Baguio

We just got back from Baguio yesterday. Suddenly, Manila felt so hot. We haven't been to Baguio for about 5 years now and seeing the place again was so nostalgic. We stayed at Camp John Hay Manor and looked at what all the fuss was about the new place that sent CAP to crumbles. The interior was just as fantastic as the exterior. It was a log cabin, complete with imported cedar wood and very nice finishings.

We got to stay at a 2 bedroom suite and we just couldn't stop taking pictures. It was the perfect getaway from school and work and the urban life. We had this breathtaking view of the mountain range from a very nice veranda. We had 3 bathrooms and the bathroom at the master's bedroom had a bathtub!

Being an urban girl that lived in a place wherein water was not easy to get, getting a bubble bath was the ultimate pleasure. The water was warm, the bubbles were nice and no one was bothering you because there were 2 other bathrooms to use.

We spent our vacation going back to the spots we usually had our pictures taken when we were little... Mines View Park, The Mansion, PMA (I remembered aR... I know her heart went out to PMA but I'm really glad she chose ADMU...^_^), zigzag road at Kenon, the Grotto- you should see the video, mom and dad kept taking breaks!... we didn't go to Burnham Park, parking was impossible.

We all decided to take trips there at least every year. Just for the weather and the getaway idea. I wouldn't mind doing it every chance we get!

Crazy Nights

I just found out today that my sister passed La Salle; the main one! Ha! No offense to those in Benilde...

I really happy for her that she was able to get into one of the three schools we wanted her to get in. Ateneo hasn't released the ACET results yet. UP's kinda radical for her.

Even though she passed the college entrance exams in DLSU, I wanted her to study in Ateneo.

But in the end, I'm still praying that she gets to be happy and fulfilled wherever she studies.

Random things in December

Wow! I've had 100 posts already!

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I've completed 9 days of Simbang Gabi. With my family, with my friends, with the maid. I told God two wishes so He has a choice. ^__^

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Dad gave me Season 1 of Desperate Housewives and I'm desperate to finish it before school starts. Wanna watch Season 2 and get hooked on Lost and Numb3rs.

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Had a Parking Violation in school. I had to serve 8 hours of community service instead of giving up a piece of Ninoy. One lady in the office was such a beeyatch! She would tell me to send greeting cards (!) all over Loyola Schools... send gifts to other buildings (which, I might add, is NOT near). She makes me walk everywhere! While other offenders get to sit at a desk and sort stuff, type in the PC and other simple desk work. I was glad that in the final hours of my community service, Sir Jong, a really friendly staff told me to just input stuff on the computer.

It was fun really, because I got to tinker with the database of Ateneo. Stalker mode was in full mode that time.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I've had the most wonderful time on a particular Tuesday night. It was a simple picnic with my college barkada. We took pictures, we discussed summer plans, we gave gifts, we took pictures, we ranted and raved about life in general. God, those angels are heaven sent.

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I felt bad for not going to UP for the Oblation Run. Turns out that I didn't have classes that day and had no reason to go to Quezon City. I spent the afternoon with a certain someone and watched a movie. I guess it was worth it! My friends posted pictures. Sarah, Maria and Carina*** gave a well-documented report of the event (*names have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals).

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On my sister's birthday, we ate lunch at Tony Roma's, had dessert at Max Brenner and looked for my birthday gift at GB3. That night, I went caroling with my fellow lectors and commentators and was able to go home at 11PM. My family waited for me so that we can celebrate my sister's birthday (candle-blowing). I love them so much!!!

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My two best friends, Kim and Jem sent their pictures, their love and regards to me from California. Today, I called them up (thank you, Globe rebates!) and greeted them a wonderful Christmas. I miss the times we spent together. We're all busy with our different agenda but the love and care for each other never fades. I miss them so much.

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My godson, CJ spent Christmas here. He's grown so much! But he's still shy around people. Time flies by so fast. I remember I used to carry him around and play with him...and now, he's going to pre-school.

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My sister and I cleaned our room today. We took out the stuff that we haven't used for 3 years or more and we plan to either, give it away, sell it to the junk shop or throw it. Now, our room looks much brighter and cleaner.

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A Blessed Merry Christmas to ALL!

Death by Chocolate!

I was finally able to eat at Max Brenner!

And I have proof! Hehe!

Today is Leanne's 17th birthday and we went to Makati to eat. We ate at Tony Roma's, our staple food whenever dad's around. Our dog was so happy that we brought him bones from our baby back ribs.

Dad asked where's a really good dessert place and the Chocolate Bar popped into my head immediately.

Then, I finally had the guts to go to GB3...where the designer labels are...just to LOOK and nothing else. I saw this cute bag at Salvatore Ferregamo...*sigh* and I don't wanna type the cost...*shudders as she remembers*

We also went to Prada, DKNY and Louis Vuitton... I'm burning with the urge to own one... hahaha!

I suddenly remember this song: "To dream, the impossible dream..."

As we went inside Max Brenner, we were impressed by the atmosphere and the ambiance. It's really a chocolate heaven. And you can't tell the bald waiters apart except by their name plates. I was so rattled with what I was going to order but I decided to try the Mexican Spicy Chocolate and the Chocolate Truffle Cake.

It was a bad decision to have a chocolate drink AND a chocolate truffle at the same time. I was overloaded with the chocolate! Being a chocolate lover, I never knew that I'd get sick of chocolate that fast! I had this headache after eating there. But I didn't regret the fact that I tried one of their best sellers.

Then dad told us that we need to leave before 5PM so we split up and did our thing. Anne and I went to Powerbooks and drooled at bestsellers. We then picked up her cake before meeting with mom, dad and Pat.

Last Days of School

Our LS long exam was psycho.

All 100 items are identification type. Of course, being the crammer that I am, wasn't able to finish reading all 4 chapters of the book.

And it's a big chunk of the grade.

I'm not a big fan of memorization. I suck at it. Big time. I still have that 5GB capacity in my brain. Never upgraded.

Most of the things that I studied went down the drain.

Then it was our Philo long exam.

One word: Chutzpah

Although I love doing Philosophy in Filipino, I suck at the writing aspect. Can't seem to grasp words, unlike English. Still can't believe I used to be the Filipino editor for our school organ when I was in grade school...

Darn, the school's computer terminals are closing...

Illegal...

Today, I got a parking ticket for illegally parking on the driveway. I first saw it when Iking accompanied me to my car to get my laptop. He was joking that I have a ticket because my parking looked "too much" along the driveway.

As I was arranging my stuff inside the car, he was quiet and told me that I have a ticket. I was mortified but kept my cool. I left the ticket on the windshield, thinking that another guard would put another ticket.

Darn it! Now I have to make a letter of apology and serve 8 hours in ADSA...

I don't know how to make of it... a memorable experience?

Damn, this sucks!

Keeping Tabs

It's exactly a month before my birthday...my 21st birthday. Well, it's not like I'm trying to delay the fact that I'm past my teenage years, nor I'm excited to celebrate my 20s right away.

Right now, I'm thinking of ways to look younger than 21!!!

I wanna make people gush and say, "Huwaaaattt??? You're 21 na?!? Akala ko 18 ka lang!"

Well, you can know right away if they're sincere or they're trying to kiss your a$$.

I read Rach's blog and how she was fuming that the guard at a certain place asked for her ID when clearly we have a younger companion with us and he didn't asked for HER ID. I told her, "dude, I'd feel flattered if the guard asked for MY ID!"

Hehe, I'm not conscious of my age, no! It's the attribute of feeling younger than you age and looking younger than your age that counts!

And the Secret??? Smiling, exercising and loving life, every single day!

Aftermaths

I realized that despite my *status* as a college student, I haven't really had the time to go to parties. The only ones I can remember were with my teammates in my early college sems and now, with my blockmates and barkadas.

Music, food and company. Those are the three things I look for in a good party. I don't mind the place, as long as they satisfy those mentioned. The only thing I hate, which is really unavoidable, is the smoke.

You see, parties aren't parties without the usual smokers... be it the casual or chain smokers. You can't miss them. And wherever you go, it seems to cling to you.

Last Wednesday was a blast. It was nice way to escape the pressures of a senior college student. I went with my friends, of course! And thanks to Rina and aR for letting me take a shower in their dorm. ^_^ Thanks to Abi, Gracie, Kris, Rina and aR again for letting me butt in on their CTK meeting. Kung meron man dun na confidential, nakalimutan ko na lahat yun!

I convoyed with Abi, with Gracie as my patient passenger and went to Pier 1 in Ortigas. Being part of the Promo committee, we helped put up tarps and other materials. After making sure that everything is in place, we went back to the car and dressed up. I donned my "girly" pink sleeveless psychedelic, 2 decades ahead (our party's theme was 50s) blouse, my low-rise, bootleg, button fly Levi's and my 50% off VNC gold wedges, put on some makeup (wow, dalaga na ako! may make up pang nalalaman!) and strutted my stuff (with some pain... I wasn't really used to high heeled shoes).

As expected, the party started late, but it was fun. Iking's band performed first. Then I saw Dino. I never expected him to be there, being busy with UP Law and all. We chatted for a bit outside and he bought me a drink. He started smoking but I didn't mind. I wanted to tolerate smokers, after all. I stayed with him because his batchmates haven't appeared yet. We caught up on stuff until it was my turn to take pictures of the other events.

Luis and Biboy were late, they went to the wrong Pier1... haay naku! At least they were able to get to Ortigas and watched a bit of bands, fashion show and Jake's stand-up comedy. I guess they were really impressed with the beat box duo, Element No. 5. They couldn't stop talking about it even after the party.

I got a surprise that evening too. Hyung sent me an SMS that he was accepted in a US airbase in Korea, where he can do his military service. He told me that there were more benefits/privileges being enlisted in a US airbase in Korea. I called him up and said congratulations! He would leave for Korea on April 10.

After the party, I introduced them to my friends, but I don't think they remembered their names. It was dark and noisy. My teammates, Rach, Chloe, Kim, and Art arrived a minute too late. I introduced them to Luis and Biboy and we decided to go somewhere else.

Well, we ended up in Pier1 at the Fort and ate a bit of food and drank some. Since I was going to drive home, I decided to just have a cocktail. I've decided that my flavor of the season is a cosmopolitan. It's not alcohol-intensive, but really good! We were seated in an airconditioned place but there were people smoking there, including Art. The smoke just went around and clung to us.

