Higher Spirits

Spending vacation at home wasn't as bad as it sounded. After all, I usually go out with friends and 'non-friends' to make the most of the vacation. What I felt earlier was like withdrawal. You know, you're so used to drive away at the start of the day, bond with friends and then go home at the start of the day, tomorrow (hehe, only in extreme and very rare cases). Now I'm just at home, sharing a room with my sister (which we have not done in more than 2 years.. after we got our own rooms/dorm/apartment. I cleaned out the PC which was dumped with GB of old data. I also got to think about my New Year's Resolution.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spent Christmas Eve with my family and cousins at home. Toby was also allowed to join us inside the house for supper. Had Merlot wine with dad.. but I still like Cabernet-Sauvignon (not because it sounded more nice.. mapakla ang lasa ng Merlot) or Reisling white wine.

On Christmas Day, my niece came to visit. She's an adorable 1 year old who knows how to pray and pose for the camera. My kind of girl!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only time I was able to bond with my friends in the office was last Saturday. I thought I was up to it. Nabinat ata ako.. hehehe. Had to take a raincheck for the next HoHoL (hang out hang out lang!).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today marks the last day of taking antibiotics and painkillers. Hurrah! I still don't want to let go of the painkillers tho...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This morning, I was emcee for our Parish activity for kids! It's the Gift-Giving Day Celebration for kids in our community. Since it was held in the Covered Courts in the village, decided to walk instead of bringing a car. Exercise nalang diba! There were over 200 kids who were participating and it was up to me and Bryan to keep them on their toes. Fr. Rodel and Fr. Terence were there. Sayang Fr. Terence couldn't understand a word we said.. Filipino kasi yung buong program for the benefit of the kids.

We had the pabitin and stop/statue dance for the kids. There were prizes and goodies! Then in the end, we gave them a gift, some canned food and 10 kilos of rice per family (if ever, siblings have to share 10K). We also gave out free cotton candy and sorbetes.

All in all, it was fun-filled day for community and fellowship and reaching out to children. I gained a lot of friends, especially from the other ministries in the parish like the Altar Servers and the Lay Ministers.

In the end, my side was starting to ache from all the excitement but I guess it was worth it. It's not hurting so much now.

:)

Why can't I?

I've been feeling depressed since I got out of the hospital. It's not a big thing, though. I'm still in the festive and yuletide spirit with my family here. But of course, I can't help but wonder about the fun and memories I might have experienced had I not been rushed to the hospital because of stupid Hudson (see blog below).

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder why this had to happen on the day before we were supposed to go to Ilocos... why? why? Why didn't I feel the pain during normal days when it's so boring and there's not much to do but work work work. That would've put my sick leave days to good use instead of staying at home during vacation. So yeah, I was not the happiest person when all my friends enjoyed their vacation in Ilocos while I was writhing in agony at some gurney in Medical City.

People would actually berate me for being too busy with everything. And it has nothing to do with exhaustion or fatigue if you sleep at least 7 hours a night. Of course there's your career, but I'm also very active in Church (can you honestly tell me to quit my Church involvement?). And I like going out on weekends. I'm not a bar person (I actually hate the stench of alcohol, sweat and cigarettes) but I'd rather spend a good day outside.. probably at the mall or at Boni High Street either with a good book or with a friend.

And you can't blame me if I want to go out-of-town with friends. Sagada, La Union, Vigan, Albay... the journey can be as fun as the destination if you're with a group of people you share interests and wavelengths ;) I don't go on trips just to please this group of people.. why should I waste my good money on others?!

As biatchy as this may sound, I'm proud to say that I'm young, single, has money to burn and will not be domesticated (yet, much to my mom's chagrin). I have all the time in the world and the opportunities to go out and paint the town red. The world is mine to explore, after all!

Farewell, Hudson!

Hudson, my lifelong appendix succumbed to inflammation and near-explosion experience. Instead of going to Ilocos with my HP Officemates, I was quickly rushed to the hospital that fateful Friday morning.

I was prodded and poked like a lab specimen. Even if doctors have this professional approach, I can't help but feel helpless and humiliated at some point. They took all samples of everything I have. The procession of instruments and machines for the first day in the hospital seemed endless. And through it all, I bore it under excruciating pain in my abdomen.

Being the mamaru that I am, I thought it was just ulcer. In the past few days, my meals have been a bit irregular. I gave priority to my work and ate on my workplace. One by one, they eliminated possible causes of the pain.. UTI, Reproductive Causes, Stones, etc..

The next morning, I was sent to Surgery to have my appendix removed. The procedure itself was fairly quick but the recovery was hell. I woke up to nausea and throbbing in my stomach. My lower half was still numb but my upper body was screaming: pain. I begged for painkillers, anything to knock me out or to numb my head. The nurse said he'd injected something but I didn't feel any relief. I threw up on my side, into a bowl. The heaving was painful and it contracted my stomach. I felt my stitches would tear up. I haven't eaten for 2 days now and all I threw up was bile and probably some medicine. It felt nasty and tasted rotten.

I wanted to go up to my room now. I wanted to be with my mom. Finally, 7 hours after my operation, they wheeled me back to the room. I was bedridden for the day. I had to pee in a bedpan which was the most uncomfortable situation ever! I wanted to get up but mom feared I would tear my stitches.

I was in recovery for the next day. I was in IV, painkillers and antibiotics. I was being fed through the IV. I got up for the first time to go to the bathroom and the world spun in a vertigo. I felt I was going to throw up again. The headache was hell and the lights were blinding me. They gave me painkillers again. My dad, brother and sister finally arrived and they distracted me from the pain. Eventually, they had to leave and once again, I was with my mom. I hugged her that night and thanked her for being there for me. I don't think I would have recovered fast had she not been there, taking care of my needs and for being my emotional cheerleader.

I was discharged on Dec. 22, just in time for my sister's birthday. They changed the bandage into a waterproof one so I can take a bath (thank God!). And they sent me home together with my painkillers and antibiotics. Mom and Dad were there, taking care of everything. When I got home, I fell asleep and woke up to do a number 2.

We had dinner at Portico in Serendra. I only had soup and a bit of meat since I was still getting used to a soft diet. I walked like an 80-year old woman but my family was patient with me. We went to Fully Booked and dad bought me Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet. I read the book once but I was too young to appreciate it. I just read the sequel, World Without End and it was one of the best books I've ever read.

The night was getting late and the throbbing was starting to hurt again. My brother and I went ahead of them and got home earlier while Mom, Dad and Anne went strolling in Boni High Street. It was a fairly nice day out with my family.

Pay it forward

An old college buddy spoke to me this evening and was telling me about the story of an officemate of hers who was being the butt of all jokes. She had the juiciest resume a fresh graduate could ever have. Naturally, they gave her a role which they thought she could handle.

Since they were part of a customer-facing team, she was given the task to do very critical interfacing with middle management. It turns out that she was a big mess. She gave vague and erroneous emails.. to which she would send another email to disregard the previous one. During calls she would hesitate and often ended up not really understanding the whole topic or even make sense at all! The client was furious with the way she did her job. Her manager would always save her butt at the end of the day and she gets to see another day.

Of course, the customer is not very happy with this. They demanded they replace her with someone who is more competent or at the very least, have common sense.

***

I remember this particular moment in my life when I had a similar situation. I was escalated to the highest heavens for not doing this critical job. My customer was getting irritated by the fact that I kept fumbling and looked like someone who did not know what to do.

I felt like a lamb in a lion's den.

