Saturday, July 23, 2005

Wooing her Mother

Today, I went out with Kim and Paolo. At first, we were supposed to meet and watch a movie in Greenhills... but then I had money issues.

I went out without money! *gasp* Because at the back of my head, I knew there were a lot of ATM machines ready to puke money. And then suddenly, BPI thought it would be nice to put ALL of their ATM machines in Greenhills in offline mode.

Eh di siyempre wala akong pera! This crippled the group and we resorted to just hanging out in Makati.

One of the perks in Makati was that there are TONS of ATM machines. Thank God those corrupt Ayalas decided to keep their customers happy by giving them money first and then giving it to the Ayalas when they buy.

Another was that we were able to watch Fantastic Four~~ walang ganyan sa Greenhills!

But besides that, I reminisced with Kim about the 'good ol days'... I mean for godssakes, I've known her since GRADE 'freaking' ONE! And then I kept mentioning to her how her mother would always be anxious whenever I'd ask Kim to go out with me. And then sleepovers were murder. Hell, it was bloodshed!

Whenever I had convinced Kim's mom to let Kim sleep at our home, I would give myself a nice pat in the back~~ ok, so this only happened once. But give me credit!

I spent the entire two weeks asking her mom on the phone, in school, everywhere to let Kim stay at our place and assure her that it's not a hassle for us.

While eating early dinner, I asked Kim if I had successfully wooed her mom into believing that I can be trusted and not a bad influence to her daughter. Kim had said that it would probably be around high school to college.

Man! Her mom is tough to court! I spent almost a decade doing that! But now I'm glad that the mom of my best friend believes that I can be trusted! Grabe talaga, kakaiba!

But you know, I really love my best friend and would do anything for her.
...
...
...
Ok, now I'm sounding weird,,, which brings me back to those days when I'd hang out at her place during summer and borrow notes for Japanese classes.

Her maid once mentioned that if I were a guy, Kim and I would probably be together or something.

Now what kind of **** is that?! Must've hit her head one too many times on the cupboards, eh?

Isn't that what best friends are supposed to be? Hanging out all the time? Especially now that we're not school mates anymore and we don't have enough opportunities to meet and have fun.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Screamer

Since time immemorial, I've been known to have a very short temper. No matter how I try to be calm and tell myself to count to 10, I guess I need more than that to keep my fuse from blowing.

Yesterday, I was supposed to pick my sister from school in Makati. Syempre, galing pa akong Quezon city. Her dismissal was 4pm but I had a meeting with my groupmates in LS. I ended up leaving school around 345pm and since there was a storm, traffic was heavy in EDSA. I couldn't concentrate on my driving because she kept on texting me. Takte! I'm driving here!

Long story short, I was able to arrive at 5pm. She was standing under the tree in the stupid rain. Ano ba yan?! Umuulan na nga, dun pa pumuwesto. Ewan!

And then she kept blaming me for not picking her up. Ang kulit talaga. I tried to be quiet, to remain calm. Para namang naglamiyerda ako kung saan saan at nakalimutan ko siya sunduin. I kept telling her that I also have my own priorities. I'm studying too, you know!

And then mom called her phone and told her in a very bitchy way that we were on our way home. I had it, I lost my temper and screamed at her. And I couldn't stop shouting in the car. It was raining outside but I didn't care. I was almost flooring the accelerator but I didn't give a damn. I then blamed her that she only wanted to go home just so she could watch her stupid cartoons. Yes, my logical reasoning had flown from me. She said she had to study for a long exam.

Tch! Exam my ass! She's the laziest person when it comes to studying.

Anyway, that's what happened. I felt bad for screaming at her, but she's so self-centered and doesn't care if anyone's hassled as long as her needs and wants are met.

Darn her.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Childhood

Yesterday, I bought VCDs of Aladdin and Altantis. I watched them this afternoon and I could not shake the feeling of being young again. Cartoons are the best! I don't think I outgrew them. I wanted to go back to Makati and buy Hercules, The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty. I'm on Disney fest mode.

