Revenge

This is what you get for speaking your mind out, bitch! The world was never fair to begin with so stop thinking of fair and justice and equality.

The strong will eat, the weak are meat.

It's a dog eat dog world where everyone is a savage doing whatever they can to take control of their lives.

I have never been more frustrated in my life about something I thought was 'just ok'. It had never bothered me to think of life in this perspective. Until now. Sugar-coating is ok. But downright plain lying is another thing! I do not like being lied to. Nobody does. Lying does not do anybody good.

I'm tactless but at least you know my point, pain and all. It's better than beautifully crafted words...web of lies and deceit. This is now where I draw the line. Trust broken is trust never again to be built. And no, don't go all self-righteous to me. It never worked anyway. ;P

The one you love? The one who loves you?

Time and again... I've stuck in a crossroad, pondering which path to choose. And this time, it's not about choosing colleges and careers; both of which I can say proudly I chose well. And this time, I'm stuck in a crossroad that's equally important as my university and career. This can also change my life drastically.

Call me a cheesy sap but when I was little, I told myself that boys will always be yucky and icky and full of cooties. Oh how I ate those words!

Lovelife is as important as one's career and insurance. Although people rank it differently, once it's there on your list, it's all the same.

You can say I fell hard. I was smitten, infatuated and I giggle like a teenager whenever he'd pass me by. I thought I fell in love at first sight. I did everything I can to make him know I exist in this world. We became friends and after a few months (potah, slow lang talaga siya!), we were exchanging YMs, IMs, SMSs and other alphabetical means of communication.

My relationship with him is a lot slower than any other relationships I've had in my entire life. My friends think he's been living in a cave all this time not to notice that there are actually social graces, etiquette, norms and the like. He's hard to deal with... very fickle-minded and does not believe in planning ahead of time. If I were some other girl, I'd get impatient with him and just let him be... because that's my perception of him. It feels he's already contented with what he has and is not motivated by anything.

Here I am, playing the martyr, doing anything and everything... honestly, I've never done this for a guy and I'm really overextending myself with this person. I though to myself that if I continue what I'm doing now, I might have a shot at this. A shot to have a relationship with him.
And then I fell back to earth.

I met another guy who I feel is very much interested with me. It shows... he initiates every conversation we ever had. He invited me to movies and has been confiding me on his personal stuff. Isn't that enough sign? Of course, I don't want to assume but the way he treats me... I feel wanted. And I very much like what I'm feeling.

Now I'm torn... should I go to the one I like... or run to the arms of the one who (I think) likes me?

And here is the clincher... I think the infatuation spell's wearing off. I'm seeing things more clearly than before. Suddenly, my love interest isn't as good looking as he used to be...

Ouch

I got into a fight and that made me feel alienated for about 3 months from close people. I took the initiative and after two attempts, I finally got a response. Of course, I was happy but I felt a little bit sad that I was getting the impression that what happened the past months didn't happen. It was like picking off from where we left and that was it.

I had a lot of questions but decided not to ask them. What's important now is that the friendship that was torn is now mended... how and why, I might never know myself.

Not all people seem to agree with the way I deal with things, or talk about it. Frankly, I'm quite frank, sometimes bordering on tactlessness. One of my closest friends confronted me about it. She told me I was being too harsh when I talk about some things. Whenever I talk, it was always bullseye, without any regard for feelings. Of course, I apologized for being so callous and everything was fine in the end.

But why? Why go all this trouble to erase everything she had of me? Was it that harsh? Was I such a callous, tactless bitch that it was worth almost 2 years of friendship? I couldn't understand, I wanted to understand but I didn't want to go through hell again with what happened. Sure, I know how to cope... and everyone knows the world never revolves around anyone, but I'm tired to these mindless games and guessing every single wrong thing you said. It's not fair, I got hurt too.