Sleepless nights I endured. Even my business trip to Japan was dreaded... and every time it was being mentioned at family dinners and get-togethers, my parents would brag about me being sent to other countries during my 1st year as a yuppie. I would cringe inside at the thought of staying in a country with no one to turn to for support.

One person pushed me to the limit. He patiently helped me in all my technical booboos. I was very glad he was also there with me in Japan. I may have died or killed myself anyway if he wasn't there. He became an inspiration to me. The respect he earned from me went up exponentially. I suddenly realized that I wanted to be like this person.

The commitment he gave to me motivated me to go beyond what I thought I was capable of. The world needs more people like him. So... I decided to pay it forward. I wanted to commit to people who need help and is willing to learn.

Sadly, he already left the company to pursue bigger things but he left such a big footprint that it was impossible to ignore. I want to help people in a way I know best. =)

Mythbusted!

On our flight to Singapore last night, I chose to order the beef with noodles meal. I was feeling immune to beef lately. I ordered burger meals at the local fastfood chains and did not feel that head-wrenching migraine. I was assuming I was already cured of the allergy.

Hehe, boy was I wrong!

I was all red halfway into my meal, my mom got very angry and forced me to drink my medicine. I was woozy and my head was pounding. All the while, I was thinking it was the red wine that got me all heated up. =) Bottomline, I'm still allergic to beef. Bottomline, the burgers I ordered at this well-known fastfood chain is NOT beef. Hmmm... busted!

Not enough

I hate this feeling of going on vacation when everything back in the office is in shambles. I got this bad feedback from an equally bad customer (just my opinion). I swallowed it and moved on like nothing happened. I was really on the verge of telling him off that not everything is my fault and that there were gaps on his(her?) side too...

To top it off, my Project Manager was siding him (for lack of a better term) and was even encouraging scope creep! So much for his responsibility to the team. Sellena and I were left to fend off for ourselves. And I admit it, I was raw. I didn't have the skills I needed to push back, given a bitchy customer who always demanded but never gave his(her?) own requirements. Everything was supposed to be me.. test data, master data... what the..!?! He(she?) was upset(PMS-ing?) that it was still him(her?) who provided the scenarios.

I just feel so bad about it all. I know I can count on my partner, who has always been dependable and ever so reliable tech guy. But this time, I feel as if he's cleaning up after me. It saddens me to think that something like this would happen and I let it happen. *major angst coming up* I want to make it up to him, to Sellena, to all the people I've affected. I feel like a new hire again. *sigh*

Revenge

This is what you get for speaking your mind out, bitch! The world was never fair to begin with so stop thinking of fair and justice and equality.

The strong will eat, the weak are meat.

It's a dog eat dog world where everyone is a savage doing whatever they can to take control of their lives.

I have never been more frustrated in my life about something I thought was 'just ok'. It had never bothered me to think of life in this perspective. Until now. Sugar-coating is ok. But downright plain lying is another thing! I do not like being lied to. Nobody does. Lying does not do anybody good.

I'm tactless but at least you know my point, pain and all. It's better than beautifully crafted words...web of lies and deceit. This is now where I draw the line. Trust broken is trust never again to be built. And no, don't go all self-righteous to me. It never worked anyway. ;P

Surprises and Realizations

Dad arrived in Manila early this morning. It was such a surprise considering he told us he'll go home next week. So there. I woke up earlier than usual, ate my breakfast and read the newspaper and there he came out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~

By August, I'm celebrating 5 years of service in the Church. It's such a surpise, considering that up till now, I still get jitters as soon as I go up to the lectern. It's a nice feeling to be able to serve and dedicate my time to proclaim the Good News, no matter how cliche it sounded.

~~~~~~~~~~

By the end of this week, I've officially finished two projects! Both of them Japan projects. I've learned a lot from my mentors, teammates and clients. It would be nice to get more experience and exposure, though.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Dark Knight is the latest movie I watched. After a hiatus from watching in the big screen, it's a nice movie but personally, I prefer Ironman. And like Ironman, I watched it twice! Heath Ledger's take on the Joker was more psychotic, disturbing. Like Krusty on steriods, booze and heroin. He was still funny on most parts.

~~~~~~~~~~

I spent the weekend in bed.. and what a glorious place to be! I watched movies, dvds, surfed the net. All in all, it was laid-back, steady and slow. My kind of weekend from a week of work! I watched this movie in Star, Perfume. It's the story of Jean Baptiste Grenouille, a man with extraordinary olfactory senses, who vowed to capture the greatest scent. It was sick and twisted in the end because he had to kill 13 girls to capture their essence and create the perfect perfume.

The ending was gruesome and wicked. Just before he was to be beheaded, he wore that perfume (said to be the ultimate pheromone) and caused all the people present to engage in a massive orgy. It was based from novel by Patrick Sunkirk, a German novelist. I'm thinking of looking it up on Powerbooks or Fully Booked.

