It's been a week since my car had this "a-coconut-fell-on-it" look on the hood. I was already in the parking lot in front of CCP, very much eager to watch my officemate perform in I Laff You. The car infront of me backed up and never saw my car behind him.
My face was one of pure horror as he bumped my car. Much to my chagrin, Koreans (or Japanese?) were there, entertained by the commotion on the street. I jumped out of my car and in my exasperated tone said: "Manong?! Bakit hindi kayo tumingin bago kayo umatras??? Binangga nyo ko! Hindi kasi kayo tumitingin eh. Manonood dapat ako sa CCP! Sira na plano ko!" The respect was still there but the content was one of pure mokrats and bad vibes.
In short, I spent the night at the police station, giving statements and having pictures of my car taken in my new outfit. I was disheartened, pissed and frustrated at knowing I was stressed on the last day of the weekend. So much for relaxation and a night out watching a romantic comedy~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I met my best friends today and hung out in Greenhills. I finally met my best friend's boyfriend and let's say that until now, I don't want to comment on it (it's not a bad thing, I assure you). We had coffee and cake at Coffee Bean and I told them about my situation with my ideal.
"Baka habol ko lang sa kanya yung laman... the personalities that I want in a guy isn't with him (yet)" -- talk about hoping for the best!
Onga naman! They say love is blind but it's only blind because you see a lot more about this person and you just chose to notice them less. It's a very biased perception. You choose to ignore the fact that he is not a gentleman in your book (ie. he does not pay for your movie or meal when you go out for whatever reason that may be) because he's a very funny person after all and it's worth the money you spent that night just to be with him.
A friend of mine even said to me, "I really don't know what you see in the guy..." Is it just me who finds him interesting, cute and funny while the whole world finds him boring, bordering on anti-social with no manners?!? In an ideal setting, I would jump for joy, knowing I don't have rivals (but I don't mind rivals, they make my victory even sweeter). But when everybody seems to be having second thoughts about the guy... I'm not even sure we're looking at the same page anymore. Either he has a multiple personality disorder or I'm that crazy for him that I'm filtering everything negative about him...
Deep in the pit of my gut, I'm hoping that he would notice me.. as my theme song for him is now Kailan by Smokey Mountain..
kahit anong aking gawin, di mo pa rin pansin
mokrats!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
You First Believed
The only time I celebrated Valentine's Day (apart from school where we gave notes to our classmates and friends) was when my ex-boyfriend and I celebrated our month-sary *cheesy*. We had lunch, watched a movie and hung out. After that, I never really gave Valentine's day a thought.
This year, I worked from home. I wasn't expecting flowers or chocolates from anybody in the office anyway. And I was to serve at our evening mass in the parish. An evening with God didn't seem so bad. My best friends greeted me. A friend or two sent notes through instant messaging and that was it.
The next day, I was in for a surprise when I went to the pantry and found out someone had asked Jam@HP to sing a song to me. Take note: they sang two songs for me! I was flattered and overwhelmed and the kilig was very much evident in my when they sang. I didn't know the first song but when I googled it up, the lyrics were just very sweet.
How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace
So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
There were times
When I'd thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Now, I just can't get enough of the song. =) It's the first time someone did something as sweet and romantic as this.. sorry for my keso-moments. hehehe...
The person would not say who he was but I guess I'm really grateful and happy for the gesture. I wanted to thank him... oh well..
It's such a nice feeling knowing there's someone who appreciates me.
This year, I worked from home. I wasn't expecting flowers or chocolates from anybody in the office anyway. And I was to serve at our evening mass in the parish. An evening with God didn't seem so bad. My best friends greeted me. A friend or two sent notes through instant messaging and that was it.
The next day, I was in for a surprise when I went to the pantry and found out someone had asked Jam@HP to sing a song to me. Take note: they sang two songs for me! I was flattered and overwhelmed and the kilig was very much evident in my when they sang. I didn't know the first song but when I googled it up, the lyrics were just very sweet.
How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace
So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never forget
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
There were times
When I'd thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart
It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And you showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed
How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Now, I just can't get enough of the song. =) It's the first time someone did something as sweet and romantic as this.. sorry for my keso-moments. hehehe...
The person would not say who he was but I guess I'm really grateful and happy for the gesture. I wanted to thank him... oh well..
It's such a nice feeling knowing there's someone who appreciates me.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Mortified
I feel like such an idiot. And I hate the feeling that you know someone is very angry at you. Why didn't I just give the schedule to her? Why did I have to push myself to serve when it wasn't my schedule?
I failed to listen. I just walked away and did what I wanted to do. Ohmaigawd! I want to cry all over again when I think about it.
Boys are the denser sex.. so girls can't say they didn't know. We should've read the subliminal message.
Apologies are never enough. I wanna quit.
I failed to listen. I just walked away and did what I wanted to do. Ohmaigawd! I want to cry all over again when I think about it.
Boys are the denser sex.. so girls can't say they didn't know. We should've read the subliminal message.
