We are go! Tokyo, Japan

I finally did the last of errands for our trip to Tokyo. Me, Patrick and Anne will embark on our first ever journey *alone* on the eclectic, fashionable, modern, funky, historic, cultural and trendsetter capital in North East Asia. Dad decided to book us on a package tour to Tokyo and extend one day for our own sightseeing in Kyoto. All in all, it will be 4 nights and 5 days exploring and cam-whoring on the streets of Tokyo, the slopes of Mt. Fuji and the temples of Kyoto.

Being 23, 21 and 19 years old respectively, dad deemed us old and mature(?) enough to travel on our own. That and the fact that my sister and I can speak kick-ass Japanese (disclaimer: kickass in this context refers to our capacity to speak basic statements and questions, understand grade school level Japanese as well as read hiragana, katakana and kanji), mom and dad are pretty confident we wouldn't head towards disaster of finding ourselves suddenly in Nagoya or Okinawa. My brother's forte? Spanish.. mwehehehe! Not the least bit helpful... maybe he'll get to see some Spanish tourists and chat with them.

Being the O.C. among us, I already did some research on the places we want to go.. even to the tiniest details of which station we should get off! I had help from some of the people I work with in Japan and Miho-chan was gracious enough to help me out with the Shinkansen schedules from Tokyo to Kyoto. One of my colleagues in the office, Ian, had a trip to Tokyo as well and gave me some travellers' tips and pointers on how to scale the biggest and one of the most expensive cities in the world. In return, I will buy some camera accessories for him in Akihabara. ^_^ Fair enough deal.


~~~~The road to tickets, visas and JR Passes~~~~

I bought the tickets as well as exchange coupons for the JR Pass. A JR Pass is an all-you-can-ride ticket on all JR Lines for a limited time (7, 14, 21-day) only for tourists. Japanese are not entitled to this privilege. This is very cheap and convenient especially if you plan to go to other places in Japan such as Yokohama, Osaka, Kyoto, etc. A round-trip shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto costs the same as a 7-day JR Pass. Because we also plan to go around Tokyo via trains, sobrang sulit kami! It will cost us lining up at the ticket booth and going through the machines. We just show our passes to the Manong Guard and we are off!

We got our visas in record time! We got it the same week we submitted it. Hmm, maybe because I already went to Japan and we already had Schengen visas on our passports. A first timer will have to wait at least a week before the visa is released.


~~~~We plan to go here!~~~~

On the 5 days we are there, we plan to go to these places:

1. Imperial Palace - the seat of the oldest monarchy in the world. The gardens are told to be one of the best showcases of Japanese traditional minimalist designs as well as the unique architectural structures of Edo Castle, Nijubashi bridge and some temples. A photo op here is a must!

2. Ginza - the shopping district of Tokyo! Has the trendiest styles and fashion as well as designer labels are here.

3. Harajuku - a must for gothic, emo, anime cosplay and elegant gothic lolita styles! My sister and I are avid cosplayers and this is our mecca! Shops here also include very weird, eccentric and out-of-this world styles.

4. Shinjuku - where the famous crossing is! We plan to take a picture right smack in the middle. A combination of modern and futuristic skyscrapers and buildings as well as the Red Light district at night! oh yeah, yebah!

5. Akihabara - electronics and otaku district! Known for a lot of electronics and gadgets and cheap-o accessories, as well as anime mechandise (gundam models, costumes, manga)... one could not be satisfied with just a day!

6. Asakusa/ Ueno - this area is where old Tokyo is preserved. Temples and zen gardens are a must!

7. Tsukiji Market - the biggest fish market in Japan! Auctions here start as early as 430 in the morning and all kinds of sea creatures (edible of course!) are here for sale! There are many very nice sushi shops in the area that guarantee the freshest fish and sea delicacies.

8. Mt. Fuji - Japan's most sacred mountain. A shinkansen away from Tokyo that brings us to the Onsen (hot spring) town of Hakone. We will also take a ferry ride to Ashi lake and take a cable car.

9. Kyoto - cultural capital of Japan! We plan to take the first shinkansen ride going there and take a scenic route (with a view of Mt. Fuji on our windows!). Take a temple overload tour before going home late in the afternoon.


~~~~Cam-whoring sessions~~~~

Being cam-whores that we are, we plan to bring 2 cameras to capture every adventure for 5 days! That and a ton of SD cards waiting to be crammed with pictures of buildings, temples, shrines, cosplayers, trains and scenic places. Good thing we have the same brand of camera so we'll just share the charger.

As if that isn't enough, we plan to bring a laptop with a lot of free GB to store our photos just so we can be confident the next day that we will not run out of memory!!!


~~~~Who needs rest?!?~~~~

We are all mentally prepared to make the best of this trip. This includes waking up early in the morning to catch a glimpse of the rising sun (after all, Japan is the land of the rising sun!) and end the day full of stories to tell and pictures to view. I told them to stash a lot of energy drinks, vitamin c and power bars along the way. Bawal ang papatay-patay at ang magreklamo na pagod na! The hotel room is just a place where we dump all our stuff, take a shower and sleep. Nothing more! Wear comfy shoes (no heels please!) and casual clothing.

Of Careers and Soccer Moms

Not so long ago, a very close friend of mine and I went to an old friend's wedding. Old friend meaning we have known that person since we were this small. We got there a little early so we had this small chat...

Her: Did you expect Mia to be the first one to get married among us? (us = our little band of friends way back in grade school)

Me: Well, I didn't expect her to be the last... I always thought she would be the career-driven one among us.

Her: Who did you think will get married first?

Me: Andrew (God bless your soul). But before he passed away, he was the one who had a small business. Hardly what you would think he'd do after graduation.

Her: Ah, Andrew! Me too... he had this attitude of a happy-go-lucky guy back in high school.

Me: So, who do you think will be the last one to get married and settle down?

Her: *immediately* You.

Me: ..huh??...

Her: Yeah, among all of us, you were the most determined to be successful careerwoman. I kinda noticed it in grade school.

Me: w-wha...? *grade school?!?*

Her: *nodding her head* You were the aggressive type. Headstrong, I suppose.. and you intimidated a lot of guys in high school. Nag-taekwondo ka pa.

Me: *scratches head* Ah, ganun ba?

Her: Why? You don't believe that we think like that of you?

Me: Well.. *clears throat*.. my dream in life was actually to be a housewife..

Her: Ganun?!?

Me: Yeah.. soccer mom too. I wanna drive my kids to soccer matches, tennis lessons and watch them play in my folding chair.

Her: *scratches head* Ohh... nagulat ako dun ah. But you're so focused on your career now.. you work for a multinational company. You say you even work on holidays and weekends.

Me: ahh... kasi naman demanding yung job eh.. anyway, I guess I'm like this right now kasi we're at this phase where we have no obligation to people other than ourselves. I like spending money and one way to earn it is to work. I work because I'm enjoying the lifestyle I have right now.

Her: Selfish as it seems, you're correct. Ganun din ako.

Me: Yup! Pero I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. It's just a stepping stone.

Her: So, you're now learning how to cook?

Me: Cook?!? Dear god, no! I can't cook to save my life!

Her: *huge sweatdrop*

**Names have been changed to protect their identity. =P

Customer service daw o!

Mom and I drove to Dusit Hotel to get our Japan Visas. We also finalized the trip to Japan and all we had to do was deposit the money so we could get the ticket and get our JR Pass as well. Turns out the travel agent we were talking to was a ditz. She kept forgetting things and we had to remind her every.single.freakin.thing. that she was supposed to give us in the first place. We are so not getting her again!



We bought some groceries and medicine before going to Honda to pick up the civic. Yey! The hood was replaced and the scratches were repainted. But we found out later that there was a spray of white paint on the trunk. Stupid QA team from Honda! They released our car with white paint on our trunk!



I was comparing the service between here and in other countries and I can really say that customer service really had gone down a few notches. "Customer is king" isn't much practiced here anymore and it's really so frustrating.. it's like talking to a bunch of idiots... really!



I dunno... I guess today isn't a day for customers like us who wanted good service. I wasn't expecting top quality but just to give us what we need...

Holy Week 2008

Mom went home to Aklan for the Easter Triduum so it was just me, Dad, Pat and Anne spending it here in Manila.

Maundy Thursday=-
We went to Duty Free to buy chocolates (talk about abstinence!), my moisturizer and some groceries. We went home and waited until after dinner to visit 7 churches around Manila for Visita Iglesia. We first went to our parish at St. Martin de Porres, then St. Michael in Fort Bonifacio, San Antonio in Forbes, San Agustin Church, Manila Cathedral, St. Vincent de Paul in Adamson and Magallanes Church.

We decided to skip our yearly Starbucks visit after the last church as we decided to go on a roadtrip the next day.


Good Friday=-
Dad suggested that we go to Subic for lunch and then go home. Yes, he wanted to burn gas and rubber that day. ^_^ We used SCTEX that just recently opened. SCTEX means Subic-Clark-Tarlac expressway. It was a 60B peso project that came from ODA. In fairness, it's a very well-made structure that made the destination to those mentioned places a lot faster.

Uncle Nonoy's gang (aka family) was also there and we decided to meet up for a bit. They went to Subic earlier and they were having dessert by the time we were waiting for lunch at Yellow Cab. We drove around for a bit before going to Angeles City to check out Pat's flying school. He went down and stayed there around 15 minutes to 'inquire'.


Black Saturday=-
My fellow lectors came over for brunch to practice the 7 readings for that night's Easter Vigil celebration. We were discussing not only our cues, blockings and partners for dialogicals but we were also trying to explain the meaning of Easter Vigil and the message of the gospel. They were also delighted by mom's banana bread and even had some packed home!