It's a movie to watch as it had veteran actors like Dustin Hoffman and Alan Rickman (one of my faves!). Ben Whishaw was Jean Baptiste and his acting was quite notable.

~~~~~~~~~~

Spent a lot of money this month on books. The passion has been ignited again! Mom is frustrated with me... where to put all my books?? My library of a room is now turning into a warehouse of all kinds of books.

Anti-murphy's Law

Dad called this evening to tell us very good news. It was very good news. Good news indeed.

Everyday, I tell myself that the bad things that happen to me are nothing if you count the blessings that you get. Why bother and let yourself down with negativity? I say that if bad things happen to you, good things will come your way. A life of smiles and positive thinking beats an attitude of always looking out for Murphy's law. Of course it's not a bad idea to take note of all the bad things that can happen to you but let's face it, the more you search for Murphy, the more it will hunt you down.

We had this dream that we thought was about to come true. It came crashing down on us and of course we were depressed. But we didn't let it get the best of us and just move on and do the best you can with what you have. And true enough, hard work always trumps luck.

One cannot help but realize that life doesn't always work out the way you want it to be. Sometimes the life you think is ideal never was bliss in the first place. The path to true happiness comes with pain and hardships. It is then when you can truly savor your accomplishments and blessings!

A moment of silence

The weekend brought about the best of sleeping habits. It was cool and the sky outside barely hinted at the sun. The rain and winds brought about a very conducive sleeping atmosphere. Forget electricity, cable TV and technology for a moment. I ran back to my paperbacks the moment the lights went out.

Mom had a transistor radio so we were fortunate enough to have some information of the outside world without the need for electricity. We heard about Iloilo and some parts of Visayas drowning in rainwater. We also heard about the ferry disaster that may have taken 700 lives. All of them were avoidable tragedies. Of course, living in corrupt and 3rd world countries, one cannot expect the preparedness of a highly organized goverment agency as one would see in movies and cable TV. Budget allocated for something like this was never released anyway. They were long gone.. used by some politician's vacation in Europe or a presidential suite in New York.

Everyone would want to blame this on nature. Why not?! It's highly unpredictable and not once questioned by God-fearing citizens. It seems to be the only way to appease victims and let the accountable parties get away with it. No one would dream for this to happen. Of course, no one took action so this would not happen as well. We were swept away with fatalistic appeals.

A moment of silence for the victims and those who died ahead of their time. Their potential never again to be realized and their future and dreams, sinking with the ship. May they rest in peace.

The one you love? The one who loves you?

Time and again... I've stuck in a crossroad, pondering which path to choose. And this time, it's not about choosing colleges and careers; both of which I can say proudly I chose well. And this time, I'm stuck in a crossroad that's equally important as my university and career. This can also change my life drastically.

Call me a cheesy sap but when I was little, I told myself that boys will always be yucky and icky and full of cooties. Oh how I ate those words!

Lovelife is as important as one's career and insurance. Although people rank it differently, once it's there on your list, it's all the same.

You can say I fell hard. I was smitten, infatuated and I giggle like a teenager whenever he'd pass me by. I thought I fell in love at first sight. I did everything I can to make him know I exist in this world. We became friends and after a few months (potah, slow lang talaga siya!), we were exchanging YMs, IMs, SMSs and other alphabetical means of communication.

My relationship with him is a lot slower than any other relationships I've had in my entire life. My friends think he's been living in a cave all this time not to notice that there are actually social graces, etiquette, norms and the like. He's hard to deal with... very fickle-minded and does not believe in planning ahead of time. If I were some other girl, I'd get impatient with him and just let him be... because that's my perception of him. It feels he's already contented with what he has and is not motivated by anything.

Here I am, playing the martyr, doing anything and everything... honestly, I've never done this for a guy and I'm really overextending myself with this person. I though to myself that if I continue what I'm doing now, I might have a shot at this. A shot to have a relationship with him.
And then I fell back to earth.

I met another guy who I feel is very much interested with me. It shows... he initiates every conversation we ever had. He invited me to movies and has been confiding me on his personal stuff. Isn't that enough sign? Of course, I don't want to assume but the way he treats me... I feel wanted. And I very much like what I'm feeling.

Now I'm torn... should I go to the one I like... or run to the arms of the one who (I think) likes me?

And here is the clincher... I think the infatuation spell's wearing off. I'm seeing things more clearly than before. Suddenly, my love interest isn't as good looking as he used to be...

Ouch

I got into a fight and that made me feel alienated for about 3 months from close people. I took the initiative and after two attempts, I finally got a response. Of course, I was happy but I felt a little bit sad that I was getting the impression that what happened the past months didn't happen. It was like picking off from where we left and that was it.

I had a lot of questions but decided not to ask them. What's important now is that the friendship that was torn is now mended... how and why, I might never know myself.

Not all people seem to agree with the way I deal with things, or talk about it. Frankly, I'm quite frank, sometimes bordering on tactlessness. One of my closest friends confronted me about it. She told me I was being too harsh when I talk about some things. Whenever I talk, it was always bullseye, without any regard for feelings. Of course, I apologized for being so callous and everything was fine in the end.

But why? Why go all this trouble to erase everything she had of me? Was it that harsh? Was I such a callous, tactless bitch that it was worth almost 2 years of friendship? I couldn't understand, I wanted to understand but I didn't want to go through hell again with what happened. Sure, I know how to cope... and everyone knows the world never revolves around anyone, but I'm tired to these mindless games and guessing every single wrong thing you said. It's not fair, I got hurt too.

School's Here!

Next week's the start of school. I'm missing it now. The smell of brand new plastic and notebooks just exhilarate me for some reason. All bookstores are crammed with children happily choosing notebooks, pens, notepads, books, uniforms with their mom in tow with baskets full of plastic wrappers, textbooks, erasers, pencils, sharpeners among others.

I remember during my grade school years that by end of May, I'd beg my mom to take me to school to see if they already released the class list. I'd run over each and every one of the sections and check out all my classmates, where my other friends are listed and check out where my class room will be.

Then we'd go to the bookstore where I'll get our booklist. Call me a geek but I really get excited about new textbooks. We'd go inside and give the list to the sales clerk. He'd gather everything and include notebooks, folders, envelopes, etc. When we get home, I'll immediately check out each and every one of the books. I'd start out with the Reading and read the stories. Hahaha, forgive me but that time there was no internet or the computer so I stick to reading and playing outside... like normal kids should do.

Then I'd beg my mom to help me cover them with plastic paper. I didn't know how to cut out the plastic to fit the books so I just help out by folding the corners and putting tape on the inside covers. Then we'd do the same for my siblings! At the end of the day, you'll see me labeling all my books and notebooks with my really long name. I'd arrange them according to height and place them inside my bag on a trolley. Everyday I would pick out one book and read them. Except math of course. Reading, Katha, Science, Hekasi... all of them I'll skim until the start of the school year.

First days were no less exciting for me. It would be crowded with kids on the hallways, checking out which of their friends were still their classmates, where their other friends are located. It would be crazy, until the classs advisors one by one go to the classrooms and order us all to lineup. First days are usually introductions, seating arrangements, class schedules and some pep talk by the teachers. We do recaps of the school's mission-vision, thrust among others. Sometimes it gets boring but at the end of the day, you're happy you're finally learning something new this year.


*geek mode*

One Day at a Time

My office laptop broke down 2 hours before I was supposed to go to the airport for a much deserved vacation with dad in Jakarta. I was still hoping for the best by bringing it with me. It would be sad if I let my teammates down by not being available. True enough, it was already dead before it even boarded the plane.

Right now, I got sore eyes. And it feels unfair because the last thing I did was go swimming and I was swimming with mom, Pat and Anne... and they don't have sore eyes. It's itchy, it's irritating and I have alcohol everywhere with me to keep myself from spreading the love.

Still making the most of this vacation.. whatever happens!

Dreams

I had a dream this morning and it was about you.

It was a typical day and we decided to have lunch together. We wanted to eat somewhere special.. seafood? We drove to Makati using my car (--> why is it always my car??) and along the way, I saw mom crossing the street, probably headed towards the department store.

The restaurant we were supposed to eat in was fairly far... like we parked in Glorietta but the place was at Greenbelt. It was already 1230 that time so we knew we had to hurry. Inside the building, there were many establishments and we got into the wrong floor. That floor (2nd, I think) was like a chapel and the people there were interrogating us... delaying us or something.

I heard you give a false name and other info. It was funny. I went back down to the lobby to look for the floor the restaurant was located. It was on the 9th floor but the elevators only went up to the 7th so we had to climb the entire 2 floors.

You were finally able to escape their questioning routines and we got back up to the elevators. On the 7th floor, they weren't stairs.. instead there was a big wall with those things poking out of it.. like a wall-climbing area. Being hungry and all, we didn't put up much of a fight. I fell at the last few steps but managed to grab hold onto one of the bigger pieces. You fell as well but instead was hanging upside down. It was funny. hehehe!

It was already 1PM and we didn't get to eat at that restaurant. We knew we had to hurry back as we had appointments by 2PM. We were at the entrance of the building and I was sweaty and panting. I wanted to change my clothes but I left mine in the car. I was looking at the time and I heard you come to me from behind. I looked back and saw your glorious torso... I swear I swooned at the sight of you shirtless. I was already feeling lightheaded from the lack of food and your god-like body, tingling with sweat, even made my knees weak. Oh dear god, save me.

We had to hurry back to the car and at this time we were separated. I ran to get my things and change back into more decent and presentable clothing. We didn't exactly meet up as planned but managed to get into the car and drive somewhere safe. We stopped for a while and you had to change. I was forcing myself to keep calm and act ladylike.. really! We were talking about the fact that we could not make it back so we decided to take it easy instead.

We were looking at pictures in a camera that I was holding and I was laughing at something in the picture. You wanted to see it but I would not give it to you. There was a bit of resistance and after a few moments of laughter and teasing, I suddenly found myself flung against your chest. The swooning returns. I wanted to move away but you wouldn't let me. We faced each other and all I knew was that we were kissing. SCORED!

I was the happiest woman alive (or sleeping)! *punches through the air*

We got back and I told you I will just get my stuff and then we could leave. It took me more time than usual and I was running in a hurry to get back to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up with a stupid and surprised smile on my face... now that's a dream I would want to live!

Moment of Weakness

Allow me this moment of weakness. It's been a day since we got back from Tokyo. The transition from pleasurable bliss to depressing piles of work was too much. I feel like I've been harshly pulled down from cloud nine, without any remorse for the confusion of my mental and psychological state..

haha, andrama!

I struggled this morning to serve in this morning's mass. And then I went back to sleep and woke up again sweaty and with a sense of unease. I worked half-heartedly, my laptop went on blue screen as it struggled to download 100++ emails. It was a relatively uneventful day. Can we wait till tomorrow to get things in its momentum??

We are go! Tokyo, Japan

I finally did the last of errands for our trip to Tokyo. Me, Patrick and Anne will embark on our first ever journey *alone* on the eclectic, fashionable, modern, funky, historic, cultural and trendsetter capital in North East Asia. Dad decided to book us on a package tour to Tokyo and extend one day for our own sightseeing in Kyoto. All in all, it will be 4 nights and 5 days exploring and cam-whoring on the streets of Tokyo, the slopes of Mt. Fuji and the temples of Kyoto.

Being 23, 21 and 19 years old respectively, dad deemed us old and mature(?) enough to travel on our own. That and the fact that my sister and I can speak kick-ass Japanese (disclaimer: kickass in this context refers to our capacity to speak basic statements and questions, understand grade school level Japanese as well as read hiragana, katakana and kanji), mom and dad are pretty confident we wouldn't head towards disaster of finding ourselves suddenly in Nagoya or Okinawa. My brother's forte? Spanish.. mwehehehe! Not the least bit helpful... maybe he'll get to see some Spanish tourists and chat with them.

Being the O.C. among us, I already did some research on the places we want to go.. even to the tiniest details of which station we should get off! I had help from some of the people I work with in Japan and Miho-chan was gracious enough to help me out with the Shinkansen schedules from Tokyo to Kyoto. One of my colleagues in the office, Ian, had a trip to Tokyo as well and gave me some travellers' tips and pointers on how to scale the biggest and one of the most expensive cities in the world. In return, I will buy some camera accessories for him in Akihabara. ^_^ Fair enough deal.


