Both feelings have been different. The wait for both have been excrutiatingly painful. I guess I took both situations to full-scale attacks of anxiety and the feeling that this event will shake my future.

I guess anyone who had that at stake will reallly suffer ulcers and anxiety attacks.

As soon as forever is through...

Dedicated to the man I fell in love with... he'll never know how much I love him.