That evening, everything flowed smoothly. I was just glad my vision did not fail me as I read from the Book of Ezekiel (the longest reading that mass). During Easter Vigil, the lights were at a very minimum and we relied on the desk lamp on the lectern. I even remembered last year that we only used pen lights to read those font 11 letters.


Easter Sunday=-
I woke up at 4am to join the Salubong Procession. It was very early so I decided to just walk towards the women's rendezvous at Mater Dolorosa. I was sweating and slightly panting as I arrived. Clearly, I wasn't physically fit (anymore) for long, fast-paced walks.

It was my 2nd salubong as I rarely get up early.. except when we have a flight or a road trip.. my first time was with mom and I think I was still in grade school. All I remember was that it was so early, it was so dark and the weather used to be cool at this time.

I attended mass with Aileen, Dino and Rea, my fellow lectors who were roughly in the same age bracket as me. During communion, my stomach was turning itself inside out. I realized my last meal was dinner before Easter Vigil. When it ended, Rea and I walked back to phase 2 and invited her over for breakfast.

In the afternoon, I had a well-deserved and overdue footspa and manicure. I also went to Market!Market! to buy medicine for dad and do some window-shopping (it's a great stress reliever, anyway).

~~~

Tomorrow will be another day of work... I can just see my inbox pile up with mail. I decided not to open all of them... save some work for the office diba? hehehe

There's always a reason

Dad was here last Wednesday night and told us that his assignment in Budapest was postponed. It was sad and disappointing but I guess that's what happens. SOME THINGS DON'T WORK OUT THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO HAPPEN. That's life. You just move on with your life. The world doesn't end if you don't get what you want.

Life is full of disappointments.. but I guess that's what makes achieving it all the more sweeter, diba? And of course, for the more spiritually inclined, God has His reasons for not giving us what we want.. maybe because we are destined for other (better and greater!) things. What we want may not be the best for us. And I guess it's best to move on with your life and think of other ways to get it if you really want it so bad. That's what I did!

I guess with dad's reassignment, we are just glad that he's not being laid off from work! Big boss Salim still wants him to be assigned in Europe until at least the internal issues are solved. In the meantime, dad will still be in Jakarta, helping out in operations and some implementation projects.

On the positive side, I'm relieved that I won't have to leave my workload to my partner in the office. He's already loaded with more than enough work and having my "fair" share to dump it on him would kill his social life (what's left of it, I reckon).

Oftentimes, we do not understand why the things that we want in life (sometimes almost within our reach) are not given to us. We cry out in anger and frustration, think about how much work we did to (almost) get what we want only to have it taken away from us. Now, I think it's because there is a much more deeper meaning. We fail to look beyond our own worlds that's why we can not comprehend. Once you're more in tune with your sensitivity, things will fall into place and the reason will be given to us. You'll realize that there's more in store for you. That what you'll really get is more than what you asked for... sometimes!

Virgin Haggler

It was my first time to go to 168 Mall in Divisoria. I rarely go to downtown Manila coz it's too far away from my house and the constant traffic isn't doing a very good job of attracting people like us who just prefer to buy our goods at malls and department stores.

We dropped of Anne at school before braving Taft further to the northwest and wading around jeepneys who have their own loading and unloading zone. It was still early, around 8am so parking wasn't difficult. Mom wanted to buy a specific bag and we ended up buying clothes for me and my cousins and some bags/wallets. In the end, we gave up on our search.. I was getting dizzy from the "tiangge hallucination" effect which means, getting a pounding headache trying to go back to where you were 5 minutes ago. We were still able to buy a bag that's really nice and unique (I've never seen that style before).


I then realized I'm not much of a haggler. The best haggler in the family was the more experienced member, dad. He would command the rates of the goods he would buy from Tutuban and Divisoria. Galing! Basta ako mura na, kakagatin ko na. hehehe.

It was still early, around 1020 but my throat was already scratchy from the dust from all the piles of merchandise being setup. Buena mano kasi kami. =P Mom decided we eat lunch at Savory, which was a very old school restaurant. She said the last time she ate there was when she was in college (go 1970s!~). We went in and it felt like I was back in time. It looked like 1980s at the most with the old school chairs, tables and design. Na-miss ko tuloy yung style ng 70s and 80s.

The chicken was good, especially their gravy. Their pancit canton had the classic Pinoy style of being very saucy and really tasty. It's been a long time since I ate this kind of pancit. The price was very cheap too! We had to-go food good for 1 more person for only around 400 pesos! Sobrang sulit!

It was a story of guilt and redemption

The first time I heard about this book was when my brother had to make a paper on it. I was curious but not so much interested because I wasn't very much familiar with the setting and the genre. Honestly, I didn't know much about the Middle East except that it was Muslim-dominated and had lots of oil. I began to realize that there's more to this region than my very narrow-minded perceptions.

I admit I am now an internet junkie. It's very bad.. very bad. Up until my senior year in high school, I read a lot of books. Now, I barely look at my shelves. Books waiting to be read piled up and were soon forgotten. But the opportunity presented itself when its movie version came out. I felt like I was cheating the book.

Again, it was my brother who told me the movie was good. And he rarely gives good feedback to me. He and his girlfriend watched it one Saturday evening and it was just perfect timing that my best friend wanted to meet up the following day. I begged them to watch the movie and they just stared at me: "What's that?" Unfortunately, this movie wasn't very much publicized. I was very glad we watched it and I think I got teary-eyed around 4 times.

************************
It was a story of childhood in Afghanistan. Two friends who lived in different worlds who had one thing in common: kites. The point of view came from Amir, the son of a wealthy Afghan and his relationship to his servant's son, Hassan. They were the best of friends but were still along the lines of master-servant relationship.

Hassan was the epitome of a friend. He was loyal, kind, trustworthy and will always be there for you. In my mind, Hassan was the good that everyone took advantaged of. He was the innocent lamb ready to be slaughtered. And yet, he would not think so bad of the people around him.

Amir was not quite like that. He would ridicule and make fun of Hassan's illiteracy; mock their relationship as master-servant. He was not all that bad. He was a lost and confused child in a world of overwhelming influences and pressures.

Despite all these, the two enjoyed each other's company and would find comfort in each other's presence. They would fly kites, cut all the other children's kites and Hassan would run for that fallen trophy for Amir 'a thousand times over'. Amir and Hassan, the Sultans of Kabul.

It was one tragic accident that changed all these. Amir did what he thought was best: he ran away. He turned his back on his best friend just when Hassan needed him the most.

Amir was plagued and haunted with his fallen relationship with Hassan even as he lived and grew up in America. But like all stories, there is a chance for redemption.. there is a way to be good again.

Amir's last challenge was to save Hassan's son, Sohrab (named after a character from Hassan's favorite story, which Amir often reads to him) from Taliban. Amir knew that if he wanted to save face and redeem himself, he had to do this one impossible task. After all, it was for Hassan. It was for the friend he turned his back on.

Of course, the story not only revolved around the boys' seemingly different personalities. The other characters around them were also trapped in their own hubris. It was a story of human imperfection and how they cope with the changing world and cultures. In the end, it was all about the fundamental inclination of man towards the good.. and his struggle to do what is good for others or do what is good only for himself.

Amir taught me a very hard lesson of doing what is good and the importance of friendship. He learned so much from Hassan. Friendships can withstand pain and trials and difficulties. Hassan had done that selflessly and without a trace of hesitation. For a friend, he would run kites and more, a thousand times over!

Make or Break

It's been a week since my car had this "a-coconut-fell-on-it" look on the hood. I was already in the parking lot in front of CCP, very much eager to watch my officemate perform in I Laff You. The car infront of me backed up and never saw my car behind him.

My face was one of pure horror as he bumped my car. Much to my chagrin, Koreans (or Japanese?) were there, entertained by the commotion on the street. I jumped out of my car and in my exasperated tone said: "Manong?! Bakit hindi kayo tumingin bago kayo umatras??? Binangga nyo ko! Hindi kasi kayo tumitingin eh. Manonood dapat ako sa CCP! Sira na plano ko!" The respect was still there but the content was one of pure mokrats and bad vibes.

In short, I spent the night at the police station, giving statements and having pictures of my car taken in my new outfit. I was disheartened, pissed and frustrated at knowing I was stressed on the last day of the weekend. So much for relaxation and a night out watching a romantic comedy~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I met my best friends today and hung out in Greenhills. I finally met my best friend's boyfriend and let's say that until now, I don't want to comment on it (it's not a bad thing, I assure you). We had coffee and cake at Coffee Bean and I told them about my situation with my ideal.

"Baka habol ko lang sa kanya yung laman... the personalities that I want in a guy isn't with him (yet)" -- talk about hoping for the best!

Onga naman! They say love is blind but it's only blind because you see a lot more about this person and you just chose to notice them less. It's a very biased perception. You choose to ignore the fact that he is not a gentleman in your book (ie. he does not pay for your movie or meal when you go out for whatever reason that may be) because he's a very funny person after all and it's worth the money you spent that night just to be with him.

A friend of mine even said to me, "I really don't know what you see in the guy..." Is it just me who finds him interesting, cute and funny while the whole world finds him boring, bordering on anti-social with no manners?!? In an ideal setting, I would jump for joy, knowing I don't have rivals (but I don't mind rivals, they make my victory even sweeter). But when everybody seems to be having second thoughts about the guy... I'm not even sure we're looking at the same page anymore. Either he has a multiple personality disorder or I'm that crazy for him that I'm filtering everything negative about him...

Deep in the pit of my gut, I'm hoping that he would notice me.. as my theme song for him is now Kailan by Smokey Mountain..

kahit anong aking gawin, di mo pa rin pansin

mokrats!

You First Believed

