The Week that Was

MONDAY:

• Dad woke me up from my beauty sleep to meet the new maid: Ella. She doesn't speak English... yeah, like I know Bahasa... we communicate using what I desperately call hand signals
• Spent the day lounging around. Since Regency is a serviced apartment, had the sheets changed and the floor sweeped and mopped.
• Watched Smallville the whole afternoon.
• Dad and I went to Plaza Indonesia to buy groceries at Sogo. Bought bread in Bread Talk (Bread Talk is such a hit here, even at 9PM, people are still queueing for their bread! The bestseller here is the floss, fire floss to be specific)

TUESDAY:

• Went to the Gym at the 9th floor.
• Pigged out with Chitato...and Cheetos... damn!
• Ate at a Chinese restaurant in Plaza Indonesia for dinner.
• YM-ed my friends the whole night... updated the blog

WEDNESDAY:

• Played tennis in the afternoon at dad's old apartment. Was glad that my trainers still knew me. They told me my stamina went down and my grip was very poor....
• Because of that, I got 2 major blisters in my left hand (poor grip makes the racket twist in your hand as you hit, creating friction, causing skin to thin; water goes to the area to cushion the skin below)... the one in my ring finger had burst during training. It had hurt so bad but I continued playing.
• After tennis, changed my clothes and went to dad's office in Tanjung Priok.

This was along the highway. There was traffic. We were going to exit at Tj. Priok.

• After picking up dad, which was around 7PM, we went to this nearby mall which had Chowking. I ordered Fan Chow rice and halo-halo (yum!) while dad ordered beef and mushroom. We also bought buchi.

SIDE NOTE--- This has been the third consecutive time I've been eating Chinese food. The first one was at Changi Airport and the 2nd one was in Plaza Indonesia. We ate there before as a family... I really can't memorize the name. It has many Chinese characters and the Roman equivalent just spelled it out, rendering it useless to memorize.

THURSDAY:

• The blisters had hurt like hell so I decided to just relax today.
• Finally got the hang of dad's coffee maker. I want to learn how to make a capuccino tho...

This machine required more than just pressing a button. Had to grind the beans using the thingy at the right, then put them on a metal cup, attache them to the underside of the coffee maker, put water then turn on the machine.



This puts my barista skills to the test.

• I bummed around again and watched Smallville. I'm having a Lex Luthor fixation right now. I'm not usually attracted to bald guys but I'm so into Lex and Chris Daughtry of American Idol right now!
• Dad and I ate dinner at a Cafe near our place. But the food and coffee was too expensive (more expensive than a nice cup of coffee at Starbucks). It wasn't special food so dad vowed never to eat there again.

FRIDAY:

• I put my Bora bikini to good use again and went swimming today. It was at the top floor and I was the only one in the pool. I sunbathed first, putting more tan on my legs before splashing in the pool.
• I remember that we were here during the 1998 crisis. On this exact floor, we saw the whole city in smoke. Riots were everywhere and you can hear sirens all around. It was chaos.

But now the city is fine. Life goes on.

• When dad got home from office today, we decided to order Pizza. We got a Personal Super Supreme Pizza, Chicken Wings and Garlic Bread. We ate while watching Monte-Carlo Open. Semi-finals na bukas. I hope Nadal wins.

Anyway, that's about it for this week. Dad and I'll go to Senayan tomorrow and eat lunch at a Japanese restaurant.

Sunkissed Goddess in Jakarta

I arrived in Jakarta last Sunday evening, around 2230, Manila time. I met dad's new driver and sat on his new car (Nissan Xtrail). The trip back to his apartment in Menteng was faster compared to the apartment in Pondok Indah (Menteng is nearer to the airport and the CBD).

As we arrived in the apartment, dad showed me my new room and my own bathroom. I started unpacking and putting my blouses and pants in hangers as well as familiarized myself with the place. His apartment is relatively smaller than his previous.



My recently opened suitcase. Notice the plastic in the middle. It's our birthday gift to dad, now safely resting behind my bed.



My cabinet, which used to be dad's supply closet. Still trying to stuff my clothes in.


My bed, which housed my laptop and pagong (left side of laptop... he was dead tired too!)



View from my window. It was kinda early when I took this pic so it was still hazy.



Typical breakfast... taken around 10AM.

Singapore Slings

I woke up for our flight after a 4-hour sleep. It was Easter Sunday. Despite the fact that I travel to Jakarta on a regular basis, I still couldn't shake off the excitement. For me, traveling would always feel surreal. The fact that you are going outside your country is a very big thing for me. Stepping out to another 'world' is what I feel everytime I get off the aircraft.

Anyway, dad and I got through immigration and check-in pretty quickly (we had a special line, hehe). We stayed for a while in the lounge and ate breakfast. Dad said not to eat too much because the stewardess would keep on asking me if I would like another roll or more coffee.

Anyway, highlights on board the Boeing 777-200:

• My compartment was nearly empty. Because of the fact that it is a holiday and it's the first flight to Singapore. Too early.
• Because of this, the ratio of passenger to stewardess was 2:1. I felt so pampered. She kept refilling my cup with cappuccino and my glass with apple spritzer. Rolls never ran out. She would come back with the basket and I was so full of bread I tasted every variety they had.
• I had belgian waffles for breakfast...yum yum yum... There goes my weight!
• I watched RENT (thank God for Wisemen... you can pause, ff or rewind your movie) and cried at certain parts... it was great. I wouldn't know if the broadway was better.
• My skin then decided to let go of the burnt layer on my upper arms[i love you, Boracay]. I had to go to the lavatory twice to apply moisturizers. sidenote: I noticed the tan/bronze look 2 days after I went home.
• I missed Pagong. I had to check him in with the luggage...
• When we disembarked, I thanked the stewardess for taking such good care of me.

I love Changi Airport! The carpet...the walkalator... the shops [duty free and GST free!]... the lounge was perfect. All the Evian, Haagen Dazs and Lindt you can gobble. Dad and I opted to get out of the airport and go downtown first.

To say that dad treated me like a princess while we were in downtown Singapore was uber understatement. These were the highlights of our 6-hour escapade in Orchard Road:::

• We took the MRT going downtown. It was fast, convenient and smooth. It's easier to travel using MRT rather than take a taxi or bus.
• Orchard road was full of Pinay DHs... since it's Easter Sunday, they all have time-off
• Dad said that most Pinays have Bangladeshi or Indian boyfriends... it's kinda complicated
• Orchard road was also full of hot chinitos...damn...I'm in heaven.
• Lyn Ching was there, doing a segment for some show. Dad and I tried to get close to her so we can be included! Haha, we have star complex!
• Dad bought me iPod video... I swear I will take care of it to the fullest of my abilities. The guy there, Mark, who helped us, is sooooo cute!
• Takashimaya is my favorite mall. They have the largest Kinokuniya in Southeast Asia...they also have designer boutiques.
• We bought Mom's wallet at Braun Buffel. I think we had a discount.
• Gucci was on sale! Haha, like I'd buy from that store and get out in one piece!
• The Bvlgari handbag that I wanted was the last piece. Hahaha
• Dad and I ate at McDo. They had more types of burgers and meals than in Manila!
• We went to Kinokuniya to collect the books that my sister ordered. I love this place so much!
• At Paragon, I bought a nice black skirt. Can't wait to wear it.
• Dad was such a gentleman. He carried everything we bought!
• In the late afternoon, it rained very hard. We were glad we were inside the building.
• We got back to the airport using MRT again.
• We ate dinner at Jade Palace. Food was good!
• I swear the 2 guys who sat beside us are gay. One Singaporean-Chinese and a Caucasian. I heard a bit of their flirting.
• Dad and I went around Changi, checking out the shops. Bought perfume for mom. Dad has a discount card and was able to purchase mom's Lanvin 10% off.
• During our way to the gate, a kid riding the pushcart fell when they exited the walkalator [the walkalator had an elevation and I guess the kid got off-balanced]. It caused a pile-up and dad and I had to walk backwards to avoid joining the pile-up. The kid was not hurt badly; I think it was just shock. Several foreigners helped them.

Dad and I took the last flight to Jakarta and it was only an hour. I spent the flight watching Scrubs, Will & Grace and a bit of the Simpsons. Dinner was shrimp and mocha pudding. I also had a first taste of champagne. I think I had 2 glasses. I was totally buzzed.

Anyway, the next entry will be my first few days in Jakarta.

Oh, yeah, wala pa pala akong Bora entry!

Later.

Isang Tulog na Lang!

One more day and I'll be off to a well-deserved vacation! I haven't started packing yet but I've made a list of clothes and stuff to bring. I packed borrowed One Tree Hill and Smallville DVDs as well as stuff this laptop later.

My dad and I will be spending a month together in Jakarta. He transferred from Pondok Indah to Menteng Regency Apartments. I haven't been there but dad told me there's a pool and a fitness center at the top floor. I feel really guilty that I don't know how to cook that well. I guess I'm not one of those women who really have an innate inclination to the kitchen.

We'll be starting the day by taking the first flight to Singapore. There, we have around 7 hours of downtown shopping. We'll just commute using SMRT to and fro the city. Dad said to minimize hand carried baggage so I'll have to put Pagong in the check-in luggage.

Sorry, Pagong... no more inflight entertainment for now.

Then we'll take the last flight to Jakarta, where dad's driver will pick us up.

Pretty busy day, huh?

Excursion

We do this annually.

During the Holy Week, we would take advantage of the fact that a lot of people are inside their homes or praying in the churches. After Visita Iglesia, we would take a tour of Metro Manila.

The whole Metro Manila.