Before we knew it, it was already 3am! We went out and chatted some. I think those two guys were disturbed because we were talking about kicking, punching, sparrings and other painful stuff that seemed normal to us taekwondo athletes. The bruises that we have are normal and sometimes, we even consider them battle scars.

I told them I have to go home. I was feeling a bit woozy from the smoke (no, I was not tipsy from the alcohol) and my eyes were a bit watery. Thank God there were no incidents along the way and I got home in about 10 minutes.

I woke up the next day feeling really bad. My throat hurt and my eyes were crying by itself. My body was very heavy and I couldn't breathe normally. I decided to just sleep it away. I woke up by mid-afternoon and the bad feeling would not go away. By then, my throat had become really sore and my voice was raspy. The fact that Leanne was also sick did not relieve me.

Mom told me it was the cigarette smoke. I was allergic to them. Even if I took preventive medicine, my exposure to it should be as minimal as possible. I ended up being sick until Friday. I felt cold that day and my throat just hurts like hell. By afternoon, I felt really heavy and bad that I had to go home. My mom found out I was running a fever and gave me medicine.

Hmm..come to think of it, I've never had a fever since I was in high school.

I had been thinking that if ALL my aftermaths would be like this, then the party should be as worth as the one last Wednesday!!!

Meet Megan

It's a name I got for my newly reformatted laptop. I didn't put a name on it when I got it in my 1st year. A few weeks back, I learned that my laptop/ Megan has 31,000 infected files! A friend of mine told me it's no use even if I hunted all my infected files and deleted them. I did the next best thing: reformat.

It was actually my first time to format my laptop. I'm usually anxious doing those tasks. But now, I needed my laptop, fast, I knew I had to do it on my own.

It was fast actually. Acer had its own recovery and system CD and there were steps to follow so it's really for the common man.

I haven't installed anything yet: MSOffice, Drivers for my mouse and wireless card. I've scanned my old files before putting them back in my hard drive.

I swear, I won't put any P2P program in my laptop anymore. It was Kazaa's fault I got those trojans.

And this'll be an eye opener for me to take care of Megan.

Adeste Fideles

December has come.

It's bringing hope to us Filipinos. That despite the tumoil, the corruption, the pain and the suffering, we refuse to be darkened by our nightmares. Instead, we look beyond the dark. We want to believe that there is a light beyond the nothingness that envelopes us and our country.

That in the end, everything will be alright. It will still be a happy ending. Right?

I feel sad whenever I read the newspapers and watch TV. The leaders we have chosen did not deserve to be there. Not one of the candidates were worth voting for. And we always fall for it. When will we ever learn?

I've been reading Malcolm Gladwell's book and it has been an eye opener for me. The theory of 80/20 is true. 20% of our population are responsible for 80% of what's happening to our country. And everyone is affected. Not everything that they do is for our sake. It's always for their sake. Theirs and theirs alone.

I watched foreign news and I saw a Californian politician resign because of corruption. Here, the ones who have been guilty of corruption deny it with a poker face, infront of hundreds of cameras. And they are proud of it. Here, the ones that resign are the ones who are honest (if ever there is such a word in politics).

But this Yuletide season, the Filipinos would like to turn away from such despair and helplessness and turn to their true savior. We're not asking for much. We want peace and order and happiness. Is it too much to ask?

Another Bleeding

My nose isn't the only one that's bleeding big time.

A few days ago, I was horrified to know that my laptop, my beloved laptop had 31,000 files infected with trojans and worms!!

The HORROR.... THE HORROR...

It was due to my malfunctioning firewall... that eventually passed the virii through Kazaa (which I had uninstalled a long time ago). Eventhough I had my firewall turned on, the indicator on my task bar says that it could not detect my firewall...

I wanted to cry. I couldn't delete all the files. It had to be reformatted. All my programs had to be reinstalled. I couldn't do it...

I'm at a loss.

Reformatting something would be like wiping away the memories and the horror stories I had with my laptop. S/he doesn't have a name, but it's one thing that I could not live without...together with Pagong of course!

I've always kept my laptop by my side, literally.

I guess it'll only be a matter of time before it finally breaks down. I'm trying to back up my important files and pictures.

The First Day I Met Him...

I don't want to say much... I know my friends know about this. This is kinda private so just ask me what happened.

But anyway, the day I met a special someone... I was so overwhelmed and charmed by his smile, body and eyes...

I had a nosebleed. BIG TIME.

If you would know anime, a guy who starts to have a nosebleed would mean he is attracted to a certain girl...or guy, depending on the genre you're interested.

At first, I thought I was catching a cold, but then, when I couldn't sniff it in, it just ran down to my lips. I (accidentally) tasted it and winced at the metallic taste. My sister was surprised as I quickly got tissue paper.

After two Kleenex sheets full of blood, it finally stopped bleeding.

My sister started laughing because she understood the fact that I just met a hottie that day and knocked me off my feet.

Mahalay ka talaga karen.

sulking

Do you know the feeling of someone promising you something that you've been longing for a long time, and then realizing last minute that this something can not be given to you? All along, you have high hopes and suddenly, just like a flash of light, it's gone.

I think to myself, what did I do wrong? I've been really excited about it, waiting and waiting, unable to sleep at nights, unable to concentrate. The disappointing feeling is overwhelming. Something akin to frustration.

It's like asking Santa what gift you'd like to have on Christmas, expecting it will happen because you've been a good child and have done well in school. The excitement and almost certain look is there, but once the wrapper has been taken off, the face falls and the whole holiday is ruined.

And you know the aftermath? You'll be crying and making tantrums until everything goes your way again. And you get this bad feeling when your parents give in. It's as if they were forced to do your bidding, not coming from the heart.

That feeling's worse.

Well, anyway, I'm not ranting just to let a certain someone change its mind.. as if that person knows this website! There was justification...a valid reason, and yet, I just feel sad. I would have done everything in my power naman to keep my promise. Why can't other people do it?

Pilosopa

sabi ni dad...

hindi ako pwede magka-boyfriend hanggang hindi pa natatapos ang pag-aaral...

...so pwede makipag-date?

...so pwede magkaroon ng maraming manliligaw basta walang sasagutin?

...so pwede magka-girlfriend?

...so pwede makipag-relasyon sa kahit ano basta hindi "boy"?

...so pwede sa boy na tumanda na?

...basta hindi boyfriend.

Hay naku, pag nakita ni dad to, papatayin niya ako sa isang saglit... gamit ang mga mata.

Walang kalaban-laban.

Si Lord Talaga...

...kung anu-ano binibigay sa akin. ^__^

Yung gusto ko di naman binibigay nang basta-basta...

Yung di ko naman hinahanap, biglang mahuhulog nalang sa aking mga palad...

Eh, Lord, hindi ko naman po tinatanggi! Masaya ako. ^__^

Last weekend, I attended the Hero TV Launch at the PTTC and cosplayed as Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. I was anxious because not many people know this movie, which was released a few months ago through DVD.

During the registration, we met Jake and Carlo, who were cosplaying as Kakashi and Shino, respectively from Naruto. They were veterans in this field, whereas this was my first cosplay.

Lho and behold, there were 2 guys cosplaying from the same Anime so I was glad I wasn't alone.

My gawd!!! They were so cute! And the costumes they had were rubber/leather, which is really accurate with the actual characters. They were really friendly and fun to be with.

One of them, Luis, was the friendlier of the two, no offense, Mike! ^__^

Until now, Luis and I were sending SMS to each other. He even invited me to his friendster account. I sent him pictures from the event.

Hehe, let's see where this leads to...

sem break mode pa rin

Drove like a maniac today. I was supposed to go to school around 1030 because my registration was 11am. Ginny called me as soon as I exited the village and told me that they were already being checked by regcom.

If I missed my number, I can only register in the afternoon, right after all the other people have signed up and have taken the really good teachers. I drove like hell was chasing me, thankfully avoiding any unfortunate incidents.

I arrived with time to spare and checked schedules with Ginny.

I got almost all the schedules I wanted...except for Philo. I've been meaning to get Fr. Que but he only has one class this semester. I opted to get Mariano, who Sir Gus, my Philo103 teacher, suggested was ok.

I was glad I have blockmates with me in other classes. At least I'm not alone.

After eating lunch...which was really breakfast, Ginny and I headed to Shopwise to buy stuff for the FGD to be used for our thesis. It was very expensive! We bought every type of cereal, milk and toppings available. We didn't buy fruits and ice cream... and we added up to around 2,000 pesos! Sprinkles and pinipig were not available.

Alexis then called us to tell that our real mentor was Lec Sacramento and not Bong Olpoc. Ginny was moping and cursing about it a while ago... hehe, could our CTK could be any harder than this?

reply

got this reply...

Don't be depressed..what's important is that you did your best and gave it your best shot...You still have a long way to go....Also bear in mind that what you have accomplished is something I am proud of..

somehow... I feel relieved... *feels a twitch at the corner of her lips*

*sigh*

I let someone down...

I feel really bad about it. No matter how I try, I'm always an inch from reaching it. My efforts were nothing in the end. The ruthless and countless days spent did not count at all. It was all in vain.

Sometimes, I ask why things like this happen. When you thought everything was going your way... it all comes down, crashing in the end.

The feeling of letting someone down is worse than letting yourself down.

It's like when you fall down very hard. You open your mouth to take a deep breath but no air comes in... then it feels like someone shoved their fist in your stomach and started mashing it in.

I had thought I was so focused and so confident. Such a shame, noh?

I really really hate this feeling. A feeling I've been having lately.

New Hobby!

Being bored out of my mind with doing practically nothing at home (I'm not complaining, really) but eat, sleep, watch anime, bath and the like, I would sometimes feel the need to take out the cobwebs in my brain and start tuning its oil and fix the spark plugs and keep it in tiptop shape for the last grind.

And I found a really nice way to get my mind to work its usual 20% of its capacity....


writing!!!

And not just ordinary writing. I have found a really wonderful and challenging genre to create a world. It's ANGST. It's all about pain, suffering, abuse, depression. Those dark stuff where happy endings (almost)always are death. Doesn't sound like me...ne? Well, it's not me at all. But writing stuff that didn't happen to you would make it worthwhile.

Freaked out? Nah!