The only time I celebrated Valentine's Day (apart from school where we gave notes to our classmates and friends) was when my ex-boyfriend and I celebrated our month-sary *cheesy*. We had lunch, watched a movie and hung out. After that, I never really gave Valentine's day a thought.

This year, I worked from home. I wasn't expecting flowers or chocolates from anybody in the office anyway. And I was to serve at our evening mass in the parish. An evening with God didn't seem so bad. My best friends greeted me. A friend or two sent notes through instant messaging and that was it.

The next day, I was in for a surprise when I went to the pantry and found out someone had asked Jam@HP to sing a song to me. Take note: they sang two songs for me! I was flattered and overwhelmed and the kilig was very much evident in my when they sang. I didn't know the first song but when I googled it up, the lyrics were just very sweet.

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace

So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

There were times
When I'd thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star

Now, I just can't get enough of the song. =) It's the first time someone did something as sweet and romantic as this.. sorry for my keso-moments. hehehe...

The person would not say who he was but I guess I'm really grateful and happy for the gesture. I wanted to thank him... oh well..

It's such a nice feeling knowing there's someone who appreciates me.

Mortified

I feel like such an idiot. And I hate the feeling that you know someone is very angry at you. Why didn't I just give the schedule to her? Why did I have to push myself to serve when it wasn't my schedule?

I failed to listen. I just walked away and did what I wanted to do. Ohmaigawd! I want to cry all over again when I think about it.

Boys are the denser sex.. so girls can't say they didn't know. We should've read the subliminal message.

Apologies are never enough. I wanna quit.

indifference

It's the opposite of love. Indifference is simply when you don't care anymore. Most people who say they hate something (or someone), still has a thin thread of concern somewhere in the subconscious. They are still very much affected when something happens to that something (or someone).

To me, it hurts more when people say, "I don't care" instead of "I hate you". The hate there is an emotion that came from love. They hate because they are hurt by someone they love. Deep inside, they would still want to love that person. When they don't care, it means they gave up on you and your relationship (friendship or love).


But from another point of view, when people are indifferent, it's not simply because they gave up or they don't care... but because they don't want to be hurt anymore. It's like a defense mechanism. For example, time and time again, a person has been betrayed by a very close friend. Each and every time that happens, the person feels very lost, confused, hurt and sad. They were friends ever since they met in a sandbox when they were very young and breaking that friendship would be very painful and difficult to accept.

To expect nothing else of his friend is to not feel betrayal of any sort. It makes sense right? In your mind, you just don't give your friend expectations so when the time comes that your friend really fails you, you're not (that) disappointed. Of course, you still want to have that friendship. Of course, any relationship is not time-bound but it would be very difficult to part with a person who has been with you for 10 years or so, right?

*** I was in grade school then. For the first time, Kim and I were separated into different sections. That time, I got close to a classmate of mine and became my closest friend in class. Kim and I were at a "cool off" stage and went to recess and lunch with our classmates. Of course, during dismissal, we wait for each other and then go out the building together. We were fortunate that our moms were part of this circle of friends so we were able to spend time ourside class hours.

Anyway, I was close to this classmate of mine and in no time, dubbed each other as our new best friend. I didn't think of letting Kim go... she is still my best friend aside from my classmate. I didn't mind if I had 10 best friends anyway! It wasn't forced ranking naman...

I'm not sure if it was towards the end of the school year but it was one recess time when I was sitting by myself in the line (I was a bit of a loner during grade school) when my 2nd best friend gave me a letter. In it contained a message that sort of spelled "best friends no more but let's be close friends anyway". At that time, I was very much confused of what she expected of me from now on. She didn't want me to be her best friend anymore but she wanted to remain friends. In my eyes, it was bull-poo. Eventhough she was very straightforward with her idea of "firing" me from the best friend position, she still wanted me to be her friend. For me, it's a very lame move.

At that time, I was thankful that I was a bit of a tomboy so emotions didn't dwell so much on my person. I just agreed with her plans and let time sort it out. Is it right for my friend to do this? Did she have the only say in our friendship? I didn't even have the chance but decided to avoid any confrontation so I gave in.

Walking makes me think

Here's what you get for walking 10minutes on each leg from the parking lot to RSC... the parking lot far, far away had a fixed rate so I'm willing to keep the additional 100 to myself and just walk.

The weather was relatively cool and pleasant since it's still late January. Cool but not raining so it's nice to go outside for a lovely walk with my laptop on my back. Walking alone makes it much easier to think. Your body's on autopilot, already knowing how to get to your destination. Your mind's just blank and idle enough to think about things...

Yesterday I took the opportunity to go to Kim's office and hang out there until 6pm. We then ate at Food Park and smelled like grilled food. Despite the fact that we just met up last Sunday, we still had a lot to talk about. And since it's a girls' dinner out, we got to get out a lot of our personal, professional frustrations on the table, together with my sisig and her carbonara. We parted ways around 7pm. She wanted to go home before it got too late and I had to buy groceries (aka junk food and canned coffee). As I went down the escalator, the conversation I had with a friend replayed in my head. It was a frustrating one. It was like trying to teach a dog to purr. What I wanted him to understand in a sub-level could never reach him. He was still playing the literal game.

Choosing between Fig Newtons and Wheaties, I was also contemplating if I should still pursue something that I know is very hard to attain or just to give up and look for greener (and less dense) pastures. A lot of people have been telling me to go ahead and take the risk. I'm still young and young is the best time to make mistakes without too much regrets. On the other hand, I'm seriously deciding to get over this very emotional phase and look at it from an objective stand. I've done a lot of thinking, recalling, reminiscing (?!) about it and I guess there is still time.


Today, as I started walking to RSC, I did some objective assessment. All throughout the walk, I was very much convinced not to let go, yet. Why? Because from what I see, there is improvement. Compared to others, there was still hesitation and density is as great as Jupiter's. But of course, knowing the track record, it was already a big change.

I did more contemplating walking back to the carpark, depositing my laptop before heading to SM to buy pants that were 50% off. I bought cologne I was dying to try and bought myself a nice red top for our team meeting. I just realized I didn't have that much red in my closet.

I ended up buying burger mcdo and a hot fudge sundae. All in all... should I decide to pursue this little project of mine, I think I'd want my expectations to be very much lower than standard. Not to expect anything out of it until the very end. If I keep thinking that, I guess I'm alright.

..reaches into a bag of potato chips..

Getting the stuff out of my brain

I made this stupid bet... and I'm not supposed to say anything about a certain "topic" for 3 days...

Turns out this certain "topic" is much too great for my system to just take it all in. I'm in day 2 and may I just say I'm really holding on to a thin red line. I'm very glad I have the opportunity to get away from it all until Thursday.

Truth of the matter is... the many things about a certain topic makes me reel out in joyful giggles and hearty laughs... and no one is there to share it with me.. for lack of a better term for annoyed with me talking about it every single waking moment of *their* lives.

I've been gushing over it since Monday and I must say I really am making progress with control, self-restraint and discipline. It's like I don't even have a topic at all! nya-ha-ha-ha


Dad was delayed again in his assignment to Budapest. Apparently, some asshole who was supposed to do market research or a feasibility study didn't do it. The idiot probably didn't understand what he was supposed to do. Since he was the 1st one to be deployed there and got stuck, the whole operations were on hold. The big boss was livid with anger! They kicked his puny little ass out of the company. Hopefully, dad will be there by March and will wave a big "FINALLY!" as we go there on April.


I'm taking this really kick-ass training. PMP sounds more fun than SAP. The training was in Makati and traffic going there was terrible! I'm glad I don't work there or else I won't be able to bring a car (or pay 200 a day for stupid parking-that-your-car-isn't-really-safe). Oh, and I met this cute guy. He's neat <-- nerdox comment!


We just had our team- show and tell episode. It's the first time I've had a show and tell. Of course, I told them I have a black belt in taekwondo (nice move Karen! no guy will get near you now!). But the story doesn't end there.. I even told them my ultimate fantasy of being part of a task force that defeats evil (politicians, anyone?). Yes, I wanted to wear a peach/coral body suit and a motorcycle helmet aside from being a housewife! Oh, and piloting an Earth-defense super machine ain't so bad either!


My mind's kinda messed up right now. Need somewhere to put it all in before sleeping...

Ask, Believe, Receive

I got this from my officemate who go this from her friend who read this in a book. Being someone who strives to get what she desires *snicker*, I am definitely a believer in this. Of course, I would like to add the factor that you have to act on it to get what you really want.

Wanting (or desiring) something is different from doing something to achieve it. Asking is identifying what you really want. Believing is the motivation to take action. If you simply believe and you never do anything about it, then you're stuck at believing or you're really praying until something happens.

I grew up working hard for the things that I want. Everything has its consequences and you have to make sure that what you're doing is a step towards your goal, not a step sideways.

I currently have something I desire. As of press time, I'm in the stage between believing that I can make it and acting on it. I believe that I can achieve my goal. I've finished thinking about my action plan and am now executing it. I'm crossing all fingers and extremities I can cross.. hoping it would not backfire on me and lose everything I built on. Of course, those actions are built and based upon belief. The belief that I can do it.. I can make it.. and nothing and no one can stop me from achieving it.

*as of press time, Kars believes she has her own personal cheering squad*

Dreams and Snakes

I woke up this morning to gentle rain. I decided to sleep in again and had a very vivid dream...

I was at church with my mom and sister. We were in the middle of mass when 4 snakes came. There was a python, 2 boa constrictors and an albino snake. There was one more snake but it wasn't with the 4. The children and women started screaming. Those who screamed were bitten viciously. One snake had wrapped itself on a man who was carrying a child... and the man oddly looked like Ryan Agoncillo. The snake bit on the man's hand and blood started flowing.