We would fill the car with gas and then start our trek in places we don't usually go.

Like Avenida...

Bluementritt...

Binondo...

Malabon...

Caloocan...

It's mostly the northern part of Manila.

For me, it's more like a family thing. Since my brother and I learned how to drive, and the fact that my dad only comes home about 3 times a year, it's the perfect way to bond and see the metropolis. But I'm having this gut feeling that this is more for my parents.

They would usually drive up to the University Belt, where their colleges were. They would never fail to show us the street where their boarding house once stood... my dad's boarding house is now a ladies' dorm! I think it's a nice way for them to reminisce their college times. After all, I don't deny the fact that it's one of the greatest experiences of my life.

Dad would always tell us how he walks from his boarding house to his school... that the food they usually have is fried galunggong... that once, he was almost a victim of holdup...

Mom would point out the place where her boarding house once stood. Then tell us where she buys her 2nd hand books... that she would go to Divisoria all by herself, check out shops the whole afternoon and come home with having purchased just one blouse!...

It was nice, seeing the gleam in their eyes as they tell us their own college experiences.

My TOP 10 Teachers

I've decided to dedicate this entry to the teachers who have influenced me to be a
better person. They were part of the memories I had while in Ateneo. Friends are not just the ones we make memories with. It is also the day to day experience and learning with our mentors.


10. Rica Bolipata-Santos (English)
The first teacher I met in Ateneo. She was a very dedicated and passionate educator. She made me love literature even more and taught me how to competently write papers and essays. She taught us life's lessons. She was a feminist and celebrated her womanhood. She taught me that being a woman wasn't all that bad.


9. Dr. Gus Rodriguez (Philosophy of Religion)
I loved his classes because not only does he explains the lessons well, but also I loved his witty remarks and the tips on love and life in general. He gives good remarks despite the fact that he
and his wife are separated (is this true???). This is my favorite Philosophy class because it is grounded on faith and religion, one of the pillars and foundation of my moral values. It gave me a deeper understanding of the incomprehensible and the infinite other. I also loved doing our paper for this class. My paper was on the religious aspect of The Chronicles of Narnia and using Philosophy to explain it.

8. Jules Dacanay (Visual Thinking for Communication Managers)
This class was more of activities and group dynamics. It taught us how to think out of the box and generate ideas from the most informal, most unconventional ways. His activities were really practical and useful for the corporate world. This course gave me time to think about my future and how I can be a woman for others. He IS a woman for others. And Gustav is THE dog for the bitches out there. I don't know if this will offend him but he really reminds me of Jack from Will & Grace. He's casual and elegant without acting girly and a primadonna. I've learned a lot.


7. Pierre Tagle, PhD (Management of Communication Technologies)
You NEVER forget the PhD. I was really impressed, intimidated even by his achievements and
knowledge of the subject. The fact that he is a CIO (Chief Information Officer) made me "ohhhhh...." He really knows his subjects and IP addresses. Despite the toughness of the subject and our lack of technical background, he still made it a point that we got to learn the subject before class ends. I had fun with the experiments. Despite his highly rigid and what I suspect to be stressful routine, he's a down-to-earth person.


Can you guess who are my top teachers???


to be continued.....

The Week That Was-- Part 2

:::WEDNESDAY:::

After waking up late (yes, I just had to stress that!), I prepared stuff to bring to Ginny's place. I had a workout before going to Gracie's to park my car. We had Mang Renato drive us to Ginny's house then to her family's condo near St. Luke's for a night of karaoke, drinking sessions and whatnot.

The night was a blur... I had sisig, Takeshi's castle (for the nth time) rhum coke and 4 shots of tequila (one of those was a death shot). I threw up twice and I thought it was over... man...it was the worst hangover ever!

I wanted to thank my guardian angels who looked after me... Ginny, aR and Gracie. ^_^


:::THURSDAY:::

Woke up the next day with a pounding headache, sore limbs and a kidnapped Pagong (Kris, I did not see that coming!). But despite all that I was able to pose with my barkada for a photo session (what's new???) although I could not stand properly.

I went with Gracie to her home and gave me drugs for the hangover before I went home.


:::FRIDAY:::

We had a date lunch with Sir Ed in Asian Development Bank. Before that, I parked my car (again!) at Gracie's house as Mang Domeng brought us to Galleria, where my ITM 124 family was supposed to meet. I brought Tita Mirla and Tito Balty lasagna for all the trouble I caused their home...hehe...

In ADB, I saw Jem's Koyang... I call him Koyang too... at the dining area and greeted him. He's doing pretty well, I guess.

After lunch, Sir Ed toured us around the self-contained unit (with a pharmacy, gym, bank, landromat and gas station among others) and I was so amazed and impressed at the corporate culture ADB has. Really, I don't mind getting lost in the building.


:::SATUDAY & SUNDAY:::

Yes, I was actually able to spend the entire week at Gracie's place. To be able to watch Iking's band, aka Jeff and the Beanstalk (insert laugh) at Eastwood, I had to spend the night at their place because mom doesn't want me to travel during the night.

The Week That Was-- Part 1

Before anything else, I want to greet my blog a happy 1st anniversary!!! Actually, it was last March 11. Last week was the start of my unemployment mode (by choice, of course!) and one could never guess that it was as busy as school!

:::MONDAY:::
I went to Gracie's place after dropping my sister off in school so we could take the test in IBM in Eastwood. While we got to Eastwood with 5 minutes to spare, we were lost as to where the building actually was. When we got to the proper building and floor, we were already 10 minutes late and were requested to just come back the next day.


Trivia--> Donna, the HR person we talked to, told me that I looked familiar... ok, this has been the 3rd time since the year started that I looked familiar to a person (after the HR people from GE and my future boyfriend Atom Araullo).


Anyway, we decided to go to school to get our graduation pictures, submit our clearance forms and hangout with friends. Thanks to Inca, Gracie and I did not have to fall in line to get our pictures. Thanks to Iking, we did not have to have our clearance forms checked in every office. We checked our Theo oral grades at the dept. I only got a C... darn!


We ate at Manang's for what can be the last time as seniors. Of course, picture-taking is SOP. What with all the cam-whores around.


That evening, our Philo teacher posted our orals grade in the egroups and boy was I surprised to get a B+/A grade. I was the 2nd highest in all his classes and the only one to get that grade. I feel so proud of myself. I guess I have never failed Fr. Ferriols in doing Philosophy, not just studying them.


:::TUESDAY:::
This time, Gracie and I got to IBM on time. We had this time-pressured exam and we didn't know that they did not follow the right-minus-wrong policy (as stated in the questionnaire). After the test, Gracie and I were SURE we would not be able to pass the test.


We decided to burn our frustrations away by going to the gym. I missed my stairmaster!

TV Marathon-ing

I'm so hooked on LOST right now. I just finished watching the finale of season 1. AXN will be showing the premiere of season 2 tomorrow night. I can't wait! A lot of questions raised since the start of the series were not yet answered. But the last episode opened new clues.

Last week, I wasn't able to watch the last 5 episodes of season 1 so I downloaded from the internet. Thank God for broadband and Bearshare... that's why I was able to download all 5 episodes in 3 days.

Actually, I've been downloading a lot of TV series... Desperate Housewives... Sex and the City... Will & Grace... That 70s Show...

I burn them in a DVD and watch them. Now I can watch at my own pace and not be kept in the dark till next week.

First Day of Freedom

I woke up today feeling very relaxed. Since the start of the year, I have been wracked with problems, unfortunate events and godforsaken grades that have kept me on my toes, sweating like a pig (most of the time) and pressured. You can say that I have become a bit paranoid.

But now....

Now...

A heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Now, I'm worrying about my weight, my trip to Boracay and how to rid my room of the unnecessary clutter.

I started the morning with eating fruits for breakfast. For lunch, I had a meal which consisted of vegetables. Next week, I'll start going to the gym and sweat away the calories I got during March.

I'm gonna spend the day as a bum, watching DVDs, TV and cartoons. I'm trying to go on a healthy diet and avoid fatty and carbo-high foods.

Magis!

Ending With a Bang

I was really pleasantly surprised about the things that have happened this past week. Of course, the pressure was intense, not to mention the national crisis we (should not) have experienced.

But I guess it was all worth it. The sleepless nights, the tears of frustration threatening to run down my cheeks. I spent nights and wee hours of morning in our dining table, away from seducing and tempting pillows and sheets (and Pagong) studying, printing, typing, memorizing and talking to myself.

It was a great experience...college. High school can never compare to the thrill and the exitement and the stress I had in Ateneo. I made a lot of memories with a lot of people.

Our ITM 124 was ok... although I'm not really sure I can get an A in the subject. Our defense was about the medical transcription industry and how to integrate IT to our chosen company to improve business processes.

ITM 189 was really a nice one. We expected a hardcore grilling but we were able to answer our professor's questions.

CTK 41 was the bomb!!! It was a really unforgettable experience. I did not regret having Inca, Ginny, Jake and Alexis as my groupmates. It was the most expensive class ever! But it was all worth it. And yes, we've had our shares of drama, suspense, action, comedy, horror and romance (??).

The showdown between Alexis and Teri were caught on tape!!! A must see amateur video that shows the clash of titans.

My Philo orals were really unexpected. For once, I was able to get a really good thesis statement and I was able to explain every aspect of the statement. My teacher asked me questions and I think I was able to answer them as best as I can. There were no regrets there! It was the best orals I had since my final orals with Fr. Ferriols.

My LS 125 defense was ok... although the panelists really pointed some things and we were caught off guard. They said naman that our marketing strategy was topnotch.