Just surf around and you'll see tons of sites full of angsty stories. Some have made me cry...you know, depression to the max. The unfairness and injustice given to the protagonist. A savior that's a second late. Kinda reminds me of Kris' favorite(??) song: Ironic.

And stuff like this really happens all the time, right under our noses. Most of them happen to the most helpless sector of society: children. They have nothing, they are dependent, they are naive and innocent. They know nothing of the cruel and wicked ways of the world. They are gullible at the treat of candy and the ones who are most affected. They are easily broken and difficult to mend. They are condemned in a society of corrupt, powerful and inequality. They are targets ready to be hit over and over again.

Going back, whenever I try to write a few pages or so, there's this gripping and tingly feeling I get. Getting attached to the story and yet making it more painful and more sad. The reality of life, the absurdity of fantasy... the similarity of both worlds. It makes me shiver and cringe.


I must be losing my bananas... ^__^

I Love VoIP!

I'm chatting right now with my best friend who now lives in the US. It's nice to hear her voice again and listen to our woes and joys. Her birthday's in 3 days and I really miss her so much!

My other best friend's in US also and they're planning to meet on December. Gyahh!!! I'm so jealous! Gusto ko rin pumunta sa US!

Miss you guys!!!

Bling Blings!

Dad went home last Saturday afternoon. That morning, I attended a renewal seminar for lectors in Better Living. I was with my mentoresses, Tita Cynthia and Tita Cocoi. We had breakfast in Jollibee before heading to the Parish of Mary Help of Christians.

As expected, it was boring but it gave us some insights on topics such as the Screening Committee and what to do in Responsorial Psalms. Yes, life in the Church can be tedious and active at times. We ate lunch at Max's in SM Bicutan before Tita Cocoi dropped me off in the house.

Mom, Leanne and I picked Dad up. He only had two carry-on luggage so the process for him to get out of the airport was easy. He bought the magazines in Changi, Lime, Teens and Teenage. The cover models were Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe. Harry Potter fever is in the air!

Daniel's hot! Mom says he really changed Although he has an angle that he somewhat resembles Elijah Wood. Haven't read the magazine with Hermione on the cover.

Also, dad bought me a couple of accessories for Kevin. Sale pala sa Apple Center in Wheelock Place so it was really convenient. He got Kevin an iTrip, which can let me play Kevin in any radio frequency, wirelessly! Haha, this'd be so great when I use the car! He also got me a new hard, aluminum case for Kevin. All these were 30% off! Yes!!!! Now I can bang and slam him around while listening to the songs we downloaded in the sound system. Joke!

Good morning, Sunshine!

I woke up early today. I was the commentator for the All Saint's Day mass at 6am, which is a High Mass, fyi! Since there was no choir in this time of the day, I was required to sing all the songs... entrance, alleluia (not Bamboo's tho...sayang), Our Father and the recessional. I wasn't bad. My senior lectors commented my performance and the parish priest said I was very good. What a way to start the day.

I had a long list of anime piled up the past semester that was begging to be watched to I grabbed my steaming mug of chocolate (mom forbade me to drink coffee... turns my teeth brown) and watched Kyou Kara Maou for about an hour before the maid told me that Toby had gone out the gate.

We spent around 20 minutes searching for the dog in the rain. We were glad we learned that one of the guards took him to the office. We got him back, cold, dirty and in one piece.

Dad wanted to see Market!Market! so we're going there after lunch.

Isn't life fun without school for a couple of weeks! Extend vacation! No to EVAT! Death to politicians! Cheers to servant leaders!

Sloppy

I think someone found my dirty little secret I've been keeping all these years... and this someone is not just someone I can just turn away and not see forever.

My fault...completely my fault. I can't clean up after myself when I'm caught in a huge mess and this leaves lots of evidence. If I were in a CSI episode, my episode would have ended in around 10 minutes, including the opening and ending themes.

This someone (call this person: XYZ) isn't letting me know that XYZ knows. Still keeping the same atmosphere as before. But recently, XYZ has been prying, creating unpredicted moves that sometimes knocks me off my feet.

Argh! Bad, bad girl. But you know, this little secret of mine is what keeps me going...kinda help me who I am now. Hey, I don't cut anymore, ok. ^__^ Scars mar my pretty skin.

For Once

I sent an SMS to both the team captains today and wished them luck at the University Games. It's weird to suddenly feel that semestral break is really a break for me. The past three years was nothing but training, competition and more training. It wasn't tedious... but it wasn't a beach party either, at least after the competition.

The past three years, I haven't gone a single trip with my blockmates. The block retreat in Tagaytay... the barkada trip in Baguio. It's either I'm away at a competition or being with dad in Jakarta. Well, you know, since it's going to be my last (collegiate) semestral break , I wanted to spend it with my friends.

We went to Enchanted Kingdom last Thursday. It was fun. Too bad Joan and Jake couldn't make it. Kinda disappointed that I didn't get to ride at least twice on each ride. I never knew I had motion-sickness--fearing friends. And those with speed, height and what-not issues. For me, screaming just takes the fear away. The daredevil in me cries out more! faster! higher!

It's the thrill that makes me shrill. The anticipated loops and downhill force with only gravity to rely on.
The rapids were the most fun because everyone got to enjoy it, despite the damp situation. It was the only ride we rode twice.

Ginny and I tried helplessly to change shirts in Abi's van. The lamp post directly hit the windows and there were people standing outside. Eventually, the others were already nearing the van. In the end, I changed clothes with everyone inside the van.

Being a person who lives in the south, I rarely go to ATC. It's the toll. We'd rather prefer Makati. Kris treated us to dinner. The baked scallops were heavenly. The flavor exploded in my mouth and it was really good.

We spent the night at Kris' place and goofed off before hitting the pillows. aR and I even talked about pridelands and Kris' elopement to the empty lot in front of her house. Gracie, my partner of the sem (classmates everywhere except theo and philo), and I (together with Pagong) shared a bed.

We lounged in Kris' house the next day. aR, Ginny and I went frolicking in the pool. I had almost wished I had gotten a tan.

I got to spend 2 whole days with my friends, and it wasn't in a group meeting.

Sartre's idea of God hinders the Exercise of the Finite yet Necessary Freedom by Human Subjectivity

(Jean-Paul) Sartre gives us this idea that the idea of God encloses us in a finite, and certain system. And this system prevents us from realizing our authentic self. That the idea of God gives us this notion that we are created with a pre-determined disposition in the universe. Because of this, man is believed to have a certain order: a human nature. That each human being supposedly created in God's image and likeness is an example of a universal idea that is Man.

He then argues that if God does not exist, this concept of a human nature is changed. Because man is created first, and then creates his existence, this concept called human is being reinvented. Because of this, Sartre gives us this responsibility that we are not just being human by ourselves but we involve humanity in this as well. There is no God to conceive the idea of human nature.

Therefore, we are given this task to define ourselves. We are given this outrageous freedom. Man is what he conceives and wills himself to be. We are no longer bound to the construct and idea of God. Man comes up and defines what is good and what is evil.

And so Sartre gives us 3 aspects that define human condition. Man involves himself and not only does he choose for himself; he becomes a lawmaker who also chooses for mankind. This anguish gives us a sense that each act done by man, he doesn't make it for himself~ he does it for all humanity.

The fact that God does not exist throws us in a world of abandonment. Like orphans, we are thrusted in a world of unknowns. And that we are alone with no one to help us and save us. The meaning of existence is all about you and no one else. Forlornness condemns us to be free. And that we can't start making excuses for ourselves. We are responsible.

As with despair, we live to confine ourselves with what depends on our wills. We are left in a realm of possibilities with not a single safety harness or a security blanket.

With all of these in mind, we are clear of the obstacle that we call God. A God that is a construct to explain things unknown. The cheap way out in understanding what we can never understand. But we have reached this point in time where man craves that certainty; where man wants the absolute. And suddenly, the idea of God becomes and age-old myth.

Man wants to be his own future. He want to be the captain of his ship. He wants to live in a world where man decides what he is and what others are. He determines the value of this affection, acts on it and then confirms and defines it. He wants to live in a world where he becomes someone. And this someone would not become a reality unless others recognize him as a someone. And being free is searching for your most authentic self. We are released from the shackles of an illusion that is absolute and that this absolute has already written your fate. We become true to our human condition and that our human existence is a life of invention and creativity.

But my dear reader, it is not in the idea of believing or not believing in God that we manifest ourselves as humans having the potential to be his authentic self. In is our own choice if we should believe in God or not. Some people can reach his authentic self through God. Some people feel confined or limited in a system that is created by the construct of God. The God question gets in the way. Man should focus on his own existence and freedom. There is nothing wrong in believing in God or rejecting Him. If doing either makes you a better person, then so be it.

Life is nothing without man to give it a meaning. Values are nothing else but the meaning that you choose. This freedom is nothing unless you live and go out of your safety zone. And this freedom desires both itself and the freedom of others. But freedom does not depend on others- but as soon as there is involvement, we are obliged to want others to have freedom at the same time that we want our own freedom. And given that man is free, and that there is no human nature to depend on, we cannot depend of others who we do not know by relying on human goodness or man's concern for the good of society. We reach our own self in the presence of others just as others are as real to us as our own self.

**Got a B here...ok ba?**

It Starts!

Today marks the official sem break for me. My last orals was Theology, yesterday morning. The whole Sunday afternoon was spent slaving over 11 thesis statements with Iking. We were in Starbucks from 12nn to around 6pm. It was non-stop fawning and injecting ideas, insights on liberation theology, original sin, sinful social structures, prophetic justice and what not.

I think it was all worth it. We both got really nice thesis statements. Nice meant that we have a lot to talk about it and we're both pretty confident we did better than the first orals.

After that murderous semester, I decided I deserve a treat (c/o dad ^__^). I picked up Gracie in her house...

...people in her house are so used to me coming over already that I don't need to call Gracie to let her know I'm outside her house. I literally get out of the car, open the gate myself, drive the car in, close the gate, park the car and just enter her house. Yes, I am the epitomy of being 'at home'.