-cut scene-

We were still at the church but the altar had changed into a kitchen. Mom was making spaghetti for merienda. The people were gone and it was only me, mom and Toby. It started raining again and the snakes returned. Toby was barking at the snake and the snake hissed viciously at him. I quickly went to Toby and he bit onto my jeans as we made our way back to the kitchen.

-cut scene-

I was sitting on a pew with mom and Leanne. It started raining again and the snakes came out. This time, they slithered immediately to our pew. Mom was screaming frantically that she could not move her legs. Leanne and I struggled to bring her feet up before the snakes could sink their fangs into it. We safely got mom's legs on the pew but the snakes were really jumping up to bite us. There was a pillow on the pew so I grabbed it and then pushed the pillow towards a snake and pushed my weight on it. Fortunately, the other snakes didn't attack me so I was on the snake until it died. When it died, we took our mom back to the altar/kitchen.

-cut scene-

We were now outside the church and it was already dark. Bev was with me and she was carrying her wallet and cellphone. It started to rain again and then 2 snakes appeared on some bushes and plants beside the street. Bev said she wanted to have Starbucks so she left me to buy some. Of course, I was left with the snakes but they didn't attack me so I decided to follow Bev.
At the end of the street, I didn't know if I should make a left or right. I decided to go right and started running. I was running but the pace was very slow... like the way you run up a hill, you put more effort but you feel very slow. After a few meters of darkness (there were no streetlights and the buildings had their lights turned off), I went back the other way. I met a man and asked him where Starbucks was. He said I was going to the right direction (the direction of unlit path) and that Starbucks was just over there.

I decided not to believe him and just turned back. The other way (the one on the left) was commercialized. There were establishments with their signs on and the street was partly lit. Unfortunately, there was no Starbucks. I was calling Bev's cellphone but it only kept ringing. There was another man and he was staring hard at me. He looked at my cellphone and stared back again at me. I closed my cellphone cautiously but he was running towards me. I was screaming and shouting as I ran but nobody was there, despite the lighted signs. He grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him. I was so scared to death as he grinned evilly. Then I realized I had 4 large sticks in my left hand and then with full force, drove it towards the side of his head. One stick entered his ear and he fell down with a thud.

I ran back to the entrance of the church and was screaming for Bev. I looked up and saw her cellphone and wallet hanging on a tree branch above. I was afraid one of the snakes did something to her. I looked and looked and yet I could not find her. Suddenly, a hand tapped my shoulder and there she was, holding a Starbucks drink.

Mission success

And here I was thinking that I could accomplish something like this in a few more months. But no... I did it and I did it with flying colors.

Ahh... if only you can see this big grin etched on my face. Bliss.

He finally opened up to me. That people see him as someone who doesn't smile and looks too serious. I asked him, "what makes you smile and crack up?". He gave me very concrete jokes... =) he's just sooo cute I can't get past the fact that he was so serious about a question.

And then I did the ultimate... I told him that he should smile more because it suits him. Argh! I was this close to telling him that it's those rare smiles that make my day/week/whenever I get to see him. It's those rare smiles that makes me weak, high and hot at the same time. He gave me an assuring answer that he will try to look more friendly, smile more and crack a few jokes here and there. On the bright side, he's a witty guy... he's friendly and sends me messages everyday.

Please bring me back to earth!

Happy Birthday!

I woke up that morning feeling very good about myself. There was that soft noise of rain and the cool breeze that came with it. The sunlight wasn't too harsh so I woke up without the headache. It was a rare moment.

I didn't get up yet and preferred to cuddle with Pagong and listened to the calming sound outside. After 15 minutes of contemplating and a short prayer of making it this far (hehe, I make 23 years a milestone), I got up and went downstairs for breakfast. Mom was there and she greeted me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

I walked up to the coffee maker and started to grind the beans when dad went into the dining area. He greeted me with that loud voice of his *insert smile* and gave me a kiss. My brother then came down for breakfast and greeted me.

It was a nice feeling, coming down and getting greeted at. It's shallow, I know but I only get this kind of attention once a year so I yearn for it. Dad is also here so I'm really happy that we're complete. I had coffee and watched House on TV. A few minutes later, my sister emerged from her cave disguised as a room. She greeted me and gave me a kiss. It was then I knew she hasn't gargled...

I went back up to my room and saw 20 messages to me. All were birthday messages and I replied to them one by one before taking a shower. I had us reserve a table for us in Portico, Serendra for lunch. Since it was raining, I grabbed the opportunity and wore black tights over my dress shirt. We had terrific lunch and then bought Mango Bravo at Conti's.

We then dropped my brother in Glorietta as he had a date with Trissy. My sister had another party to go to and then the rest of us (meaning me, mom and dad) went home. I had a full body massage late that afternoon after another DVD marathon of House. It was the best feeling ever! No worries.. no deadlines.. pure bliss and the rain outside made the atmosphere more relaxing. It was dinner time and I wasted no time in devouring into the cake, which was very delicious, by the way!

This year was the quietest of them all. And I didn't regret the fact that I spent the whole day with my family. We only went out for lunch and I spent the rest of my day at home. It was a very nice feeling. Not that going out with my friends is a bad idea, it's also nice to keep the day to myself.

I went to sleep with 15 more SMS greetings, each one of them I replied to. I went to sleep with the gentle pitter-patter of the rain lulling me. I hugged Pagong tighter and dreamt the night away.

Delaying Tactics

Also known as... your voice is sooo sexy I'd want to hear it all day long...

*My phone rings*
Kars: *waits 2 rings before picking it up* Hello?
Ideal: Hello?
Kars: Hello?
Ideal:....Kars?
Kars: Who's this??
Ideal: *insert his real name*
Kars: Oh! Hello, *insert his real name with a tiny giggle*!
Ideal: Hello
Kars: Hello
Ideal: I'll patch you now...
Kars: um... ok... *sounding very reluctant to let go of his voice*

Taaa~daaa!

A 5-second conversation turned to 20 seconds. Tried and tested, ladies and gentlemen.

poverty

I'll be 23 soon...

but I'm broke.

That's too bad...I think I'll stay home this year. It's much safer here...
..safe...

I like safe...

When, oh when?

I've had this foreign object in my body since I was in grade3. That time, all my baby teeth decided to all come out. I was left with 3 teeth missing at one time. It was not fun at all, especially if you have friends who make you laugh and smile all the time.

My permanent teeth developed earlier and dad saw to it that they get fixed. I didn't know there was something wrong with them coz I think they were ok. But at that time, it was cool if you had braces and retainers. You were rockin and you were rich at first but it was a pain.

Food got stuck in your teeth...
you'd cut your lips and the insides of your cheeks...
you'd swallow some of the rubber bands...

The feeling of something moving your teeth forcefully wasn't graceful. It hurt a lot and oftentimes, I'd drool on my pillow and on pagong coz those damned devices make sure you don't get to close your mouth properly. But looking back at those pictures, braces wasn't enough motivation for me to lose weight. It was great motivation for my sister, though.

If I went though pain.. she went through hell. She had the worst teeth among us so hers was the most painful. Oftentimes, she'd just sit with her friends in the canteen and watch them eat. Her lips were dry and split from the metal bullies.

My brother was just plain pasaway. He'd keep on breaking his brackets and loosing his bands.

But through it all, our teeth were really different now from when we were in grade school. I keep thinking about the happier moments. We'd get to choose colors for our bands every week. Sometimes I have them all in pink, oftentimes they were all in different colors. They were fun to wear, despite the pain behind it.

When I was finally able to get rid of the damned metals (6-7 years after), I switched to retainers. Until now, I'm still wearing them. At least I get to choose my colors everytime I have to change them.

But I keep thinking... I'll be 23 soon. It's been 13 years already since my mouth was bare. I don't exactly take them off when I wake up. I got used to the habit of doing things wearing my retainers it became natural. The last time I took them off for an hour, I got 3 painful cuts coz the skin underneath were so tender.

I want these things taken off already... really, I can't imagine kissing someone with my retainers. Hahaha!

2007 year-end survey

What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? --> I travelled by myself from Kobe to Nara to Osaka and back to Kobe, all in one day!

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? -->I didn't have New Year's resolutions last year..

Did anyone close to you give birth? --> Piah and Ingrid gave birth to adorable baby girls!

Did anyone close to you die?--> Nope

What countries did you visit? --> Japan, Singapore, Indonesia

What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? -->uhh...a boyfriend... seriously, be more disciplined, I guess.

What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? --> July 2... our Gillette Japan Project had cutover. Work hours were crazy.. it was exhausting but rewarding.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?--> Finally getting my own room... going to my dream country.

What was your biggest failure? --> Failing myself.

Did you suffer illness or injury? --> Was sick for 3 weeks last November/December... worst feeling in the world. I told my mom I couldn't take a sick leave and just catch up on rest by HP shutdown. My mom retorted back: will you still be alive by then?!! =(

What was the best thing you bought? --> My cellphone.. I've always wanted a flip phone

Whose behavior merited celebration? --> mine. hahaha!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? --> A certain officemate. The ultimate orc.

Where did most of your money go? --> credit card bills

What did you get really, really, really excited about? --> Going to other countries! I'm a travel junkie... and talking to my Ideal

What song(s) will always remind you of 2007? --> Suicidal.. =)

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? -- happier
ii. thinner or fatter? -- thinner!

iii. richer or poorer? -- richer

What do you wish you'd done more? --> Wrote more about my travels and experiences this year.. lately I don't have time anymore to write...

What do you wish you'd done less of? --> Buy coffee... drinking

How many one-night stands? --> None

What was your favorite TV program? --> Prison Break and Grey's Anatomy.. helped me through SIT and BAT phases of Gillette

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? --> yes....