~~~~The road to tickets, visas and JR Passes~~~~

I bought the tickets as well as exchange coupons for the JR Pass. A JR Pass is an all-you-can-ride ticket on all JR Lines for a limited time (7, 14, 21-day) only for tourists. Japanese are not entitled to this privilege. This is very cheap and convenient especially if you plan to go to other places in Japan such as Yokohama, Osaka, Kyoto, etc. A round-trip shinkansen from Tokyo to Kyoto costs the same as a 7-day JR Pass. Because we also plan to go around Tokyo via trains, sobrang sulit kami! It will cost us lining up at the ticket booth and going through the machines. We just show our passes to the Manong Guard and we are off!

We got our visas in record time! We got it the same week we submitted it. Hmm, maybe because I already went to Japan and we already had Schengen visas on our passports. A first timer will have to wait at least a week before the visa is released.


~~~~We plan to go here!~~~~

On the 5 days we are there, we plan to go to these places:

1. Imperial Palace - the seat of the oldest monarchy in the world. The gardens are told to be one of the best showcases of Japanese traditional minimalist designs as well as the unique architectural structures of Edo Castle, Nijubashi bridge and some temples. A photo op here is a must!

2. Ginza - the shopping district of Tokyo! Has the trendiest styles and fashion as well as designer labels are here.

3. Harajuku - a must for gothic, emo, anime cosplay and elegant gothic lolita styles! My sister and I are avid cosplayers and this is our mecca! Shops here also include very weird, eccentric and out-of-this world styles.

4. Shinjuku - where the famous crossing is! We plan to take a picture right smack in the middle. A combination of modern and futuristic skyscrapers and buildings as well as the Red Light district at night! oh yeah, yebah!

5. Akihabara - electronics and otaku district! Known for a lot of electronics and gadgets and cheap-o accessories, as well as anime mechandise (gundam models, costumes, manga)... one could not be satisfied with just a day!

6. Asakusa/ Ueno - this area is where old Tokyo is preserved. Temples and zen gardens are a must!

7. Tsukiji Market - the biggest fish market in Japan! Auctions here start as early as 430 in the morning and all kinds of sea creatures (edible of course!) are here for sale! There are many very nice sushi shops in the area that guarantee the freshest fish and sea delicacies.

8. Mt. Fuji - Japan's most sacred mountain. A shinkansen away from Tokyo that brings us to the Onsen (hot spring) town of Hakone. We will also take a ferry ride to Ashi lake and take a cable car.

9. Kyoto - cultural capital of Japan! We plan to take the first shinkansen ride going there and take a scenic route (with a view of Mt. Fuji on our windows!). Take a temple overload tour before going home late in the afternoon.


~~~~Cam-whoring sessions~~~~

Being cam-whores that we are, we plan to bring 2 cameras to capture every adventure for 5 days! That and a ton of SD cards waiting to be crammed with pictures of buildings, temples, shrines, cosplayers, trains and scenic places. Good thing we have the same brand of camera so we'll just share the charger.