We then went to Makati where we were supposed to meet the other DP after their defencse in CS176 (Electronic Publishing)

Side note: Our own CS project defense was a disaster! A stupid someone couldn't get the stupid links right. Ok, I'll leave it at that

Gracie and I ended up buying sports clothes because Nike (Gracie bought hers at Puma) was on sale (whoop-dee-doo!) and we promised ourselves that after sem break, we would lose weight and look MORE "desirable". ^__^ It's a nice motivation, don't you think? And we're doing this for ourselves, and no other.

We then found out that we would meet Ginny, Inca, aR, Rina and Abbie a little later because of some problems with their project. I just hope it wasn't as bad as ours... *thinks about it again and cries out in frustration*

I had to leave early because I had to fetch my sister in school. Sayang I wasn't able to eat with them or watch a movie but I told myself marami pang pagkakataon.

I can't decide on what to do first during my "almost" month long hiatus from school.

I've got my books lined up... I haven't even finished Harry Potter! And I have a lot of DVDs that I haven't watched either. hang out with friends I haven't seen in a while.

The fun starts!

Can't wait for Thursday! EK, here we come!

Grow up!

Guys, I need comments here! Kahit sa tagboard nalang. ^__^

Today was my rest day from all the havoc and chaos called college. Next week will be a new battle in the same war I like to call life. I decided to do my nails... *cough*... yes, despite my inclination to combat sports, jeans, rubber shoes and cracking knuckles whenever I see someone I'd love to bash, I am a girl, after all.

I needed help from mom to paint the nails in my left hand because I have ZERO control with my right hand. The color was great! It was a frosted pink kind and it looked really nice! I still can't stop staring at it.

After watching Extra Challenge (Mom really loves that series!), I decided to channel surf and came across HERO channel, the all-anime channel that's still on test broadcast. They were showing Zenki...and the last time I saw Zenki was 10 years ago...when I was in grade 5!

Mom used to prohibit me from watching cartoons before doing homework (but I was grateful in the end that she did), so it pushed me to learn how to work the VCR. Until now, I have about 5 VHS tapes of Zenki.

It made me really happy that I was able to see the anime that got me started with some of my current fashions.

Being 10 years older (and supposedly wiser) did not really make me grow out of watching cartoons. The crushes that I have in real life are my crushes because they resembled my crushes in the cartoon world. I have a teddy bear whom I can not let go, even if it means putting it in the laundry. I even had it with me for my creative pose in the grad pic!

How pathetic can you get? ^__^

Allergies and Bad Timing

Recently, my allergies have been getting worse. I've been getting monster headaches and I can't really study or even see clearly. Finals week is coming up and I really don't want to mess it up.

Despite my allergies to beef and potatoes, it was actually egg that sent me to the hospital...

Ok, that time was also bad. It was requirements week, a week before finals and I was rushed to the hospital. I wasn't able to take the Operations Management finals that day. Thankfully, I knew my teacher's number and was able to tell him. Our paper in that class was nearing the deadline so I asked my mom to bring my laptop to the hospital.

Can you imagine me, with a dextrose stuck in my right hand, and an oxygen tube in my nose (really uncomfortable... feels like I have a booger up my nose and it itches). I occasionally have to breathe through a nebulizer (you breathe into it using your mouth) while typing away, doing our paper on coated-lenses. Sometimes, blood would appear on the tube of the dextrose because I've been stressing my hand because of too much typing. Ok, no more gory scenes.

The nurses were asking me why I have my laptop when I should be resting. I told them school doesn't wait for anyone. We have a deadline and being in the hospital is no excuse. They asked me where I am studying so I told them I'm from Ateneo.

"Ah, high school ka? Hindi naman kabigat yung load namin dati."

I smiled at them warmly and told them I'm already in college.

They didn't seem to understand so they said, "Wow, hindi ka kasi mukhang kolehiyana e."

Yeah, it made my nose itch some more.

So starting today, I've been taking larger doses of antihistamine and bringing painkillers to school. Pain's distracting especially when I'm studying so I'll just hope my liver can cope with morphine-like medicine.

I wish this sem would end sooner.

But then again, it's like speeding up college... which is something I would not want to happen... haha, prolong the agony.

Dust Mites

I've been sneezing the past 3 hours while typing a paper for philo. I think it's my desk... full of God-knows-what for God-knows-how-long.

Hindi naman ako burara. I just have this habit of keeping things even if I don't need them. That's why my desk is a clutter. It may have have gathered the dust and have created their own colony.

If I had been sneezing yesterday afternoon, I would have died. I just suffered from the worst migraine in two months! Laughing made my head bleed inside. I was glad I didn't suffer from coughs and sneezes that time. I knew I didn't eat beef or potatoes for the last couple of weeks. I try to live healthy and eat healthy.

I was a bit cranky to Gracie and was anti-social to people. Talking made my temples throb. My heartfelt apologies.

I could barely keep my eyes open during CS156 class and was writing in dead languages in my notebook. I dreaded that night too because we were going to pull an all-nighter at Jake's house. We needed more proposals for the thesis.

I was a bit glad it didn't hurt that much in the late afternoon. Alexis had painkillers and gave me some. The pain slowly ebbed away.

We were finally got some shut eye around 3AM after watching The Practice.

And here I am, sneezing my a$$ off, doing a paper that I hope will get a B+ or A.

Being with Legends

Last Friday, I went to a symposium in the Case Study Room. It was Greek Week (Philosophy Week) and they were going to talk about Syposium. It was led by none other than the legend of the Philosophy department, Fr. Roque Ferriols, S.J.

He's already 81 this year and he has never stopped teaching Philosophy (in Filipino). I think it just transcends passion. It's already love.

It was he that made me like Philosophy. Yes, he was the teacher who humiliated me in front of the class, threatening me not to take the Final Oral Exams and just get an F in his class. The week before finals, we had a "mock orals". I didn't study for Philo yet because my Theology oral exams would come first. So I absolutely don't know what I was supposed to say... I was in near-tears that time...

And he was the one who made me work harder than ever before and got that friggin A in his orals! And made me love the subject.

He went in with Dr. Garcia and everyone was hush-hush. The atmosphere was tense. Something akin to an overwhelming sensation. I feel reduced. I feel nothing. We all stared at awe at this very old man, wearing a simple button-down shirt, islander slippers and jeans. He looked fragile and was walking with difficulty. But he commanded respect.

He talked about "meron" (note: this is different from "being"). We were all staring at him. The words that came out from his mouth were simple. His structure was simple but it meant so deep. It struck us. It struck me.

Ang kagandahan ay puno ng merong sumisinag. Na siyang lumalampas sa abot-tanaw na meron... and stuff like that!

I even recorded his lecture! And after, I was able have my picture taken with him. I'm the luckiest person! I felt so happy and elated. Like floating, but funnier.

He's really a legend that I admire. He's one of the few professors that I admire, respect and adore!

I'm really glad that I became his student for one whole year. Something that Ateneans treat as a privilege and an honor.

Don't feel safe anymore

A few minutes ago, I was in the dining room, watching CSI: Miami. I then heard Toby, our dog, bark a couple of times. I figured it was one of the guards doing rounds in the village.

A couple of minutes later, I heard him growl. It was strange because it was the first time I heard him growl. It didn't sound cute at all. If you haven't seen our dog, you would have imagined it to be of a larger breed. Anyway, his growl made me feel uneasy.

Dogs have this 6th sense of who's friend and who's fiend right?

I looked back at the window and tried to make something out. Suddenly, the street light went out. I couldn't see anything anymore. What bothered me was that the light inside the house was on and I realized I can be seen from the outside.

Cautiously, I turned off the TV(damn! and they were getting into my fave part: the DNA sampling) and turned off all the lights. I made soft steps and went back to the window. I kept my head low and peered through the blinds. The light in the street lamp was on again. I could hear Toby scruffling about. Still, I really felt uneasy with the situation.

When Toby growled in the direction of the gate, that meant someone was outside right? But if it had to be the guard or the man in-charge of the water rationing, they should have used the doorbell, right? And Toby would've recognized them because they come to the house almost everyday.

At least, I'm glad we have a dog who warns us if there are people or not. But with too much stuff going on around, I really don't feel at ease anymore.

only you

not a lot of people know this song...kinda archaic. mrs. shafer, do you know this song?

i love 80's music... though my philosophy teacher thinks otherwise ^___^ oh well, to each his own!

my heartfelt thanks to inca!

by J. Allejo and P. Hewlett

only you, have the power to move me

and together we'd make the whole world move in sympathy

but i could not see before

only you, have the power to move metake me hold me mold me change me and improve me

it's not funny anymore

there was i, wondering why

everyday disappeared into the distance

now with you, the light is shining through

you gave me life, not just existence

only you (you are the starlight), have the power to move me (we can achieve)

and together we'd make the whole world move in sympathy

only you have the power to move me

there was i, wondering why

everyday disappeared into the distance

now with you, the light is shining through

you gave me life, not just existence

only you, have the power to move me

and together we'll make the whole world move in sympathy

but i could not see before

that only you, have the power to move me

take me, hold me, mold me, change me, and improve me

only you have the power to move me

mistakes in the lyrics are entirely my fault.

to Gracie, Kris, aR, Chax....

... and to my fellow Comtech majors taking up CS165...

It's over! Our nightmares of subnetting, IP addressing and routing tables are over. This nightmare which started from CS30 is finally OVER! We can all bury them to nothingness and move on with our 'less complicated than subnetting' lives.

Sorry, I know we have our own opinions on this and my opinion is that subnetting sucks big time! I guess thay's why there's an option in windows where you can just AUTOMATICALLY DETECT IP address. Major duh!

I'm really glad that the worst part of Network and Data Communications is over... and I hope it stays that way! ^__^

I know that I freely took the CS track, without really knowing what I'm getting myself into. And I'm really lucky and happy to have people like you to keep me sane during the chaos I call academics.

The feeling I had a while ago before the Long Exam was the same feeling I had before taking the Accounting, Finance and Calculus long exams...

I felt like the ULTIMATE MAMARU of them all! Nagmamarunong sa ganitong problem... na tama ang aking IP addressing scheme.

AR, I know what your sentiments are and I understand why you want to kill those people you mentioned after the exam... if you need help, I'm willing to help you with the 2nd someone. Please help yourself to the first since you're close! ^__^

Gracie, contrary to what you were saying about me knowing those IP addressing stuff all along... I didn't talaga!!! Super-uber mamaru to the max! Tubig at langis kami ng binary at octets!