What was the best book you read? --> Band of Brothers; Harry Potter book 7

What was your greatest musical discovery? --> i dunno

What did you want and get? --> To travel to Japan (finally!)

What was your favorite film of this year? --> Transformers! Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? --> Turned 22 and treated my officemates to dessert.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? --> Liking my job.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? --> Feminine chic in the office... college look in the mall.. a total babe at parties (haha, that's just me)

What kept you sane? --> Friends... sleep... knowing there's a tomorrow to dump my troubles in before going to sleep

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? --> Johnny Depp

What political issue stirred you the most? --> senators winning the MMFF....

Who did you miss? --> Toby


Who was the best new person you met? --> ideal... *giggles*

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007? --> what you want may not be what's best for you... so just find other ways to get it (think out of the box)

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself? --> that I was irreplaceable =)

The most touching experience you've had this year?--> my PM defending me

What did you like most about yourself this year? --> Doing more than what I thought I could handle.

What did you hate most about yourself this year? --> financially struggling

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year? --> In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love. 525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

Was 2007 a good year for you? --> definitely!

What was your favorite moment of the year? --> getting a vacation!

What was your least favorite moment of the year? --> getting broke!

Where were you when 2007 began?--> at home


Who were you with? --> family

Where will you be when 2008 ends? --> probably still at home

Who will you be with when 2008 ends? --> still with family... and maybe with ideal on the side

Do you have a new years resolution for 2008? --> yes

What was your favorite month of 2007? --> Feb.. experiencing winter in Japan for the first time! no snow though...

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007? --> yes... a few friends fell along the way...

Did you miss anybody in the past year? --> Hyung and Jem

What was your favorite record from 2007? --> none

How many concerts did you see in 2007? --> *gasp* none!

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2007? --> I drank more than the previous year

Do a lot of drugs in 2007? --> no


You do anything you are ashamed of this year? --> many... i forgot them all

How much money did you spend in 2007? --> a lot!

What was your proudest moment of 2007? --> Being praised by my Japanese counterparts. I blushed that moment.. and I tell you... I don't blush!

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007? --> Being wrong at something I thought I was so sure about...

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be? --> none. I loved every minute of it, mistakes and all!

What are your plans for 2008? --> Learn new roles. Be more engaged and proactive.. at home and at work.

How are you different now that the year has ended? --> I've learned how to deal with different people. More tolerant and culturally sensitive... I'm more serious about saving up for an apartment... More fashion conscious... Learning to love my curvy body

What are your wishes for the new year? --> To get to travel again.. either for business or pleasure

War Chronicles and Band of Brothers

I got hooked on this series when I was in high school. They were being shown in HBO every Saturdays after the 9PM blockbuster screening. Unfortunately, the first time wasn't so appealing. It was the episode called Bastogne. If you've watched the series, you can agree with me that this episode was one of the most dramatic, probably the climactic part of the story. It was 10 episodes long, averaging about 50 minutes per episode.

Since the series showed around 11PM, you can just imagine the lengths I had to go through to stay up late (during high school, I was already off to la-la land by 9PM). Towards the end, it got pretty boring and I was very much interested how the story kicked off. That time, I didn't have the opportunity (and the money) to buy original VCDs. I didn't know that it was based on a book by Stephen Ambrose. I settled for another war movie, Saving Private Ryan. It was more accessible and since it was shot at the same time as Band of Brothers (both were produced by Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks), it gave me the same feeling as watching Band of Brothers.

Another opportunity came up when we were in Jakarta. There were more pirated VCDs there than in Manila so Dad was able to buy the entire series. I watched it but was turned off by the grainy quality. I just settled to watching other war movies.

I was already in college when I got to buy the DVD set and was able to watch the entire series. I spent my evenings at home during the weekends in front of the TV and DVD player. The cinematography was just incredible. It felt like I was also in Normandy when they first jumped out of burning planes, falling from the sky towards enemy territory. I felt the cold winter chills when they were fighting in Bastogne and Foy (with me doing research that it was more known as the Battle of the Bulge). There was also the relief of finally capturing Berchtesgaden and being able to come home with more baggage they could handle.

Another opportunity presented itself to me while I was in transit to Singapore. I saw in one of Changi's bookstores some of the books written by Stephen Ambrose. I decided to get the title, Citizen Soldiers because, let's face it, WWII was all about citizens becoming soldiers. Civilians plucked from their peaceful lives to take part in the biggest campaign the world has ever seen since Alexander the Great.

Finally, during one of my WFS(tarbucks) day, I spent the afternoon doing SAP in Starbucks inside Fully Booked. There, sitting in the shelf under authors A-C, stood a lone book. I picked it up and began to read the 1st few pages, when the coding lifted by 7PM, I purchased the book, finished my work for the day and went home. I curled up in my chair and began to read one of the best memoirs (relatively speaking, of course.. I haven't read much war documentaries).

Band of Brothers was one of the best war stories I've ever encountered. Full-Metal Jacket was just too gory (in the eyes of an 8-yr old, anyway). Empire of the Sun was about the war but focused on Christian Bale. Pearl Harbor was too blockbuster-y. The older war movies were great. Some of the best I've seen were All Quiet on the Western Front (I just can't find the DVD here...), A Beautiful Life (love it! love it!), Der Untergang (German: The Downfall) and Schindler's List.

Or maybe because Band of Brothers had more air time than these films. After all, it takes more effort to convince a crowd to love a 2 and a half hour movie. 9 hours of air time gives the audience to connect more to each and every one of the characters, their trials and personal demons.

I just finished reading its book equivalent. It gave me more insight than the series.. of course, I've never heard of a movie that surpassed its book.

Recommended Movies:
:: The Longest Day (Sean Connery--> about the failed Market Garden operation)
:: U-Boat --> German movie on U-Boats.. a must-see for suspense junkies
:: U-571 --> U-Boat's Hollywood equivalent
:: Flyboys --> RAF vs Luftwaffe over the British Channel
:: A Very Long Engagement (Audrey Tatou -->WWI French drama and romantic epic)
:: Flags of our Fathers --> Battle on Iwo Jima
:: Letters from Iwo Jima --> Japanese POV on the Battle on Iwo Jima
:: The Great Escape --> Allied POWs in a German prison camp
:: Enemy at the Gates --> WWII from the Eastern front. A Russian sharpshooter (Jude Law) vs. a German corporal (Ed Harris)

I'm looking for WWII movies set in Africa.. mostly on the story of the Afrika Corps and Gen. Rommel. I've been reading up on him and it seems like he's one of the best German officers. He was also found guilty on Hitler's attempted assassination.

Check out some of the novels written by Ken Follet (Eye of the Needle, Man from St. Petersburg, Hornet Flight, Jackdaws), Fredrick Forsythe (Jackal, Odessa Files). Most are stories set on WWII. I'm more of a Ken Follet fan than Fredrick Forsythe, but I love them both!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

^_^ Merry Christmas everyone! ^_^

** My brother passed his thesis this December so he's sure to graduate this January 2008. Two down, one more to go!

** My sister celebrated her 19th birthday with sore eyes and a very sore throat (keyword: sore). We had lunch at Paseo Uno in Makati Mandarin. Food was delicious! My stomach was already bursting and I really forced myself to eat at least half of the desserts!

** This year, I think I attended 5 Christmas parties.. all of them included food fests! I think I packed 8 pounds just by attending those parties. But I guess since it is the holidays, it's ok to indulge once in a while.

** Despite my project being in the Japan market (again!), this time, I'll try not to open my HP laptop and really enjoy the holidays (like it's supposed to be!)

** We're having our annual Charades competition among us cousins this month. We're trying to step up the game! Go us!

** I was lector during our Christmas Midnight Mass! I'm so happy I was part of that very memorable celebration of the Eucharist. Not many people have the honor and the privilege of reading the Christmas scriptures.

** Movie and DVD marathons once again! I'm watching Will & Grace (one of the best sitcoms ever!). Somehow, series with gay characters in them make it more hilarious. No offense to them! In fact, I think their characters give the extra "oomphff!" to the punchlines. Jack McFarland is one of the funniest characters I've ever encountered!
I just finished watching Criminal Minds (go Spencer Reid!) and I'm shifting from drama/suspense to comedy.

** This Christmas, I met my two goddaughters. Sophia just turned 4 months (her birthday's Aug.24, 2007) and Kylie wil be 5 years old on Feb.6. They are just both adorable. Yeah, I fell in love with Sophia's toothless grins and Kylie's innocent inquisitiveness! I can't wait to have babies of my own...hmmm... now all I need is a good man with good genes! *patch*patch*

Replays

It's like the LSS... no matter how much you'd like it to disappear from your brain, it never ceases to haunt you every waking moment.

I can't sleep. Whenever I think about it, it gets my blood pumping with dread. It's that terrible feeling at the pit of your stomach... like a feeling when you're in a tournament. Those butterflies really give hell.

I think about it whenever I'm not thinking of something good enough to block it out for a second. How I should've reacted, what I should've said. I think of useless things that I should've done, just to appease myself. I hated myself for what I did, for giving in. I should have fought... morally, I should've done that. But I didn't. I didn't want to spend another moment there. It was hell.

And now, knowing that I did that just to get away, I couldn't help but miserably remember every second spent there. And it sucks. It really really sucks.

I'm really gonna look like shit in the office tomorrow...

More for you.. less for me

I spent my Saturday walking with God.

We went to the different communities outside the village and did a survey for our Parish. Our assigned place was Sitio Sampalucan. It was given that name because everyone in that neighborhood sell sampaloc candies for a living.

We started out very early (for a Saturday morning) around 9am and met with the coordinators. I was dressed down (as always) in tshirt, jeans and rubber shoes. I was wearing sunblock and that was it for 'makeup'. We went to each of the houses and interviewed people. What they do for a living.. how many children they have.. are they married in the Church... it was like Marketing all over again. Demographics is one of the most labor-intensive surveys ever! For us lectors, we were given a task of surveyin 140+ families! That morning, we were only 9 and every one had to interview at least 10 families.