Apologies are never enough. I wanna quit.
Monday, February 04, 2008
indifference
It's the opposite of love. Indifference is simply when you don't care anymore. Most people who say they hate something (or someone), still has a thin thread of concern somewhere in the subconscious. They are still very much affected when something happens to that something (or someone).
To me, it hurts more when people say, "I don't care" instead of "I hate you". The hate there is an emotion that came from love. They hate because they are hurt by someone they love. Deep inside, they would still want to love that person. When they don't care, it means they gave up on you and your relationship (friendship or love).
But from another point of view, when people are indifferent, it's not simply because they gave up or they don't care... but because they don't want to be hurt anymore. It's like a defense mechanism. For example, time and time again, a person has been betrayed by a very close friend. Each and every time that happens, the person feels very lost, confused, hurt and sad. They were friends ever since they met in a sandbox when they were very young and breaking that friendship would be very painful and difficult to accept.
To expect nothing else of his friend is to not feel betrayal of any sort. It makes sense right? In your mind, you just don't give your friend expectations so when the time comes that your friend really fails you, you're not (that) disappointed. Of course, you still want to have that friendship. Of course, any relationship is not time-bound but it would be very difficult to part with a person who has been with you for 10 years or so, right?
*** I was in grade school then. For the first time, Kim and I were separated into different sections. That time, I got close to a classmate of mine and became my closest friend in class. Kim and I were at a "cool off" stage and went to recess and lunch with our classmates. Of course, during dismissal, we wait for each other and then go out the building together. We were fortunate that our moms were part of this circle of friends so we were able to spend time ourside class hours.
Anyway, I was close to this classmate of mine and in no time, dubbed each other as our new best friend. I didn't think of letting Kim go... she is still my best friend aside from my classmate. I didn't mind if I had 10 best friends anyway! It wasn't forced ranking naman...
I'm not sure if it was towards the end of the school year but it was one recess time when I was sitting by myself in the line (I was a bit of a loner during grade school) when my 2nd best friend gave me a letter. In it contained a message that sort of spelled "best friends no more but let's be close friends anyway". At that time, I was very much confused of what she expected of me from now on. She didn't want me to be her best friend anymore but she wanted to remain friends. In my eyes, it was bull-poo. Eventhough she was very straightforward with her idea of "firing" me from the best friend position, she still wanted me to be her friend. For me, it's a very lame move.
At that time, I was thankful that I was a bit of a tomboy so emotions didn't dwell so much on my person. I just agreed with her plans and let time sort it out. Is it right for my friend to do this? Did she have the only say in our friendship? I didn't even have the chance but decided to avoid any confrontation so I gave in.
To me, it hurts more when people say, "I don't care" instead of "I hate you". The hate there is an emotion that came from love. They hate because they are hurt by someone they love. Deep inside, they would still want to love that person. When they don't care, it means they gave up on you and your relationship (friendship or love).
But from another point of view, when people are indifferent, it's not simply because they gave up or they don't care... but because they don't want to be hurt anymore. It's like a defense mechanism. For example, time and time again, a person has been betrayed by a very close friend. Each and every time that happens, the person feels very lost, confused, hurt and sad. They were friends ever since they met in a sandbox when they were very young and breaking that friendship would be very painful and difficult to accept.
To expect nothing else of his friend is to not feel betrayal of any sort. It makes sense right? In your mind, you just don't give your friend expectations so when the time comes that your friend really fails you, you're not (that) disappointed. Of course, you still want to have that friendship. Of course, any relationship is not time-bound but it would be very difficult to part with a person who has been with you for 10 years or so, right?
*** I was in grade school then. For the first time, Kim and I were separated into different sections. That time, I got close to a classmate of mine and became my closest friend in class. Kim and I were at a "cool off" stage and went to recess and lunch with our classmates. Of course, during dismissal, we wait for each other and then go out the building together. We were fortunate that our moms were part of this circle of friends so we were able to spend time ourside class hours.
Anyway, I was close to this classmate of mine and in no time, dubbed each other as our new best friend. I didn't think of letting Kim go... she is still my best friend aside from my classmate. I didn't mind if I had 10 best friends anyway! It wasn't forced ranking naman...
I'm not sure if it was towards the end of the school year but it was one recess time when I was sitting by myself in the line (I was a bit of a loner during grade school) when my 2nd best friend gave me a letter. In it contained a message that sort of spelled "best friends no more but let's be close friends anyway". At that time, I was very much confused of what she expected of me from now on. She didn't want me to be her best friend anymore but she wanted to remain friends. In my eyes, it was bull-poo. Eventhough she was very straightforward with her idea of "firing" me from the best friend position, she still wanted me to be her friend. For me, it's a very lame move.
At that time, I was thankful that I was a bit of a tomboy so emotions didn't dwell so much on my person. I just agreed with her plans and let time sort it out. Is it right for my friend to do this? Did she have the only say in our friendship? I didn't even have the chance but decided to avoid any confrontation so I gave in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)