Kris, alam kong kalahati ka pa lang sa kalbaryo mo this week. Sucks to be you, pare! Pero goodluck talaga! I'll be cheering you on! If you need a smile, a hug, a sundae cone from McDo, pakalat-kalat lang ako sa gilid.

I'm also looking forward to the Ateneo-LaSalle game tomorrow. I'm gonna watch it with Gracie in her house. We're gonna do the leader profile na rin so we can pass it on friday. I swear, nakatira na ako sa bahay nila! I've been there at least once for the past few weeks! Dana and Elisse are kinda used to being with me around. hehe! Sobrang hiya na ako kay Tita Mirla.

Anyway, I hope Ateneo creams LaSalle tomorrow! hehe, I've become a die-hard Atenean. Consensual brain-washing. We wanna win!!!

My Bed is my Work Area

Recently, I haven't paid much attention to my study table. And right now, I can't really see it. Must be somewhere under the pile of books, handouts, papers and what-have-you. Right now, I'm typing in my laptop from my bed.

Yes, my laptop has been residing in my bed since I moved back in the house. Even in the condo, I occasionally use my laptop as my pillow. Our house has a router so I can connect to the internet, blog, surf and send email from the bed. Ah, yes, the power of wireless connections...

... and IP routing...

...with subnetting...

Man, I have to stop this. I've been preparing for my CS156 exams on Wednesday and majority of it would come from subnetting and IP routing... sheesh! Binary, Decimal, Hexadecimal... I think hiring a computer technician would cost me but it would save me from headaches and connection troubles.

Anyway, back to my bed...*ahem*

It's getting crowded in here too. I have notebooks and textbooks here... I type when I try to study. Muscle memory has always been effective for me. Typing or writing, doesn't matter.

Plus, I've got pagong here to keep me company. ^_^

Trivia--> I also took Pagong with me to my gradpic photo shoot. We're both going to be timeless!

Other people: *groan*

Anyway, that's my life as of now... boring! As I told my dad last Sunday, the only thing exciting in my life right now is cramming for a test or paper.

Can you be more pathetic than this???

More people: *groan*

The Calm Before the Storm

I knew it! Last week for me was just la-la-lah.... there wasn't much to do and at least I was able to catch up on reading Harry Potter. But then, reading Kris' blog, I then began to realize what a hell week this is going to be...

I don't even want to start listing them... it would be too painful to read in my blog... kaya Kris, "I shake you warmly by the hand" (c/o Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

No wonder I was just slacking off the week before.... haaay.. it was good while it lasted.

I'm hoping I would survive the next few weeks as we all scamper toward deadlines and the nearing finals week in October...

I need a break!

Ecstatic

I just got back my 2nd long exam in Philo. Man, was I so surprised! And happy! I got a B+. I'm so proud of myself. I really studied and put a lot of effort preparing for those exams. So, getting this grade is already nice.

I wanted to keep this short. Maybe I'll put my essay here... maybe not... maybe somewhere else. Dunno. hehe.

Just found out I had this propensity towards philosophy. Maybe because I had a really good mentor when I started philosophising and discerning. =) Fr. Ferriols is already a legend in school. He's already 80 years old and yet his passion for Philosophy is ageless. He is one of the foundations of philosophy in Ateneo. "Meron" doesn't equate to being. It is much more deeper. It gives you a glimpse of something but you can never fully grasp it. You can never contain it in a system. It it unexplainable, yet it makes sense.

Am I making sense?

Man, I really love Philosophy! I was wishing I had taken it as a Minor...

But if I did that, I might not graduate on time. I already have my Japanese Studies Minor and am currently taking my IT minor...

No, I am not a nerd. I enjoy these subjects and fields of study.

No, I am not a masochist.

Yes, I have friends and a social life.

Relationships and sex will come later in life... as dad decreed on the day I was born.

Bratinella Extraordinaire

Yes, I am a self-confessed brat. I want to always get what I want... Whatever means? Not really. Most of the time, charm works for me.

Yesterday, I got so mad because my mom and I were supposed to go out and watch a movie the next day. She then said that she has to do something with her brother. When I heard it, I didn't say anything. Being the tactless person that I am, I tried not to make a scene and just accept the fact that we weren't going out the next day.

Damn!!! I really was looking forward to our lakwa. So much so that I even studied for my Tuesday class the day before. And I even made friggin notes!

Anyway, my silent treatment didn't go well as I planned. Nagdabog ako nang parang bata. I banged on doors. I had this serious, looks-like-dad-when-he-wants-to-strangle-someone-but-he-can't-and-he's-pissed look. And although I knew what was going on, I never stopped. It felt like it was the right thing to do. It was injustice for me.

Am I not important enough that I just get shunned away at the thought of another plan that happened to chance their way? I wanted to have the time to bond with my mom, not just go to the mall and watch movies. To me, it had meant so much. I guess to her, it was just a way to waste money... I don't know. I hope otherwise. Nah, hindi naman siya ganun.

As the night went on, I could not contain my rage at the sight of "injustice" to me. I told her that she needs to respect me enough to keep her promise to me... Regardless of the kind of promise... Unless it's an emergency (life and death... No other options besides my mom being and needed there). At that time, I admitted to mysef that our trip to the movies would be as slim as those super thin carcasses walking down the runway. I just wanted to make her feel that she should also keep her promise, to whoever she makes them to. And that next time, she should think about her other plans before accepting another.

Well in the end, she told me that we were going to the movies. The guilt-trip had worked. But not to my liking. Besides, after something like that, I doubt we would be able to enjoy the movie.

We were kinda cold to each other at first then began to warm up. Then we were having a conversation the same way as before.

Somehow, even if I got what I wanted, I still felt bad because I got mine and she was forced to cancel the other promise. And now that I'm sober, I ask myself, "What the hell's wrong with me?" Looking back, I had acted immaturely. I defended myself from myself and said that it's all because I was stressed. 24 hours is NOT enough. I need more!

And because my mom gave in, despite that it wasn't the best thing to do, I loved her more.

Revelations

This weekend, my childhood friend called me. He confessed that he liked me... that he has a crush on me. OMG!!! We've known each other before we had any reason. He's my cousin's cousin... sort of a cousin-in-law. Our dads were best friends in college.

That time, I asked him why he liked me. Then he said I was mabait and maganda. I then said to myself, ha! matagal na noh! hehehe... Well, in reality, I just said thank you. Well, what else could I say?

I've been sort of anticipated this. I mean, what kind of guy goes out of his way, spending money twice as much and missing a day in the office just to have brunch with you? And what kind of guy sends you 10 text messages everyday? I think I would be a fool if I don't get his non-verbal intent.

Boyfriends are still out of the question. My life is already a tangled mess with school and I don't need another burden. But he didn't say he would court me... or is courting something done without the consent of the girl? You know, just doing your thing until the girl falls for you.

Well, his point was just to tell me that he likes me (he was babbling and shaking the whole time din daw). And my point... I'm very much flattered. I'm glad there are guys who appreciate my beauty (*haha, narcissistic bitch!*) Yun lang!

What a weekend!

LOSER

I couldn't believe it!!! After just 4 months of being with my beloved Kevin, I could feel something going wrong with him. Just last week, after I charged him and went to sleep, the battery went dead the next morning. It couldn't have been turned on accidentally because I always push the Lock tab. It's been giving me signals of connecting him to the power source before completely dying...

....waaaahhhhh......

There's something wrong with his battery. I charged him for four hours at a time, just like the manual said. But his battery's draining itself in copious amounts even when not in use. I'm so torn. Does this mean I have to replace him again? With the warranty and all...

I remember the other times my gadgets had gone bonkers... and I'm just glad they're all within warranty..

1. The Toshiba laptop I got at the start of college--- three months and it just crashed on me. Repairs and changed parts could not keep it together. Just had it refunded and bought an Acer instead.

2. The router I bought for wireless and simultaneous internet connection--- within six months, it wouldn't work and we could not connect to the internet... had it changed.

3. My Palm Tungsten T3--- crashed and could not operate anymore. No, it's not the battery. Had it shipped back to Singapore and changed it with another T3.

4. My Sony Ericsson K700i--- I could not send messages from my network, even if it was an open line. Had to change it.

5. iPod Mini (Kevin)--- battery's gone nuts... draining itself even when not in use. Must have it looked and changed

I've been a big-time loser when it comes to purchasing gadgets. I always get the factory defect. But in a way, I'm really glad that they decide to kill themselves within the warranty. Other times, I let dad or mom buy the item for me. It sounded much safer and they have better luck at NOT finding dysfunctional merchandise.

Asar-Talo

There's this guy that's been bugging me for the longest time. I know him since we were little. And recently, we've been in constant communication. Emphasis on CONSTANT!

And now, I feel really irritated that he sends me around 10 SMS everyday! He keeps on rambling about his life...

...that he's about to go to work and that he doesn't want to...

...that he's in the office now and made it just in time...

...that he's bored in the office...

...that he's playing hooky...

...that he's hungry...

...that it's finally break time...

...that his break time's over and he has to go back...

As in every single detail of his whole damn life he tells me! And I could care less. I don't reply to his messages, trying to give him a hint to stop it because I'm not interested in his life. Ok, I'm being a bitch here but I'm already stressed out and busy with my own life that I don't need to fuss on another's.

He's a good friend and all but he's too assertive. I don't know how to deal with it coz I'm really bad at sugar-coating words or using euphemisms... because I really don't do that. My tactless ability has cost me a lot in my younger, immature years. Now that I'm 20, I think I should start acting and thinking like a 20 year old.

What I did was that I ignored him. I always said I'm busy (it's kinda true naman...). I guess he didn't get the point. He sent messages like crazy and my inbox actually flooded with his name everywhere!!

Men... why can't they read signs? They can't figure it out unless you tell them directly. And when you tell them, they get mad at you because you were being heartless and harsh and that they get hurt too.

I don't need another complication in my already stressed life. It seems that everyday, it gets harder and harder to smile genuinely. I try not to be plastic, just show my real self. But sometimes, it's when I smile that I'm actually asking, begging for help. That people should go beyond the facade... which, I admit, is hard to do. One teacher in high school told me something I'll never forget:

Please listen to what I'm not saying

It's been so long

After going AWOL from the blogging habit in around three weeks, I've had tons of stories that will last me... this week's post.

!!!!!