Their houses were very small. It had the most basic of necessities. Some homes have 4 families living in them. Their rooms were smaller than mine and it already housed the living room, dining room, kitchen, toilet and bedroom. Let us not forget the fact that they have 4 children or so per family.

Outside was no different. There were rats outside and I was fortunate enough to see a rat dying from poison with children staring and playing with it until it breathed its last. Trash was everywhere and there was a creek under them. Some even had animals and the smell made you gag. The smell was foul. I tried to be as neutral-faced as possible. I didn't want anyone to feel that I offend them with my reaction to their place.

As noon was approaching, I was feeling quite sad. A lot of people I have interviewed here lived way below the poverty line. Only 1 parent was working and the single income was not enough to provide for the basic needs. Some were already widowed and had to be father and mother at the same time. For them, life was like that. It's either you work hard or you get hungry.

We went home around lunch time. We were glad we finished more than half of the target number. At that time, I was starving from walking around and my throat hurt from all the talking and questioning. My feet ached as we had to walk the whole way back to the church.

I groaned again when I realized I had to go back in the afternoon. It was one of my duties to make sure that an officer is present in all the shifts. It was just my bad that I was the only officer available in the afternoon. This time there were only four of us left. We wanted to finish the survey quickly so we don't have to go again the next day. If we wanted to finish today, we have to accomplish 15 families in less than 3 hours. I had to leave by 4pm because I was supposed to serve at the 6pm mass.

This time, I was taken to the deeper levels of the community. To get to the other side.. you had to pass through someone's house. It was so weird. We were saying, "Paumanhin, makikiraan lang po," to the family that lived there as we used their house to get to the other side. One the other side, there were more families, huddled in one-room apartments with 4 children playing outside. It was a sight I would never forget.

******

A friend of mine asked.. "If there is a God, why is there suffering? Why are there people in pain?"

One this is for sure. It was not God that brought suffering to man. It was man who did it to himself. It was man who did it to his fellow men. Had there been no free will, we lived according to God's divine plan. To be good humans who feared God and respected His creation.

But man was given free will. The freedom to choose between right and wrong. Most of the time, man will choose what is good for him... and most of the time, what he chooses may be good for him but not for other. He becomes selfish and materialistic. Doing everything he can to be "happy"... even if it meant stepping on other people for his own good.

Man is not evil. Man is actually inclined to the good because he was created in God's image and likeness. Sometimes, he forgets that there are other people affected by his decisions and they pay for his 'good'.

That is why we see suffering. Of course, it is not our intention to hurt people. If possible, we would avoid making other people get hurt. But most of the time, we have to hurt them to get what we want.

With those in mind, it will take more than time to stop the hurting. It needs a radical change of heart. A change to think beyond what is good for oneself and to involve others and make them happy as well.

What a fantasy.. =(

Time to catch a shooting star

I spent the weekend contemplating on my life. Last week I though everything was falling apart; and a lot of people seemed to notice it. I won't even try to describe how I looked... ^_^

But I'm very happy that I'm finally seeing the light. It's as if I solved a math problem I've been trying to crack for days. The whole time it was already staring at me in the face. Had it been a human, it would've given me a broken nose for being so stupid to see it.


It started last Tuesday night. Mom and dad noticed I was feeling down when I got home. They decided to cheer me up by watching a movie with them. We've never really sat down as a family and watched DVDs at home. It was usually every man for himself. If you wanted to watch, just pop the DVD into the player by yourself. No one's obliged to watch with you.

We watched The Notebook. As corny as it sounds, I've never watched the movie, despite the high ratings it got. I guess I didn't have the time to watch it back then. It was one of my Mom's favorites. It was also a surprise that Dad watched it with us! He was never a movie-person. Or usually, he'd watch at his own pace. We fixed the sofa bed in the living room and my mom and I sat on it, with legs stretched out in front of us, with pillows and Pagong. It was the works.
Dad had a beer in his hand and sat in his recliner. The lights were off too, as if we were in a movie house. It was such a sweet movie. I cried buckets that night. It was one of those movies that you would avoid watching in a movie house coz you'd go out with a very red face with swollen eyes. Still, watching with my parents, I tried hard to supress the sobs... I don't really like crying in front of people (and will do everything in my power not to do that!). It was really gross. I was holding Pagong and the top of his head was damp with my tears.

As soon as the movie ended, I quickly said goodnight and went up to my room and let it all out. Supressing sobs makes my head hurt. At least I could cry in the comfort of my room... but nooooo....

Mom called my cellphone, she asked me if I could go down and turn off the blasted DVD player and TV. Of course, I had to go down and teach them how to eject the DVD and turn it off... seriously, it was either they're too lazy to do it or they really don't know... and I'm desperately hoping it's the former. They saw my very red nose and teary eyes and asked why I cried.

"It's because the movie was cute. They died but they were in each other's arms. I could never ask for a sweeter death when I'm with the man I love."

The next night, dad invited us to watch The Godfather Trilogy. I myself have been intrigued with such a classic and critically acclaimed film. This time, my brother was with us. Dad was now in the sofabed with mom and me while Pat took the recliner. The 1st part was 3 hours long but it was really good.

The night after, we watched the 2nd part and it was almost 4 hours! I nearly fell asleep right then and there! Some parts were boring but I wanted to look out for those intense scenes and dialogues. I was really zonked after watching the movie.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to watch the last movie. Though they watched that Friday night, I had preferred to watch Enchanted with my officemates. It was a feel-good movie, as Kathy said. ^_^

Yes, I'm starting to feel better now.

Yuletide Gushings

Last Saturday, I spent the night decorating the house with Christmas lights, decors and the Christmas tree. Unbelievable as it sounds, I've never decorated a Christmas tree so this one's my reluctant masterpiece. Our theme for this year was golden yellow and burgundy... so I kinda spent my Saturday evening jamming glittery and shiny Christmas balls into the poor tree. We added some simple yellow lights and mom made the finishing touches by adding ribbons to the tree.

Mom fondly told us that when we were little, she was always so hyped up on decorating the house during Christmas. She loved to see our faces smile whenever the lights are on. And those days, we'd have a competition who got the biggest and most number of gifts. We'd try to collect and count them and then wait for midnight on the 25th. And we always saved Santa's gifts for last. Coz they were always the biggest, heaviest and best gifts we ever got. :)

Last Saturday, I had a hardcore session on Christmas decors. I admit that I'm not domesticated but I guess it's not so bad to start now. Especially since I'm planning to get an apartment in the not-so-distant-future. Hello I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-E!

************************

I remember October-November last year... we were forced out of our house and then stayed at this old yet neat apartment in Makati. It was soooo much like in the 80s movies I see in Cinema One. The furniture was very old school and it reminded me so much about my childhood. It was a fun time last year. I got to commute everyday! It's fun at first but then it gets tiring, especially since I had to bring a laptop every single time.

At the very least, I find myself very much drawn to the mall across the street. I was in Glorietta every waking moment I'm available! The shops were so near... the cinemas were so convenient (one time, Mao and I watched a movie coz he had to wait for his gf to finish work.. the movie we watched was Cake) ^_^ oohhhh the memories! At that time, all you needed was money!

I have a lot more to gush about... but I'm to sleepy now.. I'll continue tomorrow.

Musings of a Happy Girl

I remember it's been a year since we moved to an apartment in Makati. It was a nice experience but under difficult circumstances..

Our house was still under renovation when a very destructive typhoon hit our city. We didn't have power and water.. all our stuff were being put into plastic and moved around. As each section of our house was torn, we had to huddle into the unaffected parts until the whole place was uninhabitable and it was making a mess of our lives... physically, psychologically, hygienically!

Anyway, it was fun taking the train from the apartment to the office. And the weather wasn't so hot so I enjoyed walking out. The apartment had electricity included in the rent so we got to enjoy the aircon every night. Oh joy!!

It was the moving and the packing that sucked... I was never an organized lady *cough* and my mom would always tell me my room is as messy as a boy's. I could never get my room organized.

Anyway, I'm enjoying the comfort of having my own room. Everything included!


***********************

I saw this site of a friend. I just couldn't help but laugh. I'm sorry, he's such a good friend but... hell! He sucks at pictures. It's the same 'pa-cute' pose over and over and over again. It really doesn't suit him! All of the pictures he takes with his girlfriend is the same. I can never stress enough that all of their poses are the same. The only thing that tells you that this is another day and place is that their clothes are different.

He's such a weirdo!

**********************

Yes... I'm happy today.

Suicidal

I indulged myself with really rich hot chocolate, twice! The feeling was ecstatic. It was bliss. That's coz I'm on vacation. :)

Vacations give me an excuse to let go. To be free from self-imposed restrictions such as dieting. Especially when I'm on out-of-town trips where the food here is unlike anywhere else's! So of course you try taste as much of the local food here as possible. Suicidal! Suicidal!

Damn all these delicious food! That's why my diet will never work.. you had me suicidal! Suicidal!

Tomorrow we'll be going back to Manila. It was a well-deserved rest and relaxation. :) Too bad we won't come back here on December. I would have enjoyed the Christmas feel up here.

******************

I like roadtrips. There's a certain sense of uncertainty, and of course, the bonding that will happen in the car, in the coffeeshop, in the gas station... it's like a roadtrip is there because of the journey, not the destination.