For my Theo, I was really surprised that our teacher did not let us make full use of the 15 minutes alloted to us. Inca and I could have done much better given the fact that we use up 15 minutes. But after we were each given a turn to explain the ideas, that was it... we were done...

And there...I was done. I'm finished with college...forever!!!

It was so fast... it was incomprehensible... I could not believe it.

But there it was... what people say was the most amazing experience in your life... I have experienced it.

Now...

Oh, God
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
What am I gonna do with my life???

The Last Days

Tomorrow is the last day of my finals week. I'm off with my barkada to defend our LS paper and end the day with my semester buddy, Inca (she's my Theo and CTK partner and groupmate) for our theo orals.

I'm really sad and a bit shocked that college for me officially ends in a month. I really wanted to spend more time with my friends while cramming school requirements.

Tomorrow, I'm going to the mall to do the things I wanted to do since the start of hell sem... foot spa... facial... massage...

I wanted to start working out as soon as possible so I can choose my tankini or bikini (depends on how my workouts work out) for Boracay.

I want to go to ATC to buy the needed alcohol for Boracay...and probably meet with the south gals and hang out with them.

I want to have movie and series marathons with my girlfriends.

I want to transfer the video of our defense to dvds and hand them out to my Milkwaukers to prove to CEO Steveng that his face during the Q&A was a look of semi-hatred, "piss off" and "i'm smarter than you and I won't accept defeat" at a certain panelist.

I want to fix my bedroom and get rid of school stuff and store my books and papers for reference.

There are a lot of things I wanted to do after graduation. And I can't wait to start!

Breather

I decided to take a break from studying and making papers, oral exams outlines and other shit needed for the last leg of the race.

I've been thinking to myself that I don't want this week to end because it would mean the end of something that I can't let go right now. But with all the stress accumulating, I wanted this week to end. Add the turmoil and crisis that's happening in the country.

For me, this has been nothing but a nuisance. This is just to confuse and threaten the government. And just when you think that at last, we're actually going somewhere.

The sad part is that all of a sudden, the landslide victims in Leyte were pushed aside. As if this never happened and all that is happening is the nonsense coup attempts, the rallies that have no point at all--> I mean, if they want to oust PGMA, they should produce a more capable, more credible and most fit president to lead us all.

I think this is the point that the rallies are going nowhere. The middle class, who have always been the tipping point, could not support rallies because of this point. For me, PGMA is the lesser evil. I can't think of anyone who can lead us right now.

Can't they just rally and protest next week? When we're done with our finals? The last thing we need is to delay our graduation.

Curses

I'm not sure what God had in mind when He (with the help of my parents) made me. I'm allergic to some foods that people would pity me for not being able to stand such delectable cuisine. I don't mind it at all. At least I'm motivated (unwillingly) not to eat so much.

But there's this one thing that I'm allergic to. It's not food. I experienced it recently when a friend of ours celebrated her birthday. After eating out, we went to this bar and went dancing until sunrise. Of course, I didn't notice the effects until 2 days after. I would get hardcore migraine and a tough sore throat to boot. It was getting bothersome and I couldn't concentrate on the times I would study. My eyes felt heavy, like a feeling of being drunk but you're really aware of what's going on.

There goes my night life....

**********

Ok, there's this another person I'd like to kill when I get better. I'd better not talk about it here. I feel the need to shop...

**********

It's approximately 3 weeks and 3 days until the end of college. I'm having mixed feelings of "getting things over and done with", and reminiscing and trying to slow down the time. Honestly, I'm not that keen on working, yet. I still want to enjoy my youth and get back on all the summers I missed. If only I could stay in Boracay for a month or so... well... actually I can. I'll have to beg or perform on the streets so I could get the money first.

Past

I've been thinking about this person. They say that the more you got to know a person, the more you will learn about the not-so-good side of this person. I got this experience last week.

After a guesting at an early morning show *ahem*celebrity*ahem*, I asked for this person's comments on how I did in the program. And just to plug in, it was my favorite not-so-child-anymore TV host, Atom, who interviewed us...

After I had my picture taken with him in the set, I told him I was a fan since his 5-and-Up days. He laughed and thanked me. I also shook his hand and told him it was nice to meet him in person.... dreams can come true!

Ahem, back to my story...

To my surprise and utter disappointment, that person said something that was unforgivable. It was not a funny joke. It was a low-blow insult that I would never ever expect from that certain someone. And to give you a clue, the insult was not directed at me. And that person had the audacity to laugh (in SMS, of course) and shrug it away as if it was nothing.

That meant so much to me and I made that person see that, but unfortunately, the tactlessness was unleashed.

No, I was never a sensitive person. In fact, I'm a tactless person too. Yes, what that person said was that bad.

Now, I learned that you shouldn't trust people as soon as you know them. Remember their masks...

Past

I've been thinking about this guy. They say that the more you got to know a person, the more you will learn about the not-so-good side of this person. I got this experience last week.

After a guesting at an early morning show *ahem*celebrity*ahem*, I asked for this person's comments on how I did in the program. And just to plug in, it was my favorite not-so-child-anymore TV host, Atom, who interviewed us...

After I had my picture taken with him in the set, I told him I was a fan since his 5-and-Up days. He laughed and thanked me. I also shook his hand and told him it was nice to meet him in person.... dreams can come true!

Ahem, back to my story...

To my surprise and utter disappointment, that person said something that was unforgivable. It was not a funny joke. It was a low-blow insult that I would never ever expect from that certain someone. And to give you a clue, the insult was not directed at me. And that person had the audacity to laugh (in SMS, of course) and shrug it away as if it was nothing.

That meant so much to me and I made that person see that, but unfortunately, the tactlessness was unleashed.

No, I was never a sensitive person. In fact, I'm a tactless person too. Yes, what that person said was that bad.

Now, I learned that you shouldn't trust people as soon as you know them. Remember their masks...

Bonding

Dad's here!!! For a 4-day holiday. He sent an SMS to mom last Friday that he's taking the early flight to Singapore and the afternoon flight to Manila on Saturday. It was quite a good coincidence because we were in dire straits in our finance. No offense to our CFO but there are some things that we were all stuck in.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to fetch dad in the airport and buy chips and chocolates at Duty Free. I promised my teammates I would cheer for them in the 68th UAAP. I saw a lot of potential for our rookies. I saw a lot of improvement from my old teammates and I'm really proud if them! I also met with Noel, who came back from Australia for vacation (?).

I began to realize how much I miss my teammates. But then, looking back, I realized how much time I spent with my barkada...which was not really that much. In a way, I'm glad I'm spending more time with my barkada.

To celebrate the Chinese New Year, we ate at Good Earth at the Fort. We then bought doughnuts and ice cream then went home to take naps.

Well, we're not really Chinese... but it's nice to celebrate holidays with family.

Sablay

I'm finally nearing the goal that I've been waiting for all my life: Finish College.

And all I'm ever getting so far is HELL

I'm just so frustrated with everything.

This has got to be one of the most challenging weeks I've faced.

I'm just glad I'm not that desperate to do drastic things.

So far, I'm keeping my head above water.

I really wanted this to be over... but I don't want to let go of college yet...

But I keep screwing things up! ALL THE TIME

This is getting tiresome.

Stiff Upper Lip

I've never endured such hardships in my life before. And whenever I do, I try my best to keep my head up high and accept it like there's a better opportunity waiting for me. They say that God does not give challenges we can not handle. It's best that we leave it to Him. Wouldn't want to interfere with the cosmos of things.

Still, I'm optimistic about my future. After all, I am not merely a spectator. What is past is past, what I can work for now is my future. When I think about it, I am already lucky to be surrounded by loving and supportive people. I think that alone makes me very thankful and blessed.

A friend told me that you can never feel extreme happiness if you've never experienced extreme sadness. I guess it's true. You'll never know how much a person means to you until that person is gone. You'll never appreciate money, wealth and power unless you've had the chance to feel like scum.

But there are times that you just can't help feeling sad. That you just want the day to end quickly and never go out of the bed. But when you just can't help it, putting on a mask is more troublesome and tiring. A fake smile is harder to conjure. It stresses your facial muscles. It's not an unconscious reaction. It takes more effort... And at the end of the day, you feel more tired, more sad than ever.

Beware of your friends who are the most happy, the most carefree and the most playful... Take the time to think about it. Why do you think they're so happy?

We all wear masks...And we are afraid to go out without them. That when people see our true selves, they would never talk to us again. I'm sure you have a mask; for every occasion, for every person you know. It's ok to wear a mask, as long as you're not hurting people. White lies are ok, as long you don't weave a web full of lies and BS.

I admit I sometimes wear masks when I'm with my friends...And to my family as well. If I'm totally honest with them, I would have no face to show.

Where am I going with this rambling?

I have no idea...

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to me


This is the real world

Still Alive

I'll be 21 tomorrow!!!

Haven't blogged in a while... was kinda lazy to update

Not to mention the fact that I have deadlines right and left.

I love weekends! They're the only time I get to sleep and wake up without an alarm clock. God bless Saturdays and Sundays.

Well, anyway, just to let people I'm still alive... though with eyebags already....

The Year that Was, Is and Will Be

2005 was the year that...