As if that isn't enough, we plan to bring a laptop with a lot of free GB to store our photos just so we can be confident the next day that we will not run out of memory!!!


~~~~Who needs rest?!?~~~~

We are all mentally prepared to make the best of this trip. This includes waking up early in the morning to catch a glimpse of the rising sun (after all, Japan is the land of the rising sun!) and end the day full of stories to tell and pictures to view. I told them to stash a lot of energy drinks, vitamin c and power bars along the way. Bawal ang papatay-patay at ang magreklamo na pagod na! The hotel room is just a place where we dump all our stuff, take a shower and sleep. Nothing more! Wear comfy shoes (no heels please!) and casual clothing.

Of Careers and Soccer Moms

Not so long ago, a very close friend of mine and I went to an old friend's wedding. Old friend meaning we have known that person since we were this small. We got there a little early so we had this small chat...

Her: Did you expect Mia to be the first one to get married among us? (us = our little band of friends way back in grade school)

Me: Well, I didn't expect her to be the last... I always thought she would be the career-driven one among us.

Her: Who did you think will get married first?

Me: Andrew (God bless your soul). But before he passed away, he was the one who had a small business. Hardly what you would think he'd do after graduation.

Her: Ah, Andrew! Me too... he had this attitude of a happy-go-lucky guy back in high school.

Me: So, who do you think will be the last one to get married and settle down?

Her: *immediately* You.

Me: ..huh??...

Her: Yeah, among all of us, you were the most determined to be successful careerwoman. I kinda noticed it in grade school.

Me: w-wha...? *grade school?!?*

Her: *nodding her head* You were the aggressive type. Headstrong, I suppose.. and you intimidated a lot of guys in high school. Nag-taekwondo ka pa.

Me: *scratches head* Ah, ganun ba?

Her: Why? You don't believe that we think like that of you?

Me: Well.. *clears throat*.. my dream in life was actually to be a housewife..

Her: Ganun?!?

Me: Yeah.. soccer mom too. I wanna drive my kids to soccer matches, tennis lessons and watch them play in my folding chair.

Her: *scratches head* Ohh... nagulat ako dun ah. But you're so focused on your career now.. you work for a multinational company. You say you even work on holidays and weekends.

Me: ahh... kasi naman demanding yung job eh.. anyway, I guess I'm like this right now kasi we're at this phase where we have no obligation to people other than ourselves. I like spending money and one way to earn it is to work. I work because I'm enjoying the lifestyle I have right now.

Her: Selfish as it seems, you're correct. Ganun din ako.

Me: Yup! Pero I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. It's just a stepping stone.

Her: So, you're now learning how to cook?

Me: Cook?!? Dear god, no! I can't cook to save my life!

Her: *huge sweatdrop*

**Names have been changed to protect their identity. =P

Customer service daw o!

Mom and I drove to Dusit Hotel to get our Japan Visas. We also finalized the trip to Japan and all we had to do was deposit the money so we could get the ticket and get our JR Pass as well. Turns out the travel agent we were talking to was a ditz. She kept forgetting things and we had to remind her every.single.freakin.thing. that she was supposed to give us in the first place. We are so not getting her again!



We bought some groceries and medicine before going to Honda to pick up the civic. Yey! The hood was replaced and the scratches were repainted. But we found out later that there was a spray of white paint on the trunk. Stupid QA team from Honda! They released our car with white paint on our trunk!



I was comparing the service between here and in other countries and I can really say that customer service really had gone down a few notches. "Customer is king" isn't much practiced here anymore and it's really so frustrating.. it's like talking to a bunch of idiots... really!



I dunno... I guess today isn't a day for customers like us who wanted good service. I wasn't expecting top quality but just to give us what we need...

Holy Week 2008

Mom went home to Aklan for the Easter Triduum so it was just me, Dad, Pat and Anne spending it here in Manila.

Maundy Thursday=-
We went to Duty Free to buy chocolates (talk about abstinence!), my moisturizer and some groceries. We went home and waited until after dinner to visit 7 churches around Manila for Visita Iglesia. We first went to our parish at St. Martin de Porres, then St. Michael in Fort Bonifacio, San Antonio in Forbes, San Agustin Church, Manila Cathedral, St. Vincent de Paul in Adamson and Magallanes Church.

We decided to skip our yearly Starbucks visit after the last church as we decided to go on a roadtrip the next day.


Good Friday=-
Dad suggested that we go to Subic for lunch and then go home. Yes, he wanted to burn gas and rubber that day. ^_^ We used SCTEX that just recently opened. SCTEX means Subic-Clark-Tarlac expressway. It was a 60B peso project that came from ODA. In fairness, it's a very well-made structure that made the destination to those mentioned places a lot faster.

Uncle Nonoy's gang (aka family) was also there and we decided to meet up for a bit. They went to Subic earlier and they were having dessert by the time we were waiting for lunch at Yellow Cab. We drove around for a bit before going to Angeles City to check out Pat's flying school. He went down and stayed there around 15 minutes to 'inquire'.


Black Saturday=-
My fellow lectors came over for brunch to practice the 7 readings for that night's Easter Vigil celebration. We were discussing not only our cues, blockings and partners for dialogicals but we were also trying to explain the meaning of Easter Vigil and the message of the gospel. They were also delighted by mom's banana bread and even had some packed home!

That evening, everything flowed smoothly. I was just glad my vision did not fail me as I read from the Book of Ezekiel (the longest reading that mass). During Easter Vigil, the lights were at a very minimum and we relied on the desk lamp on the lectern. I even remembered last year that we only used pen lights to read those font 11 letters.


Easter Sunday=-
I woke up at 4am to join the Salubong Procession. It was very early so I decided to just walk towards the women's rendezvous at Mater Dolorosa. I was sweating and slightly panting as I arrived. Clearly, I wasn't physically fit (anymore) for long, fast-paced walks.

It was my 2nd salubong as I rarely get up early.. except when we have a flight or a road trip.. my first time was with mom and I think I was still in grade school. All I remember was that it was so early, it was so dark and the weather used to be cool at this time.

I attended mass with Aileen, Dino and Rea, my fellow lectors who were roughly in the same age bracket as me. During communion, my stomach was turning itself inside out. I realized my last meal was dinner before Easter Vigil. When it ended, Rea and I walked back to phase 2 and invited her over for breakfast.

In the afternoon, I had a well-deserved and overdue footspa and manicure. I also went to Market!Market! to buy medicine for dad and do some window-shopping (it's a great stress reliever, anyway).

~~~

Tomorrow will be another day of work... I can just see my inbox pile up with mail. I decided not to open all of them... save some work for the office diba? hehehe

There's always a reason

Dad was here last Wednesday night and told us that his assignment in Budapest was postponed. It was sad and disappointing but I guess that's what happens. SOME THINGS DON'T WORK OUT THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO HAPPEN. That's life. You just move on with your life. The world doesn't end if you don't get what you want.

Life is full of disappointments.. but I guess that's what makes achieving it all the more sweeter, diba? And of course, for the more spiritually inclined, God has His reasons for not giving us what we want.. maybe because we are destined for other (better and greater!) things. What we want may not be the best for us. And I guess it's best to move on with your life and think of other ways to get it if you really want it so bad. That's what I did!

I guess with dad's reassignment, we are just glad that he's not being laid off from work! Big boss Salim still wants him to be assigned in Europe until at least the internal issues are solved. In the meantime, dad will still be in Jakarta, helping out in operations and some implementation projects.

On the positive side, I'm relieved that I won't have to leave my workload to my partner in the office. He's already loaded with more than enough work and having my "fair" share to dump it on him would kill his social life (what's left of it, I reckon).

Oftentimes, we do not understand why the things that we want in life (sometimes almost within our reach) are not given to us. We cry out in anger and frustration, think about how much work we did to (almost) get what we want only to have it taken away from us. Now, I think it's because there is a much more deeper meaning. We fail to look beyond our own worlds that's why we can not comprehend. Once you're more in tune with your sensitivity, things will fall into place and the reason will be given to us. You'll realize that there's more in store for you. That what you'll really get is more than what you asked for... sometimes!

Virgin Haggler

It was my first time to go to 168 Mall in Divisoria. I rarely go to downtown Manila coz it's too far away from my house and the constant traffic isn't doing a very good job of attracting people like us who just prefer to buy our goods at malls and department stores.

We dropped of Anne at school before braving Taft further to the northwest and wading around jeepneys who have their own loading and unloading zone. It was still early, around 8am so parking wasn't difficult. Mom wanted to buy a specific bag and we ended up buying clothes for me and my cousins and some bags/wallets. In the end, we gave up on our search.. I was getting dizzy from the "tiangge hallucination" effect which means, getting a pounding headache trying to go back to where you were 5 minutes ago. We were still able to buy a bag that's really nice and unique (I've never seen that style before).


I then realized I'm not much of a haggler. The best haggler in the family was the more experienced member, dad. He would command the rates of the goods he would buy from Tutuban and Divisoria. Galing! Basta ako mura na, kakagatin ko na. hehehe.

It was still early, around 1020 but my throat was already scratchy from the dust from all the piles of merchandise being setup. Buena mano kasi kami. =P Mom decided we eat lunch at Savory, which was a very old school restaurant. She said the last time she ate there was when she was in college (go 1970s!~). We went in and it felt like I was back in time. It looked like 1980s at the most with the old school chairs, tables and design. Na-miss ko tuloy yung style ng 70s and 80s.

The chicken was good, especially their gravy. Their pancit canton had the classic Pinoy style of being very saucy and really tasty. It's been a long time since I ate this kind of pancit. The price was very cheap too! We had to-go food good for 1 more person for only around 400 pesos! Sobrang sulit!

It was a story of guilt and redemption

The first time I heard about this book was when my brother had to make a paper on it. I was curious but not so much interested because I wasn't very much familiar with the setting and the genre. Honestly, I didn't know much about the Middle East except that it was Muslim-dominated and had lots of oil. I began to realize that there's more to this region than my very narrow-minded perceptions.