I've always loved roadtrip with my family. We try to leave the house early in the morning, eat breakfast somewhere, continue on with the trip, stop at a gas station for CR breaks, eat lunch 5 towns away until finally arriving at the destination. At that day, the energy is spent on the journey and most of the time, the destination is just the finish line, not the starting point.

The longest roadtrip I've ever been to is when we went to Albay and Vigan. Both trips had us sitting on our asses for 12 hours... the 12 hours had included the stopovers and the occasional wrong/missed turns. At the end of a long drive, we'd be very glad that we finally arrived at our destination and just look for the inn we're supposed to stay. And then we'd just plop down on our beds and doze off.

There are still a lot of places we haven't been to. And with dad working out of the country, we only have a few options on when we can leave.

Sagada...

Banaue...

Tuguegarao... hmm, anong makikita dun?

Cagayan Valley... heard there's white water rafting there...

Corregidor... this isn't really a road trip but I really really really wanna go there!

Hidden Valley... just so I can say I've been there

La Union/Zambales.. I've always wanted to try surfing.

Thinking about it, there are a lot of places in the Philippines that are worth the roadtrips. It's also cheaper than going shopping in Hong Kong and Singapore and gambling in Macau. You get to be in touch with nature and the natural wonders we learned in Hekasi during our grade school years. Sometimes, going to those places are worth it. The pictures in the textbooks do not do justice to the beauty of our country.

Someday, I'll go to all of those places and do all of those things with my family, with my significant family and my family.

Resolution

This will be the last time I'm posting something like this. I have come to terms with myself never to dwell on such insignificant and obscure topics such as a guy. I have never felt something like this that's why I'm making such a hassle out of it... in my blog that is. Of course, there was the initial confusion, indifference, shock, anger and sadness but above it all, I have learned not to make a lot of fuss about it. It's a waste of time, energy and just gives me and the people around me negative energy. And all of this just for a guy??? Hello?!?! Ang feeling mo naman!

I thought about relationships, and the eventual lifetime partnership.. and I'm thinking...

A guy who should be worth my tears is someone who will never make me cry. This one is not.

Failure??

He was very upset and disappointed with me. I was angry with myself, thinking how I could've missed it. I had known about it for a long time... and it was perfect timing that I had to get sick. Of all the days.... it had to be that day.

And he had been honest with me and confronted me. I like guys like that. They have the balls to tell me; unlike other people who just walk away without a single word. I feel more insulted when people don't tell me things. I feel that they think I can't handle the truth.. or at least their version of it.

I'm trying to make up for it. I'll really make him happy and blow his mind away. After all, don't we get to have second chances?

Honestly..?

Is it wrong to ask for the truth nowadays? Or people just tend look away and pretend nothing happened..?

It's very unhealthy. And it hurts to know that people who you think you trust just leave you with nothing but an empty soul. It's confusing, it's painful and tiring. It's a charade you have to go through everyday.. and at the end of the day, I feel more tired than ever.

When will the pretending end? It hurts, you know. It friggin' hurts.

Of Organs and Chords

Before I started playing the guitar and the bamboo flute, I got a glimpse and first hand experience of music from the electric organ. We were supposed to buy a piano one day in 1991; but we were fascinated when the electric organ can belt out sounds of other instruments and even have accompanying music to intensify one's piece. So yeah, it was decided that we get the technologically-sound, all-in-one instrument.

I took lessons when I was in grade 3 and even had a recital. It was the best worst feeling ever. My fingers were numbed and at the same time tingling with nervousness... hoping Murphy's law wouldn't happen for the next 5 agonizing minutes of my life. Needless to say, it did happen and I never played the organ after that.

____________________

Lately, I felt like feeling the keys again. Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony, says a song; and yes, I miss playing with my keys. We had it fixed today and now I'm tapping away at the keys as if I just had my music lessons yesterday. :) I was very glad that I still remember my chords and the rhythm of some of the pieces I studied.

Right now, I'm starting to study some Christmas songs. It would be a nice change to play some tunes during the holidays instead of playing them in the ipod, right? :)

Grateful

When was the last time you said, "thank you" to your parents? The 2 people who have been by your side since you started your first breath? It just seems awkward at first, since they have always been your mentor, guide and friend and helping you seems second nature to them.

I started saying "I Love You" to my parents when I was in college. It was the first time I left home and lived by myself. Every night I call home, telling mom that I'm already in the condo. I was in 2nd year that I said, "Goodnight, love you". My mom immediately replied, "I love you, too". It was the warmest, fuzziest feeling ever!

************

Early this morning, I woke up with the painful urge to go to the bathroom. Around 10 minutes after, I started feeling nauseous and lightheaded. Worse was the pain was there, steady and lucid. I crawled back to my bedroom and cursed my bed which was elevated 3 feet from the ground. I curled up on myself and started to cold sweat. Despite the fact that I was feeling faint and my vision drifted on and off, the painful sensation would not leave me. It felt like the butterflies in my stomach grew fangs and talons and began to scrape at my insides.

I thought that time would ease the pain but it just began to get more painful. I swear, if this will be anything like child birth, my husband will do all the diaper-changing and cuddling the baby to sleep at 3am!

It was the worst and longest 2 minutes of my life. Luckily, my phone was beside me and called my mom. I put it on speakerphone because I could not bear to lift the phone to my ear. I cried out to her in a very soft and pained voice to come upstairs. It was a relief to me when she came to my room, but the pain did not subside. She ran to my side and saw my sweat-soaked hair, tank top and boxers. At this point in time, modesty did not cross my mind. She hurriedly turned on the aircon and used my towel to wipe the sweat from my face and neck. Her hand was an anchor. As I grabbed it with my now freezing hands, I cried. I broke down like a little girl and cried to my mom. I told her not to leave me and gripped her hand as tight as I possibly could at that time.

She used my phone to call downstairs and asked for medicine and some brew to be brought up. Sitting up to drink the medicine was hell. My arm supporting me was so weak it was shaking. I was able to lean against the wall as I swallowed the medicine. And then, I fell down again. I never felt this weak in my life. It immediately reminded me of people getting shot down and left to die. It's scary, knowing that you're dying and yet you desperately, futilely, cling to life. By then, I was already hallucinating.

My dad came up and checked up on me. He asked how I was. My eyes were closed but I was still conscious. At this point in time, modesty kicked in but I didn't know how to cover myself. Mom, always the supermom, grabbed my blanket and covered me with it. My dad asked if there was anything he could do to help. They were already contemplating bringing me to the hospital.

At that point, I was really thinking mundane things: I haven't even brushed my teeth! Washed my face! Am I wearing nice underwear?

I then told them to wait until the medicine kicks in. Mom reluctantly agreed but said that if I don't get better in about 30 minutes, they're rushing me to the ER, ribbon boxers and all! Damn you medicine, if you don't work, I will sue your company!

Thankfully, the color returned to my face and I stopped having cold sweats. I was able to sit up and drink ginger brew. By then I told my mom I can manage by myself and that I will go down for breakfast. As she gathered the stuff she had to bring down and opened my door, I said in a loud and clear voice, "Thank you, ma".

She didn't turn around but said, "Ok, let's eat breakfast, I made pancakes for you."

I felt her smile when she was talking. A smile grew on my face as well. I love pancakes!

What I REALLY wanted to be when I grow up

I was very much fascinated with the stars. Before perverts entered our neighborhood and became our neighbors, I used to go outside our house and look up. It was so serene... the bright, simple spots in the sky was very calming. It was silent communication between me and the heavens. I would stare at the sky for hours, reflecting, contemplating, discerning.

There was no internet that time, and so I only relied on our science textbooks and the library. Compared to the generation now, research back then was hardcore! Kids nowadays do not know how the dewey decimal system works. It's such a shame that they only know google or wikipedia. :(

I tried to learn more about the skies, the planets, the asteroids, the galaxies and the different theories. I was only in grade 3 then. And then...

Mom bought a set of encyclopedias. At that time, having an encyclopedia set was already google. You have a shelf of man's common knowledge. Call me a nerd, but yes, there was a time when I browsed through encyclopedias for interesting articles, persons and terms. I like the part on the human anatomy...

It was already a haven for everything I wanted to know about the heavens. The pictures were fantastic (they were colored!) and at the end of each write-up, they would place similar terms for me to look up. It was a roadmap of information.

After the encyclopedia mania, cable came.... and I loved Discovery Channel (yes, I'm inclined to geekiness). I took note of programs that showed the solar system, eclipses, the space race and everything in between. I made sure I wouldn't miss it.. or if I did, I'd check the schedules for replays.

It was then that I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be an astronaut. To go up there and explore beyond my bubble. A dangerous beauty, and I wanted to know her more.

Allow me this moment of selfishness...

Thanks to Marco for the pics. :) I never knew I'd look like this... hehehe

This was taken last Sunday night at Boni High Street. May I just boast that this particular night I wasn't wearing any makeup???

Waiting for my Mr. Right... *sigh*

Kars: It wasn't meeee....

Sa Globe, posible! /or/ HP Invent

Kars: Hey there, cutie! I've been waiting.

Effects of too much caffeine

Kars: Care to join me for a walk? *sly smile*

Kars: Come closer.. I've got something to say...

The hat was always on coz my hair was a mess. I didn't have time to fix it and it was a miracle that it kinda complemented my very casual hoodie. ^_^ All in all, the whole ensemble was just 2 minutes. Hurrah for those moments that it's a cinch to look pretty.

It was a nice break. I am happy now. Thanks guys!

Confidence lost... for now

I just had to test you...

And you failed. Miserably.

Damn you

Breaking

I'm feeling down lately. I just need someone to tell me things will be ok (..hey, it's nice to dream once in a while). And lately, the person I need support from the most is the one person I feel detached from.

I feel lonely...

Lalaki sa Parola

It's a gay indie film. The characters are not celebrities... probably seen by the casting director while s/he was on vacation in a province. It was amateur. The sex scenes looked really wrong... and the actors looked tense and conscious of themselves.