1. I had a makeover
2. Got over someone...
3. ... and found a guy worthy of my time...
4. I almost had it
5. I was given an opportunity to study abroad...and I'm still waiting for the results
6. I liked a teacher *wink*
7. I found out someone liked me for a long time. ha!
8. I finally had to let go of taekwondo
9. I tried cosplaying... it was so fun!
10. I missed my two best friends
11. I spent so much time at a barkada's house for school work
12. I went partying until 3 in the morning
13. I started blogging
14. I finally tossed out stuff that I didn't need (I can see my floor now)
15. I got so obsessed with angst (not in real life, of course)
16. I spent Friday late nights in McDo and in the field, taking pictures
17. I slept over at a guy's house, with his brothers in the room. hehe!
18. I got so close with my barkada
19. I got things I didn't want to have
20. I felt really close to God

For all my blessings, in disguise or not, I am thankful.

For the cherished memories and unforgettable moments, I will engrave in my heart and mind.

For the mistakes and the frustration, I will remember so I won't do it again.

For the secrets and revelations, I will bring with me to the grave.

And for the coming year, more surprises and more adventures.

Baguio

We just got back from Baguio yesterday. Suddenly, Manila felt so hot. We haven't been to Baguio for about 5 years now and seeing the place again was so nostalgic. We stayed at Camp John Hay Manor and looked at what all the fuss was about the new place that sent CAP to crumbles. The interior was just as fantastic as the exterior. It was a log cabin, complete with imported cedar wood and very nice finishings.

We got to stay at a 2 bedroom suite and we just couldn't stop taking pictures. It was the perfect getaway from school and work and the urban life. We had this breathtaking view of the mountain range from a very nice veranda. We had 3 bathrooms and the bathroom at the master's bedroom had a bathtub!

Being an urban girl that lived in a place wherein water was not easy to get, getting a bubble bath was the ultimate pleasure. The water was warm, the bubbles were nice and no one was bothering you because there were 2 other bathrooms to use.

We spent our vacation going back to the spots we usually had our pictures taken when we were little... Mines View Park, The Mansion, PMA (I remembered aR... I know her heart went out to PMA but I'm really glad she chose ADMU...^_^), zigzag road at Kenon, the Grotto- you should see the video, mom and dad kept taking breaks!... we didn't go to Burnham Park, parking was impossible.

We all decided to take trips there at least every year. Just for the weather and the getaway idea. I wouldn't mind doing it every chance we get!

Crazy Nights

I just found out today that my sister passed La Salle; the main one! Ha! No offense to those in Benilde...

I really happy for her that she was able to get into one of the three schools we wanted her to get in. Ateneo hasn't released the ACET results yet. UP's kinda radical for her.

Even though she passed the college entrance exams in DLSU, I wanted her to study in Ateneo.

But in the end, I'm still praying that she gets to be happy and fulfilled wherever she studies.

Random things in December

Wow! I've had 100 posts already!

)( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )(

I've completed 9 days of Simbang Gabi. With my family, with my friends, with the maid. I told God two wishes so He has a choice. ^__^

*************************************

Dad gave me Season 1 of Desperate Housewives and I'm desperate to finish it before school starts. Wanna watch Season 2 and get hooked on Lost and Numb3rs.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Had a Parking Violation in school. I had to serve 8 hours of community service instead of giving up a piece of Ninoy. One lady in the office was such a beeyatch! She would tell me to send greeting cards (!) all over Loyola Schools... send gifts to other buildings (which, I might add, is NOT near). She makes me walk everywhere! While other offenders get to sit at a desk and sort stuff, type in the PC and other simple desk work. I was glad that in the final hours of my community service, Sir Jong, a really friendly staff told me to just input stuff on the computer.

It was fun really, because I got to tinker with the database of Ateneo. Stalker mode was in full mode that time.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I've had the most wonderful time on a particular Tuesday night. It was a simple picnic with my college barkada. We took pictures, we discussed summer plans, we gave gifts, we took pictures, we ranted and raved about life in general. God, those angels are heaven sent.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

I felt bad for not going to UP for the Oblation Run. Turns out that I didn't have classes that day and had no reason to go to Quezon City. I spent the afternoon with a certain someone and watched a movie. I guess it was worth it! My friends posted pictures. Sarah, Maria and Carina*** gave a well-documented report of the event (*names have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On my sister's birthday, we ate lunch at Tony Roma's, had dessert at Max Brenner and looked for my birthday gift at GB3. That night, I went caroling with my fellow lectors and commentators and was able to go home at 11PM. My family waited for me so that we can celebrate my sister's birthday (candle-blowing). I love them so much!!!

__________________________________

My two best friends, Kim and Jem sent their pictures, their love and regards to me from California. Today, I called them up (thank you, Globe rebates!) and greeted them a wonderful Christmas. I miss the times we spent together. We're all busy with our different agenda but the love and care for each other never fades. I miss them so much.