This Tuesday, Mom, Pat and I went to the Makati city hall to get back our driver's licenses. Lho and behold, my brother and I were caught in Makati for ignoring traffic markings and traffic signs, respectively. Si Patrick, "stepping the line" daw. I didn't see the NO 'friggin' U-TURN sign which was "strategically" placed where you've already realized you violated it.
It was around 8am when they opened. Many people (actually, they were all guys... ako lang yung pasaway na babae) came to get their licenses. Our penalties were both Php500 so Mom'll just take it out on next month's allowance...*sigh* While we were lining up, I felt like I was in the Hall-of-Shame. The guy inside kept calling me Magbanga... and I kept correcting him but he wouldn't listen. Stupid man! Mas marunong ka pa sa akin, buong buhay kong dinala yang pangalan na yan.

Anyway, I committed that foul crime the Friday before. It was Quezon city day so we had no classes. We went to Globe's career talk and then decided to watch a movie with Gracie and Iking. I decided to park first in Makati then take the MRT to Shaw Station. I was caught by this sneering and leering pervert. I felt so dishearted then and wanted to go home but then decided against it.

While waiting for their sundo @ Dome

I met up with Gracie, Iking, Dana and Elise and watched Bewitched. It was great. For a moment, it kept my mind of my stupid traffic violation. We then went around and looked at stuff until Gracie, Dana and Elise's car was there. Iking and I then parted ways in the MRT--> he was northbound, I was southbound

When I got home, I told mom about it. She said she was also caught but talked her way out of it. By the way, that place used to allow U-Turns until that week.

I just can't believe that I already have a traffic violation. My record is tainted... damn police and their 'entrapments'! Why can't they put the sign BEFORE the stupid intersection? Noooo... they just had to put it after you made the stupid U-Turn!

Pagsasalu-salo

Noong isang linggo, nagyaya si aR na mag-overnight sa Binangonan upang mag-celebrate ng kanyang ika-21 Founding Day. Natuwa naman ako na maraming sumama. Yung mga hindi nakapunta, hindi ko na talaga mapilit... kasi si Inca may immersion at si Joan, may family affair.

Sumabay kami ni Iking sa van ni Gracie. Kasama si Dana, Mang Domeng at si Tita Merla. Medyo nawala pero nakaraos din.

Masaya ang naging pakiramdam ng lahat kahit umuulan. Magtatampisaw sa swimming pool lang naman kaya hindi abala sa amin ang mabasa ng ulan. May videoke rin na inubos namin ang lahat ng 5-peso coins para lang maka-birit at maka-sayaw. May mga nag-laro ng poker c/o Dugong. Nakakain din ako ng itik ng unang beses. Di ko talaga kayang kainin ang gizzard kahit anong mangyari.

Of course, hindi nawala ang video taking at picture taking. Pero doon ko nalang ilalagay sa aking photo album. Kung gusto ninyo, doon ko nilagay ang lahat ng litrato ko. Hanapin ninyo ang Lake Villa na album sa http://yenie.multiply.com/photos. Kung indi gumana ang link na ito, meron sa gilid.

Sayang nga lang at umuwi kaagad sina Karlo, Rob at Chax. Kelangan na daw kasi nila umuwi.

Tumambay at naglasingan kami sa mga pambahay/pantulog namin. Terno pa nga sina Rina at Ginny. Maraming nabangag. Hindi ako kasali dun kasi nailabas ko na yung alcohol bago ako nalasing. May mga umiyak, may mga mala-teleserye ang mga buhay... iwan ko na lang na ganun.

Nag-biritan kami sa mikropono. Yung mga ibang bisita nga e... feel ko umalis dahil sa sobrang ingay namin. Mas masaya pala maglabas ng sama ng loob sa pagkanta! Hindi ko alam. Ang ginagawa ko kasi dati, naninipa ako... basta, violent. Napaos na nga ako e!

Sa tingin ko, mas masaya nung simula kaming sumayaw nina Jake, Gracie, Tiff, Archie, Ritz at minsan si Iking. Natuto akong sumayaw ng Justing Timberlake, Vhong Navarro, Cha-cha at Swing. Na-inspire tuloy ako matuto mag-dance lessons. Masaya pala ang jazz at hip hop dance. Wala lang.

Natapos na nga lang kami sumayaw nang wala na kaming 5-peso coins na kinakain ng videoke machine.

Mga dalawang oras lang ang tulog ko. Sa sleeping bag ako natulog kasi wala nang space. Ok lang, parang cowboy.

Nung umaga, nag-ikot kami kasama sina Gracie, Iking at Archie. Wala lang. wala nang magawa e. Uhaw na nga rin kami kasi medyo naubusan kami ng tubig nung gabi.

Nakatulog ulit ako hanggang sa sinundo na kami ni Mang Domeng. Sumama sina Archie, Ritz at Rina.

Dapat nga, susunduin ako ni Mom sa bahay ni Gracie kaya lang hindi kami makapasok. Wala yung susi sa dapat niyang kinalalagyan. Dahil sa Megamall ang pamilya niya, sinabihan ko na lang si mom na sunduin ako sa Megamall. Ayos naman ang lahat.

Naisip ko lang na sa tagal na panahon kaming nagsa-sama, napansin ko nah indi ko pa pala lubusang kilala ang mga taong tinatawag kong barkada. Alam ko namang lahat ng tao, may mga bagay-bagay na tinatago (meron din akong mga ganuan). Simula pa lamang, hindi ako sumasama sa mga outings at gimiks ng block at barkada pag bakasyon. Palagi ko kasi kasama pamilya ko sa Jakarta.

Ngayon, naisip ko naman na ang taong ito ay ibigay ko sa aking mga kaibigan. Huling taon na namin sa kolehiyo. Nasa isang paaralan lamang kami ngunit ang hirap hagilapin. Pano na lamang kung nag-ttrabaho na kami at may sariling pamilya??? Pahirapan talaga.

Gusto ko sana sa lahat ng pagkakataon, makapiling ko ang aking mga naging kaibigan sa kolehiyo. At gagawin ko iyon!

Going to Prison

I went to school today to have our orientation for our immersion.

We're going to New Bilibid Prison in Muntinlupa. Yehey...

I'm not that excited to go there. I mean, I can live the rest of my life without going there. But it's all part of the theological reflections on our experiences, which, after a deep and thorough analysis, we would be able to come up with reflective actions and make our lives meaningful.

We were to be 'adopted' for three days by families of inmates or the 'bagong laya'.

Kuya Bob gave us policies and instructions when we get there. We'll be visiting the Medium and Maximum security prison cells.

Well, I'm not really inspired to post something. It's just rants I was able to squeeze from the depths of mind.

I'll write more when I'm inspired.

Wooing her Mother

Today, I went out with Kim and Paolo. At first, we were supposed to meet and watch a movie in Greenhills... but then I had money issues.

I went out without money! *gasp* Because at the back of my head, I knew there were a lot of ATM machines ready to puke money. And then suddenly, BPI thought it would be nice to put ALL of their ATM machines in Greenhills in offline mode.

Eh di siyempre wala akong pera! This crippled the group and we resorted to just hanging out in Makati.

One of the perks in Makati was that there are TONS of ATM machines. Thank God those corrupt Ayalas decided to keep their customers happy by giving them money first and then giving it to the Ayalas when they buy.

Another was that we were able to watch Fantastic Four~~ walang ganyan sa Greenhills!

But besides that, I reminisced with Kim about the 'good ol days'... I mean for godssakes, I've known her since GRADE 'freaking' ONE! And then I kept mentioning to her how her mother would always be anxious whenever I'd ask Kim to go out with me. And then sleepovers were murder. Hell, it was bloodshed!

Whenever I had convinced Kim's mom to let Kim sleep at our home, I would give myself a nice pat in the back~~ ok, so this only happened once. But give me credit!

I spent the entire two weeks asking her mom on the phone, in school, everywhere to let Kim stay at our place and assure her that it's not a hassle for us.

While eating early dinner, I asked Kim if I had successfully wooed her mom into believing that I can be trusted and not a bad influence to her daughter. Kim had said that it would probably be around high school to college.

Man! Her mom is tough to court! I spent almost a decade doing that! But now I'm glad that the mom of my best friend believes that I can be trusted! Grabe talaga, kakaiba!

But you know, I really love my best friend and would do anything for her.
...
...
...
Ok, now I'm sounding weird,,, which brings me back to those days when I'd hang out at her place during summer and borrow notes for Japanese classes.

Her maid once mentioned that if I were a guy, Kim and I would probably be together or something.

Now what kind of **** is that?! Must've hit her head one too many times on the cupboards, eh?

Isn't that what best friends are supposed to be? Hanging out all the time? Especially now that we're not school mates anymore and we don't have enough opportunities to meet and have fun.

Screamer

Since time immemorial, I've been known to have a very short temper. No matter how I try to be calm and tell myself to count to 10, I guess I need more than that to keep my fuse from blowing.

Yesterday, I was supposed to pick my sister from school in Makati. Syempre, galing pa akong Quezon city. Her dismissal was 4pm but I had a meeting with my groupmates in LS. I ended up leaving school around 345pm and since there was a storm, traffic was heavy in EDSA. I couldn't concentrate on my driving because she kept on texting me. Takte! I'm driving here!

Long story short, I was able to arrive at 5pm. She was standing under the tree in the stupid rain. Ano ba yan?! Umuulan na nga, dun pa pumuwesto. Ewan!

And then she kept blaming me for not picking her up. Ang kulit talaga. I tried to be quiet, to remain calm. Para namang naglamiyerda ako kung saan saan at nakalimutan ko siya sunduin. I kept telling her that I also have my own priorities. I'm studying too, you know!

And then mom called her phone and told her in a very bitchy way that we were on our way home. I had it, I lost my temper and screamed at her. And I couldn't stop shouting in the car. It was raining outside but I didn't care. I was almost flooring the accelerator but I didn't give a damn. I then blamed her that she only wanted to go home just so she could watch her stupid cartoons. Yes, my logical reasoning had flown from me. She said she had to study for a long exam.

Tch! Exam my ass! She's the laziest person when it comes to studying.

Anyway, that's what happened. I felt bad for screaming at her, but she's so self-centered and doesn't care if anyone's hassled as long as her needs and wants are met.

Darn her.