Looking back, my childhood was a very good era. Despite the tantrums, locking people outside the house, throwing the vegetables from the crisper to the floor, being locked in the closer, eating wanton noodles at Luk Yuen, hugging Pagong while sucking an a bottle of milk (or Coke!), peeing on me whenever dad glared at me.... life was good.

I didn't need boys to make my life happy! I just needed me and a wild imagination to have fun.

No, I'm not bitter. I think I can let go of this once and for all. Jem said love never disappears, it's just transferred to another person. Haay, even Science can explain love. It's like matter, it can never be destroyed or created... ok, I'll shut up now.

This love, I can give to my dog, my parents, my siblings, my friends. I think that's better, right? Rather than pouring it on one person, not knowing if that person will love you back that intensely. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I'm still afraid of getting hurt. So I'll just spread my love to the people closest to me!

I think that's a good idea... I can feel myself smiling now.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Art of Not Letting Go

I finally spent a morning alone with Hyung. We had a lot of things to catch up on. I told him about my Japanese scholarship after graduation and he told me about his military training in Korea (South Korea to ha!). He also wanted to be part of the American base in Korea because they have more benefits there.

I told him about my pet puppy... he loves dogs. He even gave me tips on how to raise him.

We talked about his English, Tagalog, Korean and Japanese skills... all of which... he sadly admitted, he's not fluent at. But he's best in English.

We talked about our sports. How I quit taekwondo to focus on my studies. How he is the team captain of his beloved table tennis team. And he's a full scholar in Ateneo. Galing talaga niya! While we were still in high school, I was so proud of him. He beat up all the really good players.

We talked about Jem... Orland... Kim... James... Jeffrey... our high school friends and acquaintances.

Basically, we reminisced the good old days.

And then, I just had to ask him.

And to my horror, he said he was already over it. I wanted to die and cry in front of him. But instead, I gave him a tight smile and said I was happy for him. It's true that I'm happy because he's happy.

He asked me if I was over it.

Me, the tactless girl who started all of this, was not yet over him after four years. Yes, I had been bitter, depressed and everything in between. So sue me... if I had the power to make this feeling go away, I would have. I would have put it all behind me.

I felt honest with him and told him truthfully with a small shake of my head. There was uncomfortable silence.

He then asked me if there was someone in school I fancied. I shook my head again. Those guys I gush on are nothing compared to him. I wasn't really interested in looking for a guy. Because they were nothing compared to Hyung. They could have been more good-looking, more athletic, more intelligent... they could be Mr. Perfect but they can't be my Mr. Right.

Then suddenly, the longer I was with him, the stronger the realization that we could probably never get back together. He has his own life. He has his own path to take, I have my own. Our paths are very different. Like parallel lines. Even though we can be close, we can never really meet no matter how far you stretch the lines.

I guess that's all we'll ever going to be.

And I guess I have to start letting go.

Slowly

Painfully

Sadly

And that day will come... in time

Saturday, July 09, 2005

On all these issues...

I've stopped using Kevin (as baptized by aR and Krish) on the Revo and have switched to AM stations. Our country's now in a turmoil of political, economical and socio-cultural conflicts.

I want to shout my two cents on the issue.

I'm getting tired of people doing the EDSA whenever they are not satisfied with the administration. They enjoy democracy so much that they can just gather in one place and tell the president to step down. It's so used and abused time and again that it's lost its meaning and value.

Don't they know that even if we are a democratic and a republic country, we still have the constitution to follow??? We have our laws that govern us. We cannot just be above the law and do whatever we want. Freedom that is absolute is chaos. Look what's happening now.

And no, I don't believe in asking the president to resign. Sure, she's not all good... but so are all the other politicians! I don't believe that a politician is honest. Politics is rough, dirty and shameless. They've had their fair share of OUR taxes. Also, if she's going to resign, who's going to replace her? I don't think anybody's capable of handling our country right now.