///////////////////////////////////////

My godson, CJ spent Christmas here. He's grown so much! But he's still shy around people. Time flies by so fast. I remember I used to carry him around and play with him...and now, he's going to pre-school.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My sister and I cleaned our room today. We took out the stuff that we haven't used for 3 years or more and we plan to either, give it away, sell it to the junk shop or throw it. Now, our room looks much brighter and cleaner.

``````````````````````````````````````

A Blessed Merry Christmas to ALL!

Death by Chocolate!

I was finally able to eat at Max Brenner!

And I have proof! Hehe!

Today is Leanne's 17th birthday and we went to Makati to eat. We ate at Tony Roma's, our staple food whenever dad's around. Our dog was so happy that we brought him bones from our baby back ribs.

Dad asked where's a really good dessert place and the Chocolate Bar popped into my head immediately.

Then, I finally had the guts to go to GB3...where the designer labels are...just to LOOK and nothing else. I saw this cute bag at Salvatore Ferregamo...*sigh* and I don't wanna type the cost...*shudders as she remembers*

We also went to Prada, DKNY and Louis Vuitton... I'm burning with the urge to own one... hahaha!

I suddenly remember this song: "To dream, the impossible dream..."

As we went inside Max Brenner, we were impressed by the atmosphere and the ambiance. It's really a chocolate heaven. And you can't tell the bald waiters apart except by their name plates. I was so rattled with what I was going to order but I decided to try the Mexican Spicy Chocolate and the Chocolate Truffle Cake.

It was a bad decision to have a chocolate drink AND a chocolate truffle at the same time. I was overloaded with the chocolate! Being a chocolate lover, I never knew that I'd get sick of chocolate that fast! I had this headache after eating there. But I didn't regret the fact that I tried one of their best sellers.

Then dad told us that we need to leave before 5PM so we split up and did our thing. Anne and I went to Powerbooks and drooled at bestsellers. We then picked up her cake before meeting with mom, dad and Pat.

Last Days of School

Our LS long exam was psycho.

All 100 items are identification type. Of course, being the crammer that I am, wasn't able to finish reading all 4 chapters of the book.

And it's a big chunk of the grade.

I'm not a big fan of memorization. I suck at it. Big time. I still have that 5GB capacity in my brain. Never upgraded.

Most of the things that I studied went down the drain.

Then it was our Philo long exam.

One word: Chutzpah

Although I love doing Philosophy in Filipino, I suck at the writing aspect. Can't seem to grasp words, unlike English. Still can't believe I used to be the Filipino editor for our school organ when I was in grade school...

Darn, the school's computer terminals are closing...

Illegal...

Today, I got a parking ticket for illegally parking on the driveway. I first saw it when Iking accompanied me to my car to get my laptop. He was joking that I have a ticket because my parking looked "too much" along the driveway.

As I was arranging my stuff inside the car, he was quiet and told me that I have a ticket. I was mortified but kept my cool. I left the ticket on the windshield, thinking that another guard would put another ticket.

Darn it! Now I have to make a letter of apology and serve 8 hours in ADSA...

I don't know how to make of it... a memorable experience?

Damn, this sucks!

Keeping Tabs

It's exactly a month before my birthday...my 21st birthday. Well, it's not like I'm trying to delay the fact that I'm past my teenage years, nor I'm excited to celebrate my 20s right away.

Right now, I'm thinking of ways to look younger than 21!!!

I wanna make people gush and say, "Huwaaaattt??? You're 21 na?!? Akala ko 18 ka lang!"

Well, you can know right away if they're sincere or they're trying to kiss your a$$.

I read Rach's blog and how she was fuming that the guard at a certain place asked for her ID when clearly we have a younger companion with us and he didn't asked for HER ID. I told her, "dude, I'd feel flattered if the guard asked for MY ID!"

Hehe, I'm not conscious of my age, no! It's the attribute of feeling younger than you age and looking younger than your age that counts!

And the Secret??? Smiling, exercising and loving life, every single day!

Aftermaths

I realized that despite my *status* as a college student, I haven't really had the time to go to parties. The only ones I can remember were with my teammates in my early college sems and now, with my blockmates and barkadas.

Music, food and company. Those are the three things I look for in a good party. I don't mind the place, as long as they satisfy those mentioned. The only thing I hate, which is really unavoidable, is the smoke.

You see, parties aren't parties without the usual smokers... be it the casual or chain smokers. You can't miss them. And wherever you go, it seems to cling to you.

Last Wednesday was a blast. It was nice way to escape the pressures of a senior college student. I went with my friends, of course! And thanks to Rina and aR for letting me take a shower in their dorm. ^_^ Thanks to Abi, Gracie, Kris, Rina and aR again for letting me butt in on their CTK meeting. Kung meron man dun na confidential, nakalimutan ko na lahat yun!

I convoyed with Abi, with Gracie as my patient passenger and went to Pier 1 in Ortigas. Being part of the Promo committee, we helped put up tarps and other materials. After making sure that everything is in place, we went back to the car and dressed up. I donned my "girly" pink sleeveless psychedelic, 2 decades ahead (our party's theme was 50s) blouse, my low-rise, bootleg, button fly Levi's and my 50% off VNC gold wedges, put on some makeup (wow, dalaga na ako! may make up pang nalalaman!) and strutted my stuff (with some pain... I wasn't really used to high heeled shoes).

As expected, the party started late, but it was fun. Iking's band performed first. Then I saw Dino. I never expected him to be there, being busy with UP Law and all. We chatted for a bit outside and he bought me a drink. He started smoking but I didn't mind. I wanted to tolerate smokers, after all. I stayed with him because his batchmates haven't appeared yet. We caught up on stuff until it was my turn to take pictures of the other events.

Luis and Biboy were late, they went to the wrong Pier1... haay naku! At least they were able to get to Ortigas and watched a bit of bands, fashion show and Jake's stand-up comedy. I guess they were really impressed with the beat box duo, Element No. 5. They couldn't stop talking about it even after the party.

I got a surprise that evening too. Hyung sent me an SMS that he was accepted in a US airbase in Korea, where he can do his military service. He told me that there were more benefits/privileges being enlisted in a US airbase in Korea. I called him up and said congratulations! He would leave for Korea on April 10.

After the party, I introduced them to my friends, but I don't think they remembered their names. It was dark and noisy. My teammates, Rach, Chloe, Kim, and Art arrived a minute too late. I introduced them to Luis and Biboy and we decided to go somewhere else.

Well, we ended up in Pier1 at the Fort and ate a bit of food and drank some. Since I was going to drive home, I decided to just have a cocktail. I've decided that my flavor of the season is a cosmopolitan. It's not alcohol-intensive, but really good! We were seated in an airconditioned place but there were people smoking there, including Art. The smoke just went around and clung to us.

Before we knew it, it was already 3am! We went out and chatted some. I think those two guys were disturbed because we were talking about kicking, punching, sparrings and other painful stuff that seemed normal to us taekwondo athletes. The bruises that we have are normal and sometimes, we even consider them battle scars.

I told them I have to go home. I was feeling a bit woozy from the smoke (no, I was not tipsy from the alcohol) and my eyes were a bit watery. Thank God there were no incidents along the way and I got home in about 10 minutes.

I woke up the next day feeling really bad. My throat hurt and my eyes were crying by itself. My body was very heavy and I couldn't breathe normally. I decided to just sleep it away. I woke up by mid-afternoon and the bad feeling would not go away. By then, my throat had become really sore and my voice was raspy. The fact that Leanne was also sick did not relieve me.

Mom told me it was the cigarette smoke. I was allergic to them. Even if I took preventive medicine, my exposure to it should be as minimal as possible. I ended up being sick until Friday. I felt cold that day and my throat just hurts like hell. By afternoon, I felt really heavy and bad that I had to go home. My mom found out I was running a fever and gave me medicine.

Hmm..come to think of it, I've never had a fever since I was in high school.

I had been thinking that if ALL my aftermaths would be like this, then the party should be as worth as the one last Wednesday!!!

Meet Megan

It's a name I got for my newly reformatted laptop. I didn't put a name on it when I got it in my 1st year. A few weeks back, I learned that my laptop/ Megan has 31,000 infected files! A friend of mine told me it's no use even if I hunted all my infected files and deleted them. I did the next best thing: reformat.

It was actually my first time to format my laptop. I'm usually anxious doing those tasks. But now, I needed my laptop, fast, I knew I had to do it on my own.

It was fast actually. Acer had its own recovery and system CD and there were steps to follow so it's really for the common man.

I haven't installed anything yet: MSOffice, Drivers for my mouse and wireless card. I've scanned my old files before putting them back in my hard drive.

I swear, I won't put any P2P program in my laptop anymore. It was Kazaa's fault I got those trojans.

And this'll be an eye opener for me to take care of Megan.

Adeste Fideles

December has come.

It's bringing hope to us Filipinos. That despite the tumoil, the corruption, the pain and the suffering, we refuse to be darkened by our nightmares. Instead, we look beyond the dark. We want to believe that there is a light beyond the nothingness that envelopes us and our country.

That in the end, everything will be alright. It will still be a happy ending. Right?

I feel sad whenever I read the newspapers and watch TV. The leaders we have chosen did not deserve to be there. Not one of the candidates were worth voting for. And we always fall for it. When will we ever learn?

I've been reading Malcolm Gladwell's book and it has been an eye opener for me. The theory of 80/20 is true. 20% of our population are responsible for 80% of what's happening to our country. And everyone is affected. Not everything that they do is for our sake. It's always for their sake. Theirs and theirs alone.

I watched foreign news and I saw a Californian politician resign because of corruption. Here, the ones who have been guilty of corruption deny it with a poker face, infront of hundreds of cameras. And they are proud of it. Here, the ones that resign are the ones who are honest (if ever there is such a word in politics).

But this Yuletide season, the Filipinos would like to turn away from such despair and helplessness and turn to their true savior. We're not asking for much. We want peace and order and happiness. Is it too much to ask?

Another Bleeding

My nose isn't the only one that's bleeding big time.

A few days ago, I was horrified to know that my laptop, my beloved laptop had 31,000 files infected with trojans and worms!!

The HORROR.... THE HORROR...

It was due to my malfunctioning firewall... that eventually passed the virii through Kazaa (which I had uninstalled a long time ago). Eventhough I had my firewall turned on, the indicator on my task bar says that it could not detect my firewall...

I wanted to cry. I couldn't delete all the files. It had to be reformatted. All my programs had to be reinstalled. I couldn't do it...

I'm at a loss.

Reformatting something would be like wiping away the memories and the horror stories I had with my laptop. S/he doesn't have a name, but it's one thing that I could not live without...together with Pagong of course!

I've always kept my laptop by my side, literally.

I guess it'll only be a matter of time before it finally breaks down. I'm trying to back up my important files and pictures.

The First Day I Met Him...

I don't want to say much... I know my friends know about this. This is kinda private so just ask me what happened.

But anyway, the day I met a special someone... I was so overwhelmed and charmed by his smile, body and eyes...