Childhood

Yesterday, I bought VCDs of Aladdin and Altantis. I watched them this afternoon and I could not shake the feeling of being young again. Cartoons are the best! I don't think I outgrew them. I wanted to go back to Makati and buy Hercules, The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty. I'm on Disney fest mode.

Looking back, my childhood was a very good era. Despite the tantrums, locking people outside the house, throwing the vegetables from the crisper to the floor, being locked in the closer, eating wanton noodles at Luk Yuen, hugging Pagong while sucking an a bottle of milk (or Coke!), peeing on me whenever dad glared at me.... life was good.

I didn't need boys to make my life happy! I just needed me and a wild imagination to have fun.

No, I'm not bitter. I think I can let go of this once and for all. Jem said love never disappears, it's just transferred to another person. Haay, even Science can explain love. It's like matter, it can never be destroyed or created... ok, I'll shut up now.

This love, I can give to my dog, my parents, my siblings, my friends. I think that's better, right? Rather than pouring it on one person, not knowing if that person will love you back that intensely. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I'm still afraid of getting hurt. So I'll just spread my love to the people closest to me!

I think that's a good idea... I can feel myself smiling now.

The Art of Not Letting Go

I finally spent a morning alone with Hyung. We had a lot of things to catch up on. I told him about my Japanese scholarship after graduation and he told me about his military training in Korea (South Korea to ha!). He also wanted to be part of the American base in Korea because they have more benefits there.

I told him about my pet puppy... he loves dogs. He even gave me tips on how to raise him.

We talked about his English, Tagalog, Korean and Japanese skills... all of which... he sadly admitted, he's not fluent at. But he's best in English.

We talked about our sports. How I quit taekwondo to focus on my studies. How he is the team captain of his beloved table tennis team. And he's a full scholar in Ateneo. Galing talaga niya! While we were still in high school, I was so proud of him. He beat up all the really good players.

We talked about Jem... Orland... Kim... James... Jeffrey... our high school friends and acquaintances.

Basically, we reminisced the good old days.

And then, I just had to ask him.

And to my horror, he said he was already over it. I wanted to die and cry in front of him. But instead, I gave him a tight smile and said I was happy for him. It's true that I'm happy because he's happy.

He asked me if I was over it.

Me, the tactless girl who started all of this, was not yet over him after four years. Yes, I had been bitter, depressed and everything in between. So sue me... if I had the power to make this feeling go away, I would have. I would have put it all behind me.

I felt honest with him and told him truthfully with a small shake of my head. There was uncomfortable silence.

He then asked me if there was someone in school I fancied. I shook my head again. Those guys I gush on are nothing compared to him. I wasn't really interested in looking for a guy. Because they were nothing compared to Hyung. They could have been more good-looking, more athletic, more intelligent... they could be Mr. Perfect but they can't be my Mr. Right.

Then suddenly, the longer I was with him, the stronger the realization that we could probably never get back together. He has his own life. He has his own path to take, I have my own. Our paths are very different. Like parallel lines. Even though we can be close, we can never really meet no matter how far you stretch the lines.

I guess that's all we'll ever going to be.

And I guess I have to start letting go.

Slowly

Painfully

Sadly

And that day will come... in time

On all these issues...

I've stopped using Kevin (as baptized by aR and Krish) on the Revo and have switched to AM stations. Our country's now in a turmoil of political, economical and socio-cultural conflicts.

I want to shout my two cents on the issue.

I'm getting tired of people doing the EDSA whenever they are not satisfied with the administration. They enjoy democracy so much that they can just gather in one place and tell the president to step down. It's so used and abused time and again that it's lost its meaning and value.

Don't they know that even if we are a democratic and a republic country, we still have the constitution to follow??? We have our laws that govern us. We cannot just be above the law and do whatever we want. Freedom that is absolute is chaos. Look what's happening now.

And no, I don't believe in asking the president to resign. Sure, she's not all good... but so are all the other politicians! I don't believe that a politician is honest. Politics is rough, dirty and shameless. They've had their fair share of OUR taxes. Also, if she's going to resign, who's going to replace her? I don't think anybody's capable of handling our country right now.

Susan Roces???---dear God, no!
Erap???--- I should have my passport ready

Looking at all the rallies that has happened, e puro masa naman nakikita ko! Mga bayaran lang ang mga yan. I don't think any decent worker would waste a day's wages--low as it already is-- and spend time rallying.

I believe in Due Process, not rallies, revolutions and de facto governments. That's more suited for dictators and totalitarians. The president is still doing something good for the country.

This is all a conspiracy. The opposition can never be united because they all have personal intentions. Jinggoy says it's karma because of what happened to his father. Excuse me Jinggoy, wala namang ginawa yang tatay mo kundi mambabae at gumawa ng mga 'Boracay' sa bahay niya. Pirma lang siya ng pirma ng mga dokumento na hindi naman binabasa, basta may kickback lang siya. Tingnan mo nangyari sa NAIA 3!

Susan Roces brings back the issue of FPJ+ and the elections. Please Susan, everybody cheats in the elections! Sino bang hinde?!?!

Naisip ko, ayoko na magkaroon ng pangulong artista. Walang napapala sa atin. Yung mga mahihirap kasi, walang alam sa pulitika. Hindi naman nila alam ang mga economic reform, foreign debts, international trade policies. Iboboto nila ang kilala nila. Wala kasing pinag-aralan. Kaya mga kapwa walang pinag-aralan, ilalagay nila sa pwesto.

Why can't we all just unite as one to fight more important issues in our country? The peso is declining... our debt's are getting higher... the poor are getting poorer... shouldn't we focus on that? What we're doing right now is making things worse.

Mahirap din naman trabaho ni Gloria. She has to clean up the mess the former president left behind. You can't beat that! Sige nga, maghanap ka ng taong makagagawa niyan!

There is no one to help the Philippines but the the Filipinos themselves. But we're in a state of turmoil so we have to help ourselves first. Shouldn't we go back to our constitution? I learned that we're the only constitution in the whole wide world who has LOVE in it, particularly the preamble. Why can't we be the examples of a peace-loving country?

My Philosophy teacher was right. If this continues further, prepare your passports!

These Dreams

Recently, I've been having dreams that somehow give a glance at my future. And no, I'm not a clairvoyant... though I wish I am so I'll know what problems will appear in my math and finance tests and answer them before the actual test.

I don't really know if dreams are just effects of my overactive imagination or there's more to that. Sayang! Kung merong elective about Dream Interpretation, kukunin ko yun!

During 3rd years, I took Th131 under Fr. Dacs. His oral exams were really stressful and had always put me to tears. I had a dream right before the 2nd orals that I got thesis statement number 5 in the orals. I signed up for an early morning schedule in the orals so I woke up early in the morning for last minute reviews and a flow for my orals. Since I had that weird dream, I decided to study more on the number 5 statement.

It was still early in the morning when I started walking towards the Theology department, still going through my outlines. When it was my turn, lho and behold, I was asked to explain number 5! Thank God I decided to review on it more.

Another time was when I took the exams for the Japanese Government Scholarships (Mombukagakusho). We took it last June 24 and the results will be annonced the next week. The waiting time was the most different. I couldn't sleep and couldn't concentrate on my studies. Then I had this dream that I passed. When I woke up, I wasn't relieved at all. I decided not to tell anyone about the dream because I remember my grandmother telling me that if I told anyone my dream, the dream wouldn't come true. I'm not superstitious but it won't hurt following her advice.

I called the embassy Wednesday afternoon and was so elated that I was one of the 16 people who passed the exams in the Luzon area. Meron pa sa Cebu and Davao. The week after that, I was supposed to have a personal interview before the embassy ranks us and sends the list to the Ministry of Education in Japan.

Well, anyway, I decided to post this because I had this dream last night. But I won't tell it... baka maudlot.

Waste of Time

ABC's...

A - Age: -18...2 years ago!
B - Best quality: -I'm not a defective unit, that's for sure!
C - Choice of meat: -I like my men lean!... I hate beef
D- agh skip D!
E - Ex (most recent): -most recent?!? I've got one beau
F - Favorite food: -is this a trick question?
G - Greatest accomplishment: -my grades and a black belt... shallow me
H - Happiest day of your life: -the day I met Pagong
I - Internal conflicts: this is kinda hard... love for parents vs. love for other "people"
K - Kool-Aid: - so what about it? I liked the frozen ones... the ones we buy at Duty Free
L - Love: -*points at friends, family, pagong and him*
M - Most valued thing I own: -Pagong
N - Name: -Karen
O - Outfit you love: -something that fits and feels comfy
P - Pizza toppings: -no beef
Q - Question you want to ask:- Why is it that when girls fool around, they're called sluts and guys aren't?
S - Sport to watch: -Taekwondo competition and tennis matches
T - Television show: -Reality shows and sitcoms... some anime are nice
U - Unique habit: -Sleeping with a bear that doesn't look like a bear anymore and hasn't taken a bath since I was in grade 4...and I'm graduating college this year.
V - Vanity, yes or no?: -simple is beautiful
W - Winter: -haven't experienced it
Y - Year born: -1985
Z - Zodiac Sign: -Capricorn

HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Kissed your cousin: -not that I know of
2. Ran away: -when I was in grade 1, I intentionally missed the school bus so I wouldn't go home.
3. Pictured your crush naked: -*blushes*... ummm... no... o-of course not!... h-how c-c-can you...s-s-say that?!?
4. Actually seen your crush naked: -uhhh....
5. Broken someone's heart: -I was a heartbreaker in high school...
6. Been in love: -definitely
7. Cried when someone died: -yes. I cry when I see other people cry
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: -Yes... right now...
9. Broken a bone: -Yep! I'm a naughty girl
10. Drank alcohol: -*grins lopsidedly*
11. Lied: -to protect my hide
12. Cried in school: -Who didn't??? Wouldn't let go of my mom and dad during my first day

WHICH IS BETTER...
13. Coke or Pepsi: -I grew up with Coke on my baby bottle
14. Sprite or 7up: -Can't taste the difference
15. Girls or guys: -Oh, gawd!
16. Flowers or candy: -Candy
17. Scruff or clean: -Clean
18. Quiet or loud: -Yeah, I like 'em loud!
19. Blondes or brunettes: -does it matter?
20. Bitchy or slutty: -you talking about me??? I can be either if I want
21. Tall or short: -I'm relatively tall!
22. Pants or shorts: -You got both of 'em in leather?