I admit I am now an internet junkie. It's very bad.. very bad. Up until my senior year in high school, I read a lot of books. Now, I barely look at my shelves. Books waiting to be read piled up and were soon forgotten. But the opportunity presented itself when its movie version came out. I felt like I was cheating the book.

Again, it was my brother who told me the movie was good. And he rarely gives good feedback to me. He and his girlfriend watched it one Saturday evening and it was just perfect timing that my best friend wanted to meet up the following day. I begged them to watch the movie and they just stared at me: "What's that?" Unfortunately, this movie wasn't very much publicized. I was very glad we watched it and I think I got teary-eyed around 4 times.

************************
It was a story of childhood in Afghanistan. Two friends who lived in different worlds who had one thing in common: kites. The point of view came from Amir, the son of a wealthy Afghan and his relationship to his servant's son, Hassan. They were the best of friends but were still along the lines of master-servant relationship.

Hassan was the epitome of a friend. He was loyal, kind, trustworthy and will always be there for you. In my mind, Hassan was the good that everyone took advantaged of. He was the innocent lamb ready to be slaughtered. And yet, he would not think so bad of the people around him.

Amir was not quite like that. He would ridicule and make fun of Hassan's illiteracy; mock their relationship as master-servant. He was not all that bad. He was a lost and confused child in a world of overwhelming influences and pressures.

Despite all these, the two enjoyed each other's company and would find comfort in each other's presence. They would fly kites, cut all the other children's kites and Hassan would run for that fallen trophy for Amir 'a thousand times over'. Amir and Hassan, the Sultans of Kabul.

It was one tragic accident that changed all these. Amir did what he thought was best: he ran away. He turned his back on his best friend just when Hassan needed him the most.

Amir was plagued and haunted with his fallen relationship with Hassan even as he lived and grew up in America. But like all stories, there is a chance for redemption.. there is a way to be good again.

Amir's last challenge was to save Hassan's son, Sohrab (named after a character from Hassan's favorite story, which Amir often reads to him) from Taliban. Amir knew that if he wanted to save face and redeem himself, he had to do this one impossible task. After all, it was for Hassan. It was for the friend he turned his back on.

Of course, the story not only revolved around the boys' seemingly different personalities. The other characters around them were also trapped in their own hubris. It was a story of human imperfection and how they cope with the changing world and cultures. In the end, it was all about the fundamental inclination of man towards the good.. and his struggle to do what is good for others or do what is good only for himself.

Amir taught me a very hard lesson of doing what is good and the importance of friendship. He learned so much from Hassan. Friendships can withstand pain and trials and difficulties. Hassan had done that selflessly and without a trace of hesitation. For a friend, he would run kites and more, a thousand times over!

Make or Break

It's been a week since my car had this "a-coconut-fell-on-it" look on the hood. I was already in the parking lot in front of CCP, very much eager to watch my officemate perform in I Laff You. The car infront of me backed up and never saw my car behind him.

My face was one of pure horror as he bumped my car. Much to my chagrin, Koreans (or Japanese?) were there, entertained by the commotion on the street. I jumped out of my car and in my exasperated tone said: "Manong?! Bakit hindi kayo tumingin bago kayo umatras??? Binangga nyo ko! Hindi kasi kayo tumitingin eh. Manonood dapat ako sa CCP! Sira na plano ko!" The respect was still there but the content was one of pure mokrats and bad vibes.

In short, I spent the night at the police station, giving statements and having pictures of my car taken in my new outfit. I was disheartened, pissed and frustrated at knowing I was stressed on the last day of the weekend. So much for relaxation and a night out watching a romantic comedy~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I met my best friends today and hung out in Greenhills. I finally met my best friend's boyfriend and let's say that until now, I don't want to comment on it (it's not a bad thing, I assure you). We had coffee and cake at Coffee Bean and I told them about my situation with my ideal.

"Baka habol ko lang sa kanya yung laman... the personalities that I want in a guy isn't with him (yet)" -- talk about hoping for the best!

Onga naman! They say love is blind but it's only blind because you see a lot more about this person and you just chose to notice them less. It's a very biased perception. You choose to ignore the fact that he is not a gentleman in your book (ie. he does not pay for your movie or meal when you go out for whatever reason that may be) because he's a very funny person after all and it's worth the money you spent that night just to be with him.

A friend of mine even said to me, "I really don't know what you see in the guy..." Is it just me who finds him interesting, cute and funny while the whole world finds him boring, bordering on anti-social with no manners?!? In an ideal setting, I would jump for joy, knowing I don't have rivals (but I don't mind rivals, they make my victory even sweeter). But when everybody seems to be having second thoughts about the guy... I'm not even sure we're looking at the same page anymore. Either he has a multiple personality disorder or I'm that crazy for him that I'm filtering everything negative about him...

Deep in the pit of my gut, I'm hoping that he would notice me.. as my theme song for him is now Kailan by Smokey Mountain..

kahit anong aking gawin, di mo pa rin pansin

mokrats!

You First Believed

The only time I celebrated Valentine's Day (apart from school where we gave notes to our classmates and friends) was when my ex-boyfriend and I celebrated our month-sary *cheesy*. We had lunch, watched a movie and hung out. After that, I never really gave Valentine's day a thought.

This year, I worked from home. I wasn't expecting flowers or chocolates from anybody in the office anyway. And I was to serve at our evening mass in the parish. An evening with God didn't seem so bad. My best friends greeted me. A friend or two sent notes through instant messaging and that was it.

The next day, I was in for a surprise when I went to the pantry and found out someone had asked Jam@HP to sing a song to me. Take note: they sang two songs for me! I was flattered and overwhelmed and the kilig was very much evident in my when they sang. I didn't know the first song but when I googled it up, the lyrics were just very sweet.

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace

So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

There were times
When I'd thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star

Now, I just can't get enough of the song. =) It's the first time someone did something as sweet and romantic as this.. sorry for my keso-moments. hehehe...

The person would not say who he was but I guess I'm really grateful and happy for the gesture. I wanted to thank him... oh well..

It's such a nice feeling knowing there's someone who appreciates me.

Mortified

I feel like such an idiot. And I hate the feeling that you know someone is very angry at you. Why didn't I just give the schedule to her? Why did I have to push myself to serve when it wasn't my schedule?

I failed to listen. I just walked away and did what I wanted to do. Ohmaigawd! I want to cry all over again when I think about it.

Boys are the denser sex.. so girls can't say they didn't know. We should've read the subliminal message.

Apologies are never enough. I wanna quit.

indifference

It's the opposite of love. Indifference is simply when you don't care anymore. Most people who say they hate something (or someone), still has a thin thread of concern somewhere in the subconscious. They are still very much affected when something happens to that something (or someone).

To me, it hurts more when people say, "I don't care" instead of "I hate you". The hate there is an emotion that came from love. They hate because they are hurt by someone they love. Deep inside, they would still want to love that person. When they don't care, it means they gave up on you and your relationship (friendship or love).


But from another point of view, when people are indifferent, it's not simply because they gave up or they don't care... but because they don't want to be hurt anymore. It's like a defense mechanism. For example, time and time again, a person has been betrayed by a very close friend. Each and every time that happens, the person feels very lost, confused, hurt and sad. They were friends ever since they met in a sandbox when they were very young and breaking that friendship would be very painful and difficult to accept.

To expect nothing else of his friend is to not feel betrayal of any sort. It makes sense right? In your mind, you just don't give your friend expectations so when the time comes that your friend really fails you, you're not (that) disappointed. Of course, you still want to have that friendship. Of course, any relationship is not time-bound but it would be very difficult to part with a person who has been with you for 10 years or so, right?