I had a nosebleed. BIG TIME.

If you would know anime, a guy who starts to have a nosebleed would mean he is attracted to a certain girl...or guy, depending on the genre you're interested.

At first, I thought I was catching a cold, but then, when I couldn't sniff it in, it just ran down to my lips. I (accidentally) tasted it and winced at the metallic taste. My sister was surprised as I quickly got tissue paper.

After two Kleenex sheets full of blood, it finally stopped bleeding.

My sister started laughing because she understood the fact that I just met a hottie that day and knocked me off my feet.

Mahalay ka talaga karen.

sulking

Do you know the feeling of someone promising you something that you've been longing for a long time, and then realizing last minute that this something can not be given to you? All along, you have high hopes and suddenly, just like a flash of light, it's gone.

I think to myself, what did I do wrong? I've been really excited about it, waiting and waiting, unable to sleep at nights, unable to concentrate. The disappointing feeling is overwhelming. Something akin to frustration.

It's like asking Santa what gift you'd like to have on Christmas, expecting it will happen because you've been a good child and have done well in school. The excitement and almost certain look is there, but once the wrapper has been taken off, the face falls and the whole holiday is ruined.

And you know the aftermath? You'll be crying and making tantrums until everything goes your way again. And you get this bad feeling when your parents give in. It's as if they were forced to do your bidding, not coming from the heart.

That feeling's worse.

Well, anyway, I'm not ranting just to let a certain someone change its mind.. as if that person knows this website! There was justification...a valid reason, and yet, I just feel sad. I would have done everything in my power naman to keep my promise. Why can't other people do it?

Pilosopa

sabi ni dad...

hindi ako pwede magka-boyfriend hanggang hindi pa natatapos ang pag-aaral...

...so pwede makipag-date?

...so pwede magkaroon ng maraming manliligaw basta walang sasagutin?

...so pwede magka-girlfriend?

...so pwede makipag-relasyon sa kahit ano basta hindi "boy"?

...so pwede sa boy na tumanda na?

...basta hindi boyfriend.

Hay naku, pag nakita ni dad to, papatayin niya ako sa isang saglit... gamit ang mga mata.

Walang kalaban-laban.

Si Lord Talaga...

...kung anu-ano binibigay sa akin. ^__^

Yung gusto ko di naman binibigay nang basta-basta...

Yung di ko naman hinahanap, biglang mahuhulog nalang sa aking mga palad...

Eh, Lord, hindi ko naman po tinatanggi! Masaya ako. ^__^

Last weekend, I attended the Hero TV Launch at the PTTC and cosplayed as Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. I was anxious because not many people know this movie, which was released a few months ago through DVD.

During the registration, we met Jake and Carlo, who were cosplaying as Kakashi and Shino, respectively from Naruto. They were veterans in this field, whereas this was my first cosplay.

Lho and behold, there were 2 guys cosplaying from the same Anime so I was glad I wasn't alone.

My gawd!!! They were so cute! And the costumes they had were rubber/leather, which is really accurate with the actual characters. They were really friendly and fun to be with.

One of them, Luis, was the friendlier of the two, no offense, Mike! ^__^

Until now, Luis and I were sending SMS to each other. He even invited me to his friendster account. I sent him pictures from the event.

Hehe, let's see where this leads to...

sem break mode pa rin

Drove like a maniac today. I was supposed to go to school around 1030 because my registration was 11am. Ginny called me as soon as I exited the village and told me that they were already being checked by regcom.

If I missed my number, I can only register in the afternoon, right after all the other people have signed up and have taken the really good teachers. I drove like hell was chasing me, thankfully avoiding any unfortunate incidents.

I arrived with time to spare and checked schedules with Ginny.

I got almost all the schedules I wanted...except for Philo. I've been meaning to get Fr. Que but he only has one class this semester. I opted to get Mariano, who Sir Gus, my Philo103 teacher, suggested was ok.

I was glad I have blockmates with me in other classes. At least I'm not alone.

After eating lunch...which was really breakfast, Ginny and I headed to Shopwise to buy stuff for the FGD to be used for our thesis. It was very expensive! We bought every type of cereal, milk and toppings available. We didn't buy fruits and ice cream... and we added up to around 2,000 pesos! Sprinkles and pinipig were not available.

Alexis then called us to tell that our real mentor was Lec Sacramento and not Bong Olpoc. Ginny was moping and cursing about it a while ago... hehe, could our CTK could be any harder than this?

reply

got this reply...

Don't be depressed..what's important is that you did your best and gave it your best shot...You still have a long way to go....Also bear in mind that what you have accomplished is something I am proud of..

somehow... I feel relieved... *feels a twitch at the corner of her lips*

*sigh*

I let someone down...

I feel really bad about it. No matter how I try, I'm always an inch from reaching it. My efforts were nothing in the end. The ruthless and countless days spent did not count at all. It was all in vain.

Sometimes, I ask why things like this happen. When you thought everything was going your way... it all comes down, crashing in the end.

The feeling of letting someone down is worse than letting yourself down.

It's like when you fall down very hard. You open your mouth to take a deep breath but no air comes in... then it feels like someone shoved their fist in your stomach and started mashing it in.

I had thought I was so focused and so confident. Such a shame, noh?

I really really hate this feeling. A feeling I've been having lately.

New Hobby!

Being bored out of my mind with doing practically nothing at home (I'm not complaining, really) but eat, sleep, watch anime, bath and the like, I would sometimes feel the need to take out the cobwebs in my brain and start tuning its oil and fix the spark plugs and keep it in tiptop shape for the last grind.

And I found a really nice way to get my mind to work its usual 20% of its capacity....


writing!!!

And not just ordinary writing. I have found a really wonderful and challenging genre to create a world. It's ANGST. It's all about pain, suffering, abuse, depression. Those dark stuff where happy endings (almost)always are death. Doesn't sound like me...ne? Well, it's not me at all. But writing stuff that didn't happen to you would make it worthwhile.

Freaked out? Nah!

Just surf around and you'll see tons of sites full of angsty stories. Some have made me cry...you know, depression to the max. The unfairness and injustice given to the protagonist. A savior that's a second late. Kinda reminds me of Kris' favorite(??) song: Ironic.

And stuff like this really happens all the time, right under our noses. Most of them happen to the most helpless sector of society: children. They have nothing, they are dependent, they are naive and innocent. They know nothing of the cruel and wicked ways of the world. They are gullible at the treat of candy and the ones who are most affected. They are easily broken and difficult to mend. They are condemned in a society of corrupt, powerful and inequality. They are targets ready to be hit over and over again.

Going back, whenever I try to write a few pages or so, there's this gripping and tingly feeling I get. Getting attached to the story and yet making it more painful and more sad. The reality of life, the absurdity of fantasy... the similarity of both worlds. It makes me shiver and cringe.


I must be losing my bananas... ^__^

I Love VoIP!

I'm chatting right now with my best friend who now lives in the US. It's nice to hear her voice again and listen to our woes and joys. Her birthday's in 3 days and I really miss her so much!

My other best friend's in US also and they're planning to meet on December. Gyahh!!! I'm so jealous! Gusto ko rin pumunta sa US!

Miss you guys!!!

Bling Blings!

Dad went home last Saturday afternoon. That morning, I attended a renewal seminar for lectors in Better Living. I was with my mentoresses, Tita Cynthia and Tita Cocoi. We had breakfast in Jollibee before heading to the Parish of Mary Help of Christians.

As expected, it was boring but it gave us some insights on topics such as the Screening Committee and what to do in Responsorial Psalms. Yes, life in the Church can be tedious and active at times. We ate lunch at Max's in SM Bicutan before Tita Cocoi dropped me off in the house.

Mom, Leanne and I picked Dad up. He only had two carry-on luggage so the process for him to get out of the airport was easy. He bought the magazines in Changi, Lime, Teens and Teenage. The cover models were Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe. Harry Potter fever is in the air!

Daniel's hot! Mom says he really changed Although he has an angle that he somewhat resembles Elijah Wood. Haven't read the magazine with Hermione on the cover.

Also, dad bought me a couple of accessories for Kevin. Sale pala sa Apple Center in Wheelock Place so it was really convenient. He got Kevin an iTrip, which can let me play Kevin in any radio frequency, wirelessly! Haha, this'd be so great when I use the car! He also got me a new hard, aluminum case for Kevin. All these were 30% off! Yes!!!! Now I can bang and slam him around while listening to the songs we downloaded in the sound system. Joke!

Good morning, Sunshine!

I woke up early today. I was the commentator for the All Saint's Day mass at 6am, which is a High Mass, fyi! Since there was no choir in this time of the day, I was required to sing all the songs... entrance, alleluia (not Bamboo's tho...sayang), Our Father and the recessional. I wasn't bad. My senior lectors commented my performance and the parish priest said I was very good. What a way to start the day.

I had a long list of anime piled up the past semester that was begging to be watched to I grabbed my steaming mug of chocolate (mom forbade me to drink coffee... turns my teeth brown) and watched Kyou Kara Maou for about an hour before the maid told me that Toby had gone out the gate.

We spent around 20 minutes searching for the dog in the rain. We were glad we learned that one of the guards took him to the office. We got him back, cold, dirty and in one piece.

Dad wanted to see Market!Market! so we're going there after lunch.

Isn't life fun without school for a couple of weeks! Extend vacation! No to EVAT! Death to politicians! Cheers to servant leaders!

Sloppy

I think someone found my dirty little secret I've been keeping all these years... and this someone is not just someone I can just turn away and not see forever.

My fault...completely my fault. I can't clean up after myself when I'm caught in a huge mess and this leaves lots of evidence. If I were in a CSI episode, my episode would have ended in around 10 minutes, including the opening and ending themes.

This someone (call this person: XYZ) isn't letting me know that XYZ knows. Still keeping the same atmosphere as before. But recently, XYZ has been prying, creating unpredicted moves that sometimes knocks me off my feet.

Argh! Bad, bad girl. But you know, this little secret of mine is what keeps me going...kinda help me who I am now. Hey, I don't cut anymore, ok. ^__^ Scars mar my pretty skin.

For Once

I sent an SMS to both the team captains today and wished them luck at the University Games. It's weird to suddenly feel that semestral break is really a break for me. The past three years was nothing but training, competition and more training. It wasn't tedious... but it wasn't a beach party either, at least after the competition.

The past three years, I haven't gone a single trip with my blockmates. The block retreat in Tagaytay... the barkada trip in Baguio. It's either I'm away at a competition or being with dad in Jakarta. Well, you know, since it's going to be my last (collegiate) semestral break , I wanted to spend it with my friends.

We went to Enchanted Kingdom last Thursday. It was fun. Too bad Joan and Jake couldn't make it. Kinda disappointed that I didn't get to ride at least twice on each ride. I never knew I had motion-sickness--fearing friends. And those with speed, height and what-not issues. For me, screaming just takes the fear away. The daredevil in me cries out more! faster! higher!

It's the thrill that makes me shrill. The anticipated loops and downhill force with only gravity to rely on.