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX...
23. What do you notice first: -Eyes...
24. Last person you slow danced with: -him
25. Trust the most: - I trust myself the most

THE LAST TIME YOU...
26. Showered: -This morning...then the damn dog ran out... then we had to run 10 blocks to catch the monster.
27. Had a deep conversation: -...duh...
28. Had a great time with the opposite sex: -yesterday

WHAT IS...
29. Your good luck charm: - the silver bracelet I bought in Yogyakarta about 9 years ago.
30. Person you hate most: -You don't want to know... but I'm on to them

FAVORITES...
31. Slumber party game: - strip poker?
32. Color: -green... but lately I've been convinced blue is nicer
33. Movie: -Pirates of the Caribbean is still a hit for me... I love you Johnny!
34. Book: -a lot
35. Subject in school: -Except accounting and finance
36. Juice: -not durian juice... *gags*
37. Car: -sports car... but it doesn't belong in this part of the world
38. Ice cream: -macadamia brittle
39. Holiday: -any is fine as long as there are no classes
40. Season: -rainy is better than the friggin heat!
41. Breakfast food: -fruits?
42. Place to go with your honey: -do you mean the honey food? or the honey-guy? I'm confused

WHO...
43. Makes you laugh the most: -my friends
44. Makes you smile: -the one who can make me cry too
45. Gives you a funny feeling when you see them: -my infatuations
46. Has a crush on you: -I have no idea
47. Do you have a crush on: -... no comment...
48. Can make you feel better no matter what: -Pagong
49. Has it easier- guys or girls: -I feel bad for anyone in a dungeon.

DO YOU EVER...
50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: -not all the time
51. Save AIM conversations: -sometimes
52. Save e-mails: -sometimes
53. Wish you were someone else: -I'd rather not let anybody experience my life so I'm keeping it, thank you very much
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: -yes I did! Then getting laid wouldn't be such a hassle
55. Cried because of someone's mean words: -WOrds hurt more than sticks and stones
56. Cologne: -...
57. Perfume: -Estee Lauder Exotic and Clinique Happy Heart
58. Kiss: -I'm not telling
59. Romantic memory: I have yet to make one
60. Most recent advice given to you: Give it your all.

HAVE YOU...
61. Fallen for your friend?: -Actually, I made friends with him coz I liked him.
62. Made out with JUST a friend?: -ok... I've got some technicalities here.
63. Been rejected?: -no...
64. Been in love?: -definitely
65. Been in lust?: -haven't been in heat that much to rape someone
66. Used someone?: -to buy me food and stuff
67. Been used?: -group reports in high school. I was worn out.
68. Cheated on someone? -NEVER!
69. Been cheated on?: -I hope not! Or he'll get a knuckle sandwich
70. Been kissed?: -I try....
71. Done something you regret?: -yes

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
72. You touched?: -touch??? as in???
73. You talked to?: -my sister
74. You hugged?: -My dad, he just left for Jakarta a while ago
75. you instant messaged?: -a friend
76. You kissed?: -... i'm not talking
77. You had sex with?: -ahahaha
78. You yelled at?: - my dog
79. You laughed with?: can't remember
80. Who broke your heart?: I broke my own heart... yeah, stupid me
81. Who told you they loved you last?:- someone... a long time ago

DO YOU...
82. Color your hair?: -does cellophane count?
83. Have tattoos?: -does henna count?
84. Have piercing?: -in my ears
85. Have a boyfried/girlfriend/both?: -had
86. Own a webcam?: -yep
87. Own a thong?: -yes, and they were gifts!
88. Ever get off the computer?: -when I need to pee and eat
89. Sprechen sie deutsche?: -wakaranai
90. Habla espanol?: -Kore wa nango ka?
91. Quack: How do you know Spanish? -I don't!

HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU...
92. Stolen anything?: -I have yet to rob a bank
93. Smoke? : -I'm allergic to that
94. Schizophrenic?: -Hee hee!
95. Obsessive?: -Only about certain things. I take love making seriously.
96. Compulsive?: -...
97. Obsessive compulsive?: -not really
98. Nerotic: -I'm glad this survey's over

Internal Battles

I've been trying to stop thinking of taekwondo. It's kinda hard since it's been in my system for about 8 years now. I've been having withdrawal symptoms... the lethargy, loss of flexibility, the weight gain... all of it! My body's been so used to sweat itself out about three times a week and now that I don't, I've been overheating!

Gaaaahhh!

My body's craving for a victim... :-)

My hand's been itching to punch and my legs are tingling to knock something/one out.

A lot of people were asking me if I really did that stuff in "real life"- not in competitions and training- actually, I'm really glad I haven't used it at someone. Even if I know some self-defense techniques, the first rule is to always run away from danger. Fighting is always the last resort. Being a black belt doesn't guarantee a victory. If the guy's got a gun, just give your wallet and walk away quietly. The money inside is not worth your life.

I promised my parents I'd focus more on my studies since it's my last year in college. I've been preparing myself for something more wonderful, something more challenging and exciting. It's true that I won't make a career out of my sport... just a fulfilling pasttime. And I guess now's the time to close the page on that chapter of my life...

Thank you for the memories,

Thank you for the bruises,

Thank you for the black eyes,

Thank you for the sprains,

Thank you for the knee injury,

Thank you for the immeasurable anxiety and tension,

Thank you for my teammates,

Thank you for my coaches.

I wouldn't be who I am without them.

Merong Diyos

Hindi dahil sa relihiyoso ang aking ina at mayroon akong titang madre.... pero sa tingin ko nakatulong din ang mga ito. Malaki ang pagtitiwala ko sa Diyos. Malaki ang paniniwala ko sa Diyos... na kung ano ang aking pagkukulang, iyun ang kanyang pinupuna. Kahit gaano ako ka-tradisyunal, mahilig pa rin ako magpamisa.

Sa Microeconomics na huling pagsusulit, nagpamisa ako. Sa awa ng Diyos, nakapasa kami ng aking mga kaibigan. Nagpamisa ulit ako ng Thanksgiving.

Nang kumuha ako ng pagsusulit para magbakasakaling makakuha ng scholarship, kinabahan ako sapagkat kalahati lang ang alam ko sa math. Nagpaturo ako ng calculus, trigonometry at kung anu-ano pang kabaliwan at kababalaghan sa aking mga kaibigan. Malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa kanila.

At dahil pambansa ang paghahanap ng mga iskolar, lalo akong nawalan ng pag-asa... pero hindi ako tumigil sa pagdasal.

Magtiwala kayo sa akin. Kahit sa tingin ninyo wala na kayong pag-asa at lahat na ng malas ay lalanghapin ninyo... huwag kayong mag atubiling humingi ng lakas ng loob sa Diyos. Naniniwala ako.

Plug-In ni Gracie

Today, during CS 156 class, Gracie told me something...

surprising

interesting

true



lahat daw ng DP malalaki ang boobs! At ano naman nakain niya para sabihin sa kin yun? Also, take note of the word LAHAT. Ok, so we have a guy in the group...

Guess that tells that Gracie doesn't like Jake right now...

Anyway, after she said that... I imagined things about my friends and certain parts of them that I don't have interest in. Just curiosity. ^___^ After a fast recollection about them... haha, napatawa nalang ako... totoo naman sinabi ni Gracie e. ^___^

Hangtime!

I thought Fridays would be bad because of a 5 and a half hour break and a 6-9 class. Boy was I wrong!

After my 1230 Philo class, Gracie and I were supposed to meet at the benches and go watch a movie. Iking and Inca were there. Then we started talking about 80s music. And I'm such a huge fan of that generation. I appreciate it more than the generation today. We were talking about the 80s songs that the contestants in American Idol 4 sang and became a hit. We began mentioning names and songs that were familiar and sang them out. I was so happy that I had friends who loved songs from the 80s. Back in high school, I couldn't relate to anyone. It seemed that everyone was intent on listening to the latest hip and R&B.

Then Inca showed my her selection of 80s music in her iPod and I was so surprised that she has "Only You". I've been looking for this song for ages! Turns out, she has a CD of the soundtrack or something. I love her so much! She has great taste.

Si Iking, mahilig din pala sa Reo Speedwagon. He's also been looking for some songs done by that band. Swerte niya! I'm a Reo Speedwagon fan and I even have the Greatest Hits CD. I remember my dad buying it for me.

Then Gracie and I went to Shangrila Mall and watched Mr&Mrs. Smith. I just couldn't take my eyes off both of them. Hehe. That was the 2nd time I watched a movie in Shangrila. The first time was with Jem when we watched Hitch. 6 lang kaming lahat sa sinehan!

I miss Jem! soooo much....

Our 6-9 class wasn't bad. I was sad that our groupings were assigned so there was no way we could be groupmates. But it was ok. Most of the people there were former classmates. In a way, it's a good opportunity to meet other ComTech majors.

After classes, we stayed out side and peeped on a faculty dancing in front of the PC. She didn't know we were watching! Jake, Iking, Rob and I walked with Gracie to her car. After that, the 4 of us went to 7/11 and Jake treated us to slurpee. Mayaman kasi. After eating, we went back to school and took pictures. It was crazy. We were crazy seniors not wanting to let go of college life. So we were savoring our final year.

After Rob went home, courtesy of Dino, we went our way to the field. We took pictures like crazy. There were people passing by but we didn't mind them. We're seniors and we're doing everything we can to remember our college life!

We then saw Rofil's silhouette and called him...

"Rajah!"

"Sheldon"

"Magto!"

"Cuts!"

Then Rofil had this crazy idea of taking pictures hangtime. That means we jump and the camera captures our hangtime. At first, we couldn't get it right...it was either we were too early or too late. I finally got the timing and boy were we flying!

Yung ibang pictures, kita tiyan ko kaya masagwa. I turned away from the camera and it got a great view of my ass while in flight! Hehe, that's better than my tummy! We all did poses until Jake and Iking ran out of space and battery. I got the running-jumping pose, Iking got the flying kick pose and Jake got the "Yoda" pose.

It was so funny! I'll post them when I get copies from Jake.

I got home at around 11pm but I didn't mind the sweating and the panting and the exertions. It was all for memories.

Hey, I don't mind Fridays na. It's a great way to bond with my friends.