Losing and Finding

All our lives, we are always looking and searching.

Searching for our soulmate...

Searching for our mothers in a sea of people during Christmas time...

Searching for the perfect blend of coffee...

Searching for the perfect candidate...

Searching for our lost dog...

We're always searching and most of the time, it's when we are searching that we begin to realize how important it is in our lives. And it's when we finally give up hope in looking for it, it seems to appear out of nowhere, back in our lives.

January is a fickle month for me. Nevermind my birthday... it's always this time of the year when I am tested, punished, rewarded and surprised.

Today I bought some things for myself. By some weird circumstance (or sheer stupidity), I left it. When I went back to look for it, the guards told me that they were taken by someone else. I didn't have the heart to shout at them. It's always like this. But last year was worse. That one really tore me apart.

I had to go back to the store to buy those things again but didn't buy all of them. As I paid for them halfheartedly, I was telling myself not to celebrate my birthday. Now's not the time. I may be one year older but I don't think I'm one year wiser.

But there was also another realization. I did not buy (again) the things I didn't really need. I guess it was a sign never to buy impulsively because the things that you think you need... you really don't need them!

***

Just last Saturday, my guy best friend told me his dog had died on his mom's lap. I've known his dog, Erap. He'd been in the family for 10 years now. I first met him while I was in high school. He was very friendly, well-trained... he was loved very much. He and his mom were both depressed that time. Who wouldn't?

This loss is so much greater than my stupid impulses. Thinking about it, material loss is the shallowest loss ever. Losing some thing is nothing compared to losing your career, dearest pet or your loved one.

That's why, thinking about it all over again... losing my stuff isn't so bad... actually, it helped me take out things I don't need to be a better person.