The rapids were the most fun because everyone got to enjoy it, despite the damp situation. It was the only ride we rode twice.

Ginny and I tried helplessly to change shirts in Abi's van. The lamp post directly hit the windows and there were people standing outside. Eventually, the others were already nearing the van. In the end, I changed clothes with everyone inside the van.

Being a person who lives in the south, I rarely go to ATC. It's the toll. We'd rather prefer Makati. Kris treated us to dinner. The baked scallops were heavenly. The flavor exploded in my mouth and it was really good.

We spent the night at Kris' place and goofed off before hitting the pillows. aR and I even talked about pridelands and Kris' elopement to the empty lot in front of her house. Gracie, my partner of the sem (classmates everywhere except theo and philo), and I (together with Pagong) shared a bed.

We lounged in Kris' house the next day. aR, Ginny and I went frolicking in the pool. I had almost wished I had gotten a tan.

I got to spend 2 whole days with my friends, and it wasn't in a group meeting.

Sartre's idea of God hinders the Exercise of the Finite yet Necessary Freedom by Human Subjectivity

(Jean-Paul) Sartre gives us this idea that the idea of God encloses us in a finite, and certain system. And this system prevents us from realizing our authentic self. That the idea of God gives us this notion that we are created with a pre-determined disposition in the universe. Because of this, man is believed to have a certain order: a human nature. That each human being supposedly created in God's image and likeness is an example of a universal idea that is Man.

He then argues that if God does not exist, this concept of a human nature is changed. Because man is created first, and then creates his existence, this concept called human is being reinvented. Because of this, Sartre gives us this responsibility that we are not just being human by ourselves but we involve humanity in this as well. There is no God to conceive the idea of human nature.

Therefore, we are given this task to define ourselves. We are given this outrageous freedom. Man is what he conceives and wills himself to be. We are no longer bound to the construct and idea of God. Man comes up and defines what is good and what is evil.

And so Sartre gives us 3 aspects that define human condition. Man involves himself and not only does he choose for himself; he becomes a lawmaker who also chooses for mankind. This anguish gives us a sense that each act done by man, he doesn't make it for himself~ he does it for all humanity.

The fact that God does not exist throws us in a world of abandonment. Like orphans, we are thrusted in a world of unknowns. And that we are alone with no one to help us and save us. The meaning of existence is all about you and no one else. Forlornness condemns us to be free. And that we can't start making excuses for ourselves. We are responsible.

As with despair, we live to confine ourselves with what depends on our wills. We are left in a realm of possibilities with not a single safety harness or a security blanket.

With all of these in mind, we are clear of the obstacle that we call God. A God that is a construct to explain things unknown. The cheap way out in understanding what we can never understand. But we have reached this point in time where man craves that certainty; where man wants the absolute. And suddenly, the idea of God becomes and age-old myth.

Man wants to be his own future. He want to be the captain of his ship. He wants to live in a world where man decides what he is and what others are. He determines the value of this affection, acts on it and then confirms and defines it. He wants to live in a world where he becomes someone. And this someone would not become a reality unless others recognize him as a someone. And being free is searching for your most authentic self. We are released from the shackles of an illusion that is absolute and that this absolute has already written your fate. We become true to our human condition and that our human existence is a life of invention and creativity.

But my dear reader, it is not in the idea of believing or not believing in God that we manifest ourselves as humans having the potential to be his authentic self. In is our own choice if we should believe in God or not. Some people can reach his authentic self through God. Some people feel confined or limited in a system that is created by the construct of God. The God question gets in the way. Man should focus on his own existence and freedom. There is nothing wrong in believing in God or rejecting Him. If doing either makes you a better person, then so be it.

Life is nothing without man to give it a meaning. Values are nothing else but the meaning that you choose. This freedom is nothing unless you live and go out of your safety zone. And this freedom desires both itself and the freedom of others. But freedom does not depend on others- but as soon as there is involvement, we are obliged to want others to have freedom at the same time that we want our own freedom. And given that man is free, and that there is no human nature to depend on, we cannot depend of others who we do not know by relying on human goodness or man's concern for the good of society. We reach our own self in the presence of others just as others are as real to us as our own self.

**Got a B here...ok ba?**

It Starts!

Today marks the official sem break for me. My last orals was Theology, yesterday morning. The whole Sunday afternoon was spent slaving over 11 thesis statements with Iking. We were in Starbucks from 12nn to around 6pm. It was non-stop fawning and injecting ideas, insights on liberation theology, original sin, sinful social structures, prophetic justice and what not.

I think it was all worth it. We both got really nice thesis statements. Nice meant that we have a lot to talk about it and we're both pretty confident we did better than the first orals.

After that murderous semester, I decided I deserve a treat (c/o dad ^__^). I picked up Gracie in her house...

...people in her house are so used to me coming over already that I don't need to call Gracie to let her know I'm outside her house. I literally get out of the car, open the gate myself, drive the car in, close the gate, park the car and just enter her house. Yes, I am the epitomy of being 'at home'.

We then went to Makati where we were supposed to meet the other DP after their defencse in CS176 (Electronic Publishing)

Side note: Our own CS project defense was a disaster! A stupid someone couldn't get the stupid links right. Ok, I'll leave it at that

Gracie and I ended up buying sports clothes because Nike (Gracie bought hers at Puma) was on sale (whoop-dee-doo!) and we promised ourselves that after sem break, we would lose weight and look MORE "desirable". ^__^ It's a nice motivation, don't you think? And we're doing this for ourselves, and no other.

We then found out that we would meet Ginny, Inca, aR, Rina and Abbie a little later because of some problems with their project. I just hope it wasn't as bad as ours... *thinks about it again and cries out in frustration*

I had to leave early because I had to fetch my sister in school. Sayang I wasn't able to eat with them or watch a movie but I told myself marami pang pagkakataon.

I can't decide on what to do first during my "almost" month long hiatus from school.

I've got my books lined up... I haven't even finished Harry Potter! And I have a lot of DVDs that I haven't watched either. hang out with friends I haven't seen in a while.

The fun starts!

Can't wait for Thursday! EK, here we come!

Grow up!

Guys, I need comments here! Kahit sa tagboard nalang. ^__^

Today was my rest day from all the havoc and chaos called college. Next week will be a new battle in the same war I like to call life. I decided to do my nails... *cough*... yes, despite my inclination to combat sports, jeans, rubber shoes and cracking knuckles whenever I see someone I'd love to bash, I am a girl, after all.

I needed help from mom to paint the nails in my left hand because I have ZERO control with my right hand. The color was great! It was a frosted pink kind and it looked really nice! I still can't stop staring at it.

After watching Extra Challenge (Mom really loves that series!), I decided to channel surf and came across HERO channel, the all-anime channel that's still on test broadcast. They were showing Zenki...and the last time I saw Zenki was 10 years ago...when I was in grade 5!

Mom used to prohibit me from watching cartoons before doing homework (but I was grateful in the end that she did), so it pushed me to learn how to work the VCR. Until now, I have about 5 VHS tapes of Zenki.

It made me really happy that I was able to see the anime that got me started with some of my current fashions.

Being 10 years older (and supposedly wiser) did not really make me grow out of watching cartoons. The crushes that I have in real life are my crushes because they resembled my crushes in the cartoon world. I have a teddy bear whom I can not let go, even if it means putting it in the laundry. I even had it with me for my creative pose in the grad pic!

How pathetic can you get? ^__^

Allergies and Bad Timing

Recently, my allergies have been getting worse. I've been getting monster headaches and I can't really study or even see clearly. Finals week is coming up and I really don't want to mess it up.

Despite my allergies to beef and potatoes, it was actually egg that sent me to the hospital...

Ok, that time was also bad. It was requirements week, a week before finals and I was rushed to the hospital. I wasn't able to take the Operations Management finals that day. Thankfully, I knew my teacher's number and was able to tell him. Our paper in that class was nearing the deadline so I asked my mom to bring my laptop to the hospital.

Can you imagine me, with a dextrose stuck in my right hand, and an oxygen tube in my nose (really uncomfortable... feels like I have a booger up my nose and it itches). I occasionally have to breathe through a nebulizer (you breathe into it using your mouth) while typing away, doing our paper on coated-lenses. Sometimes, blood would appear on the tube of the dextrose because I've been stressing my hand because of too much typing. Ok, no more gory scenes.

The nurses were asking me why I have my laptop when I should be resting. I told them school doesn't wait for anyone. We have a deadline and being in the hospital is no excuse. They asked me where I am studying so I told them I'm from Ateneo.

"Ah, high school ka? Hindi naman kabigat yung load namin dati."

I smiled at them warmly and told them I'm already in college.

They didn't seem to understand so they said, "Wow, hindi ka kasi mukhang kolehiyana e."

Yeah, it made my nose itch some more.

So starting today, I've been taking larger doses of antihistamine and bringing painkillers to school. Pain's distracting especially when I'm studying so I'll just hope my liver can cope with morphine-like medicine.

I wish this sem would end sooner.

But then again, it's like speeding up college... which is something I would not want to happen... haha, prolong the agony.

Dust Mites

I've been sneezing the past 3 hours while typing a paper for philo. I think it's my desk... full of God-knows-what for God-knows-how-long.

Hindi naman ako burara. I just have this habit of keeping things even if I don't need them. That's why my desk is a clutter. It may have have gathered the dust and have created their own colony.

If I had been sneezing yesterday afternoon, I would have died. I just suffered from the worst migraine in two months! Laughing made my head bleed inside. I was glad I didn't suffer from coughs and sneezes that time. I knew I didn't eat beef or potatoes for the last couple of weeks. I try to live healthy and eat healthy.

I was a bit cranky to Gracie and was anti-social to people. Talking made my temples throb. My heartfelt apologies.

I could barely keep my eyes open during CS156 class and was writing in dead languages in my notebook. I dreaded that night too because we were going to pull an all-nighter at Jake's house. We needed more proposals for the thesis.

I was a bit glad it didn't hurt that much in the late afternoon. Alexis had painkillers and gave me some. The pain slowly ebbed away.

We were finally got some shut eye around 3AM after watching The Practice.

And here I am, sneezing my a$$ off, doing a paper that I hope will get a B+ or A.

Being with Legends

Last Friday, I went to a symposium in the Case Study Room. It was Greek Week (Philosophy Week) and they were going to talk about Syposium. It was led by none other than the legend of the Philosophy department, Fr. Roque Ferriols, S.J.

He's already 81 this year and he has never stopped teaching Philosophy (in Filipino). I think it just transcends passion. It's already love.