Susan Roces???---dear God, no!
Erap???--- I should have my passport ready

Looking at all the rallies that has happened, e puro masa naman nakikita ko! Mga bayaran lang ang mga yan. I don't think any decent worker would waste a day's wages--low as it already is-- and spend time rallying.

I believe in Due Process, not rallies, revolutions and de facto governments. That's more suited for dictators and totalitarians. The president is still doing something good for the country.

This is all a conspiracy. The opposition can never be united because they all have personal intentions. Jinggoy says it's karma because of what happened to his father. Excuse me Jinggoy, wala namang ginawa yang tatay mo kundi mambabae at gumawa ng mga 'Boracay' sa bahay niya. Pirma lang siya ng pirma ng mga dokumento na hindi naman binabasa, basta may kickback lang siya. Tingnan mo nangyari sa NAIA 3!

Susan Roces brings back the issue of FPJ+ and the elections. Please Susan, everybody cheats in the elections! Sino bang hinde?!?!

Naisip ko, ayoko na magkaroon ng pangulong artista. Walang napapala sa atin. Yung mga mahihirap kasi, walang alam sa pulitika. Hindi naman nila alam ang mga economic reform, foreign debts, international trade policies. Iboboto nila ang kilala nila. Wala kasing pinag-aralan. Kaya mga kapwa walang pinag-aralan, ilalagay nila sa pwesto.

Why can't we all just unite as one to fight more important issues in our country? The peso is declining... our debt's are getting higher... the poor are getting poorer... shouldn't we focus on that? What we're doing right now is making things worse.

Mahirap din naman trabaho ni Gloria. She has to clean up the mess the former president left behind. You can't beat that! Sige nga, maghanap ka ng taong makagagawa niyan!

There is no one to help the Philippines but the the Filipinos themselves. But we're in a state of turmoil so we have to help ourselves first. Shouldn't we go back to our constitution? I learned that we're the only constitution in the whole wide world who has LOVE in it, particularly the preamble. Why can't we be the examples of a peace-loving country?

My Philosophy teacher was right. If this continues further, prepare your passports!

These Dreams

Recently, I've been having dreams that somehow give a glance at my future. And no, I'm not a clairvoyant... though I wish I am so I'll know what problems will appear in my math and finance tests and answer them before the actual test.

I don't really know if dreams are just effects of my overactive imagination or there's more to that. Sayang! Kung merong elective about Dream Interpretation, kukunin ko yun!

During 3rd years, I took Th131 under Fr. Dacs. His oral exams were really stressful and had always put me to tears. I had a dream right before the 2nd orals that I got thesis statement number 5 in the orals. I signed up for an early morning schedule in the orals so I woke up early in the morning for last minute reviews and a flow for my orals. Since I had that weird dream, I decided to study more on the number 5 statement.

It was still early in the morning when I started walking towards the Theology department, still going through my outlines. When it was my turn, lho and behold, I was asked to explain number 5! Thank God I decided to review on it more.

Another time was when I took the exams for the Japanese Government Scholarships (Mombukagakusho). We took it last June 24 and the results will be annonced the next week. The waiting time was the most different. I couldn't sleep and couldn't concentrate on my studies. Then I had this dream that I passed. When I woke up, I wasn't relieved at all. I decided not to tell anyone about the dream because I remember my grandmother telling me that if I told anyone my dream, the dream wouldn't come true. I'm not superstitious but it won't hurt following her advice.

I called the embassy Wednesday afternoon and was so elated that I was one of the 16 people who passed the exams in the Luzon area. Meron pa sa Cebu and Davao. The week after that, I was supposed to have a personal interview before the embassy ranks us and sends the list to the Ministry of Education in Japan.

Well, anyway, I decided to post this because I had this dream last night. But I won't tell it... baka maudlot.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Waste of Time

ABC's...

