Walking makes me think

Here's what you get for walking 10minutes on each leg from the parking lot to RSC... the parking lot far, far away had a fixed rate so I'm willing to keep the additional 100 to myself and just walk.

The weather was relatively cool and pleasant since it's still late January. Cool but not raining so it's nice to go outside for a lovely walk with my laptop on my back. Walking alone makes it much easier to think. Your body's on autopilot, already knowing how to get to your destination. Your mind's just blank and idle enough to think about things...

Yesterday I took the opportunity to go to Kim's office and hang out there until 6pm. We then ate at Food Park and smelled like grilled food. Despite the fact that we just met up last Sunday, we still had a lot to talk about. And since it's a girls' dinner out, we got to get out a lot of our personal, professional frustrations on the table, together with my sisig and her carbonara. We parted ways around 7pm. She wanted to go home before it got too late and I had to buy groceries (aka junk food and canned coffee). As I went down the escalator, the conversation I had with a friend replayed in my head. It was a frustrating one. It was like trying to teach a dog to purr. What I wanted him to understand in a sub-level could never reach him. He was still playing the literal game.

Choosing between Fig Newtons and Wheaties, I was also contemplating if I should still pursue something that I know is very hard to attain or just to give up and look for greener (and less dense) pastures. A lot of people have been telling me to go ahead and take the risk. I'm still young and young is the best time to make mistakes without too much regrets. On the other hand, I'm seriously deciding to get over this very emotional phase and look at it from an objective stand. I've done a lot of thinking, recalling, reminiscing (?!) about it and I guess there is still time.


Today, as I started walking to RSC, I did some objective assessment. All throughout the walk, I was very much convinced not to let go, yet. Why? Because from what I see, there is improvement. Compared to others, there was still hesitation and density is as great as Jupiter's. But of course, knowing the track record, it was already a big change.

I did more contemplating walking back to the carpark, depositing my laptop before heading to SM to buy pants that were 50% off. I bought cologne I was dying to try and bought myself a nice red top for our team meeting. I just realized I didn't have that much red in my closet.

I ended up buying burger mcdo and a hot fudge sundae. All in all... should I decide to pursue this little project of mine, I think I'd want my expectations to be very much lower than standard. Not to expect anything out of it until the very end. If I keep thinking that, I guess I'm alright.

..reaches into a bag of potato chips..

Getting the stuff out of my brain

I made this stupid bet... and I'm not supposed to say anything about a certain "topic" for 3 days...

Turns out this certain "topic" is much too great for my system to just take it all in. I'm in day 2 and may I just say I'm really holding on to a thin red line. I'm very glad I have the opportunity to get away from it all until Thursday.

Truth of the matter is... the many things about a certain topic makes me reel out in joyful giggles and hearty laughs... and no one is there to share it with me.. for lack of a better term for annoyed with me talking about it every single waking moment of *their* lives.

I've been gushing over it since Monday and I must say I really am making progress with control, self-restraint and discipline. It's like I don't even have a topic at all! nya-ha-ha-ha


Dad was delayed again in his assignment to Budapest. Apparently, some asshole who was supposed to do market research or a feasibility study didn't do it. The idiot probably didn't understand what he was supposed to do. Since he was the 1st one to be deployed there and got stuck, the whole operations were on hold. The big boss was livid with anger! They kicked his puny little ass out of the company. Hopefully, dad will be there by March and will wave a big "FINALLY!" as we go there on April.


I'm taking this really kick-ass training. PMP sounds more fun than SAP. The training was in Makati and traffic going there was terrible! I'm glad I don't work there or else I won't be able to bring a car (or pay 200 a day for stupid parking-that-your-car-isn't-really-safe). Oh, and I met this cute guy. He's neat <-- nerdox comment!


We just had our team- show and tell episode. It's the first time I've had a show and tell. Of course, I told them I have a black belt in taekwondo (nice move Karen! no guy will get near you now!). But the story doesn't end there.. I even told them my ultimate fantasy of being part of a task force that defeats evil (politicians, anyone?). Yes, I wanted to wear a peach/coral body suit and a motorcycle helmet aside from being a housewife! Oh, and piloting an Earth-defense super machine ain't so bad either!


My mind's kinda messed up right now. Need somewhere to put it all in before sleeping...

Ask, Believe, Receive

I got this from my officemate who go this from her friend who read this in a book. Being someone who strives to get what she desires *snicker*, I am definitely a believer in this. Of course, I would like to add the factor that you have to act on it to get what you really want.

Wanting (or desiring) something is different from doing something to achieve it. Asking is identifying what you really want. Believing is the motivation to take action. If you simply believe and you never do anything about it, then you're stuck at believing or you're really praying until something happens.

