Dreams...

I've had weird dreams all my life... in fact, I've got about 5 notebooks full of 'em since high school. Yes, in those days, I did not have a life and spent time writing every time I woke up from a dream. Underneath my pillow is my flashlight, notebook and pen.

But what I dreamt last Friday afternoon really took the cake. Yes, even afternoon naps were not spared. I've got a wild imagination.

The last time I had an allergy attack, I was taken to the ER. I spent 2 days in the hospital. I missed my Operations Management Midterms. But despite the oxygen tube in my nose and the ocassional Benadryl inhaler, I asked my mom to bring my laptop to the hospital to work. I had the unfortunate timing of getting sick during requirements week. My best friend visited me in the morning (she was to go migrate in the US that week).

But in my dream, they anticipated that my next allergy attack would be my last. Everyone was expecting it and they seemed to take it calmly despite the ocassional sobs. I sat down and talked with my brother and sister and told them how I felt...

"I'm not sad because I'm going to die... I'm sad because I won't be with you", I told them. "I'm actually curious what it's like on the other side. I wanted to have a family, a wonderful husband and beautiful children... I'll just check on you from above, ok? Oh yeah, and don't bring Pagong to the funeral...I'd rather he live on and stay with you." By then, I was rambling and babbling, unable to comprehend what I'm really saying. I felt like I was actually eager to die... I wanted to look at the bright side. But, there's no bright side.

The next scenes were absurd. They were preparing for my funeral... that it seemed that during the next attack, they'd send me to the morgue instead of the hospital. That didn't look right. And yet, I accepted it quietly, like it was a normal thing to do... I even took my laptop and deleted my personal files and the passwords. I was supposed to give it to my sister. But as I was erasing files, I had this grim determination not to die.

"Mom, I don't want to die. Not today..."