A - Age: -18...2 years ago!
B - Best quality: -I'm not a defective unit, that's for sure!
C - Choice of meat: -I like my men lean!... I hate beef
D- agh skip D!
E - Ex (most recent): -most recent?!? I've got one beau
F - Favorite food: -is this a trick question?
G - Greatest accomplishment: -my grades and a black belt... shallow me
H - Happiest day of your life: -the day I met Pagong
I - Internal conflicts: this is kinda hard... love for parents vs. love for other "people"
K - Kool-Aid: - so what about it? I liked the frozen ones... the ones we buy at Duty Free
L - Love: -*points at friends, family, pagong and him*
M - Most valued thing I own: -Pagong
N - Name: -Karen
O - Outfit you love: -something that fits and feels comfy
P - Pizza toppings: -no beef
Q - Question you want to ask:- Why is it that when girls fool around, they're called sluts and guys aren't?
S - Sport to watch: -Taekwondo competition and tennis matches
T - Television show: -Reality shows and sitcoms... some anime are nice
U - Unique habit: -Sleeping with a bear that doesn't look like a bear anymore and hasn't taken a bath since I was in grade 4...and I'm graduating college this year.
V - Vanity, yes or no?: -simple is beautiful
W - Winter: -haven't experienced it
Y - Year born: -1985
Z - Zodiac Sign: -Capricorn

HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Kissed your cousin: -not that I know of
2. Ran away: -when I was in grade 1, I intentionally missed the school bus so I wouldn't go home.
3. Pictured your crush naked: -*blushes*... ummm... no... o-of course not!... h-how c-c-can you...s-s-say that?!?
4. Actually seen your crush naked: -uhhh....
5. Broken someone's heart: -I was a heartbreaker in high school...
6. Been in love: -definitely
7. Cried when someone died: -yes. I cry when I see other people cry
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: -Yes... right now...
9. Broken a bone: -Yep! I'm a naughty girl
10. Drank alcohol: -*grins lopsidedly*
11. Lied: -to protect my hide
12. Cried in school: -Who didn't??? Wouldn't let go of my mom and dad during my first day

WHICH IS BETTER...
13. Coke or Pepsi: -I grew up with Coke on my baby bottle
14. Sprite or 7up: -Can't taste the difference
15. Girls or guys: -Oh, gawd!
16. Flowers or candy: -Candy
17. Scruff or clean: -Clean
18. Quiet or loud: -Yeah, I like 'em loud!
19. Blondes or brunettes: -does it matter?
20. Bitchy or slutty: -you talking about me??? I can be either if I want
21. Tall or short: -I'm relatively tall!
22. Pants or shorts: -You got both of 'em in leather?

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX...
23. What do you notice first: -Eyes...
24. Last person you slow danced with: -him
25. Trust the most: - I trust myself the most

THE LAST TIME YOU...
26. Showered: -This morning...then the damn dog ran out... then we had to run 10 blocks to catch the monster.
27. Had a deep conversation: -...duh...
28. Had a great time with the opposite sex: -yesterday

WHAT IS...
29. Your good luck charm: - the silver bracelet I bought in Yogyakarta about 9 years ago.
30. Person you hate most: -You don't want to know... but I'm on to them

FAVORITES...
31. Slumber party game: - strip poker?
32. Color: -green... but lately I've been convinced blue is nicer
33. Movie: -Pirates of the Caribbean is still a hit for me... I love you Johnny!
34. Book: -a lot
35. Subject in school: -Except accounting and finance
36. Juice: -not durian juice... *gags*
37. Car: -sports car... but it doesn't belong in this part of the world
38. Ice cream: -macadamia brittle
39. Holiday: -any is fine as long as there are no classes
40. Season: -rainy is better than the friggin heat!
41. Breakfast food: -fruits?
42. Place to go with your honey: -do you mean the honey food? or the honey-guy? I'm confused

WHO...
43. Makes you laugh the most: -my friends
44. Makes you smile: -the one who can make me cry too
45. Gives you a funny feeling when you see them: -my infatuations
46. Has a crush on you: -I have no idea
47. Do you have a crush on: -... no comment...
48. Can make you feel better no matter what: -Pagong
49. Has it easier- guys or girls: -I feel bad for anyone in a dungeon.