I grew up working hard for the things that I want. Everything has its consequences and you have to make sure that what you're doing is a step towards your goal, not a step sideways.

I currently have something I desire. As of press time, I'm in the stage between believing that I can make it and acting on it. I believe that I can achieve my goal. I've finished thinking about my action plan and am now executing it. I'm crossing all fingers and extremities I can cross.. hoping it would not backfire on me and lose everything I built on. Of course, those actions are built and based upon belief. The belief that I can do it.. I can make it.. and nothing and no one can stop me from achieving it.

*as of press time, Kars believes she has her own personal cheering squad*

Dreams and Snakes

I woke up this morning to gentle rain. I decided to sleep in again and had a very vivid dream...

I was at church with my mom and sister. We were in the middle of mass when 4 snakes came. There was a python, 2 boa constrictors and an albino snake. There was one more snake but it wasn't with the 4. The children and women started screaming. Those who screamed were bitten viciously. One snake had wrapped itself on a man who was carrying a child... and the man oddly looked like Ryan Agoncillo. The snake bit on the man's hand and blood started flowing.

-cut scene-

We were still at the church but the altar had changed into a kitchen. Mom was making spaghetti for merienda. The people were gone and it was only me, mom and Toby. It started raining again and the snakes returned. Toby was barking at the snake and the snake hissed viciously at him. I quickly went to Toby and he bit onto my jeans as we made our way back to the kitchen.

-cut scene-

I was sitting on a pew with mom and Leanne. It started raining again and the snakes came out. This time, they slithered immediately to our pew. Mom was screaming frantically that she could not move her legs. Leanne and I struggled to bring her feet up before the snakes could sink their fangs into it. We safely got mom's legs on the pew but the snakes were really jumping up to bite us. There was a pillow on the pew so I grabbed it and then pushed the pillow towards a snake and pushed my weight on it. Fortunately, the other snakes didn't attack me so I was on the snake until it died. When it died, we took our mom back to the altar/kitchen.

-cut scene-

We were now outside the church and it was already dark. Bev was with me and she was carrying her wallet and cellphone. It started to rain again and then 2 snakes appeared on some bushes and plants beside the street. Bev said she wanted to have Starbucks so she left me to buy some. Of course, I was left with the snakes but they didn't attack me so I decided to follow Bev.
At the end of the street, I didn't know if I should make a left or right. I decided to go right and started running. I was running but the pace was very slow... like the way you run up a hill, you put more effort but you feel very slow. After a few meters of darkness (there were no streetlights and the buildings had their lights turned off), I went back the other way. I met a man and asked him where Starbucks was. He said I was going to the right direction (the direction of unlit path) and that Starbucks was just over there.

I decided not to believe him and just turned back. The other way (the one on the left) was commercialized. There were establishments with their signs on and the street was partly lit. Unfortunately, there was no Starbucks. I was calling Bev's cellphone but it only kept ringing. There was another man and he was staring hard at me. He looked at my cellphone and stared back again at me. I closed my cellphone cautiously but he was running towards me. I was screaming and shouting as I ran but nobody was there, despite the lighted signs. He grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him. I was so scared to death as he grinned evilly. Then I realized I had 4 large sticks in my left hand and then with full force, drove it towards the side of his head. One stick entered his ear and he fell down with a thud.

I ran back to the entrance of the church and was screaming for Bev. I looked up and saw her cellphone and wallet hanging on a tree branch above. I was afraid one of the snakes did something to her. I looked and looked and yet I could not find her. Suddenly, a hand tapped my shoulder and there she was, holding a Starbucks drink.

Mission success

And here I was thinking that I could accomplish something like this in a few more months. But no... I did it and I did it with flying colors.

Ahh... if only you can see this big grin etched on my face. Bliss.

He finally opened up to me. That people see him as someone who doesn't smile and looks too serious. I asked him, "what makes you smile and crack up?". He gave me very concrete jokes... =) he's just sooo cute I can't get past the fact that he was so serious about a question.

And then I did the ultimate... I told him that he should smile more because it suits him. Argh! I was this close to telling him that it's those rare smiles that make my day/week/whenever I get to see him. It's those rare smiles that makes me weak, high and hot at the same time. He gave me an assuring answer that he will try to look more friendly, smile more and crack a few jokes here and there. On the bright side, he's a witty guy... he's friendly and sends me messages everyday.

Please bring me back to earth!

Happy Birthday!

I woke up that morning feeling very good about myself. There was that soft noise of rain and the cool breeze that came with it. The sunlight wasn't too harsh so I woke up without the headache. It was a rare moment.