*** I was in grade school then. For the first time, Kim and I were separated into different sections. That time, I got close to a classmate of mine and became my closest friend in class. Kim and I were at a "cool off" stage and went to recess and lunch with our classmates. Of course, during dismissal, we wait for each other and then go out the building together. We were fortunate that our moms were part of this circle of friends so we were able to spend time ourside class hours.

Anyway, I was close to this classmate of mine and in no time, dubbed each other as our new best friend. I didn't think of letting Kim go... she is still my best friend aside from my classmate. I didn't mind if I had 10 best friends anyway! It wasn't forced ranking naman...

I'm not sure if it was towards the end of the school year but it was one recess time when I was sitting by myself in the line (I was a bit of a loner during grade school) when my 2nd best friend gave me a letter. In it contained a message that sort of spelled "best friends no more but let's be close friends anyway". At that time, I was very much confused of what she expected of me from now on. She didn't want me to be her best friend anymore but she wanted to remain friends. In my eyes, it was bull-poo. Eventhough she was very straightforward with her idea of "firing" me from the best friend position, she still wanted me to be her friend. For me, it's a very lame move.

At that time, I was thankful that I was a bit of a tomboy so emotions didn't dwell so much on my person. I just agreed with her plans and let time sort it out. Is it right for my friend to do this? Did she have the only say in our friendship? I didn't even have the chance but decided to avoid any confrontation so I gave in.

Walking makes me think

Here's what you get for walking 10minutes on each leg from the parking lot to RSC... the parking lot far, far away had a fixed rate so I'm willing to keep the additional 100 to myself and just walk.

The weather was relatively cool and pleasant since it's still late January. Cool but not raining so it's nice to go outside for a lovely walk with my laptop on my back. Walking alone makes it much easier to think. Your body's on autopilot, already knowing how to get to your destination. Your mind's just blank and idle enough to think about things...

Yesterday I took the opportunity to go to Kim's office and hang out there until 6pm. We then ate at Food Park and smelled like grilled food. Despite the fact that we just met up last Sunday, we still had a lot to talk about. And since it's a girls' dinner out, we got to get out a lot of our personal, professional frustrations on the table, together with my sisig and her carbonara. We parted ways around 7pm. She wanted to go home before it got too late and I had to buy groceries (aka junk food and canned coffee). As I went down the escalator, the conversation I had with a friend replayed in my head. It was a frustrating one. It was like trying to teach a dog to purr. What I wanted him to understand in a sub-level could never reach him. He was still playing the literal game.

Choosing between Fig Newtons and Wheaties, I was also contemplating if I should still pursue something that I know is very hard to attain or just to give up and look for greener (and less dense) pastures. A lot of people have been telling me to go ahead and take the risk. I'm still young and young is the best time to make mistakes without too much regrets. On the other hand, I'm seriously deciding to get over this very emotional phase and look at it from an objective stand. I've done a lot of thinking, recalling, reminiscing (?!) about it and I guess there is still time.


Today, as I started walking to RSC, I did some objective assessment. All throughout the walk, I was very much convinced not to let go, yet. Why? Because from what I see, there is improvement. Compared to others, there was still hesitation and density is as great as Jupiter's. But of course, knowing the track record, it was already a big change.

I did more contemplating walking back to the carpark, depositing my laptop before heading to SM to buy pants that were 50% off. I bought cologne I was dying to try and bought myself a nice red top for our team meeting. I just realized I didn't have that much red in my closet.

I ended up buying burger mcdo and a hot fudge sundae. All in all... should I decide to pursue this little project of mine, I think I'd want my expectations to be very much lower than standard. Not to expect anything out of it until the very end. If I keep thinking that, I guess I'm alright.

..reaches into a bag of potato chips..

Getting the stuff out of my brain

I made this stupid bet... and I'm not supposed to say anything about a certain "topic" for 3 days...

Turns out this certain "topic" is much too great for my system to just take it all in. I'm in day 2 and may I just say I'm really holding on to a thin red line. I'm very glad I have the opportunity to get away from it all until Thursday.

Truth of the matter is... the many things about a certain topic makes me reel out in joyful giggles and hearty laughs... and no one is there to share it with me.. for lack of a better term for annoyed with me talking about it every single waking moment of *their* lives.

I've been gushing over it since Monday and I must say I really am making progress with control, self-restraint and discipline. It's like I don't even have a topic at all! nya-ha-ha-ha


Dad was delayed again in his assignment to Budapest. Apparently, some asshole who was supposed to do market research or a feasibility study didn't do it. The idiot probably didn't understand what he was supposed to do. Since he was the 1st one to be deployed there and got stuck, the whole operations were on hold. The big boss was livid with anger! They kicked his puny little ass out of the company. Hopefully, dad will be there by March and will wave a big "FINALLY!" as we go there on April.


I'm taking this really kick-ass training. PMP sounds more fun than SAP. The training was in Makati and traffic going there was terrible! I'm glad I don't work there or else I won't be able to bring a car (or pay 200 a day for stupid parking-that-your-car-isn't-really-safe). Oh, and I met this cute guy. He's neat <-- nerdox comment!


We just had our team- show and tell episode. It's the first time I've had a show and tell. Of course, I told them I have a black belt in taekwondo (nice move Karen! no guy will get near you now!). But the story doesn't end there.. I even told them my ultimate fantasy of being part of a task force that defeats evil (politicians, anyone?). Yes, I wanted to wear a peach/coral body suit and a motorcycle helmet aside from being a housewife! Oh, and piloting an Earth-defense super machine ain't so bad either!


My mind's kinda messed up right now. Need somewhere to put it all in before sleeping...

Ask, Believe, Receive

I got this from my officemate who go this from her friend who read this in a book. Being someone who strives to get what she desires *snicker*, I am definitely a believer in this. Of course, I would like to add the factor that you have to act on it to get what you really want.

Wanting (or desiring) something is different from doing something to achieve it. Asking is identifying what you really want. Believing is the motivation to take action. If you simply believe and you never do anything about it, then you're stuck at believing or you're really praying until something happens.

I grew up working hard for the things that I want. Everything has its consequences and you have to make sure that what you're doing is a step towards your goal, not a step sideways.

I currently have something I desire. As of press time, I'm in the stage between believing that I can make it and acting on it. I believe that I can achieve my goal. I've finished thinking about my action plan and am now executing it. I'm crossing all fingers and extremities I can cross.. hoping it would not backfire on me and lose everything I built on. Of course, those actions are built and based upon belief. The belief that I can do it.. I can make it.. and nothing and no one can stop me from achieving it.

*as of press time, Kars believes she has her own personal cheering squad*

Dreams and Snakes

I woke up this morning to gentle rain. I decided to sleep in again and had a very vivid dream...

I was at church with my mom and sister. We were in the middle of mass when 4 snakes came. There was a python, 2 boa constrictors and an albino snake. There was one more snake but it wasn't with the 4. The children and women started screaming. Those who screamed were bitten viciously. One snake had wrapped itself on a man who was carrying a child... and the man oddly looked like Ryan Agoncillo. The snake bit on the man's hand and blood started flowing.

-cut scene-

We were still at the church but the altar had changed into a kitchen. Mom was making spaghetti for merienda. The people were gone and it was only me, mom and Toby. It started raining again and the snakes returned. Toby was barking at the snake and the snake hissed viciously at him. I quickly went to Toby and he bit onto my jeans as we made our way back to the kitchen.