DO YOU EVER...
50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: -not all the time
51. Save AIM conversations: -sometimes
52. Save e-mails: -sometimes
53. Wish you were someone else: -I'd rather not let anybody experience my life so I'm keeping it, thank you very much
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: -yes I did! Then getting laid wouldn't be such a hassle
55. Cried because of someone's mean words: -WOrds hurt more than sticks and stones
56. Cologne: -...
57. Perfume: -Estee Lauder Exotic and Clinique Happy Heart
58. Kiss: -I'm not telling
59. Romantic memory: I have yet to make one
60. Most recent advice given to you: Give it your all.

HAVE YOU...
61. Fallen for your friend?: -Actually, I made friends with him coz I liked him.
62. Made out with JUST a friend?: -ok... I've got some technicalities here.
63. Been rejected?: -no...
64. Been in love?: -definitely
65. Been in lust?: -haven't been in heat that much to rape someone
66. Used someone?: -to buy me food and stuff
67. Been used?: -group reports in high school. I was worn out.
68. Cheated on someone? -NEVER!
69. Been cheated on?: -I hope not! Or he'll get a knuckle sandwich
70. Been kissed?: -I try....
71. Done something you regret?: -yes

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
72. You touched?: -touch??? as in???
73. You talked to?: -my sister
74. You hugged?: -My dad, he just left for Jakarta a while ago
75. you instant messaged?: -a friend
76. You kissed?: -... i'm not talking
77. You had sex with?: -ahahaha
78. You yelled at?: - my dog
79. You laughed with?: can't remember
80. Who broke your heart?: I broke my own heart... yeah, stupid me
81. Who told you they loved you last?:- someone... a long time ago

DO YOU...
82. Color your hair?: -does cellophane count?
83. Have tattoos?: -does henna count?
84. Have piercing?: -in my ears
85. Have a boyfried/girlfriend/both?: -had
86. Own a webcam?: -yep
87. Own a thong?: -yes, and they were gifts!
88. Ever get off the computer?: -when I need to pee and eat
89. Sprechen sie deutsche?: -wakaranai
90. Habla espanol?: -Kore wa nango ka?
91. Quack: How do you know Spanish? -I don't!

HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU...
92. Stolen anything?: -I have yet to rob a bank
93. Smoke? : -I'm allergic to that
94. Schizophrenic?: -Hee hee!
95. Obsessive?: -Only about certain things. I take love making seriously.
96. Compulsive?: -...
97. Obsessive compulsive?: -not really
98. Nerotic: -I'm glad this survey's over

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Internal Battles

I've been trying to stop thinking of taekwondo. It's kinda hard since it's been in my system for about 8 years now. I've been having withdrawal symptoms... the lethargy, loss of flexibility, the weight gain... all of it! My body's been so used to sweat itself out about three times a week and now that I don't, I've been overheating!

Gaaaahhh!

My body's craving for a victim... :-)

My hand's been itching to punch and my legs are tingling to knock something/one out.

A lot of people were asking me if I really did that stuff in "real life"- not in competitions and training- actually, I'm really glad I haven't used it at someone. Even if I know some self-defense techniques, the first rule is to always run away from danger. Fighting is always the last resort. Being a black belt doesn't guarantee a victory. If the guy's got a gun, just give your wallet and walk away quietly. The money inside is not worth your life.

I promised my parents I'd focus more on my studies since it's my last year in college. I've been preparing myself for something more wonderful, something more challenging and exciting. It's true that I won't make a career out of my sport... just a fulfilling pasttime. And I guess now's the time to close the page on that chapter of my life...

Thank you for the memories,

Thank you for the bruises,

Thank you for the black eyes,

Thank you for the sprains,

Thank you for the knee injury,

Thank you for the immeasurable anxiety and tension,

Thank you for my teammates,

Thank you for my coaches.

I wouldn't be who I am without them.