I didn't get up yet and preferred to cuddle with Pagong and listened to the calming sound outside. After 15 minutes of contemplating and a short prayer of making it this far (hehe, I make 23 years a milestone), I got up and went downstairs for breakfast. Mom was there and she greeted me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

I walked up to the coffee maker and started to grind the beans when dad went into the dining area. He greeted me with that loud voice of his *insert smile* and gave me a kiss. My brother then came down for breakfast and greeted me.

It was a nice feeling, coming down and getting greeted at. It's shallow, I know but I only get this kind of attention once a year so I yearn for it. Dad is also here so I'm really happy that we're complete. I had coffee and watched House on TV. A few minutes later, my sister emerged from her cave disguised as a room. She greeted me and gave me a kiss. It was then I knew she hasn't gargled...

I went back up to my room and saw 20 messages to me. All were birthday messages and I replied to them one by one before taking a shower. I had us reserve a table for us in Portico, Serendra for lunch. Since it was raining, I grabbed the opportunity and wore black tights over my dress shirt. We had terrific lunch and then bought Mango Bravo at Conti's.

We then dropped my brother in Glorietta as he had a date with Trissy. My sister had another party to go to and then the rest of us (meaning me, mom and dad) went home. I had a full body massage late that afternoon after another DVD marathon of House. It was the best feeling ever! No worries.. no deadlines.. pure bliss and the rain outside made the atmosphere more relaxing. It was dinner time and I wasted no time in devouring into the cake, which was very delicious, by the way!

This year was the quietest of them all. And I didn't regret the fact that I spent the whole day with my family. We only went out for lunch and I spent the rest of my day at home. It was a very nice feeling. Not that going out with my friends is a bad idea, it's also nice to keep the day to myself.

I went to sleep with 15 more SMS greetings, each one of them I replied to. I went to sleep with the gentle pitter-patter of the rain lulling me. I hugged Pagong tighter and dreamt the night away.

Delaying Tactics

Also known as... your voice is sooo sexy I'd want to hear it all day long...

*My phone rings*
Kars: *waits 2 rings before picking it up* Hello?
Ideal: Hello?
Kars: Hello?
Ideal:....Kars?
Kars: Who's this??
Ideal: *insert his real name*
Kars: Oh! Hello, *insert his real name with a tiny giggle*!
Ideal: Hello
Kars: Hello
Ideal: I'll patch you now...
Kars: um... ok... *sounding very reluctant to let go of his voice*

Taaa~daaa!

A 5-second conversation turned to 20 seconds. Tried and tested, ladies and gentlemen.

poverty

I'll be 23 soon...

but I'm broke.

That's too bad...I think I'll stay home this year. It's much safer here...
..safe...

I like safe...

When, oh when?

I've had this foreign object in my body since I was in grade3. That time, all my baby teeth decided to all come out. I was left with 3 teeth missing at one time. It was not fun at all, especially if you have friends who make you laugh and smile all the time.

My permanent teeth developed earlier and dad saw to it that they get fixed. I didn't know there was something wrong with them coz I think they were ok. But at that time, it was cool if you had braces and retainers. You were rockin and you were rich at first but it was a pain.

Food got stuck in your teeth...
you'd cut your lips and the insides of your cheeks...
you'd swallow some of the rubber bands...

The feeling of something moving your teeth forcefully wasn't graceful. It hurt a lot and oftentimes, I'd drool on my pillow and on pagong coz those damned devices make sure you don't get to close your mouth properly. But looking back at those pictures, braces wasn't enough motivation for me to lose weight. It was great motivation for my sister, though.

If I went though pain.. she went through hell. She had the worst teeth among us so hers was the most painful. Oftentimes, she'd just sit with her friends in the canteen and watch them eat. Her lips were dry and split from the metal bullies.

My brother was just plain pasaway. He'd keep on breaking his brackets and loosing his bands.

But through it all, our teeth were really different now from when we were in grade school. I keep thinking about the happier moments. We'd get to choose colors for our bands every week. Sometimes I have them all in pink, oftentimes they were all in different colors. They were fun to wear, despite the pain behind it.

When I was finally able to get rid of the damned metals (6-7 years after), I switched to retainers. Until now, I'm still wearing them. At least I get to choose my colors everytime I have to change them.

But I keep thinking... I'll be 23 soon. It's been 13 years already since my mouth was bare. I don't exactly take them off when I wake up. I got used to the habit of doing things wearing my retainers it became natural. The last time I took them off for an hour, I got 3 painful cuts coz the skin underneath were so tender.

I want these things taken off already... really, I can't imagine kissing someone with my retainers. Hahaha!