It was he that made me like Philosophy. Yes, he was the teacher who humiliated me in front of the class, threatening me not to take the Final Oral Exams and just get an F in his class. The week before finals, we had a "mock orals". I didn't study for Philo yet because my Theology oral exams would come first. So I absolutely don't know what I was supposed to say... I was in near-tears that time...

And he was the one who made me work harder than ever before and got that friggin A in his orals! And made me love the subject.

He went in with Dr. Garcia and everyone was hush-hush. The atmosphere was tense. Something akin to an overwhelming sensation. I feel reduced. I feel nothing. We all stared at awe at this very old man, wearing a simple button-down shirt, islander slippers and jeans. He looked fragile and was walking with difficulty. But he commanded respect.

He talked about "meron" (note: this is different from "being"). We were all staring at him. The words that came out from his mouth were simple. His structure was simple but it meant so deep. It struck us. It struck me.

Ang kagandahan ay puno ng merong sumisinag. Na siyang lumalampas sa abot-tanaw na meron... and stuff like that!

I even recorded his lecture! And after, I was able have my picture taken with him. I'm the luckiest person! I felt so happy and elated. Like floating, but funnier.

He's really a legend that I admire. He's one of the few professors that I admire, respect and adore!

I'm really glad that I became his student for one whole year. Something that Ateneans treat as a privilege and an honor.

Don't feel safe anymore

A few minutes ago, I was in the dining room, watching CSI: Miami. I then heard Toby, our dog, bark a couple of times. I figured it was one of the guards doing rounds in the village.

A couple of minutes later, I heard him growl. It was strange because it was the first time I heard him growl. It didn't sound cute at all. If you haven't seen our dog, you would have imagined it to be of a larger breed. Anyway, his growl made me feel uneasy.

Dogs have this 6th sense of who's friend and who's fiend right?

I looked back at the window and tried to make something out. Suddenly, the street light went out. I couldn't see anything anymore. What bothered me was that the light inside the house was on and I realized I can be seen from the outside.

Cautiously, I turned off the TV(damn! and they were getting into my fave part: the DNA sampling) and turned off all the lights. I made soft steps and went back to the window. I kept my head low and peered through the blinds. The light in the street lamp was on again. I could hear Toby scruffling about. Still, I really felt uneasy with the situation.

When Toby growled in the direction of the gate, that meant someone was outside right? But if it had to be the guard or the man in-charge of the water rationing, they should have used the doorbell, right? And Toby would've recognized them because they come to the house almost everyday.

At least, I'm glad we have a dog who warns us if there are people or not. But with too much stuff going on around, I really don't feel at ease anymore.

only you

not a lot of people know this song...kinda archaic. mrs. shafer, do you know this song?

i love 80's music... though my philosophy teacher thinks otherwise ^___^ oh well, to each his own!

my heartfelt thanks to inca!

by J. Allejo and P. Hewlett

only you, have the power to move me

and together we'd make the whole world move in sympathy

but i could not see before

only you, have the power to move metake me hold me mold me change me and improve me

it's not funny anymore

there was i, wondering why

everyday disappeared into the distance

now with you, the light is shining through

you gave me life, not just existence

only you (you are the starlight), have the power to move me (we can achieve)

and together we'd make the whole world move in sympathy

only you have the power to move me

there was i, wondering why

everyday disappeared into the distance

now with you, the light is shining through

you gave me life, not just existence

only you, have the power to move me

and together we'll make the whole world move in sympathy

but i could not see before

that only you, have the power to move me

take me, hold me, mold me, change me, and improve me

only you have the power to move me

mistakes in the lyrics are entirely my fault.

to Gracie, Kris, aR, Chax....

... and to my fellow Comtech majors taking up CS165...

It's over! Our nightmares of subnetting, IP addressing and routing tables are over. This nightmare which started from CS30 is finally OVER! We can all bury them to nothingness and move on with our 'less complicated than subnetting' lives.

Sorry, I know we have our own opinions on this and my opinion is that subnetting sucks big time! I guess thay's why there's an option in windows where you can just AUTOMATICALLY DETECT IP address. Major duh!

I'm really glad that the worst part of Network and Data Communications is over... and I hope it stays that way! ^__^

I know that I freely took the CS track, without really knowing what I'm getting myself into. And I'm really lucky and happy to have people like you to keep me sane during the chaos I call academics.

The feeling I had a while ago before the Long Exam was the same feeling I had before taking the Accounting, Finance and Calculus long exams...

I felt like the ULTIMATE MAMARU of them all! Nagmamarunong sa ganitong problem... na tama ang aking IP addressing scheme.

AR, I know what your sentiments are and I understand why you want to kill those people you mentioned after the exam... if you need help, I'm willing to help you with the 2nd someone. Please help yourself to the first since you're close! ^__^

Gracie, contrary to what you were saying about me knowing those IP addressing stuff all along... I didn't talaga!!! Super-uber mamaru to the max! Tubig at langis kami ng binary at octets!

Kris, alam kong kalahati ka pa lang sa kalbaryo mo this week. Sucks to be you, pare! Pero goodluck talaga! I'll be cheering you on! If you need a smile, a hug, a sundae cone from McDo, pakalat-kalat lang ako sa gilid.

I'm also looking forward to the Ateneo-LaSalle game tomorrow. I'm gonna watch it with Gracie in her house. We're gonna do the leader profile na rin so we can pass it on friday. I swear, nakatira na ako sa bahay nila! I've been there at least once for the past few weeks! Dana and Elisse are kinda used to being with me around. hehe! Sobrang hiya na ako kay Tita Mirla.

Anyway, I hope Ateneo creams LaSalle tomorrow! hehe, I've become a die-hard Atenean. Consensual brain-washing. We wanna win!!!

My Bed is my Work Area

Recently, I haven't paid much attention to my study table. And right now, I can't really see it. Must be somewhere under the pile of books, handouts, papers and what-have-you. Right now, I'm typing in my laptop from my bed.

Yes, my laptop has been residing in my bed since I moved back in the house. Even in the condo, I occasionally use my laptop as my pillow. Our house has a router so I can connect to the internet, blog, surf and send email from the bed. Ah, yes, the power of wireless connections...

... and IP routing...

...with subnetting...

Man, I have to stop this. I've been preparing for my CS156 exams on Wednesday and majority of it would come from subnetting and IP routing... sheesh! Binary, Decimal, Hexadecimal... I think hiring a computer technician would cost me but it would save me from headaches and connection troubles.

Anyway, back to my bed...*ahem*

It's getting crowded in here too. I have notebooks and textbooks here... I type when I try to study. Muscle memory has always been effective for me. Typing or writing, doesn't matter.

Plus, I've got pagong here to keep me company. ^_^

Trivia--> I also took Pagong with me to my gradpic photo shoot. We're both going to be timeless!

Other people: *groan*

Anyway, that's my life as of now... boring! As I told my dad last Sunday, the only thing exciting in my life right now is cramming for a test or paper.

Can you be more pathetic than this???

More people: *groan*

The Calm Before the Storm

I knew it! Last week for me was just la-la-lah.... there wasn't much to do and at least I was able to catch up on reading Harry Potter. But then, reading Kris' blog, I then began to realize what a hell week this is going to be...

I don't even want to start listing them... it would be too painful to read in my blog... kaya Kris, "I shake you warmly by the hand" (c/o Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

No wonder I was just slacking off the week before.... haaay.. it was good while it lasted.

I'm hoping I would survive the next few weeks as we all scamper toward deadlines and the nearing finals week in October...

I need a break!

Ecstatic

I just got back my 2nd long exam in Philo. Man, was I so surprised! And happy! I got a B+. I'm so proud of myself. I really studied and put a lot of effort preparing for those exams. So, getting this grade is already nice.

I wanted to keep this short. Maybe I'll put my essay here... maybe not... maybe somewhere else. Dunno. hehe.

Just found out I had this propensity towards philosophy. Maybe because I had a really good mentor when I started philosophising and discerning. =) Fr. Ferriols is already a legend in school. He's already 80 years old and yet his passion for Philosophy is ageless. He is one of the foundations of philosophy in Ateneo. "Meron" doesn't equate to being. It is much more deeper. It gives you a glimpse of something but you can never fully grasp it. You can never contain it in a system. It it unexplainable, yet it makes sense.

Am I making sense?

Man, I really love Philosophy! I was wishing I had taken it as a Minor...

But if I did that, I might not graduate on time. I already have my Japanese Studies Minor and am currently taking my IT minor...

No, I am not a nerd. I enjoy these subjects and fields of study.

No, I am not a masochist.

Yes, I have friends and a social life.

Relationships and sex will come later in life... as dad decreed on the day I was born.

Bratinella Extraordinaire

Yes, I am a self-confessed brat. I want to always get what I want... Whatever means? Not really. Most of the time, charm works for me.

Yesterday, I got so mad because my mom and I were supposed to go out and watch a movie the next day. She then said that she has to do something with her brother. When I heard it, I didn't say anything. Being the tactless person that I am, I tried not to make a scene and just accept the fact that we weren't going out the next day.

Damn!!! I really was looking forward to our lakwa. So much so that I even studied for my Tuesday class the day before. And I even made friggin notes!

Anyway, my silent treatment didn't go well as I planned. Nagdabog ako nang parang bata. I banged on doors. I had this serious, looks-like-dad-when-he-wants-to-strangle-someone-but-he-can't-and-he's-pissed look. And although I knew what was going on, I never stopped. It felt like it was the right thing to do. It was injustice for me.

Am I not important enough that I just get shunned away at the thought of another plan that happened to chance their way? I wanted to have the time to bond with my mom, not just go to the mall and watch movies. To me, it had meant so much. I guess to her, it was just a way to waste money... I don't know. I hope otherwise. Nah, hindi naman siya ganun.

As the night went on, I could not contain my rage at the sight of "injustice" to me. I told her that she needs to respect me enough to keep her promise to me... Regardless of the kind of promise... Unless it's an emergency (life and death... No other options besides my mom being and needed there). At that time, I admitted to mysef that our trip to the movies would be as slim as those super thin carcasses walking down the runway. I just wanted to make her feel that she should also keep her promise, to whoever she makes them to. And that next time, she should think about her other plans before accepting another.

Well in the end, she told me that we were going to the movies. The guilt-trip had worked. But not to my liking. Besides, after something like that, I doubt we would be able to enjoy the movie.

We were kinda cold to each other at first then began to warm up. Then we were having a conversation the same way as before.

Somehow, even if I got what I wanted, I still felt bad because I got mine and she was forced to cancel the other promise. And now that I'm sober, I ask myself, "What the hell's wrong with me?" Looking back, I had acted immaturely. I defended myself from myself and said that it's all because I was stressed. 24 hours is NOT enough. I need more!

And because my mom gave in, despite that it wasn't the best thing to do, I loved her more.