Is this Friendship?

I've been looking back at this friendship with a person. She's very outspoken and hyperactive. She's a natural-born leader who takes command of a crowd. She's popular with the boys with her as she's very well-dressed every single day and wears flawless and flaterring make up. She's also honest and open with her close friends, including me.

But a downside to her personality is that whenever she's in a moody phase, she tackles anybody who dares to make a wrong muscle twitch in her direction. She's very sensitive to many issues. Being moody isn't a bad thing. It's when she directs all her hormonal-driven emotions to people who are not even concerned with her problems. It's like having a machine gun while blindfolded and just pull the trigger, uncaring of who gets hit.

I'm naturally a tactless person and more often than not, I tend to hurt people without me knowing. It's a bad habit of mine but sometimes I can't help it. It's a bad combination to put 2 persons together: tactless and sensitivity do not go well; and we've had our fair share of disagreements and major fights.

But now... I'm drawing the line. I know I did not do anything wrong. I don't want to apologize for something I did not commit. She doesn't want to talk about it, I want to talk about it. So it will never happen. I know this is my pride talking, but I also want to come out of this experience with lessons learned. Sometimes, you can't get along with other people, no matter what you try. You want to reach out and you're the type of person who wants to tackle issues but not everyone's like that.

If I am the one who always folds and just apologizes just to get it over and done with, is it really friendship? Is this what you call compromise?

I've learned to accept a person for who s/he is. But when that person does not accept me for who I am... I am not sure if this will work out.

.gawd.

I just about lost it tonight. I was screaming my head off at someone... but thank God I was able to control myself before actually shouting at the poor guy.

It's this feeling of giving up the control I have over my emotions (hormonal, I admit). Sometimes, it's just so easy to let go and see what happens next. It's crazy. Short fuse.

I had dinner with Joey at Amici and was glad that I have someone to keep my happy and sane. He had a bad day too and I guess we were both trying to quell the emotions. In the end, we had fun (time flew fast) and we were both able to cancel out each other's negative energies =) Yey us.

Now that I'm home, control is slowly slipping. Must. Get. This. Under. Control. I was rolling my eyes at every retort I thought was too lame. If a mind reader was nearby, they'll never expect me to think of such things... hehe, my mind is a terrible, wasted thing =p We all have our secret fantasies and desires. I think I'll just do what I usually do to keep me occupied and at least let out some of the hormonal imbalance I'm having... ;) SLEEP!

What to choose

I'm faced with another dilemma. This time, it's between me and myself. Time and again, I have been in constant battle with my raw emotions and no-nonsense logical self. Usually, it's the logic who always wins (after all, there is a reason why the head was higher than the heart). This time, my heart chose to fight back.

And fight back it did.

What do you do when your logical side fails to see the meaning of the emotion conveyed by the heart? Or maybe, there is no logic in all of this...? That you'll just go crazy trying to understand it all. Sometimes, the heart understands things the mind cannot comprehend. It just makes sense even without trying to make sense of it.

I'm warring with myself if I should chose to follow my heart (again) over my mind. It's very difficult to change overnight. Something that feels so right for the heart feels so wrong for the mind. And something that the mind sees as rational is something that is cruel for the heart.

What to do? What to choose?

Suddenly

The sun seems brighter today. The leaves are greener than usual. The stars twinkle as if winking back at me. =)

I've been looking at life more clearly now. The world seems to weigh less on my shoulders. The problems don't look so tough anymore. It's easier to smile.

This feeling of elation, I feel high and yet everything's so vivid.

I found my angel. I didn't know I could feel happier.

Runaway

Been neglecting my blog =P

Lately I haven't been in the mood to write. But I'm not depressed. On the contrary, I'm learning a lot and everything has been peachy. You can even say I'm happier, though I'm not the kind of person who announces her emotions.

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I turned 3 shades darker and loving it! Went to Camarines Sur with my officemates and I can definitely say this is my summer getaway. Though I didn't go wakeboarding, I still had fun sunbathing, island hopping in Caramoan, taking pictures of my officemates getting their asses wiped during wakeboarding.

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I rediscovered Intramuros with Joey 2 weeks ago. We went on a walking tour with Carlos Celdran. He was quirky and had this comic take on Manila's past. What I loved about his tours is that it's never boring and he had very fascinating trivia about out country, its history with its colonizers (Spain, US) and where we are now. I think I evened out my skin tone during that tour. We ended our day with a dimsum fest in the best place for Chinese food:Binondo!

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We are towards the end of my project, mySAP NEA. We're ending by July this year. At the same time, i'm marking my 3rd year in HP. I'm finally getting a new laptop! My old one's dying on me and it's very very very slow =(

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We're praying that our Visa applications get approved. My dad already sent a copy of his Schengen so we can submit it to the French embassy here. Hopefully all goes well. It's my parents' 25th Wedding Anniversary and they decide to spend it in Europe. France and Italy, here we come!

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We have an additional member to our family, Maki was found astray just outside our house. He's a stray cat with yellow and white fur. He has the biggest blue-grey eyes that beg for our attention. He's also disciplined. He pees in one corner of the house so it's easier to clean after him. He's very inquisitive but scampers for cover when it's too loud or noisy at home.