The Art of Not Letting Go

I finally spent a morning alone with Hyung. We had a lot of things to catch up on. I told him about my Japanese scholarship after graduation and he told me about his military training in Korea (South Korea to ha!). He also wanted to be part of the American base in Korea because they have more benefits there.

I told him about my pet puppy... he loves dogs. He even gave me tips on how to raise him.

We talked about his English, Tagalog, Korean and Japanese skills... all of which... he sadly admitted, he's not fluent at. But he's best in English.

We talked about our sports. How I quit taekwondo to focus on my studies. How he is the team captain of his beloved table tennis team. And he's a full scholar in Ateneo. Galing talaga niya! While we were still in high school, I was so proud of him. He beat up all the really good players.

We talked about Jem... Orland... Kim... James... Jeffrey... our high school friends and acquaintances.

Basically, we reminisced the good old days.

And then, I just had to ask him.

And to my horror, he said he was already over it. I wanted to die and cry in front of him. But instead, I gave him a tight smile and said I was happy for him. It's true that I'm happy because he's happy.

He asked me if I was over it.

Me, the tactless girl who started all of this, was not yet over him after four years. Yes, I had been bitter, depressed and everything in between. So sue me... if I had the power to make this feeling go away, I would have. I would have put it all behind me.

I felt honest with him and told him truthfully with a small shake of my head. There was uncomfortable silence.

He then asked me if there was someone in school I fancied. I shook my head again. Those guys I gush on are nothing compared to him. I wasn't really interested in looking for a guy. Because they were nothing compared to Hyung. They could have been more good-looking, more athletic, more intelligent... they could be Mr. Perfect but they can't be my Mr. Right.

Then suddenly, the longer I was with him, the stronger the realization that we could probably never get back together. He has his own life. He has his own path to take, I have my own. Our paths are very different. Like parallel lines. Even though we can be close, we can never really meet no matter how far you stretch the lines.

I guess that's all we'll ever going to be.

And I guess I have to start letting go.

Slowly

Painfully

Sadly

And that day will come... in time