The story was somewhat confusing.. until then end when we realized the parallelism of the old man cleaning graves and the lead actor. At first, we didn't mind that the 'flashback' character looked so much like the lead actor.. they were one in the same... *insert nervous laugh*

The story spoke of a diwata.. a fairy in the lighthouse, where the lead actor was keeper. Right then, we had quickly deduced that the diwata did not mean a spirit. It was one's inner self. That innate characteristic of us that our consciousness tries to bottle up. Our primal instinct? Our deepest, darkest desires that are conveniently taboo?

That's what the movie was all about... releasing your inner demons destroys relationships, destroys your loved ones.. and in the end, you destroy yourself.

heh

heh

heh

Sorry, that was a shallow explanation for what the movie was trying to tell us.. unfortunately, I was feeling shallow for watching that movie with my sister. She could not handle the homoerotic scenes.. and I feel sorry for her. I spent more than half the time consoling her while she squirmed in her seat, scratching my arm, anything!

What I had reflected on the movie was this (yes, I actually analyze gay soft porn): Do not release inner demons when you are not sure of it yourself. Accepting yourself and who you are may give you a happy ending. This one didn't.

At first, he was happy with the relationship that he had with the guy from the city. But then, when faced with the fact that he is gay (he used to have a fiancee before running off to the city in search of his soon-to-be-boyfriend)... he turns the other cheek. He hurts the only person who loves him and tries to go back to his past he can never have.

Bye Bye Jakarta

For nearly 14 years, we have always been going to Jakarta for the summer holidays. With Dad's new assignment, there won't be any reason for us to go there anymore.

So the 1st week of September, we went there for the last time... here are some of the things I'll miss in Indonesia:

- Right-hand driven cars -- I had been very confused the first time I got there.

- The very posh malls -- the socio-economic gap in Indonesia is wider than the Philippines.

- The very cheap clothing -- we buy overruns at Fashion Warehouse. You'd never guess that the branded clothes I wear were bought 80% off the original price

- The very tasty snacks -- I fell in love with Chitato (light blue) and Cheetos (grilled chicken and corn) while we were still staying in Malang (it's a province near Indonesia's 2nd capital, Surabaya)

- The communication barrier -- like Filipinos, Indonesians don't know how to be discreet when they see something fascinating.. in this case me and my siblings talking in Tagalog.. they seem mesmerized.. hahahah

- The DIY sundaes at AM/PM -- similar to 7/11 here. When dad was first assigned to Jakarta, his office had a convenience store at the basement. You can then make your own sundae for around 30 pesos. All the toppings, caramel and chocolate syrup and soft ice cream you can cram in your plastic cup!

- The very cheap manga -- Indonesians translate Japanese manga to Bahasa and are sold for around 20 pesos per book. My sister and I would scramble to buy and translate them.. hence our slight skill at using Bahasa

- The Sunday morning cartoons in Bahasa -- whether it's RCTV/SCTV/Indosiar and what not, we loved watching Bahasa-dubbed anime (Dragon Ball, Sailormoon, etc). For some reason, it looks funny when they speak Bahasa

- Trips to Mangga Dua -- a more organized and airconditioned version of Divisoria, trips to Mangga Dua are stifling hot, full of traffic with motorcycles zooming past you. In the end, we go home with plastics full of DVDs, PS2 games and software. For mom, very nice imitations of designer bags. It's the pirate capital of Jakarta.

- "Aduh!" -- a famous Indonesian word.. literally meaning ouch, it may also mean a foiled plan, expression of embarrassment, impatience, wrong move... just like Homer's "d'oh!"

- Spicy food -- no delicacy in Indonesia is too spicy... which is just too painful for us. Water isn't enough!

- Those Indonesian names -- yes, we have friends named Kiki, Titi, Dodo, etc.

- One-way traffic -- it puts Makati to shame.

- Sunday masses -- it feels like home. Most of the active members in Church as Filipinos. Even the choir's Filipino.

- Pretending to be Indonesian -- I must be pronouncing something wrong... I know how to speak Bahasa but whenever I open my mouth, they'd always exclaim I'm a foreigner.. there goes my intent to haggle for a better price!

- Anonymity -- I can be anyone I want! Nobody knows me here!

Maybe Budapest won't be so bad. I'll try to make a similar list when I go there. ^_^

Lost and Forgotten

Does chivalry still exist in this day and age?

If you ask me, I think it's long dead... that or nobody has proven to me that it still exists in this dog-eat-dog world. Today, many people take advantage of the kindness of other people. Unfortunately, I am guilty of that. But many people really do serious damage to bystanders who did nothing wrong except offer a helping hand.

My dad used to tell me to just ignore strangers who ask for help. Better safe than sorry right? And right now, ideologies like chivalry and valor and honor are only seen in your comfort zones... in places where you know people will not make you regret you helped them.

And I pretty much admire those people, who are aware of this, and still try to do the right thing. You know, it's easier to turn a blind eye to those who are helpless and powerless. Omission is easier than commission. Because doing the right thing isn't as easy as turning away. Sometimes, doing the right thing is the hardest and most painful.


A lot of people in this world do things for themselves. Again, I'm guilty of that. Individualism is at it's peak. But that's not a bad idea because in the long run, it will benefit a lot of people (is now doing research on the Invisible Hand Theory). And it is rarer to see people doing things for the sake of other people. By other people I mean the strangers you see everyday. I think those are what you call heroes. They are people who believe and fight for something people don't see as worth their time anymore. They are strong enough to be more courageous than most people. They exemplify what people can only dream about.

They define the very ideologies that have started to disappear from our society. At first, I thought they have become extinct.. but I guess you just have to search deeper, harder.

I just found one. ^_^

I want to dance beneath the moonlight...

I remember a distant memory wherein my family went to Yogyakarta to see the famed Borobudur Temple. It was raining and the temple grounds were slippery. Some of the stone slabs would shift and slide as you step on it. Intricate carvings of illustrations of Buddhist/Indian principles were slowly chipping away. As you go higher, what seemed like bell-shaped structures had figures of monks in lotus position inside them. It looked so real and yet, something that is out of this world.

It took us about 15 minutes climbing the whole structure. And when we got to the top, I didn't realize I had let go of my umbrella until I felt the rain soaking me. The view was spectacular. Being the tallest structure within miles, I could feel myself gaping with awe at the four corners of that earth I had created in that single moment.

It had seemed I could not take everything.

My thoughts and voice lay huddled in the corner of my mind. I could only stand still and watch the view unfold before my very eyes. It was breathtaking, yet terribly overwhelming. I had felt like I am on top and at the center of the world. My knees were shaking not only because of the bitter cold but because I felt this sense of 'lula'. My whole being lay powerless and at the mercy of this vast space. What I had been feeling wouldn't even come close to what a Divine and Absolute Being feel.

That feeling I haven't felt eversince... and I'm craving for this tremendous and uncanny euphoria. Right now I feel bound. Bound by society's rules and norms.

I wish to be free.

Lost

I am officially lost...

It's that Special Day

A quick commercial...

Happy birthday KIM!!!!! She is now 2x years old! And I can still remember the first time we met... it was grade 1 and our surnames were one after the other. Since then we have been inseparable. It was until around grade 5-ish that we had a "cool-off" when we didn't become classmates. But we got back together when we were classmates during 1st year high school. Since then, we made sure we'd never be apart.

Of course, there were times that we didn't get along... but we tried to compromise. And I guess it worked coz until now, she's still my very best friend. My bridesmaid... the ninang of my child... my girl soulmate till the end.

Happy Birthday Sis! I love you! :)

???

I've been doing some thinking recently. And it seems that the more I think, the more confused I become.

Don't ask me what this is all about coz I'm not sure myself...

Maybe a distraction? A self-inflicted questioning of the mind??

Maybe now that I have more free time (thank God Japan Gillette's over!), I have more time to think about me. The Now-Me, the Future-Me.

Sometimes, I wonder what God wants for me. Because I'm not sure that what I want for myself would be what God wants for me. Would I be selfish to think that my wants are ultimately for me? That, let's say I've realized I like this person and would ultimately want him for myself... would he want me too? What if he doesn't want me, and yet I've been persistent about it?

Crap...

Re-reading this, I've generated more issues than TIME magazine.

A friend of mine told me I've been thinking too much. I guess he's right. Scrutinizing every angle and every detail won't do you much good. And since it's the first time this has happened to me.. every imaginable scenario has already entered my mind... I've become paranoid about doing the wrong thing.

Why can't life get any easier?

A New Adventure

The last time Dad came here for the weekend, he had a big surprise for us all...

He would be assigned to Budapest, Hungary for 2 years!!

It all started a few months back... he sent an email only to me, Pat and Anne, telling us that he got an informal invitation that he would be assigned as CFO in one of his company's ventures in Kiev, Ukraine. But until he got a final approval, he would only tell his family.

The dream of finally having a gateway to Europe, aka Ukraine, was overwhelming. For someone who has frequently traveled to only one or two countries, it was a dream to finally get out of Asia! ^_^ We were very excited when Dad became one of the 6 representatives to visit Kiev for an inspection and face-to-face meeting with their Ukrainian counterparts. The fact that he was the only manager with a background in finance was very promising.

It was that time when I was in Japan for a business trip. I was at the edge of my seat every time dad would update us. When I got back home on July 21, Dad told us he was coming home the next weekend from Ho Chih Minh City. When he arrived, he told us that he would be reassigned to Budapest instead of Kiev. And that his boss wanted him to be there mid-August! What a surprising turn of events! I blinked and stared for a good 3 seconds before screaming and hugging dad, congratulating him on this promotion. I was happy that he got what he wanted, and more! And we were happy too that a new adventure is about to start for all of us.

He showed us some winter clothing he bought at Changi airport, knowing that his new assignment would be a country that would terribly be cold during winter. He bought this kick-ass Burberry trenchcoat and sweater and looked very comfy even during a snowstorm. The price was ridiculously high but I guess it would be a good investment for him since he doesn't do well in the cold.

Anyway, we were all planning to take a vacation in Jakarta, for the last time, before Dad ships his stuff back home and then move to Hungary. We're planning to go there at least twice and then do some city-hopping along the way. I just can't wait!