-cut scene-

I was sitting on a pew with mom and Leanne. It started raining again and the snakes came out. This time, they slithered immediately to our pew. Mom was screaming frantically that she could not move her legs. Leanne and I struggled to bring her feet up before the snakes could sink their fangs into it. We safely got mom's legs on the pew but the snakes were really jumping up to bite us. There was a pillow on the pew so I grabbed it and then pushed the pillow towards a snake and pushed my weight on it. Fortunately, the other snakes didn't attack me so I was on the snake until it died. When it died, we took our mom back to the altar/kitchen.

-cut scene-

We were now outside the church and it was already dark. Bev was with me and she was carrying her wallet and cellphone. It started to rain again and then 2 snakes appeared on some bushes and plants beside the street. Bev said she wanted to have Starbucks so she left me to buy some. Of course, I was left with the snakes but they didn't attack me so I decided to follow Bev.
At the end of the street, I didn't know if I should make a left or right. I decided to go right and started running. I was running but the pace was very slow... like the way you run up a hill, you put more effort but you feel very slow. After a few meters of darkness (there were no streetlights and the buildings had their lights turned off), I went back the other way. I met a man and asked him where Starbucks was. He said I was going to the right direction (the direction of unlit path) and that Starbucks was just over there.

I decided not to believe him and just turned back. The other way (the one on the left) was commercialized. There were establishments with their signs on and the street was partly lit. Unfortunately, there was no Starbucks. I was calling Bev's cellphone but it only kept ringing. There was another man and he was staring hard at me. He looked at my cellphone and stared back again at me. I closed my cellphone cautiously but he was running towards me. I was screaming and shouting as I ran but nobody was there, despite the lighted signs. He grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him. I was so scared to death as he grinned evilly. Then I realized I had 4 large sticks in my left hand and then with full force, drove it towards the side of his head. One stick entered his ear and he fell down with a thud.

I ran back to the entrance of the church and was screaming for Bev. I looked up and saw her cellphone and wallet hanging on a tree branch above. I was afraid one of the snakes did something to her. I looked and looked and yet I could not find her. Suddenly, a hand tapped my shoulder and there she was, holding a Starbucks drink.

Mission success

And here I was thinking that I could accomplish something like this in a few more months. But no... I did it and I did it with flying colors.

Ahh... if only you can see this big grin etched on my face. Bliss.

He finally opened up to me. That people see him as someone who doesn't smile and looks too serious. I asked him, "what makes you smile and crack up?". He gave me very concrete jokes... =) he's just sooo cute I can't get past the fact that he was so serious about a question.

And then I did the ultimate... I told him that he should smile more because it suits him. Argh! I was this close to telling him that it's those rare smiles that make my day/week/whenever I get to see him. It's those rare smiles that makes me weak, high and hot at the same time. He gave me an assuring answer that he will try to look more friendly, smile more and crack a few jokes here and there. On the bright side, he's a witty guy... he's friendly and sends me messages everyday.

Please bring me back to earth!

Happy Birthday!

I woke up that morning feeling very good about myself. There was that soft noise of rain and the cool breeze that came with it. The sunlight wasn't too harsh so I woke up without the headache. It was a rare moment.

I didn't get up yet and preferred to cuddle with Pagong and listened to the calming sound outside. After 15 minutes of contemplating and a short prayer of making it this far (hehe, I make 23 years a milestone), I got up and went downstairs for breakfast. Mom was there and she greeted me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

I walked up to the coffee maker and started to grind the beans when dad went into the dining area. He greeted me with that loud voice of his *insert smile* and gave me a kiss. My brother then came down for breakfast and greeted me.

It was a nice feeling, coming down and getting greeted at. It's shallow, I know but I only get this kind of attention once a year so I yearn for it. Dad is also here so I'm really happy that we're complete. I had coffee and watched House on TV. A few minutes later, my sister emerged from her cave disguised as a room. She greeted me and gave me a kiss. It was then I knew she hasn't gargled...

I went back up to my room and saw 20 messages to me. All were birthday messages and I replied to them one by one before taking a shower. I had us reserve a table for us in Portico, Serendra for lunch. Since it was raining, I grabbed the opportunity and wore black tights over my dress shirt. We had terrific lunch and then bought Mango Bravo at Conti's.

We then dropped my brother in Glorietta as he had a date with Trissy. My sister had another party to go to and then the rest of us (meaning me, mom and dad) went home. I had a full body massage late that afternoon after another DVD marathon of House. It was the best feeling ever! No worries.. no deadlines.. pure bliss and the rain outside made the atmosphere more relaxing. It was dinner time and I wasted no time in devouring into the cake, which was very delicious, by the way!

This year was the quietest of them all. And I didn't regret the fact that I spent the whole day with my family. We only went out for lunch and I spent the rest of my day at home. It was a very nice feeling. Not that going out with my friends is a bad idea, it's also nice to keep the day to myself.

I went to sleep with 15 more SMS greetings, each one of them I replied to. I went to sleep with the gentle pitter-patter of the rain lulling me. I hugged Pagong tighter and dreamt the night away.

Delaying Tactics

Also known as... your voice is sooo sexy I'd want to hear it all day long...

*My phone rings*
Kars: *waits 2 rings before picking it up* Hello?
Ideal: Hello?
Kars: Hello?
Ideal:....Kars?
Kars: Who's this??
Ideal: *insert his real name*
Kars: Oh! Hello, *insert his real name with a tiny giggle*!
Ideal: Hello
Kars: Hello
Ideal: I'll patch you now...
Kars: um... ok... *sounding very reluctant to let go of his voice*

Taaa~daaa!

A 5-second conversation turned to 20 seconds. Tried and tested, ladies and gentlemen.

poverty

I'll be 23 soon...

but I'm broke.

That's too bad...I think I'll stay home this year. It's much safer here...
..safe...

I like safe...

When, oh when?

I've had this foreign object in my body since I was in grade3. That time, all my baby teeth decided to all come out. I was left with 3 teeth missing at one time. It was not fun at all, especially if you have friends who make you laugh and smile all the time.

My permanent teeth developed earlier and dad saw to it that they get fixed. I didn't know there was something wrong with them coz I think they were ok. But at that time, it was cool if you had braces and retainers. You were rockin and you were rich at first but it was a pain.

Food got stuck in your teeth...
you'd cut your lips and the insides of your cheeks...
you'd swallow some of the rubber bands...

The feeling of something moving your teeth forcefully wasn't graceful. It hurt a lot and oftentimes, I'd drool on my pillow and on pagong coz those damned devices make sure you don't get to close your mouth properly. But looking back at those pictures, braces wasn't enough motivation for me to lose weight. It was great motivation for my sister, though.

If I went though pain.. she went through hell. She had the worst teeth among us so hers was the most painful. Oftentimes, she'd just sit with her friends in the canteen and watch them eat. Her lips were dry and split from the metal bullies.

My brother was just plain pasaway. He'd keep on breaking his brackets and loosing his bands.

But through it all, our teeth were really different now from when we were in grade school. I keep thinking about the happier moments. We'd get to choose colors for our bands every week. Sometimes I have them all in pink, oftentimes they were all in different colors. They were fun to wear, despite the pain behind it.

When I was finally able to get rid of the damned metals (6-7 years after), I switched to retainers. Until now, I'm still wearing them. At least I get to choose my colors everytime I have to change them.

But I keep thinking... I'll be 23 soon. It's been 13 years already since my mouth was bare. I don't exactly take them off when I wake up. I got used to the habit of doing things wearing my retainers it became natural. The last time I took them off for an hour, I got 3 painful cuts coz the skin underneath were so tender.

I want these things taken off already... really, I can't imagine kissing someone with my retainers. Hahaha!