A moment of silence

The weekend brought about the best of sleeping habits. It was cool and the sky outside barely hinted at the sun. The rain and winds brought about a very conducive sleeping atmosphere. Forget electricity, cable TV and technology for a moment. I ran back to my paperbacks the moment the lights went out.

Mom had a transistor radio so we were fortunate enough to have some information of the outside world without the need for electricity. We heard about Iloilo and some parts of Visayas drowning in rainwater. We also heard about the ferry disaster that may have taken 700 lives. All of them were avoidable tragedies. Of course, living in corrupt and 3rd world countries, one cannot expect the preparedness of a highly organized goverment agency as one would see in movies and cable TV. Budget allocated for something like this was never released anyway. They were long gone.. used by some politician's vacation in Europe or a presidential suite in New York.

Everyone would want to blame this on nature. Why not?! It's highly unpredictable and not once questioned by God-fearing citizens. It seems to be the only way to appease victims and let the accountable parties get away with it. No one would dream for this to happen. Of course, no one took action so this would not happen as well. We were swept away with fatalistic appeals.

A moment of silence for the victims and those who died ahead of their time. Their potential never again to be realized and their future and dreams, sinking with the ship. May they rest in peace.

The one you love? The one who loves you?

Time and again... I've stuck in a crossroad, pondering which path to choose. And this time, it's not about choosing colleges and careers; both of which I can say proudly I chose well. And this time, I'm stuck in a crossroad that's equally important as my university and career. This can also change my life drastically.

Call me a cheesy sap but when I was little, I told myself that boys will always be yucky and icky and full of cooties. Oh how I ate those words!

Lovelife is as important as one's career and insurance. Although people rank it differently, once it's there on your list, it's all the same.

You can say I fell hard. I was smitten, infatuated and I giggle like a teenager whenever he'd pass me by. I thought I fell in love at first sight. I did everything I can to make him know I exist in this world. We became friends and after a few months (potah, slow lang talaga siya!), we were exchanging YMs, IMs, SMSs and other alphabetical means of communication.

My relationship with him is a lot slower than any other relationships I've had in my entire life. My friends think he's been living in a cave all this time not to notice that there are actually social graces, etiquette, norms and the like. He's hard to deal with... very fickle-minded and does not believe in planning ahead of time. If I were some other girl, I'd get impatient with him and just let him be... because that's my perception of him. It feels he's already contented with what he has and is not motivated by anything.

Here I am, playing the martyr, doing anything and everything... honestly, I've never done this for a guy and I'm really overextending myself with this person. I though to myself that if I continue what I'm doing now, I might have a shot at this. A shot to have a relationship with him.
And then I fell back to earth.

I met another guy who I feel is very much interested with me. It shows... he initiates every conversation we ever had. He invited me to movies and has been confiding me on his personal stuff. Isn't that enough sign? Of course, I don't want to assume but the way he treats me... I feel wanted. And I very much like what I'm feeling.

Now I'm torn... should I go to the one I like... or run to the arms of the one who (I think) likes me?

And here is the clincher... I think the infatuation spell's wearing off. I'm seeing things more clearly than before. Suddenly, my love interest isn't as good looking as he used to be...

Ouch

I got into a fight and that made me feel alienated for about 3 months from close people. I took the initiative and after two attempts, I finally got a response. Of course, I was happy but I felt a little bit sad that I was getting the impression that what happened the past months didn't happen. It was like picking off from where we left and that was it.

I had a lot of questions but decided not to ask them. What's important now is that the friendship that was torn is now mended... how and why, I might never know myself.

Not all people seem to agree with the way I deal with things, or talk about it. Frankly, I'm quite frank, sometimes bordering on tactlessness. One of my closest friends confronted me about it. She told me I was being too harsh when I talk about some things. Whenever I talk, it was always bullseye, without any regard for feelings. Of course, I apologized for being so callous and everything was fine in the end.

But why? Why go all this trouble to erase everything she had of me? Was it that harsh? Was I such a callous, tactless bitch that it was worth almost 2 years of friendship? I couldn't understand, I wanted to understand but I didn't want to go through hell again with what happened. Sure, I know how to cope... and everyone knows the world never revolves around anyone, but I'm tired to these mindless games and guessing every single wrong thing you said. It's not fair, I got hurt too.

School's Here!

Next week's the start of school. I'm missing it now. The smell of brand new plastic and notebooks just exhilarate me for some reason. All bookstores are crammed with children happily choosing notebooks, pens, notepads, books, uniforms with their mom in tow with baskets full of plastic wrappers, textbooks, erasers, pencils, sharpeners among others.

I remember during my grade school years that by end of May, I'd beg my mom to take me to school to see if they already released the class list. I'd run over each and every one of the sections and check out all my classmates, where my other friends are listed and check out where my class room will be.

Then we'd go to the bookstore where I'll get our booklist. Call me a geek but I really get excited about new textbooks. We'd go inside and give the list to the sales clerk. He'd gather everything and include notebooks, folders, envelopes, etc. When we get home, I'll immediately check out each and every one of the books. I'd start out with the Reading and read the stories. Hahaha, forgive me but that time there was no internet or the computer so I stick to reading and playing outside... like normal kids should do.

Then I'd beg my mom to help me cover them with plastic paper. I didn't know how to cut out the plastic to fit the books so I just help out by folding the corners and putting tape on the inside covers. Then we'd do the same for my siblings! At the end of the day, you'll see me labeling all my books and notebooks with my really long name. I'd arrange them according to height and place them inside my bag on a trolley. Everyday I would pick out one book and read them. Except math of course. Reading, Katha, Science, Hekasi... all of them I'll skim until the start of the school year.

First days were no less exciting for me. It would be crowded with kids on the hallways, checking out which of their friends were still their classmates, where their other friends are located. It would be crazy, until the classs advisors one by one go to the classrooms and order us all to lineup. First days are usually introductions, seating arrangements, class schedules and some pep talk by the teachers. We do recaps of the school's mission-vision, thrust among others. Sometimes it gets boring but at the end of the day, you're happy you're finally learning something new this year.


*geek mode*